Warnings: Language and mature themes (depression type themes).
It's a sad day indeed when you lose everything you once had.
Albus falls to his knees, shaking, and clutches the bag he's holding to his chest. Ignoring the burning tears in his eyes, he grabs a fistful of snow and hurls it across the street. He grabs a rock from the ground and lobs it at the nearest tree, a tiny maple, doing this again and again until he feels like his arm is going to fall off. Finally, he collapses on the ground and kicks the narrow trunk with the little energy left in him. The last thing he wants to see is this tree, this little, perpetually innocent work of nature. Or so it appears; Albus learned long ago that there's no such thing as perpetual innocence.
"Just you wait and see," he mutters to the tree. His mouth twitches, as though he wants to say something more, but he just gives a little shake of his head and frowns. "Just you wait."
A sharp wind rustles through the trees, and the leaves tremble. Albus scuffs at the dirt with his shoe, glowering. No matter what he does, his mind keeps wandering back to earlier that evening.
"Albus," his mother whispered, a gentle hand on his shoulder, "What happened? You come home late at night, you hardly leave your room when you are at home, and the rare times you do talk to us, you're angry and distant. What's going on?" Albus twisted out of his mother's grip, muttering "Don't touch me," through his teeth.
"I don't know," he answered coolly, "I'm a teenager now, Mum. I grew up. It's how life goes; deal with it." Ginny looked at her son, eyebrows raised, and gave him a stern look.
"Don't be that way, Albus. You're barely sixteen years old, and you're my son. Excuse me for trying to help."
"Albus Severus," his father said quietly, "We're your parents. You're having some issues, and you need help. Don't get angry with us for something that you're the cause of."
"I don't need 'help,'" Albus shot back. "AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GIVE A DAMN WHAT HAPPENS TO ME, ANYWAY! You're Harry fucking Potter, Dad. You saved the whole bloody world, what was it, seven times? Eight? The only reason you care even a little bit is because you don't want to ruin your precious reputation. The press would be all over that, wouldn't they? 'Harry Potter, saviour of the Wizarding World, finally admits that he hates his children." Ginny and Harry both opened their mouths in furious protest, Harry even looking a bit teary, but Albus plowed on.
"And you, Mum. Remember when Lily was younger, and for a while she was depressed and cutting herself and all that? Well guess who were the only people who helped with that? Roxanne and me. Not you or dad; me and a bloody cousin. You guys barely even noticed. And then Roxanne went and killed herself, and you barely blinked an eye, did you, Mum?
It's been going on for years, don't you get it? It took twelve years and a couple of Slytherins to knock some sense into me, but I get it now. You guys JUST DON'T CARE. I could go and throw myself off of the bloody Astronomy Tower for all you care, couldn't I? I grow up with two of the most famous people in the Wizarding World as my parents, who don't give a damn about anything or anyone but each other, and you want to HELP me? Likely chance."
Ginny's mouth opened and closed a few times as she stared at her son. Finally, Harry spoke up.
"Albus Severus Potter," he said, tears now staining his cheeks, "You don't really believe that, do you? Albus, your mother and I love you more than you could possibly imagine, and NOTHING you do could change that. I truly hope you don't believe a word of what you said, and if you do, I have been a failure as a parent. But I don't honestly think that you believe any of that." Ginny nodded, still unable to speak.
"I do," Albus replied quietly, looking his father in the eye. "I do believe it, and I have good reason to. And you know what?" he continued, cutting off his parents who had begun to respond, "I'm leaving. Accio bag!" He grabbed the pre-packed bag hurtling toward him, and opened the door. "Bye."
He slammed the door shut behind him, but not before he heard his mother whisper, "Where did it all go wrong?"
Albus leaps to his feet, angry tears pouring down his cheeks. Wishing he knew how to apparate, he continues struggling through the blizzard for several hours until he can't walk anymore. Falling into the icy snow, Albus quickly dries his clothes with a spell and rolls onto his back.
"Fuck them," he whispers. "Fuck them all, the little bastards. If they really cared, they wouldn't've let so much get by them, and they would have helped more. When we actually needed it." He punches the air angrily, and moments later, he jumps to the side in surprise as a huge bus rockets toward him.
The Knight Bus, he realises, resisting the urge to slap himself. How could I not have thought of that? He stands up, brushes himself off, and within moments, he's on his way to the first place he thinks of: Hogwarts.
He breathes a sigh of relief as the bus lets him off in Hogsmeade and he began his way toward the school. It doesn't occur to him that perhaps this isn't the best decision, and maybe he's still a bit delirious, but as he climbs his way up the Astronomy Tower, the same thoughts just ricochet around his mind to no end.
They don't care. I'm just making life easier for them, easier for everyone.
He doesn't think about how his siblings or friends will be affected, because this is just about showing his parents.
(Showing them what?)
It's what will make them happiest.
(Them, or you?)
He doesn't even consider what anyone else will think of this until he thinks he sees a flash of red, the exact same shade as Lily's hair. He climbs and climbs, and when he reaches the top, he laughs. He laughs the laugh of a crazy man as he realizes that this is the same place his namesake died. By choice. He thinks he hears footsteps behind him, but perhaps it's just the wind. And suddenly, he's laughing again, a humourless laugh that says, It's over, it's finally over.
The smile is wiped from his face as he teeters at the edge of the tower, staring down hundreds of meters below. But he doesn't regret his decision. After all, once his life is taken, what else can be lost?
In one swift step, he's tearing through the air in slow motion, time moving faster than it ever has.
The last thing to reach his ears is a girl's anguished scream.
A/N: Thanks to Erin (xThe Painted Lady) for beta-ing this; it sounds much better now, so thanks! Also, thank you to Cassie (our dancing days) for letting me use the whole "Albus committing suicide by jumping off of the Astronomy Tower" thing. That's part of her headcanon that she let me borrow, so thanks, Cassie. :)
This is my January fic for the 2013 Year of Gift-Giving Challenge.
This is dedicated to Dobby'sReincarnation, who is an amazing friend and a great person. You, along with WolfPotato, got me really into Harry Potter and Perks of Being a Wallflower, and you've introduced me to lots of great things: Books, TV shows, and just things in life. I can talk to you about almost anything, and I know you'll understand me, and our minds seem to work in similar ways. You're a fantastic writer, although you're uncertain about your stories, and you're really funny and clever. I also love you, of course, for the Perks thing you're currently planning. :) And I love you for giving me part of your cookies... :) You've been one of my best friends for years, all the way from "...Global warming?" to "You like scratching things...?" to "THERE'S A POWER BUTTON?" You were there when I realised "Neville's a dynamic character!" and pokable art is never going to end. You're a great person, and I could never say this all in person, because I'm just not sentimental like that. :P But you're a wonderful friend, editor, writer, and person, so I hope you like this fic. (And you better leave a good review, m'dear. ;))