Heartbeat

by Pooks1979

AH/J/B - one shot inspired by the "Heartbeat" by Enrique Iglesias.

A/N – so the song "Heartbeat" by Enrique Iglesias inspired this little emotional one shot. I hope you enjoy it.

We stand at a distance, our eyes locked, bodies frozen in time as if in that moment it was just you and I and no one else. It has always been this way with us, our bodies burning with a desire to be touched, admired and loved but our minds lost to a sea of doubt and uncertainty. We never could move past the doubt and fear, our soul's connected on a deep level but our minds resistant to believing that our love could persevere.

It's been five years since last we spoke and even now the sight of you leaves me breathless. We've grown apart but yet this connection between us remains just as strong as it was when we were together.

I've spent years trying to forget you by trying to deny the existence of this connection that binds us but I knew if I managed this feat, it would mean I deny ever loving you and I couldn't do that. The years that followed our separation I tried to find companionship in others but each woman had only a small shred of you within them. I wanted the whole thing flaws and all. After a while I started to think I was destined for misery because no one could come close to you. I failed to find the other piece of my heart because I knew I could only find it with you.
My heart starts to drum at an unhealthy rhythm while we stand no more than a few feet apart. Your eyes are just as captivating as ever, the soft tear-like glisten and soft grin remind me of how much I loved you.

Your stare reminds me of the many times you used to look at me just like that. It was that look that told me you missed, loved and yearned for me. However, as elated as that stare makes me it also brings forth the sad realization that it was that same stare that also told me goodbye.

I start to doubt my own sight. There is no way you and I could have found each other so randomly.

The burn of desperation and longing forced my mind to concede that you were more than just an illusion. I felt the goose bumps run up my arms when you turned away and I knew you were real.

I took a step forward, your position never wavering or resistant to my advances. I clenched and unclenched my hands nervously as I took another step trying to shield the pain while dodge the other patrons as they crossed my path on my way to see you.

I watched your bottom lip tuck under your teeth while your arms moved across your waist. I wondered if you felt the same intensity I continuously felt while remaining in your gravitation pull. My mind was screaming to walk away while my heart cried for release.

I knew we weren't meant to be together although our hearts told us otherwise. I knew going down this path it would lead to yet another disastrous end but yet I forged ahead. Why would fate bring us together if we weren't meant to be?

I liked to believe that when we fell in love it was for a reason. I liked to believe when we shared those heated nights of passion until both of us were out of breath and completely satisfied that it meant more than just two people reaching mutual release. I believed in us and what we meant to one another. I believed what my soul told me to be true. I knew you were my other half, my reason for living and my ultimate happiness.

I told myself the night we fought and decided to go our separate ways that it was for the best. We were both in a transitional phase where neither of us knew what we wanted out of life. We argued more than kissed, yelled more than talked and slept as if we were two strangers sharing a bed.

After five years of seeing things through a different mirror, I came to terms with the fact that I would always see the world through a tinted glass because without you everything just seemed gray. I wanted to reach out for you, call you, beg you, and plead for your heart back. I needed the familiar feeling of your heartbeat against my chest. I needed to feel not only that physical connection but that connection that only two soul mates could posses.

The pain of our separation tore at my already weakened heart making it nearly impossible to take the final step that would put me back into your arms. Before I could regain the nerve to do what I had wanted to do for so long, he came up from behind you and took possession. The once love filled heart that beat so rapidly within my chest filled with rage. Who was he to touch you, love you? He couldn't love you like I do.

He pulls you into a hug, your eyes leaving mine for only a second and reappearing on the other side of his shoulder. My resolve breaks when I see the sorrow and apology in your eyes. I feel the ground tremble beneath me as hope collides with harsh reality all in one cringe of your lids. I force myself to pull back, my eyes not believing the sight while my heart shatters like a piece of glass to the cold cement floor. I try to regulate my breathing but it seems my lungs refuse to intake air. It's as if you are the only one to supply me with the air I need to breath and the father away I move, the more I suffocate in my existence without you.

My hands grip my chest as the pain is so overwhelming I'm not sure if its heart break or a heart attack. The marketplace that surrounds me starts to twirl and twist, peoples faces contorting like a funhouse mirror while others vocally express concern but in a language that is foreign to me. I try to speak, your name the only one I wish to utter in these last moments when my heart melts into a sea of unyielding torture.

"Jake!" my best friend screams as her strong arms catch me before my body crashes to the ground.

"Breath Jake, breath" Leah chants to me.

I force the air into my lungs even though I have no reason to stay alive. I know there are people who count on me, who need me but there but it's your need and devotion I want, not theirs. I didn't want to live another five years without you and seeing you today just reminded me of how my heart only beat so strongly for you.

After taking a few strong breaths with Leah's help, I stood on my own two feet. Leah was the best friend a pathetic guy like me could have. She listened to me when no one else would and she above all knew how deep my love ran for you. You can imagine the look of surprise on her face when she caught wind of your reemergence after so long. She tried to force me away telling me you didn't deserve me and that I was too good for you but I knew better. I was made for you just like you were made for me.

I allowed Leah to move me away from the crowds but my eyes never left yours as you went in the opposite direction. I felt my body resist her pull because my heart wasn't ready to let you go again. The first time was hard but now seeing you, feeling you, realizing that your love for me was still just as strong as before made me fight harder to stay.

I watched you until your image became a distant memory and I felt the pain of my withdrawal like a thousand bricks upon my weakened chest. My sorrow became anger as my chest heaved and my nostrils flared in defiance of the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.

I planted my feet firmly against the ground and caused Leah to jolt as she lost her grip of me and stumbled forward. "I will meet you at the hotel. Go!" I hissed at her.

The one good thing about Leah was she knew when to push and when to let me be. She knew better than to fight me on this. She knew she couldn't win so with a simple head nod, she turned and walked away.

I made my way back to you, my heart pounding out of my chest, my soul aching and yearning for just a moment to be with you, feel you and show you how much I loved you. When I finally moved past the crowd and back to the spot we last met, you were gone. A moment of complete despair and upset filled me but not long enough to affect my will to find you.

I turned to the left and to right, my eyes feverishly searching for you and like an eagle spotting its prey from miles away, I found you. The pain of your displayed affections towards him stung my already weak heart but I knew this love was just as fleeting as your last. No one could love you, hold you or make you feel like I could. You knew this fact just as well as I did. It was my time to show you your heart only beat for me, deserved and desired me.

I moved like a lion stalking its prey, weaving and ducking when needed just so my presence remained a secret. I didn't want to give you the chance to deny me or run because I knew you would if you had the chance. You were never the strong one but I didn't need you to be. I was strong enough for the both of us but apparently not nearly enough to keep us together.

Our past, present and even our future didn't even really matter at this point. Seeing you today, feeling that indescribable connection between us was enough to make me forget everything and just begin again. I saw this moment as a sign that we were meant to be. Why else would we meet so randomly and still feel so strongly for one another?

I watched as he kissed you on the head and walked away. I could see you cringe at his affection and I knew this guy was just another passing phase just like the ones before him. I knew the reason why he wouldn't work was the same reason why no other woman could take your place. It was because they weren't you and he wasn't me. The harsh reality of that fact was the most painful and even seeing you now carrying on like you can move past me is almost comedic.

I slither through the crowd like a snake in the marsh and move between a fruit stand and a store entranceway. I wait in the shadows, my eyes closed and my senses keen on your scent. I waited until the soft smell of strawberry got so overpowering it nearly knocked me off my feet and in that instant I reached out and grabbed you. I felt your body shutter in shock at my abrupt action but before you could scream, I have you caged between me and the wall with my hand softly over your mouth. "Shh Bells…its only me…please don't scream."

Your eyes search mine in confusion over my drastic action. Although I know you would scream just to spite me something in your eyes tells me you will appease me if only for a moment. I get lost in your eyes, the hand I have over your mouth slowly pulling away, my finger tips just skimming over your skin as it descends to my waist while my mind gets lost in the feeling of excitement, anger and desire I feel for you at this moment.

I step forward as my lips part to speak but just like all the other times I tried to tell you how much I need you, I'm at a loss for words. Your trembling hand comes between us and rests softly against my chest. Your eyes close as you get lost in the rhythm of my heart. You used to tell me it was what you loved most about it. You loved how intensely my heart beat for you, how much it loved and adored you and yet something you held so dear you were able to crush with just a few small words.

I shook my head trying to fight the past from creeping back into my life. I wasn't here to force our mistakes upon us. I was here to make you see we were never a mistake. We were merely byproducts of bad timing but just like time heals all wounds, time makes things become all the more clear when you realize what you could have or should have. I knew what I wanted and even though before today I had no intentions on intruding in your life or putting another bump in your bumpy journey, I refused to deny what I feel. I won't deny what I want and that's to steal your heart away.

I move my hand back up and hold yours firmly to my heart. "You can feel it too can't you? You can feel the passion and love that fuels my heart to beat for you…tell me you can feel it Bella….tell me you feel too"

A sigh exits your lips as your eyes remained forward and closed. "I feel your heart beat…I always loved how feverishly it pounded for me Jake. I just...we are different now. I don't know how…."

I don't let you finish because I know what you're about to say. My lips mirror my emotions as I press them firmly to yours and devour the very essence that is my heart and soul. The power of my kiss forces your back to hit the wall and your hands to move around my neck and grab my hair. Your caresses fuel my desire to take you right here in public. I burn, crave, ache to feel our bodies connect on a level no other has been able to match.

I move my lips away from yours, sliding my tongue along your jaw and onto your neck. As much as I want you right now I don't want to force you into doing something I think you want and you don't.

"Tell me you want me Bella. Tell me you need me. Tell me I'm the only one who can make you feel like this…" the end of my sentence trailing into a moan as the taste of your fire hot skin toys with my senses.

I feel you lean into my neck, your lips teasing me with their tenderness while you respond "Don't steal my heart away…it's all I have left that reminds me of you."

I pull away from you, my hands coming between us and cupping your timid face between my fingers as I respond, "You're the one who stole mine. This hollow hole in my chest is only filled when I'm with you. My heart races with every second I stand here and hold you like I've longed to hold you since we broke up. My world is empty without you Bella and I won't let you go until you admit you feel the same. I see it in your eyes; I feel it in the heat of your tears as then drip down my arms at this very moment. Your soul cries to be whole again, let me fill that need."

Your eyes give me that familiar searching stare once again. You contemplate what you feel versus what you know. You know we have the ability to hurt each other but you also feel that we are lost if we don't concede to the fact that we are helpless apart.

As much as I want you to admit you feel the same I can feel the resistance just by the way your body quivers within mine. A blanket of hurt and pain more intense than the ache of emptiness you left within me years ago fills me. I hoped our bond would open your eyes and show your heart I was your soul mate, your partner and the keeper of your heart but as you stared at me almost petrified to speak, I knew the cloud of doubt and fear still hung heavily over your head.

I pulled back more, your hands sliding from my neck and falling around your waist as the guilt filled your soul. You trembled before me and as much as I wanted to ease that suffering, I knew you were the only one who could do that.

The sting of your rejection was more than I could bear and I found myself quaking in my own skin as the anger and upset coursed through my veins. I wanted to reach out to you and shake the sense into you like I should have years ago but felt helpless to do so. I love you more than you ever could have loved me and yet and still it wasn't enough.

I turned my back to you and as my heart crawled up from my chest and out my mouth I whispered "It seems you were always able to take my heart. I guess I hoped this time I could have yours."

I walked away from you, your sobs stabbing me in the back like a thousand daggers coming from every direction. I put my heart on the line once again only to feel the same rejection I knew would be coming from the very start. I wanted to fight, my heart screamed to fight but it seemed no matter what I did, I would never be who you wanted me to be.

The rain came down with a vengeance as I made my way back to the hotel. I welcomed its harsh stabs onto my skin and nearly dragged my lifeless body down the numerous blocks until I stood in front of the lobby doors. I prayed the rain would wash away this emptiness I felt while the other part of me welcomed it. The insanity that was my love for you would surely be the end of me but at least I would die knowing I had found the only woman who claimed my soul.

I reached for the glass door handle of the lobby doors and before I could pool my strength to pull the door, I heard my name faintly from behind me. I shook my head in disbelief and continued on my current path. Before I could make a step into the lobby, I heard my name again except this time it seemed much closer and more pronounced.

I turned my head and glanced over my shoulder and there you were, your body quivering with chills, your lips an arctic bluish tone and your eyes covered in a mixture of tears and rain. I fought that familiar urge to rescue you from the cold. I wanted my body to be the one to warm you, fill you with the heat of my love but it wasn't up to me to save you.

I watched as you inched your way to me, your hands still securely around your waist like you always had when you were scared. When you came under the awning of the hotel, I opened the door but you shook your head no. I thought you came here to talk but maybe we were done talking, maybe this was your way of telling me that you just couldn't go through this again.

I stood still, my arms crossed over my chest as I tried to figure out what your reasoning was. After a few moments of silence your hands moved towards me and forced my arms away from my chest so you could hug me. I tried to be cold. I tried to deny that I felt anything for you because every time I had you hurt me but my heart wanted you and my soul needed you to be whole.

I felt your head lean against my chest and my head instinctually bowed down so that my face could feel the soft texture of your damp hair. Your words as they bounced off my skin caused my body to fill with goose bumps and a sense of hope.

"I don't know where were going. I don't know who were to each other but I do know how you make me feel. There isn't a day that has gone by where I haven't thought about you, felt you, cried for you but I always thought you were better off without me. I didn't want to continue on knowing you could do so much better than me, you deserve better Jake. I'm scared to be with you because I love you too much to hurt you again."

I whispered my reply with all the love I had kept at bay since the day you left. It poured out of me as intensely as the storm that brewed around us. I wanted you to feel it, believe it and know it was the only thing true. "You hurt me because you weren't with me Bella. You are a piece of me and have been since we were kids. I can't breathe without you and I don't want to. We hurt each other more apart than together so let's just stop denying the undeniable. Just stay with me, be with me and love me."

You cried into my chest, your sobs more intense than I had ever seen before. I held you knowing that my words had finally made sense and washed away the fear and doubt that still resided in your heart. You knew I spoke the truth because there was no reason to lie. I knew that in your arms was were I wanted to be and now I could feel you felt the same.

Our hearts beat in one solid rhythm and for the first time it wasn't you and I anymore, it was us