Beauty from Pain, a naruto fanfic

(A/N) Well, I've been sick and I've been entertaining myself with writing one-shots and song-fics. I usually don't like song-fics because they're usually not done well, but since I can't make AMVs, I have to settle with stories. Anyway, when I first heard this song I fell in love with it. So then, an idea popped into my head. Since I was feeling miserable, of course I had to write an angst fic.

Anyway, this may be a bit sketchy (my mind's foggy from congestion, medication, and the such) so be warned.

Notes:

Italics: Song

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the song Beauty from Pain by Superchick.

Beauty from Pain

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

In the suffocating dark, she stares blindly at the picture she knows is there even though she cannot see the image of it. It depicts three youths and an older male. No, she thinks. It depicts all of the things that could have been. It depicts her hopes, her dreams, her memories. It depicts the last time she was happy. It depicts what she had created five years ago, before everything fell apart before her eyes.

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

She turns over in her bed with effort (for her body is weak), not wanting to have to be reminded of the past. All of the things that could have been; all of the things that were. Somehow, she let them all slip through her hands. She felt eternally exhausted; she couldn't even lift her head from her pillow. She tugged softly at the covers encasing her cold body though they could not lessen the chill, for it was inside her, gripping at her heart.

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

And so she waits, hoping to fall into the gentle abyss called sleep. She waits for that coldness to ebb, for the pain to alleviate. I will get through this, she thinks, it's only a matter of time. I'm still alive (even though I don't feel it), aren't I? That means there has to be reason why. Everything happens for a reason, she whispers, clinging to that adage. If it wasn't true, then why would it be said? Why would they have all left her had there not been a reason? The answer was clear. It was to make her stronger. After all of this sorrow and suffering, she'd come out stronger. A butterfly emerging from its cocoon, she thought. That's what I will be.

But she knows it'll take time so she must wait. Because she's not finished crying; they may call her a baby, but it helps bring her closer to her redemption. It lessens the sorrow and pain she has endured. It helps bring closure to her fight.

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

When life before is only a memory

I wonder why God lets me walk through this place

Still, she sometimes questions why she lives. Why does she have to be put through all of this pain; why couldn't she just live? God is cruel, she thinks. Having to watch as all of her loved ones leave her behind (because she was still that weak child, no matter what Tsunade or the others said). And when she finds the strength to leave her apartment (which has become her own self-created Hell), she watches the lively villagers and thinks the same thing.

God is oh so cruel.

"Sakura."

The poor creature turns to see her best friend and rival, Ino, approach her with a pained expression (because she has created a domino effect).

"It's been a while," the blond says. "Where have you been?"

It was an idle question meant for idle conversation. They both already knew. I'm just wallowing in my self-pity, she thinks cynically. Because even though her suffering will make her stronger, she still couldn't take it. She couldn't always be the optimistic one because she has the innocent disposition and equally innocent emerald eyes. No; she knew in the end the struggle would be worth it, but she wasn't about to bear the trip with gritted teeth.

"Would you like to get something to eat with me?" Ino asks, pity etched into her face.

Sakura shook her head slightly.

"Some other time I guess," the other girl says resignedly.

Sakura nods half-heartedly. Some other time, she thinks. How do you know I'll make it to 'some other time'? Is it hope? Is it knowledge? Or is it just a pity statement, like all of the others sent her way when she decides to walk outside in the light that is so unbecoming of her.

Then they depart without saying another word (because there are no words to speak). The pink-haired girl walks aimlessly around the village, her face blotchy and red. She prays that no one else will want to stop her but she is walking in the daytime around a friendly village. So she decides to return to her humble abode; her Hell. It's Hell because it holds all of the memories she can't bear.

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

She waits for her rebirth. She's the phoenix who will rise from the ashes. You may wonder why she knows this; that she will get through this and come out as a stronger person. You may think its hope, but it's not. It's belief that one day she'll become strong. Every day that she goes on living, she becomes stronger. Even when her demons come to destroy her, she will fight them and keep on living. Because in the end, she will rise once more.

I'll get through this on my own, she thinks. I don't need them; they're the ones who have caused this. And sometimes she couldn't help but think maybe their desertion was the best for her. Because they will make her stronger, even though that was not their intention.

She often thought about how selfish this world was, including her. They all left her for selfish reasons and she still clings to life for selfish reasons. She couldn't help but wonder if she deserves this strength she knows she will obtain eventually. God is cruel, she thinks. So why should he have mercy on her after all she's been through?

Redemption, she thinks. That's the only mercy God will bring.

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

She remains in the darkness, trying the best she can not to look at that damned picture. It will bring back those dreaded memories, and will only make this process harder. It will also bring her hope (which she can't handle in such a delicate state). She can't hope that they will return, that they will be with her again, that all will be forgiven. No, she's lost all hope. What was it worth; you'll only be let down in the end (and she has had enough of that). But one day, when she can handle such a downfall, she will allow herself to hope again.

Just not yet.

As gentle, hopeless sobs rack her body, she knows that each tear shed will bring her closer to her redemption. This pain will all be gone soon, she thinks. My eyes will be dry and I will rise from my ashes. This pain will bring her to redemption. She will be reborn into something greater; someone who can handle the pain. But for now, she has to carry on. This battle that she's fighting will soon end. And then, she'll hope once more, just like her childhood self.

Because beauty comes from pain.

-0-

(A/N) Ah the angst. I just hope it provides enough hope for the reader, though. The irony is that the song is religious and the story speaks of Sakura resenting God. I tried to make everything a bit subtle. Over all, if you didn't get it, Team Seven left. Pretty basic, I know. Oh well, I hoped you liked. And if you didn't, oh well, it doesn't matter much. Review for a phoenix.