Is She Dead Yet?
by ODG
((Warning: Out of Character Tsunade ahead!))
Down a winding path that cut through the heart of Konoha, lay a quaint little restuarant named "Okazu". Distinct voices of two people travelling down the path can be heard echoing off the stone walls.
"Sakura-chyaaaaaaaan…"
"Will you walk faster please!?"
"Why can't we eat at Ichiraku?"
"It's my turn for date night. That was the agreement."
"But you always pick food other than ramen."
"That's the idea."
"Aw, man!"
"Stop whining- OH! I forgot to tell you about Tsunade-sama!"
"Is she dead yet?"
"Naruto!"
"What? She's an old hag. One day she'll just turn into dust…"
"Behave. We're spending some time with her tonight."
Naruto walks in front of the Okazu and gulps as he and Sakura proceed through the door.
"Well, looky here! It's Saruto and Nakura the two love bunnnnnnnnnies!"
A blonde woman slurs, swiveling around in her chair with a small sake cup in her hand. She waves them over to her with large, arching arm swings.
"Come 'ere! I got a little head start, hope ya don't mind."
Naruto pulls out a chair for his lady to sit in, then goes to her side and seats himself. Tsunade sees his behavior and starts to chuckle.
"You got the boy trained up to be a gentleman!" The drunk woman leans over her pink haired successor who looks past the woman and mouths 'She is wasted' to her boyfriend.
"Tsunade-sama… will you excuse us for a moment?" Sakura says quickly, then stands up from her chair.
Taking Naruto's hand, she led him behind a nearby paper screen, just out of earshot of the former lady Hokage. He grins mischievously and smooths his hands around her waist.
"So, we're skipping dinner and going straight to the make out session, huh? Since its not ramen, I am so game…" He whispers deeply.
To his surprise, Sakura holds his arms from progressing any further.
"I've never seen Tsunade-sama this… gone…" She speaks in a hushed tone, peaking over the whiskered lad's shoulders. "Something must be up…"
"I thought I saw her at Jiraiya-sensei's memorial this morning… she looked fine then..."
Sakura's eyes widened in realization.
'Today was the day Jiraiya passed away…'
"Can we still make out?" Naruto called hopefully to Sakura as she began to walk back to the table.
"Later… if you are nice to Tsunade-sama."
"YES! I love date night!"
He pulls the seat out again and then pushes it in gently once she is seated.
"TWICE in a row! He's either a good dog, or a keeper…"
Tsunade alarmingly has five white sake bottles in front of her. Sakura smiles brightly at her mentor and slides the bottles to the side for Naruto to place on another table. They had been going out for a year now, so they developed a strange, nonverbal style of team work…
"Tsunade-sama… Jiraiya was a good man." Sakura starts gently, her hand holding Naruto's under the table. He squeezes her slim fingers tenderly, to give her courage for what she was trying to do.
"He was NOT a good man." Tsunade yells, shattering her cup into dust as she slams her fists down. The two younger ninja look mortified.
"I'm glad he died, that lech." She lowers her head to the table, her face hidden by her mussed, golden hair.
"He smelled. He drank too much." Naruto held in a chuckle as Sakura shot him a warning look not to interrupt the moment. "He was a pervert, always trying to peek at me while I was naked."
Naruto looked like he was about to burst with laughter, but he restrained himself, thinking about Sakura's alluring promise to him if he behaved himself.
"He called me old lady. He was a lazy, good-for-nothing, wannabe-writer, hack ninja, stupid, perverted, idiot. "
Tsunade sniffs, apparently crying, her waterworks having been turned on while she began to remember him.
"And then he died. I didn't even tell him how I truly felt about him…"
The busty woman suddenly shoots up from the table, grabbing the two ninja in a hug, catching them off guard with such uncharacteristic behavior.
"That's why I called you here, Sakura…" She says seriously, while still grasping onto them. "You two remind me of what could have been… don't make the same mistakes we did! Be better! Surpass us!"
The two shinobi tried to nod in agreement, but they were running out of oxygen as her huge breasts covered their faces.
"Get married! Have babies! Look… look for cute little apartments! Grow old together! I wanna see you two happy!"
Tsunade stops abruptly as her head slams on the table. Sakura rushes over to see if she was hurt, but she wasn't. She started to snore as she dozed off on the table top.
"Oh, brother…"
—
"Good thing Kakashi-sama and Iruka-sensei were around to help us take her home… it felt like we were carrying the entire Hokage mountain…" Sakura laughs, shaking Naruto's hand.
"I'm glad we could help Tsunade-sama a little. Thank you for going along with it…"
The whiskered young man was remarkably quiet, so Sakura was afraid she had said something that upset him.
"What's wrong, Naruto? Are you okay?"
"Surpass them…" He whispers, staring at the ground, determination etched in his features. "I need to surpass them. He said that to me before he left on that last mission, too…"
Naruto looked around, suddenly, like he was inspecting his surroundings for an intruder.
Then he took Sakura's hand and held it to his chest, looking into her eyes. Sakura was caught off guard by the seriousness of his gaze.
"Marry me, Sakura-chan." He says warmly, his hand pressing her palm against his beating heart. Sakura was rendered speechless, a crimson blush blossoming onto her face.
"Are you… serious? Have you even thought about this before tonight?" She narrows her eyes as she finally speaks. Naruto scratches his head in thought.
"Well, I've been planning to marry you from the first time I saw you, so… yeah." He answers plainly.
"Then, I guess I've been making you wait a long time…" She smiles sadly as she looks at Naruto look away from her nervously in reply.
"Yeah, you made me wait, but, I will wait even longer, if you aren't ready..."
Sakura launches herself into his arms and kisses him deeply.
"Yes! I will marry you!"
Sakura stops kissing him, finding his lips to be pursed together, and stationery. She pulls her head back and looks at him, wondering why he had his lips and eyes shut tightly. Suddenly, she remembers their silly promise in Okazu.
"NOW, we can make out." She says playfully as Naruto grins charmingly.
"YES! Best ramen-less date night. Ever."
"A tale is only good as it's final turn of events." -Jiraiya
-The End
—Story By ODG
This story is in response to a hate mail I just recieved. The person asked: "How is your mom? Is she dead yet?" And so, I responded in the best way I knew how… NaruSaku FTW.