A/N: This is my second post in two days! I'm on a roll here! I was staring out the bus window when I thought of the title. I think I'm sticking to stand alones and angst fics now since series are failing horribly; I haven't worked on the fourth chapter in about 2 weeks. Disclaimer: I disclaim everything. Shadows in the Snow I float around the grounds, thinking. The students rarely come here in the winter and it reminds me of happier times; times with Cho, flying my broom and searching for the forgotten sparkle of the golden snitch. That is all gone now, along with Cho and broomsticks and the golden snitch, all of it left me when the cursed green light hit me, they floated away to oblivion and left me lying there, spread eagled. The hoops at each side make shadows in the snow, the shadows are so long they nearly reach the other side and I wish I could practice Quidditch and hear my team cheer for me, hear my house's yells and feel the wind rushing past. But that is all lost to, that too was gone with the green light. I visit Cho at times but she can't see me, no one can. When I enter the room, she just starts crying again and I wish dearly that I could comfort her but I can't. I would put a knife in my heart if I had one, and that is how I feel. I would never make her grieve if I could help it and I want her to know I still love her and think of her and wish I could be with her but my mouth has left me too and so has my toungue. I remind myself that with no sun the goal posts can cast no shadows in the snow, but that can't comfort me and no one can. I wish I could cry but the tears too have left me and I feel like some mirage. I float around unknown and my cheering comrades of the Hufflepuff house walk around with gloomy faces. I remember the night my name came out of the goblet, how happy they were. And now I can only blame myself and wish the shadows would leave, their bluey blackness leave forever and leave my friends alone. The shadows in the snow faded away as the sun set. But they will be back. There are shadows too, in my ghostly heart and they flit around and every time they move, I feel a tug of cold and I have to hug myself but then I remember and I let go and let the cold take control. I deserve it. I caused them pain, and I shouldn't have. What might have been is the problem. What might have happened is what I think about. What if Harry and I hadn't taken the cup at the same time? What if my name hadn't come out of the goblet? What if I had just let Harry take the goblet? What if.... What if... The what ifs haunt me and I can picture my life with Cho, playing Quidditch for England and leading a happy, undisturbed life. The life that might have happened is gone and I live forever as only a ghost, haunting the Qudditch field. It's not what might have happened, it was supposed to be what should have happened. My parents are struck the worst of all, and I floated by them as they cried at my funeral and I wanted to rise from the coffin that confined me. I hated Voldemort more than ever. I shouldn't hate but I can't help it. Voldemort is the only worthy of hate in my private world. These days, all I do is float around somber and downcast. These days I only remembers Cho's tears, Cho's hands and Cho's heart. They were all so good to me, life was good to me and I wasn't good to them. I haven't paid my debt yet and I never will be able to unless someone can see me and give my message to the others but that day has yet to come. The feeling would kill me and drive me to death if I weren't already dead and I wish I could die a thousand deaths to punish myself, but I can't. You need a life first in order to die, and I don't even have that.