Hey Girl—larrythestapler
A/N: Songfic based on the song "Hey Girl" by Dashboard Confessional. Lots of fluff & confusion. AND PICK UP LINES. I got a little lazy with the writing and added mostly dialogue but I thought the song was SHO CUTEEE!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the lyrics. Rowling and Dashboard Confessional do. I give credit to Shakespeare for some things I ironically stole.
Hey girl, you've got a smart way
About you that makes me wish that I was smart enough for you.
"Mr. Malfoy, can you tell us what the specimen on the Petri dish has?"
"It's dead?" Draco replied. He stared repulsively at the bug eyed critter in the Petri dish as his thoughts drifted off to Hermione's lovely face.
"I'm certainly happy not," the old anatomy professor chuckled. He dismissed Draco's diagnosis and picked on Hermione with an elongated sigh.
"It's simple. The prognosis is basically Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Stress- induced cardiomyopathy. Better yet known as Broken Heart Syndrome. It doesn't take much to figure that out. The patient displays symptoms of pathognomic wall motion irregularity on the scan and is quite fatigue and induced when the female creature is near it." The class let out a groan of confusion as Hermione settled down and Draco's heart sank silently. 'My heart is broken…Ahh! Idiot! You should have studied yesterday. Now you'll never live it down.'
"Quite correct, Ms. Granger. Now, we look on the left ventricle and…"
Class passed by quickly. Draco sunk in a corner of woe the whole class, but quickly proved resilient when he saw Hermione marching down the stairs with Potter and Weasley side by side to her. 'Here's your chance. Be persistent. Don't give up trooper!'
"Move out of the way."
"Hey, baby girl, you've got a smart way about you. But would your heart be dumb enough to fall for me?" Draco winked, at ease. His blonde slicked hair promoted his arrogance as he leaned to the rail with a smug look as Hermione passed through the hallway with a book in her face, completely ignoring his question, though irritated about being blocked.
"Are you deaf, or just plain dumb?"
"Answer my question. Don't be bashful."
"No. Move it, or else I'll cut it off you pansy," she replied flatly. She moved around him and continued reading Psychological Proofs
"REJECTED!!!" Ron and Harry chimed in a monotone as they skipped down the yellow bricked path. A chorus of snickers surrounded Draco as he quietly left the hallway.
'I wish I was smart enough for her.' [Nostalgic, sad theme plays]
Hey girl, you've got a fine laugh
And I think that I can get used to that
And you're already used to laughing at me
"Lavender, do you mind if I sit here? Harry and Ron are practicing for the Quidditch tournament…"
"Sure, not a problem….wow, Draco is so beautiful." Lavender mumbled dreamily. She and a group of teenage girls sat by the rose garden, pulling out their Draco-is-perfect kits. Hermione merely glared.
"I see. He must be amazing," Hermione replied sardonically.
"His eyes, they're so perfect. And when he touched my hand at twenty-one hundred yesterday, my heart just stopped."
"Swooning, I see." Hermione chuckled, taking a sip from her carton of pumpkin juice. She never grew tired of her female friends' incessant swoons about Draco's charms. His good looks. His money. They were nice and all, but she preferred good old textbooks. She stared at Pansy as she pulled out a lock of silver blond hair.
"Oh, he's just a magnificent pagan beast. His lips, they met mine, and I was but a pilgrim searching for refuge. Let palms do as lips do, he said. Oh, my heart just stopped!" Pansy's eyes lit up as she rested her cheeks on her folded palms and caressed the creepy framed photo of Draco's face.
"He sounds like a good-for-nothing pimp," Hermione responded with a polite smile. She restrained herself from laughing. Things were all too hilarious for her to take.
With an Extended Ear he bought from the scandalous Weasley twins, Draco listened in to this conversation. He smiled hearing Pansy and Lavender's remarks about him, but frowned at Hermione's hurtful responses. Arrows of poisoned words stabbed his heart, and his psyche died weakly.
"Dammit Malfoy, you've gotta want it!!" Draco whispered angrily, He marched up to the field of adolescent girls and took a seat next to Hermione.
"Fresh young maidens, I cannot express how beautiful you ladies are. You are but another bouquet of flowers in this garden. Your smell, oh so sweet, sweeter than the drinks of the gods above. Your eyes are the brightest stars I have seen, if only I could cut them out and place them in the constellations. And I can only purge my sins by touching your beautiful skin."
"I think it's time to call a restraining order on this pedophile," the bushy-haired girl interrupted. The other girls were frozen with Draco's love as she clear-mindedly argued with him.
"It is the East, and Hermione is the sun," the blond whispered seductively. His eyes looked into the distance, as if to portray some photo effect.
"You need to stop stealing from Shakespeare. He's dead. Show the man some respect."
"Show our love some respect."
Hermione burst into laughter as Draco continued to freeze the other females with his "charming" words. She chortled uncontrollably and those turned to bellows and those, guffaws.
"You would never admit, that the phrase…magnificent pagan beast never left you. But you're just heating up sitting next to me, aren't you?" Draco asked, holding a green bottle of Butterbeer with two gruff fingers as his left hand coolly touched Hermione's cheeks.
"Damn, my stomach hurts from laughing," the brunette replied as she slapped Draco's hands away, clutching her stomach.
"Hermione, stop it! Your camel laughter has ruined the beautiful pitch of Draco's voice," Lavender snapped. "OH MY GOD. YOU MADE HIM BLEED…YOU LITTLE…."
"I disconcur. Her laughter is the song of the angels. It's quite alright. My abrasiveness has caused the wound of my foot, but the bleed in my heart cannot be blocked because of the release of sweet Hermione's voice." He winced as he looked down at his bleeding foot and the broken olive shards of the Butterbeer bottle. Hermione casted a healing spell and pierced his eyes. 'The Lady looks at me. O, I am blessed with her love.'
"Reparo.You're an idiot, Malfoy."
Score.
So what if your friends think I'm crazy
Well, I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway
They're all theory, no action and
Where I'm from we live like it's the latest attraction
"Ew. I heard Malfoy tried to hit on you this afternoon." Harry let out a gesture of vomiting. Hermione merely smiled and gave a direct response.
"I hit on him. I wounded his toe."
"He's searching for love out of his league." Harry sighed, flipping his copper brown hair, to which he had recently added highlights.
"Well, I could argue that. Girls seem smitten over him. I find him just another contemptuous, ill-intention man. In the desperate desire for sexual gratification and handmaidens. They fall easily for him. He's like that new Buzz Lightyear ride at Disneyland." Hermione slammed her book shut and went off to the girls' dormitories. But that night something magnificent did haunt her dreams. [Suspenseful music plays].
Hey girl, you've got a short fuse
And I've got designs on lighting you up
And setting you off, and watching you burn for me.
"I have to ask you, ARE YOU AN IDIOT?" Hermione screamed. "It's COMMON SENSE. DO NOT TOUCH THE VOLTAGE SOURCE WITH WET HANDS." She slammed her hand to her face as a burnt, nearly passed out Draco pierced her with his grayish eyes. The lab table smoked, and the whole Muggle Studies class evacuated the building.
"I'm sorry. I don't know this stuff. I've relied on magic all my life."
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THE BAKING SODA AND VINEGAR." Hermione shouted, as she wiped his face abrasively with a green towel. 'Her beautiful, beautiful hands! My heart sqees.'
"Fine." Draco replied with satisfaction lingering in the depths of his tone. "So are you burnin' up for me yet?"
"Say one more word and I'm really going to burn you up," Hermione snapped.
The world lives for the weekends
Well, I'll watch as my weeks bleed right into them
Without a rhyme to divide what is theirs And what is mine
So what if your friends think I'm crazy,
Well, I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway
They're all theory, no action and
Where I'm from we live like it's the latest attraction
"I agree. Draco is definitely not your soul mate." Parvati remarked. She flipped her feathered hair and applied dark purplish lipstick on her plump lips. Listening attentively to Hermione.
"Well, you guys are the only clear-minded ones. Everyone else is smitten by him. He's nothing more but a rich bastard who steals from Shakespeare." Hermione replied angrily as she looked down at the ripped love letter. "I'm getting spammed with cliché, sanctimonious love letters. It's so sad that he has no life and all he does is spam me with these stupid love letters. Ah, woe is me. Let's go to Hogsmeade."
…
Draco eyed Hermione sadly. His weekends were wasted for her, trying to acquire her love incessantly, determinedly. But no ciggy. Hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months, but he could not even get her to willingly talk to him for a second.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Hermione walking away. "Last chance, you idiot. JUST DO IT."
And so, he ran.
And go on, go on, your cruel intentions won't solve your problems, everyone's gotta get bottom bottomed out in the long run and those are
the times you need love
"Do you have a band-aid? I think I just scraped my knee falling for you." Draco mumbled, pulling himself up.
"You fell you idiot. Chasing after me." Hermione placed her arms on her hips and offered a hand to Draco.
"Do I have a concussion, or did I just fall head over heels for you?"
"You have a concussion."
"Will you kiss it to make it all better?"
"Sure." Hermione awkwardly kissed Draco's forehead. Irrational? Yes. But who ever said that love was a rational thing? She wanted this bridge to be burnt once and for all. Time to submit, willingly or unwillingly. His pleas were almost cute.
"Oh the fleshes of your lips are finer than—"
"Shut up," her lips met his and what was extrapolated from the moment was finally love.