cl Buffy stood in the kitchen, her face stained with tears and her blonde hair hanging down and sticking to her cheeks. She was frantically scrubbing dishes, struggling to maintain the little bit of control she had left. Her mind went over and over the same set of problems- her mother's health, Dawn and Glory, Riley, and now Spike. It hadn't been bad enough that he had tried to kiss her. It hadn't been bad enough that he that he was effectively stalking her, and sneaking into her house whenever he had the chance. It hadn't even been enough that he had to actively try to come between her and Riley. The worst part was...it had worked.

Buffy slammed a plate into the cupboard.

She had thought about Xander's speech incessantly the last couple of days, agonizing over it, striving to answer one question to herself, honestly...for once. "Was Riley 'Mr. Once in a Lifetime'?" She feared she would never know, now that he was gone. There was one thing she knew for sure. With him gone, her life did not feel any more empty. This, she had not expected. This was the one thing that really scared her and tortured her night after night.

There was a knock at the door.

Upon answering the door, a pretty girl with dark hair and eyes tentatively entered the house. Despite their prior clashes and hard feelings, Buffy was somewhat happy to see Cordelia. Seeing her again was like feeling a connection to her former self. A self who had a different load on her shoulders....difficult, but different. She didn't feel so alone back then. She didn't feel so...trapped. Trapped and helpless.

Buffy tried her best to clean up her face and put on a smile....tried.

"I know it's been a while, and I haven't exactly treated you with respect, but Buffy, I need some help." 'Yeah, so do I,' Buffy thought. Completely unable to anticipate what Cordelia would be needing now, of all times, Buffy asked, "What's wrong now?" with a definite air of annoyance.

Cordelia, feeling a bit hurt for finding the strength to seek out her former rival for help, only to be belittled, just bowed her head and answered, "It's Angel."

"Oh Jesus! Oh shit!! That's all we need now - Angelus adding to the pot of trouble stew that's brewing." Fear quickly began to envelope the small blonde, until she could feel the searing heat in her ears.

"No, no," Cordelia tried to calm the Slayer. "He hasn't gotten to that point yet. But he's acting strange. I mean, strange even for a 248 year old vampire with a soul and four lifetime's of guilt."

Exasperated and not in the mood for guessing games, Buffy sighed. "How is he acting strange and what the hell do I have to do with it?"

"He's had a taste of fresh human blood, Buffy. And now he's starting to act more and more like Angelus. He allowed Darla and Drusilla to murder an entire room of people...humans...NON-DEMONS!" Cordy began to babble, getting ever so anxious all the while. "Then, when we questioned him about the incident, trying to understand what was happening, he fired us all! He's alone now. Alone, and angry and acting like the vampire he is."

Buffy sat there, stunned and unable to utter a sound. Cordy's ranting had opened up at least three new cans of worms. Three new names to add to her ever growing list of problems. Finally after a few moments, the Slayer broke her trance and the silence, "Darla?! What are you talking about? We killed her...dead. She's dust. You know, the kind of dead that isn't undead, but really, really dead! What kind of drugs is Wesley giving you? You gotta watch those Watchers. They'll turn on you in a minute." Buffy was trying so hard to make light of this situation and not have to take it seriously.

"It's a long story, all mystical and stuff. Bottom line – evil people brought Darla back from the dead as a human. Then they brought in Drusilla to turn her back to a vampire. We don't really know what their deal is. We just know that they have it in for Angel...bad."

"I'm not coming to you as a friend. I'm not even here because of your history with Angel. I need the Slayer. That's what it has to do with you." Cordy fought to hold back her contempt for the snotty blonde.

Buffy flushed with embarrassment for her behavior. Regardless of her own personal troubles, she is and always will be the chosen one. "This is not a good thing. Major bad!" Buffy's mind immediately envisioned the four vampires, rejoined, and unstoppable. The Slayer had never had to face the entire quartet. Their line was strong and nasty. There was no Kendra, Faith, Angel, or super Riley to help with the fight. Her and her friends and Watcher would surely lose if the four vamps had put their minds to destroying them.

Then one glimmer of sunlight entered her morbid thoughts. Spike. Spike wasn't exactly Spike anymore. What he was exactly, she didn't know. But he certainly wouldn't be joining the old gang any time soon...not with that wonderful chip in his head.

"Well, I can't go to L.A. right now. I have some stuff here I'm kind of dealing with. I'd send Spike, maybe, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that's not a good idea. Besides, we need him here."

Cordelia narrowed her eyes at the mention of 'needing Spike'. The last she had seen of him, he was torturing Angel to near death over the Gem of Amarra. The Slayer noted Cordelia's expression of distaste and decided it best to not elaborate, just in case the news of a neutered Spike made it to Angel's ears. Who knows what the clan would do to William the Bloody if they ever found out. After all, Darla had not responded well to Angelus with a soul. Buffy found herself wanting to protect Spike...a feeling she was not wholly comfortable with.

"Let me talk with Giles. We'll cook up a plan. I'll have him call Wesley later. We really don't need this now, but we can't afford to let this escalate any." Buffy paused, staring intently at the pattern in the carpet.

Cordy nearly whispered, "I'm sorry, Buffy." The brunette really was.

Cordy and Wesley met at the hotel, hoping to catch Angel before he left for the night. When the vampire was not found in his room, Cordy told Wesley what Buffy had said. She talked about it all: the Slayer's reaction to the news, her poor mental state and the strange remark about the vicious vampire Spike. As the two quietly chatted, Angel was listening from the shadows.

The second the two mortals left, Angel quickly snagged his long, black coat. It flared behind him as he ran out the back door.

For a warmer winter night over a Hellhole, things were a bit on the quiet, boring side. Buffy had just started for home when she ran into the platinum blonde vamp. The Slayer immediately turned the other way. Without thinking of pride or integrity, Spike swiftly ran after her, tripping on a tombstone but managing to recover. "Buffy!" He desperately called out to her. She stopped, but did not turn to look at him. He caught up with her, but did not seek her eyes. He remained behind, regarding her beautiful figure from behind. "Buffy..." Spike found his mouth would not move. The words did not want to come.

It was the ever composed Slayer who broke the silence. "I don't know what you thought you would accomplish with that little stunt of yours. Unless you wanted me to stake you." She swung around mid sentence to glare at the vampire. But Spike still couldn't meet her eyes with his. He stared at his feet, with his hands in his pockets, searching for the right thing to say. He hadn't wanted to be the one to come in between her and Riley. Ok, yeah, he did want to, but knew it would only result in ...this. "Tell me you didn't show me that vamp nest to hurt me...the only way you can! No, I have a better idea. Tell me the truth damnit! All this time, I thought you were changing. I thought we had at least found some sort of common ground. I guess I was dead wrong. You'll always be hunting me like some damn prey. Well you know what, Spike? I've had it! Let's get this over with here and now!" She was now facing him fully and reaching for the weapon in her front pocket.

Her words cut through him, wounding him deeper than any wooden stake could. Finally, Spike resolved to quit lying to her and himself. If he didn't do something to turn her hatred for him now, he knew it would just fester and grow until he really had no chance in hell of winning her love. "Alright, Slayer! We'll do just that! I'll put my cards out on the table, then you do the same. You want to know why I pulled that bloody 'stunt'? I did it for you. Not to you, but for you, pet. How could I stand by, listening to you profess your love for the Commando, then watch him..." Spike paused as his distaste for what Riley had done shuttered through his body. "Well, you saw it." Buffy's scowl did not change.

"Trust me, luv. If I wanted you hurt or dead, you would be." He paused once again, hoping the moment of silence would punctuate his next statement. "I don't want to hurt you, Buffy."

Buffy's face melted into a look of confused realization.

Just then, a dark and tall fledgling flew through the air and tackled Buffy to the ground. Spike momentarily looked up and muttered, "Oh bloody hell!" He leaped to her aide, but the Slayer had already dusted the newbie. "Damn, you're good!"

"So are you. I almost fell for that sappy line of yours."

The anger rose quickly through his lukewarm body. Spike grabbed her by the shirt and yanked her to her feet. "Girl! You are the blindest, most stubborn mortal I have ever met," he growled. "You asked for the bloody truth, and here it is. I love you."

Buffy shook her head until her whole body started to shake. She shoved him several feet backward, nearly knocking him off his feet. She could feel the tears welling up, but she was determined not to let them come.

"If I wanted to harm you, luv, I would have left Captain Cardboard to vamp out, then let him kill you. I wanted to protect you, and your friends, Slayer." Spike barely took a step forward as he spoke, expecting her to recoil in fear or disgust. She stood still and silent. He took another step forward, and then another, until he was as close to her as he dare venture. She was searching his eyes and face for the truth. "That's right, slayer. Look hard. You'll see I'm being straight with you." Inside, Spike was praying for her to kiss him, take his hand, hell, even smile. Yet, he knew all the while the best he could expect was for her to not stake him. But her reaction was to say, "I don't know why."

Spike closed his eyes, letting his feelings come forward. "I don't know either, luv. All I know is I thought I was obsessed with killing the Slayer, when I was really obsessed with just you. Your scent, your wit, your style."

Buffy started to walk away, but then motioned for him to follow. Spike walked to her left and, almost imperceptibly, back a few inches.

"I don't love you, you know." Spike's cold heart sank to the pit of his stomach, even though he had already known it to be true.

"I know. But you don't hate me either, and you can't lie to me about that."

Buffy slowly looked at Spike, and said, almost with a hint of challenge in her voice, "No, I don't hate you. But you haven't given me many reasons to feel otherwise."

Spike sped up to look her in the eyes, "but I will."

Angel looked around the familiar house, that now, was not so familiar. He walked around the living room, touching the fixtures, furniture and baubles, remembering happier times. The one thing that confused him was the picture of Buffy and her mom. Who was that young girl between them? Before he could contemplate the photo any further, a noise from outside drew his attention. Angel hurried to the window, nudged back the curtains ever so slightly and peered outside.

He could not believe his eyes. Spike and Buffy together. Speaking in normal voices. They were definitely not fighting, like the enemies they were...that they should have been. Angel watched until he saw his former love turn to enter the house. Very purposefully, he sat on the coffee table, facing the door. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded neatly in front of him.

As Buffy entered the house, her initial surprise was quickly replaced with terror. "Angel?!"

"Hi, Buffy." He stood as a gesture of respect and to greet her. Buffy involuntarily stepped back. She still held the door knob with the door wide open, praying that Spike had not gone far.

"I know about the little convo you had with Cordelia earlier. I can only imagine what you are thinking right now. That's one of the reasons I'm here." "What's the other reason?" Buffy was poised for a physical confrontation. The hand on the knob was now secretly clutching the stake she always hid in her waist band.

"Stand down, Buffy. This is Angel, not Angelus." Angel resigned himself to having to provide a thorough explanation for his recent actions. "I fired Wesley, Cordy, and Gunn to keep them safe. If they are close to me emotionally or physically, Darla will go after them. And before you ask, yes, I allowed the humans from Wolfram and Hart to die by the hands of my sire. I finally had had enough. They had been killing innocents and they had been trying to destroy me or turn me into Angelus. Once they brought back Darla and turned her back into a vampire, I knew that there was only one solution. Buffy, they weren't humans. They were evil incarnate."

Buffy wanted to believe him so badly.