Title: I'm the only thing I'm afraid of (1/?)
Rating: PG (so far)
Pairing/character(s): (future) Puck/Kurt
Disclaimer: So not mine. D:
Summary: Kurt Hummel was a man with a plan. A very stupid, suicidal plan, indeed.
Notes: Spoilers for "Ballads". The title came from "Amazing", song by Kanye West.
Warnings: Hm, a bit of angst and mention of character's death.
Thanks to: the awesome byte366 (byte366. livejournal. com), who kindly betaed it for me. Like I said, you can't exist, honey. Any remains mistakes are mine.
I'm the only thing I'm afraid of
by Dana Norram
Prologue
Being scared isn't exactly a new feeling for Kurt Hummel. He could probably say he's lived a considerable part of his sixteen years being afraid of something. When he was four, Kurt used to be so afraid of the dark that every night he climbed onto his parents' bed and could only get some sleep after his mom put an arm over him and then his dad held them both tightly. By his fives he had developed a fear of thunderstorms, but that time his dad didn't let him sleep with them and said you are a little big for that, aren't you, Kurt?, so that's when Kurt started to listen to music. He closed his door, pulled the blinds down and put on his headphones and sung along with the music so he could block out the sound of the thunder.
He was glad that had worked so well for him because he knew he just couldn't manage to survive his sixth year if he didn't have his music. He was listening to Viva Forever for the one hundred and fifth time since he and his dad got back home from his mom's funeral. During the whole service he had his headphones on and he remembered seeing his dad yelling at his aunt Mildred when she suggested that Kurt should take them off and show some respect ("Leave him fucking alone!" − that was the first time he ever heard his dad say the F word, because he knew he would never dare say that with his mom around. Kurt guessed he would hear it a lot after that day). He didn't eat, didn't change his clothes and didn't face his dad at all, just stayed there inside his room in the dark (he wasn't afraid of that anymore) and sung along with the music. It was as if each word was a tear he hadn't managed to cry until then. The song had just started to play one more time and Kurt was singing "we'd only just begun" when he opened his eyes and noticed his dad on his doorstep, the light from the hallway staining his darkness. The look on his dad's face silenced him and Kurt took his headphones off and stepped closer until he could hold his dad's waist tightly, like his dad did for him when he was younger (somehow Kurt felt so much older that time). Nothing could prepare Kurt for the moment his dad started to cry and then to sob. Kurt knew he had never felt more scared in his entire life, but he also knew he couldn't let his dad notice that.
So, yes, Kurt knew what fear feels like. And after his mom's gone and through all those high school years of being shoved against lockers and thrown into dumpsters he had learned how to not show how scared he was. Even if that meant not running away when Puck looked at him like he was ready to tear Kurt apart with his large, bare hands.
"You want me to do what?"
Kurt didn't flinch under Puck's (he must say) psycho glare. Because Kurt Hummel was a man with a plan. A very stupid, suicidal plan, indeed.
"I want you to tell Finn the truth about Quinn's baby."
Notes: This was originally posted at my Live Journal (dana-norram. livejournal. com/ 37194. html). English isn't my first language. Said so, any constructive criticism is very welcome. I would love to know your thoughts! :)