El Camach 19 Sept 05, 21 & 22 Sept 05 (updated 27 July 2009)
JKR, not me.
Hermione's POV (took a few liberties with character stuff), Ron/Harry slash.
Tears
I've always had a hard time seeing boys cry. There was this one time Neville needed my help with Potions. His grandmother had sent him a Howler that day; she threatened to pull him out of school if he didn't pass. He panicked and, even though I tried, he broke down crying. My, but I felt so odd! All I could think to do was to rub his back and wait til he'd cried himself out. It was quite awkward. So, yesterday I was sitting in the Common Room, working on my Ancient Runes homework when an even more awkward situation clambered through the portrait hole…
"Hi," Harry said. He looked very glum. I set down my tome.
"Harry, are you okay? Why aren't you in Hogsmeade?" I didn't go because I wanted to get a jump-start on next week's homework.
"Naw, I'm fine… I just didn't feel like going…" I furrowed my brow; Harry was never a very convincing liar. I heard him scuffle his way up to his dormitory and the door click shut. I stood by the steps listening for a moment before I mounted the stairs. I wanted to know what the deal was.
"Harry?" I said, knocking gently and opening the door a crack. He didn't respond; I listened more closely. I heard a soft sniffle. Merlin, he's crying! I thought wildly. Now, I had seen Harry cry before, but… it was never just around me; Ron was always there too.
"Harry…?" I repeated gently, but a bit louder. When no answer came, I entered the room. The curtains of Harry's four-poster were drawn, but I could hear his muffled sobs regardless. I walked to the bed and drew back the curtains. He was curled up and crying onto his now half-soaked pillow. The second the curtains opened, Harry sat bolt upright and wiped his eyes. I sat down next to him. He cleared his throat.
"Hey Hermione. Just…laying down for a nap…"
"Nice try," I said. "Honestly, what is wrong with you today?" He shifted uncomfortably and mumbled something.
"Beg pardon?" I said, feeling a little irritated.
"I… it's… complicated," he began slowly.
"Why don't you try me?" My patience was wearing. He didn't answer for a long time.
"It's just so… embarrassing…"
"Harry, it's me! You know you can tell me anything. For heaven's sake, you have told Ron and I everything!"
Harry's bottom lip started to quiver at the mention of Ron's name. My stomach somersaulted as Harry crumpled, sobbing, into my arms. All I could think to do was just hug him and pat him on the back. He continued to cry for what seemed like hours. I felt so scared. Not scared that he would hurt me or anything, but scared to see my friend, the "Chosen One", the boy who had thwarted Voldemort so many times, actually break down. So vulnerable. My nerves on end, I kept holding him and he kept crying. Gradually, his tears slowed to a stop. With one last clingy squeeze and an almighty sniffle, he let me go. I had a huge wet spot on my vest. Wiping his eyes, he turned to me.
"It's Ron…" Well, of course! Everyone in the entire ruddy school knows that Harry is crazy in love with Ron. Ron just won't face facts! Anyone who even brings the topic up gets their head bitten off. It's very frustrating. I remained silent and let him continue.
"He…" His eyes began to well up again. "He… he went to Hogsmeade with Davies!" Harry wiped the tears quickly from his face and eyes.
"Harry… you know that doesn't mean anything… he doesn't know you like---"
"Yes, he does!!!" Harry burst out, tears of anger now shining in his eyes. I stared at him.
"When did you…?"
"I brought it up yesterday," Harry explained miserably. "He laughed."
Ouch. Low blow, Ronald.
"I'm sure you just… just took it the wrong way."
"We both know that's not true."
Touché.
"I… I just don't know how much longer I can swallow my jealousy like this! He's not mine, so I don't have a right to feel jealous, but I do! He's not even…you know, he doesn't even like guys! Or so I thought…" he trailed off bitterly. "Davies…" Harry said disgustedly, looked wretched. The tears started again, try though he might. I pulled him into another embrace.
"Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!!!" Ron shouted angrily, turning around and slamming the dormitory door as he ran down the stone steps.
"Oh, no!" Harry pushed away from me, looking around wildly. "He thinks… He must think we… oh, Merlin, no…"
Groaning, he lay down on his pillow and resumed his moping.
'Oh, ENOUGH!" I finally said exasperatedly. I marched down the boys' stairs and found Ron in one of our favourite chairs. He was staring at the fire, his eyes flaming as hotly as the burning wood.
"That's enough!" I shouted.
Ron shot a glare at me. I glared right back.
"I can't believe you, Hermione."
"Excuse me?!"
"What're you playing at?! Why were you in our dorm, in Harry's bed, ON HARRY?!" he bellowed. "And to think I thought you cared about me…"
"Ron, what are you talking about?!"
"Why were you trying to get on Harry when you know that I… I…"
"Like him?" I finished. Oh heavens.
Ron sunk down in his chair.
"Of course," he mumbled sheepishly.
"Then what about Davies?"
"What does he have to do with anything?"
Bit slow on the uptake, isn't he?
"Harry was, well is, upstairs crying his eyes out because you went to Hogsmeade with Roger blooming Davies!"
Ron's eyes widened with horror.
"He… Oh, no… We were… no!" he sputtered. "Gah! Hermione, he was helping me plan, well…"
He blushed furiously.
"Plan what, Ronald?!" Why wouldn't he just come out and say it!?
"He was helping me plan how to tell Harry… all this."
"Ohhhhh!" Merlin! Of all the world's misunderstandings! I stood suddenly. "Alright. Up."
"What?" Ron said, looking very puzzled.
"C'mon. On your feet. Good. Now stay here. No, don't sit back down!"
With that, I turned on my heel and marched briskly back up the stone steps to the boys' dormitory. This time, I didn't even bother to knock. I felt the same fall in my stomach when I yanked a slightly soggy Boy-Who-Lived from his very soggy bed.
"No, 'Mione, I don't want to!"
"Nonsense. Come along."
We entered the Common Room, which immediately filled with an awkward, stifling stillness. I cleared my throat, picked up my Ancient Runes homework, and sat down right in the middle of the Common Room. I hoped they would take the hint: I planned to feign ignorance, but step in, if it became necessary. Ron looked nervous and ashamed, but Harry looked downright angry. Ron broke the tangible silence first.
"Harry, I--"
"Why did you have to go with Davies?!" Harry cut him off. "Of all the fucking man-whores… I thought you had a little self-respect, Ron…" He trailed off bitterly.
Ron's face fell.
"There's nothing going on between me and Davies."
"Stop lying to me! You went on a date with him! I mean for Circe's sake, Ron, I already know so there's no point in trying to lie to me!" Harry scoffed. "Merlin's pants, Ron! I didn't even think you were gay, after the way you treated me yesterday! You don't even know—"
Ron shouted to interrupt Harry's rant.
"Harry!"
"WHAT?!"
Ron grabbed Harry's shoulders and shoved him. This was going to get physical. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion.
"Are you blind? I know this looks really, really bad, but I swear, I swear, I don't like Davies."
"Well, then what was…?"
"I… We were… Sit down, will you?" Ron said impatiently, flustered.
I glared at Ron over the top of my book, hoping to give him the 'you-had-better-not-screw-this-up' message. This was his one chance to put things right. Ron sat on the hearth rug and, grabbing Harry's wrist, pulled him down next to him. They faced each other and Ron put his hands on Harry's shoulders again.
"It… it's difficult to say… I've been thinking about this a lot this year. And so… So when you mentioned… all this yesterday, I panicked. I thought you were, I dunno, suspicious or something…that it was a test, I dunno… That's why I laughed… tried to…you know, brush it off."
"Oh…" Harry's gaze dropped to the floor. Ron continued; I peeked over my Runes book, surreptitiously observing.
"I don't want Davies, I don't want Pucey, I don't want any of those guys you think I do. The one person I want is the one person I'm closest to and the one person I was afraid to tell. I was too scared I'd lose you…"
Harry looked up quickly, and, wiping a stubbornly wet eye, blurted out,
"Wait… You mean to say that… that this whole time…? We've just been going around in circles?!
Ron nodded, a little smile forming on his face. Harry gaped at him.
"I could kill you!"
Harry dove on top of Ron and started to hit him. I flung my Ancient Runes book aside as I scrambled to make them break it up. But, just as I opened my mouth to demand that they desist, Harry stopped the assault. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised, Ron or myself, when Harry kissed him square on the mouth.
Okay, so here's what's odd. Maybe I've just always known that Harry and Ron would end up together (I think I've known that since the moment I met them) or maybe I'm just weird, but that sight was almost, well, comforting. I don't mind my two best friends being gay, which is an earth-shattering fact for some, but I can't seem to bear watching boys cry. I suppose I just have a hard time handling tears.