This was actually a kink-meme prompt, but now I'm de-anonymising myself

The kink-meme is a great place btw.

The prompt was 'Something based on this piece of fanart.' - ht tp://i41 .tinypic. com /2mc67ns .png

What can I say, I like writing angsty stuff

And it's a great practice, I'm not that good at writing in English because it's not my native language and I didn't have a netive speaker to proof read it at that time. So please forgive all those grammar errors in this story, they are there but I don't find them.

For the best.


He should have known.

He should have remembered that Kyon wasn't as special, as strong as they were. That he didn't have a full understanding of the danger they had been in. That he didn't have any special powers to protect himself. That's what Koizumi should have been there for. But he had been too slow.

If only he had been faster, he could have blocked the blow with a shield or pushed Kyon out of harm's way. If only they hadn't taken Kyon with them on that day, it all would haven been alright. If only, if only...

If only. Should have. Shouldn't have. Could have. Wouldn't have.

All the things which could have been didn't change the one thing that had been. The thing that had Haruhi worried and in constant anxiousness, which in turn resulted in countless smaller and bigger closed spaces appearing all over the city and had Koizumi's colleagues working their heads off.

Koizumi should have been working - fighting - at their side at this moment, but the Agency had deemed it more fitting for him to stay with the SOS Brigade to at least try balancing Haruhi's mental state a little. He had ended up comforting not only Haruhi, but a hysterically sobbing Mikuru as well. They had left the room a short while ago with Yuki keeping them company, her simple presence seemed to support the two other girls well enough for the moment. Haruhi had already calmed down quite a lot. They had told her a story about Kyon getting into an accident with his bicycle, that everything would be alright.

I only he could convince himself just as easily.

Now that he was alone with Kyon, without the necessity to keep up his cheerful and optimistic facade for Haruhi's sake, he was close to breaking down.

He looked at Kyon again. He was pale, alarmingly so - the light green hospital gown making his skin seem an even more sickly tint - with a bandage around his head, his eyes closed. He was lying still, so very still, if Koizumi didn't look very hard it was easy to imagine that the slow up and down of his chest wasn't there at all, that his breathing had stopped.

Koizumi felt the ice cold sensation of dread creeping up his spine at the thought. He gripped Kyon's hand, lying limply at his side - he couldn't feel a pulse, surely his heart wasn't beating anymore...

But the machines were beeping slowly but steadily in the silence of the room. Koizumi knew that he was overreacting, but he couldn't help it, even if he felt ridiculous, even if he knew Kyon would laugh at him for being just as hysterical as Mikuru was. The doctor in charge had told them that Kyon's condition was far from critical, he would probably wake up soon, be a little dizzy and probably would have a rather bad headache from the concussion he suffered but otherwise, he would be right as rain again in no time.

Still. The guilt of not being able to prevent Kyon lying there, unconscious and defenseless, was tearing him apart from the inside. What if the injury Kyon had suffered had been more than just a strong blow to the head? What if the blow had been strong enough to break his neck, or throw him off the building without Koizumi being there to catch him?

What would Koizumi have done if Kyon had died? Probably not much, because with Kyon dead, there was a not so slight chance that Haruhi's mental state would become so unstable that the world would end as an ultimate result. But if that weren't the case?

He never told Kyon. Couldn't tell him, not with Haruhi having such a strong interest in Kyon herself. Kyon would never have known. And he could never know. Regarding this, it made no difference if Kyon was alive or dead, because even in life, there was no way Koizumi could tell him what was in his heart. But all the same, if Kyon had died...

The emotional strain he put himself through all those times finally came crashing down. Though he tried so hard to suppress it he found himself breaking down at last, sobbing, grieving for all that could have been, for all that could have happened, for all that never could be.

He barely registered the slight pull on his right hand until he heard the croaky, soft voice from below.

"Watch it, moron, you're squashing my hand!"

He dropped the hand he had been gripping a little too hard as if burned and started drying his eyes frantically, but a hand gripping his this time forced him to stop.

He found Kyon staring at him, a little unfocused but no less serious.

"It's not your fault."

Ignoring Kyon's words and attempting a smile, Koizumi started to rise from his chair.

"I will go and search for Suzumiya-san, she will be delighted to hear that you have woken up. If you'll excuse me..."

Kyon, however, did not let go of his hand.

"I don't think I want Haruhi here right now. My head aches, she will only scream at me again, I don't think I can stand that at the moment..."

Koizumi tried for another mild smile.

"I think you are doing her wrong. She can be quite bossy, true, but she is a very good person at heart. She was worried sick about you."

"So were you, weren't you? And drop that stupid smile, it doesn't look right when you're all puffed up from crying. Besides, I prefer your company for the moment. Now sit down and be quiet."

Koizumi heard the gruff affection in Kyon's words, the hidden proposition, the possibilities it conveyed.

And that was why he, gently but firmly, pulled his hand free and left the room without another word, smile in place, searching for Haruhi.
It was for the best.