Never
Do Nothing Cause Something's Sure To Happen (I Should Know)
NDNCSSTH
(ISK)
By JustMe
It all started off normally. I was just lying on my bed in my room, doing
nothing at all. I didn't even make a
wish or anything. It just sorta…well, I
don't know…happened. All of a sudden
Harry Potter was in my room. And that
was just the beginning…
Harry: Hi
Me: What an absolutely scintillating conversationalist you are Harry.
Harry: I'm shy around strangers.
Me: Yah. Well, maybe you'll perk up when you get to know me. *Looks him up and down* Of course, you're looks could probably make up for your lack of conversation.
Harry: Really?!?
Me: *Drops face in hands and groans* I don't want another Lockhart on my hands!
Ron: Hey!
Me: Where did you come from?
Ron: Mother always said I came from heaven *Grins helpfully*
Me: Great. Now I have a new Lockhart AND an ex-angel on my hands. And all I was trying to do was write my story. *Groans once more*.
Hermione: What's up guys?
Me: Look, I've got enough on my hands right now. Come back some other time.
Hermione: *Looks around* Oh, it's just Harry and Ron. They're okay.
Me: No they're not. *Points to Harry who's busily asking Ron if he's really cute, and at Ron looking around and smiling angelically*
Hermione: Oh, I see what you
mean. I've never seen them like this
before. How did they get here anyway?
Me: *Tiredly* I haven't the slightest idea, and I've decided I really
don't want to know.
*A huge pop is heard, a large puff of smoke is seen, and an elderly man is standing there*
Me: Who are you? You're not from Harry Potter.
Man: Who's Harry Potter? I'm Gandalf.
Me: AHHH! Gandalf! From middle earth!
Gandalf: *Amusedly* Yes. What's going on here?
Me: *Whispers to Hermione* I think he and Dumbledore would get on well together.
Hermione: *Whispers back to me* Yes. They have the same eyes. And they both seem to be in a constant state of amusement.
Me: *To Gandalf* We're having a problem with a nice kid who's becoming self centered and self praising, and another kid who thinks he's an ex-angel. *Muttered* I wish Dumbledore was here.
*Another puff of smoke*
Dumbledore: You called?
Me: *Falls to knees thanking the Lord* You're here! Help us! Harry is turning into a jerk, and Ron thinks he comes from heaven!
Hermione: *Joining in* And this guy named Gandalf has appeared, and his eyes twinkle just like yours!
Dumbledore: I see what your problem is. *Looks at Harry and Ron. After a minute he draws his wand, waves it, and Harry and Ron snap back to reality*
Me: Thank You!
Hermione: I don't think we've been properly introduced. Who are you?
Me: *Sighs* I'm a fanfic author. I don't write bad stories, and I don't mess up you Harry or Ron, or anyone else for that matter.
Hermione: *Sighs with relief* Good. You had me worried for a minute.
Me: I had myself worried for a moment. Anyway, this fic is getting pretty boring.
Hermione: Yeah, we need someone to liven things up!
*As if in answer to her prayers a figure appears*
Bluebottle: You called my cap-i-tan? *Howls of laughter from the audience, followed by a round of applause* (A/N: Bluebottle is from an old BBC radio show called "The Goon Show". He is really funny, usually ends up dying [being 'deaded'] has a high squeaky voice, will do anything anybody tells him to do, and is overall highly amusing.)
Me: Starts cracking up *Through fits of laughter* I *Hehehe* never ex...expect…expected y…yo…you to come!
Bluebottle: Yet come I did! Pray tell master…what shall I do?
Harry: *Coming over* Who is he?
Me: Just a person
Ron: *Sarcastically* so we gathered. But what's he doing here?
Me: Livening things up!
*A flash of lightening*
Alice: What's up folks?
Me: *Wryly* You always do like to make a big entrance don't you?
Alice (Who, by the way, is my best friend who is as hyperactive as me): Yup! Are we getting on our sugarless sugar high yet?
Me: Hang on dear. The readers are to used to that. We should keep this down to earth.
Alice: Aww…ROAR!!!!!!
Me: *Backs away while looking at my best friend who has just been turned into a tiger*
Gandalf: *Calls over from the other side of the room* So sorry. I've just been experimenting with Albus' wand.
Me: *Wearily* Don't worry. I'll handle it. Hmmm, let me think…AHA! That spell she and I made up! Chrestomanci cancel the spell, Make this person very well.
*Alice turns back into an extremely hyper eleven year old*
*Yet ANOTHER person appears in a puff of smoke*
Chrestomanci (From the Chrestomanci novels): Lovely day isn't it. Did you call?
Me: *Exasperatedly* No we did not! Go talk to Dumbledore.
*Chrestomanci heads over and starts talking to Dumbledore and Gandalf, and soon all three are chattering excitedly. The remaining kids (And Bluebottle) look at each other*
Me: Do you realize that we don't have a single villain in this fic yet?
Hermione: She's right you know. No-one will want to read this if there isn't a villain.
Alice: *Jumping up and down with excitement* Lets call Lord Voldemort and see if he has a time slot open for us!
Ron: Yeah! Then we can defeat him and all get home in time for tea!
Harry: Fun!
Bluebottle: And pray tell, who is Lord Voldemort?
Me: *Happily. Very happily. Going into a sugarless sugar high happily* The most evil dark wizard of all time!
Bluebottle: *Cringes* I think I'll go hide in a corner till he's gone *Walks off looking very green*
Me: *Conjures a telephone
from mid air (Hey, it is my story isn't it?)* What's his telephone number guys?
Hermione: 1-800-EVIL
Me: *Dials quickly. As the telephone rings all cluster around the mouthpiece*
Voldemort: Hello?
Me: Come quickly, we need you!
*A blinding flash of green light and he's in the room*
Voldemort: Yes, what do you want?
Harry: We want to know if you have a timeslot open for us so we can fight you and all go home in time for tea.
Ron and Hermione: FUN!
Voldemort: No, I'm booked for muggle torturing sessions and fanfiction appearances all afternoon. Please try again tomorrow!
*Another flash of light and he's gone*
All: AWW!!!!!!!!!!
Me: It's no fair, this story is much more important then anybody else's!
Alice: I AGREE! I'm in it aren't I?
Me: So what do we do now?
Alice: *Giggling hysterically* We could teach everyone to go on a sugarless sugar high!
Me: Nah, it's an acquired talent. You can't teach it.
Alice: NO FAIR! I WANT TO GO ON A SUGARLESS SUGAR HIGH!
Me: Too bad. Hey! I've got an idea! How about we…
~*~To Be Continued~*~
Disclaimer: If you recognize it then it belongs to someone else. If you don't then it's mine. Bluebottle belongs to the BBC (I think). REVIEW!