"So like how about some parfaits and let's wear Uggs and patterned leggings and go get Starbucks." Maria wanted to hang up the phone right there. Or throw it against the wall. Probably shoot it. Natasha's fake Jersey girl accent made Maria want to murder someone violently.
"Natasha if you show up to our date in patterned leggings and Uggs I will shoot you gently in the foot." She sighed as she stared at her computer monitor. She just knew Natasha was going to pull something. "And we are not going to Starbucks for dinner. Pick a different place." A heavy sigh as she looked up at the ceiling and muttered something in French.
"Can we just grab Five Guys and go home and make out?" Natasha's eager voice carried over the phone and Maria had to smirk.
"Fine. I'll meet you at the one around the corner from the Tower in an hour." Maria said and hung up on her girlfriend before another comment carried through. She set her phone aside and finished up her work for the day.
—
Some days Maria Hill regretted dating Natasha Romanoff. Today was one of those days. The leggings weren't patterned, but held a metallic sheen. There were matching glitter Uggs, and a baggy tunic. And oh god, that was a messy bun. Maria's hand drifted to her sidearm and she very briefly considered shooting Natasha in the foot. And then the much shorter redhead sidled up to her and wrapped an arm around her waist.
"I was going to pretend I didn't know you." Maria said sullenly, turning away from her girlfriend.
"I know, why do you think I have my arm around your waist." Natasha's amused voice caused Maria to roll her eyes.
"You're a fucking menace, why do you even own those clothes." Maria's voice was far from amused, and actually rather annoyed.
"To torment you." Natasha said cheerily, pulling away to order her burger and Maria's. The brunette snorted, and went to grab the condiments. Natasha caught up to her with two bags in tow. "Home, food, making out. In that order." Maria rolled her eyes and draped an arm over the shorter woman. They headed out of the restaurant with their food.
—
"I love these burgers." Natasha hummed aloud halfway through her burger. Maria just snorted and nibbled on her own burger.
"You clearly love them more than me, since you don't want to torment them in public." Maria said, nudging Natasha with her knee. Maria was balancing her phone on her knee, working on her revenge for Natasha. They finished their burgers without much fuss, and Natasha was about to lean in and make good on her promise when her phone blew up. She picked it up and frowned.
"Avengers business calls, off I go." She quickly pecked Maria on the lips and was gone, and Maria noticed she didn't even head to get changed. Revenge was a sweet, sweet thing.
—
Three hours later when every form of social media blew up with The Black Widow's chic sorority girl look Maria wanted to rub her hands together evilly. Instead she settled on forwarding every article to her girlfriend. When Natasha finally stormed into their kitchen, Maria was smirking with the most shit-eating grin she had ever worn.
"I hate you. I hate you so much." She ripped off an Ugg and threw it at Maria, who caught it and chuckled.
"Revenge is sweet." Maria commented, dodging the next boot. This time she outright laughed, dodging the phone that was thrown at her.
"I can't believe you. You set me up in under thirty minutes, and you got Tony and Steve to help!" Natasha had run out of things to throw, so she just stood there, looking like the angriest small Russian in the world.
"You tried to prank me, Tash. You should have learned your lesson last time." Maria said smoothly, tossing Natasha's phone back to her.
"I didn't think you could top paying interns to follow me around singing terrible pick-up lines off-key for an entire week!" Natasha shouted back, and then cringed at the memory.
"Well, I just did." Maria replied smoothly, holding out an ice cream bar to her girlfriend. The redhead pouted but approached and took the peace offering. Maria used to closeness to drag her girlfriend in for a kiss.
"I still hate you." Natasha grumbled, pulling away. Maria just snorted and proceeded to eat her own ice cream.
"Tony promised to clear the internet of all pictures after a few days." Maria said, grinning. Natasha grumbled louder.
"A few days? I try to not look like a total tool in public, and now I'm going to have this awful reputation." Natasha sounded so petulant that Maria had to laugh.
"Since when do you care about your public image?" Maria countered.
"I don't, I just don't want to look like a complete ditz in front of the entire world." She took a big chomp out of her ice cream and turned away, pouting. Maria just snorted and finished off her ice cream, tossing the stick in the trash. Then she scooted up behind Natasha and picked her up. The redhead grumbled, but allowed Maria to tote her into the living room and plant her on the brunette's lap. Natasha just grumbled louder, until Maria pressed her face against Natasha's neck.
"Cuddling is not going to work." Natasha said, and Maria could tell she was still pouting. With one hand Maria started to knead Natasha's lower back and sides. Finally the redhead relaxed and sighed. "Okay, cuddling is going to work." She conceded, leaning in to Maria's touch.
"Mhm." Maria said simply, continuing to knead Natasha's back. Then she just wrapped her arms around Natasha's middle and held her girlfriend.
"Can we agree to never prank each other again?" Natasha said after a bit. "You win, I give up." She added. Maria just snorted again.
"Yeah, we can stop."