Written for sabinasan's prompt: "Value me" (in which one character confesses their feelings for another)

.*The Romance of Isami and Toshi*.

The night had gone perfectly–beautifully. Flawlessly, even…until Kondo used the words Shieikan and five years later in the same sentence.

Then it was disbelief, followed by exasperation, ire, and outrage.

Kondo saw each emotion blaze over Hijikata's face within a span of seconds and it took everything he had to stop the grin begging to pull across his lips. It was rude to make fun of someone else's agitation, after all, and especially under these circumstances.

"No! No, no, no, no!" Hijikata barked, his slurred voice raising with each repetition and eyes snapping shut as he shook his head with furious intent. A wobbly lurch skewed his shoulders, his left hand lifting with the (now thankfully empty) sake cup and his right hand slapping on the tatami while he leaned in to intrude on Kondo's space.

Or, perhaps, Hijikata thought it would be an intrusion–something aggressive that would help get his point right across. Kondo had other feelings about such proximity and they were far from threatening…but he decided to let this superbly inebriated individual beside him run his mouth just a bit longer.

Long lashes parted to once more reveal glassed-over eyes, shining like gemstones in the warmth of golden candlelight. "Shieikan, my ass. I'm sayin', that just ain't gonna do, Kat-chan!"

Finally allowing himself the luxury of huffing a soft laugh, Kondo reached across the way; fortune had it that Hijikata was sufficiently distracted by his desire to rail into him and thus, offered no protest when the cup was carefully taken from his hand. "Toshi, shh, you're getting loud…"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kondo remained ever-conscious of their surroundings. Hijikata and he were safe in his room at the dojo, but they were also only two out of many residents here–and those other residents were more often interested in the affairs of others than not. It would be no surprise to find the likes of Sano and Shinpachi…perhaps even Gen-sen and especially Souji…all cramped in the hallway with their ears pressed to the wall. Finding the thought more amusing than irritating, Kondo exhaled a choppy breath.

"Loud? I'm loud?" By now, Hijikata's lips parted and his brows raised, taking on a purposeful dumb expression that was obviously out of mockery.

"Your face may freeze like that, you know."

"Well…Kondo-sensei…" Unaffected by the prior teasing jibe, Hijikata's tone lowered and he began shaking his head, with lesser enthusiasm this time.

"Oh, it's sensei now, huh?" Kondo chuckled and at last surrendered all the way, letting the corners of his lips pull out to his cheeks and allowing himself the smile he'd so badly wanted for too long by this point. "Guess I really am in trouble."

"Maybe if you…" A pointer finger thrust unto Kondo's chest, "listened to me, then I wouldn't have t'–" Hijikata hiccuped. "–to yell."

"Toshi!" Kondo protested gently, "I am listening. I have been!"

"Yeah, yeah." The hand that had jabbed became the hand that dismissively waved, and Hijikata turned back in annoyance. Idly, he looked at his empty palm and perhaps wondered where his cup had wandered off to.

Kondo's lashes fell for a moment and he breathed out through his nose. Truth be told, he was paying attention, but it hadn't come without some struggling–a problem that could be directly attributable to the shade of rose that dusted its way clear across Hijikata's face. The blush managed to soften his elegant features even further, and against the kiss of flickering light, there was little more Kondo could think of than how beautiful he looked.

That wasn't a new revelation in the slightest; Hijikata carried with him the effortless embellishment of beauty that seemed to radiate from him like an aura at all times. But something about tonight…well, it was different–amplified. Maybe it was because after years of speculation, Kondo had at last become acquainted with the taste of Hijikata's lips on his, and the way the pleasantness of his scent could distract him in a heartbeat, and what it felt like to have him in his arms…

It was on that thought when Kondo slipped a hand behind Hijikata, drawing him close so they fit together, sitting side by side against the wall. The back of Toshi's head pressed to his shoulder as if it were already second nature, and Kondo smiled to himself when Hijikata leaned further to him, like he was settling in.

Despite how it might have looked, he could still detect the presence of some tension remaining. A more devious man may have allowed it to work out on its own–and it probably would have–but as for Kondo…

"I was listening," he insisted again. The arm he'd wrapped around had left his hand against Hijikata's abdomen and he tapped his fingers there. "I'll listen to you talk all night if you want, in fact."

"Don't go patronizin' me." It was an airy, pissed off reply–how typical. "Forget it."

"I'm not patronizing you. Look, I can even tell you why you're mad at me. It's because I–"

"Who's mad!" Hijikata interjected, clearly angry.

"Oh, Toshi," Kondo laughed without meaning to. He'd never find humor in someone else's anger, but Hijikata was intoxicated and fuming uselessly over the order of the world once more. It was true that Kondo had transcended the constraint of classism by adoption, but facts were facts; he was still a farmer at heart, just like Hijikata. They were born of the land and that's how they were fated to live.

Naturally, he'd intended to speak further, but was interrupted yet again when Hijikata snapped his face toward him.

"See? You're laughin'!"

"It's not–"

"Kat-chan, we absolutely cannot stop here at this, this damn rundown dojo. We gotta…" Hijikata closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, "keep on runnin'."

Ah, of course. A little dreaming never hurt anyone and it was this kind of talk that had formed the bond between them to begin with. With a nod, Kondo supplied, "You're right. We can't stop until I'm a general." And then, he cheerfully added, "Like Kanko, yeah?!"

"No." Seriousness painted Hijikata's tone when his lashes parted again and as he stared Kondo directly in the eye, he nearly sounded sober. "For the last time, you're not hearing me. A general ain't enough."

Kondo blinked and the grin he wore quickly fell from his face.

"You better listen up and listen good." The flirtatiousness, the good vibes of the evening, the enamor that had been openly displayed by Hijikata's expression since they started drinking…it all disappeared into thin air with that last statement. "I won't rest until I make you a daimyo."

Staring perplexed at Hijikata, Kondo remained quiet until he slowly repeated, "…A daimyo."

Hijikata turned his face forward again and stared out across the room. "I hated medicine peddlin' but medicine peddlin' was something that I could at least do. And I could do it well. Damn well, even." A pause. "Still, I gave that up and moved in here."

Kondo felt Hijikata stiffen against him, heard his voice grow even quieter. "Because Kat-chan gave me a place to belong…because Kat-chan is…" His tongue slipped out to wet his lips. "Because I wanna…" His chin fell in a single nod then when he finally decided on his words. "We gotta keep going forward together."

And then, beneath his breath–and probably not even intending to say it aloud at all–Hijikata added, "I bet my entire life on you."

Silence filled the air then and Kondo's chest stilled.

He was no expert, hadn't a damn clue about any of this in fact, but knew that what he'd just heard…it wasn't typical.

Memories of his birth mother were barely on the cusp of Kondo's reach, as she'd died when he was so young, but he remained certain of his conclusion. Because it had been from his biological father whom he'd learned loyalty and responsibility. And when he was adopted into the Kondo family and could say he had the privilege of having a mother again, things were really no different at all… Loyalty and responsibility were still at the forefront, at least for him. Shusai would pick up strays to add to the dojo roster and sometimes cavort with geisha, and his wife, Fude, would nag about it all.

Married but separate… Living together but also living alone. Even his brothers had been wedded off and had children of their own. They both seemed happy when they all met up last time, but how they spoke of their lives suggested that other things had seeped into the cracks.

"Eh, she just badgers me all the time…"

"The kids are troublesome, y'know…"

It seemed the whole world was pairing up and pairing off, all to cater to the demands of society. And Kondo knew Shusai had such expectations of him after taking him into his family, yet…

Out of all the relationships Kondo bore witness to, he'd never heard anyone say the words that had left Hijikata's mouth just now–never had an inkling that any of those couples might share in something that deep.

He came to this understanding, despite his own reality. He and Hijikata had both had feelings for each other for so long, but the physical component had been a relatively new development. It'd been ages of pining before his hands had the liberty of roaming beneath Hijikata's yukata and vice versa, before he could come to know Hijikata's body as well as he knew his mind.

But maybe that's why Kondo had realized that what he'd heard meant something significant–because their relationship was born of fondness and not necessity.

Fondness.

It was rumored that the foreigners ruining this great country said strange things to each other–deeply embarrassing things like, "I love you" and other wild professions of affection that freely left the tongue.

Kondo couldn't imagine it. But he considered now that if there was a proxy for those words…if there was anything that could possibly take their place, "I bet my entire life on you" was as good a candidate as anything.

And if foreigners felt anything like the way Kondo felt now, well… He wanted nothing in common with them, but perhaps there was a sliver of merit to some of their strange customs.

Maybe his birth parents and adoptive parents, maybe his brothers and their wives had their own special ways of showing affection to one another that could produce the same feelings. But he resolved that this remained different, rare.

And that warranted a deserving reply.

"Toshi," Kondo finally said and reached forward with his free hand to cover Hijikata's, and then entwined their fingers. "I'll run with you. All the way." Hijikata shifted slightly but Kondo kept speaking, cocking his face so he could whisper in his ear. "All the way…right to the top. Right to the stars."

Hijikata's digits folded inward then, and he closed his eyes with a nod. His lips twitched into a tiny satisfied smile as his spine relaxed, sinking a little lower until he could rest against Kondo's shoulder again.

"We'll be more samurai than anyone born in the samurai class."

"…More samurai than samurai?"

"Aa. That's gonna be us, Toshi."

"The hell does that even mean?"

"I'll show you."

"Heh. Guess you finally decided to open them ears, Kat-chan," Hijikata mumbled, "It's about time. But I do have another thing to say, since I got your attention."

"Mm?" Kondo stroked his thumb along Hijikata's. "What's that?"

"I am drunk as hell right now."

Kondo smiled so hard his eyes closed and he laughed softly again, this time without guilt. "Among so many other things, Toshi-san." He pressed a kiss to the top of Hijikata's head. "Among so many other things…"

For a long while after, they stayed like this in quietude. And it was during that time of silence after Hijikata dozed off in his arms when Kondo decided the story of the rest of his life.

When he was done, The Romance of the Three Kingdoms would have nothing on The Romance of Isami and Toshi. His hand held Hijikata's a little tighter.

That was a promise.

And a threat.

Thank you for reading!