Four Letters

A Ranma ½ fanfiction

Saotome Ranma / Tendo Akane

Four letters.

They were easy to say… in my head, at least. It came naturally then. Well, what did you expect, I thought that you were, you know… gone.

Isn't it funny? The moment I can admit to myself how I feel, is when I thought I lost you. I take it back. That's not funny. It's sad. Pathetic, even. But most of all, pitiful.

Four letters.

They were so easy to hear. It was like you were screaming them at me, pulling me out of the void and into the world, into your arms.

I could have sworn I heard you loud and clear, but you insist on denying it. Why? I guess I shouldn't judge you too much on it. After all, I haven't said it out loud, either.

Four letters.

They're scary letters, I'm not going to lie.

I didn't realize it until months after I met you, when I thought you died. I saw you vanish right before my eyes, and I never felt more alone. I saw a flashback of you, telling me you were going on ahead. Sure, in context, we were headed off to school, but in that moment when I was thinking about it, I thought you went ahead of me… to the Afterlife, the Great Beyond, whatever you call it. And I pleaded for you not to leave me because I didn't want to be in a world without you in it.

That scared me. I never felt that way before. For anyone.

Four letters.

They're really scary words. Mostly because, for me at least, they surprised me.

You see, I didn't know when they snuck up on me. But suddenly, I came to the realization and before I knew it, there they were. I heard once that falling like that is like falling asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I also heard that it's similar to falling off a chair: easy and suddenly. I guess in my case, it was kind of a mix. Bit by bit, day by day, you easily became a part of my life. And when you left for China, I couldn't watch you leave, because it was like a part of me was leaving.

And it hurt. I never felt that way about anything before.

Four letters.

They are powerful and weakening all at once.

I don't have the strength to say them out loud. I'm too scared of what would happen if you didn't say them back.

That's right, the great Saotome Ranma is a big scaredy cat.

But man, if you said them back to me, I think I'd feel unstoppable.

Four letters.

They're uplifting and discouraging all at once.

I can't say it out loud, but I bet it's easier for your other fiancees and admirers. Mostly because I'm scared that you'll say it back to one of them… and not me.

That's right, the fierce Tendo Akane is a big chicken.

However, if you told me and not them, that would be too good to be true.

I'm lying on the roof, right above your room. Out of all the roof space on the property, I always like lying above your room.

Why yours?

Feh. I just do, that's all.

I can feel your chi above my room as I sit on my bed, warm, steady, low and blue. It's calm, completely unlike when you're in the middle of a match.

And it's comforting, knowing you're nearby.

I open the window and hop onto the roof.

"What are you doing up here?"

I can feel your chi, warm, soft and red, as you approach me. It's almost like it's humming, buzzing and I can't help but notice how it resonates.

"Nothing," I answer, "just looking at the sky, at the stars and stuff."

"Can I join you?" I ask.

"S-sure."

I lay down next to you, about half a foot away from your right side, staring upward. Patchy clouds dot the sky, making the celestial mapping a little more difficult to read. "It's nice tonight," I muse out loud.

"Not too breezy, not too warm."

"Yeah," I agree dumbly.

Geez. With a starry night, finally some peace and quiet, it would seem to be the perfect time to say those four letters, right?

Wrong. Because I'm a big scaredy cat, remember?

I rest my right arm at my side, while using my left hand to cradle my head.

Yup, a big scaredy cat.

"Yeah," I sigh.

Geez, is that it? That's all I could say? I was ready to say vows to you two nights ago, and all I can muster is a simple, monosyllabic response about the weather?

I really am a big chicken.

I lace my fingers together and stretch them to the sky, before dropping them to my sides.

I sigh out loud again.

I can feel my fingers brush the back of your hand.

I try to keep my cool when your skin briefly touched mine.

Damn. I'm not so good at it. But I'm not the only one trying to keep my cool. Based on how your chi is flaring from red to pink, maybe that's a sign that something is changing.

I should know. Usually, when you're about ready to punch me, you flare red-orange.

This is different, though. Warm and pink. But why pink exactly?

I dare to look at you.

Watching your reaction and response is interesting. You're trying to keep calm, but I can see you taking purposeful deep breaths, but it's no use. Your body is electrified, almost.

In the middle of battle, your chi burns a stifling hot white, almost silver. Now, you're flaring blue to indigo towards pink, almost. Could it be…?

I try to distract myself, even though I can feel your hand against mine.

Physical contact shouldn't be a big deal. I've touched you before. Carried you, held your hand, I've done it all before. Why is this any different?

Because those four letters, remember? Now that I realize it, there's no going back.

I can feel your fingers twitch, but they're not moving away.

So what if we brushed hands? We've held hands, I've hugged you… this is no big deal, right?

Wrong. Because now, those four letters, whether I realized it or not, has changed everything.

Four stupid letters.

God, I want to say them out loud.

Four silly letters.

I need to hear them.

Four letters.

Say them, and the world is mine.

Four letters.

Say them, and I'm yours.

Four letters.

Say them, and that's all I'll need. Ever.

I reach my right hand to your left, hand shaking.

Four letters.

Say them, and I'll stay beside you, come crazies or immortals, curses or cures, hell or heaven.

I intertwine my fingers with yours.

"Hey, Akane…"

"Yes, Ranma?"

"... Soon."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"... Good."

A/N: ...And those idiots still haven't said I love you. Ergh.

Anyway, a few notes about where this story came from.

One of Akane's lines, how love is like falling asleep. Pretty sure that was from "The Fault in Our Stars". The other line about falling out of a chair, refers to what Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, said to Prince Charles during a phone conversation, decades ago (falling in love with him is easier than falling out of a chair… something like that?).

Now, let me be clear: I have never watched an episode of Gossip Girl. Somewhere on the internet, I heard of the main character saying to her love interest "Three words, eight letters. Say them, and I'm yours"... paraphrased, of course. It intrigued me because that line made the words "I love you" seem so simple. Of course, we all know it's not, especially for these two.

So, why did I fixate on saying four letters in the story?

Love. Four letters.

If Ranma were to say "I love you", I imagine his speech to be strong and informal. Su-ki da-yo. Four characters (letters). If Akane were to say it, I think she would be polite, but familiar. Su-ki de-su. Also, four characters (letters). Of course, this logic is rooted in my very remedial understanding of Japanese, so bear with it, please.

But nope, Ranma and Akane had to be stubborn and say various four letter English words. And here we are.

I guess this is the end of my Ranma 1/2 writing binge. Well, it's been interesting, re-visiting the first anime I obsessed over. I'm glad I got to re-visit them as an adult. Cheers and thanks for reading.