"Do you ever, like, wonder if he loves you, Sharon?" Rusty asked.
She glanced up from her notes. "Who? Jack?" She snorted. "Everything he's done for the past twenty years suggests otherwise."
Rusty nodded. "Last time he was here, I mean when he was sleeping on the sofa, he said…"
"What, Rusty?"
"That you were still crazy about him."
She laughed and Rusty joined in. "He's even more delusional than I thought," she said.
He returned his attention to his computer. Sharon had told him he hadn't broken up her marriage. She'd made it clear Jack had broken it up before Rusty was even born. And if she wanted to divorce him, well, that was fine with Rusty, as long as she was happy with that decision. He didn't like the way Jack disrupted everything in Sharon's life every time he showed up.
When Jack had brought up Sharon's love life, Rusty had seen right through it. He'd forced a laugh and said if she were seeing anyone it was news to him. That hadn't been exactly truthful, but if Sharon didn't call her dinners with Andy dates, he wasn't going to press the issue. And as far as Rusty was concerned, Sharon's life was none of Jack's business. He'd given up that right when he left Sharon alone with her kids.
"To answer your question more fully," Sharon said. Rusty looked up from his screen. "I think he loved the idea of me, that I would take care of him, continue to enable him. He loved what I could do for him more than he ever loved me."
Rusty nodded. "Like my mother."
She shook her head. "I don't know, Rusty. Maybe. Maybe not. I want to think it's different with her. That she does love you, could show it better, if she were just...stronger." She sighed. "Jack's been sober a long time and he's no better than when he was a drunk."
"Maybe he's defective."
She smiled sadly. "Yes, that's a good word for him."
"I'm sorry, Sharon. We don't have to talk about him anymore." He waved his hands awkwardly. He hated contributing to her pain and didn't know how to make it stop.
"Maybe not tonight. I'd much rather hear about your history test."
There was so much warmth in her expression. And to think there had been a time when he hadn't liked her. Granted, that hadn't lasted longer than a few days, but still. He told her how he'd earned an A. It hadn't been easy, but with Buzz's help, his studying, and Sharon's explanation of test-triage, he'd pulled it off.
She told him she was proud, and he said good night, not sure how to feel about her pride. It had always embarrassed him a little, but he also reveled in it. It was just another reminder that she loved and appreciated him.
He went into his room. Rusty Raydor wasn't such a bad name, but he was glad he could keep Rusty Beck regardless of what he would decide. He fell asleep, the weight of that decision oddly comforting him like his blanket.