A/N: Hey everybody! This is my first fanfic, so please review and tell me how to improve my stories. Be nice though! This story is about Peeta and Katniss growing apart. Enjoy!
I wake up suddenly. I look out my window, and notice that the sun has yet to rise. While sighing, I turn my head and I see that I am lying next to Peeta; his strong arms are surrounding my emaciated waist, engulfing me in warmth. But even with that warmth, even though he is right next to me, he seems isolated from me. I notice that he is also awake, and his eyes are staring into the oblivion. With that I know, that things will never be the same.
Every night, I struggle to convince myself that things will get better, that I could love him like I did before. Nevertheless, the venom had left scars, and just like the repulsive marks all over my decrepit body, they will never fade.
For the past few months, he has sheltered from my daunting spirits that haunt my dreams, but tonight, even he could not protect from those who waited to visit my nightmares.
As I lie here alert, in the middle of the night, I recognize that he will never be capable of guarding me from them again.
And as he whispers, "You love me, real or not real?" I feel as if someone just tore through my heart with a knife. The pain is unbearable, and I have to sit up. I clench my chest, and I feel the rough material of the nightshirt I am wearing. My stomach feels more like a gaping hole in through my front, and I double over. Peeta is not looking at me; he is still gazing into the distance. I am heavily breathing now, and I am sure he can hear me gasping for air.
As much as I want to say real, as much as I really do, I can't. My lips try to form the words, but silence is all that fills the bedroom. My mouth continues to stay wide open. I just stare at Peeta, and his messy, blond curls, knowing that even if I did say real, I would be lying to him and myself.
I really don't know how I feel for him anymore.
Whenever we talked, he just gazed at the wall, and his entire body began to shiver. He grasped the back of his chair, and I tilted his head so his eyes would meet mine. When I asked him to stay with me, he no longer responded with always. When he smiled, it would only be a split second before it faded. His eyes were no longer an azure blue, but were rather dull.
He's here, right next to me, but he is in his own little world filled with horrible memories of me that surface whenever he sees me. His episodes of trepidation are reoccurring. I don't want him to suffer because of me. I know he is trying his best to defeat that edition of me, but those false memories will never disappear….
Seeing his poignant condition worsen day by day severs my heart. I feel like the fire, the hope that's inside me, is dying. I don't feel like the girl with the roaring, blazing fire that overcomes dire situations. I am now no more than the tiny flame of a candle. Feeble and about to expire. Peeta isn't the dandelion in the spring anymore; and it's tragic. He isn't a sign of life, but rather gives off an aurora of loss. He shows me that this malicious world can annihilate even the people with the highest of hopes.
My Peeta, my dear Peeta, is now unreachable.
As I come to that conclusion, Peeta begins to get up. His sockless feet hit the carpet, and he soundlessly and slowly heads toward the door. I know where he is going. His house. I start to say something unintelligible, like "Wait!" as my hand lifts up and reaches toward his direction. Peeta turns to me, waiting for me to continue. I decide to say nothing, however, because there is nothing to be said. A depressed, disappointed frown falls upon his face. With that, Peeta gradually opens the door, and leaves.
Something tells me that I won't be seeing him for a long, long time.
I wait to hear the click of the front door closing before I collapse on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. I don't really know why; I was the one who let him slip away, and for good reason. But I can't stop. I feel like my whole world is falling apart, piece by piece. I've lost everyone in my life that mattered to me. Prim, Dad, Rue, Finnick, Cinna, Peeta….the list goes on and on. I cry until I eventually fall asleep.
I descend in to a deep sleep, and I dream something peaceful for the first time in, I don't know, years? I'm in the meadow, on a spring morning. I'm dressed in a silky white robe, that's blowing in the wind along with my long, brown hair. Strangely, I have no shoes on. I hear familiar voices behind me, so I turn around. There are two people sitting on a rock, facing away from me. The one the right is wearing a black hunting suit with her hair in a braid, so I am sure she is me. I can't figure out who the one on the left is, even though I'm sure know him well. I loudly say "Hello?" but they continue to talk like nothing happened. I guess they didn't hear me. Weird.
I begin to listen intently on their conversation. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to go. I was forced to!" His last words had a hint of rage in them. She just sat there silently, clearly still upset at him. "It wasn't mine that had dropped. And even if it was, I wasn't a part of any of it. They didn't tell me what they were planning. Everyone was so…..secretive" he continued. "Katniss," he pleaded, "please believe me. You have-". He was dead silent when she started to lean in close to kiss him. When her lips are millimeters away from his, she whispers, "I believe you".
I wake up with a start. I sit up, stroking my untidy hair as I try to figure out what my dream meant. I'm more confused than ever when it strikes me. My forehead lowers and meets my palm when I sleepily murmur to myself, "Gale."
A/N: Well, should I continue? I know this chapter was kind of sad and uneventful, but i wanted to get the story set up first so I could move it along. I'm trying to lead Katniss toward Gale. Please review, and constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thanks!