Last Weekend

"Alright, see you on Monday." Toshiko was finished for the week, along with all the other members of Torchwood, bar the ones who lived in the hub.

"Absolutely. Now go and enjoy the weekend!" Artemis insisted, shooing the non-permanent members of the hub towards the door.

"What about you?" Gwen stood her ground.

"We'll be fine." Jack's usual smirk turned to a grimace as Artemis hit him with a thick book. He recognised it as her rules.

She turned to Gwen. "I'm going to build a sonic for Torchwood. Since that's liable to explode, I'd rather do it when there aren't mortals in the room."

"Sure. That's why you're not going home." Artemis just rolled her eyes at him. She'd long since given up on making Jack shut up, he tended to sulk afterwards.

"Okaay, this is starting to become awkward. I'll just be going then," Ianto gestured at the door.

Jack smiled enticingly. "See you later, Ianto. Although… you could always stay." Ianto looked stricken, and Artemis busied herself with reading her own rules. She wasn't particularly bothered, but she didn't want Ianto to feel bad about leaving. Because he was going to leave.

"Goodbye, Jack," he turned to the Time Lord, inclining his head, "Artemis." The latter seemed amused.

"Goodbye, Ianto Jones."

"Wait, you have a house?" Gwen asked as Ianto left.

"Well, yeah, what did you think?"

"You just don't seem the type, is all."

"I have lots of houses, I've just," she paused, "lost a few."

"How do you lose a house?"

"You'd be surprised how easy it is when you aren't often in it. Anyway, go and enjoy your weekend with Rhys."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Mmh, she's right you know," Jack mused.

"What, about me having a good time?" Gwen asked, confused.

"No, about how easy it is to lose a house, especially when you can't remember whether you've bought it yet."

"Right? Now, with all due respect, Gwen, go home!"

"Alright, alright. Anyone would think you wanted time alone." Jack intervened at this point, because Artemis looked on the verge of physically throwing Gwen out.

"Gwen."

"I'm going, I'm going." And she did.

"So…" Jack smirked."

"Don't you start, I have work that needs doing. Go do some paperwork or something." Artemis shooed him away from her desk. Jack pouted.

"Fine." He turned and stalked back to his office.

Artemis walked into Jack's office and perched on the edge of his desk, looking slightly singed.

"Are you finished?"

"Oh, so you're done playing sulky child?"

Jack shot her a dirty look. "Sorry." The word was curt and laden with sarcasm. Artemis chuckled.

"Yes, I'm finished." She aimed the sonic at Jack to prove the fact, sending some kind of energy pulse directly at his heart. Accordingly, he died. When he came around (almost immediately, in fact), he looked extremely unimpressed.

"The fuck was that?"

"I'm mostly finished." Artemis was out of Jack's office before you could say 'TARDIS'.

Jack chased her out. "Artemis! Get back here now!" She was hiding in a cupboard, but the slightly smoking sonic gave away her position. Jack yanked the door open. "Ha! Found you!" She brandished the sonic at him, but he took it out of her hand.

"I really should have thought about that." Jack raised his eyebrows at her. "Sorry?"

"You killed me and all I get is a sorry?"

"You came back…"

"Oh, because that's the point."

Artemis stood up. "Fine. I'm very very sorry for killing you with my unfinished sonic. Happy?"

"Not quite," he smirked. Artemis looked startled.

"Jack, what are you doi-" She was cut off as Jack kissed her. "I should really finish the sonic…"

Jack reached out behind himself to put it on the table. "It can wait."

"But-"

"You killed me." Artemis rolled her eyes as Jack picked her up to take her off to his room. The door slammed, echoing around the hub.

Artemis stared at the ceiling, slightly dazed. "So. We good?"

"Oh yeah, we're good."

"I should hope so."

"Mmh." Jack paused. "Why did the sonic kill me anyway?"

"Uh," Artemis smiled sheepishly, "faulty setting." She shrugged. "That was why I sent them all home. Well, part of the reason."

"So you admit it?"

"Of course. Did you really think I just wanted to work on the sonic?"

"Well…"

"Huh. I'm a good liar."

"Why did you lie anyway?"

"It's more fun when you're all… chasey."

"Oh, chasey, I like the sound of that."

"Well, put it in the game book then."

Jack nodded. "Along with naked hide and seek and all the stopwatch games."

Artemis smiled and moved closer. "You're warm."

Jack hummed in acknowledgement. "Artemis?"

"Yes, Captain?"

Jack smiled a little. "Just now… when we-"

"I was there."

He rolled his eyes. I thought I could feel you… in my head?"

"Oh? You're observant; most people don't notice."

"So you were in my head?"

"Well, in your head's a bit… Time Lords are a bit psychic. Very psychic."

"Well, it makes sense, the TARDIS is..."

Artemis didn't meet his gaze as she continued. "And you're from the 51st century, so genetically you're more psychically advanced, and you've had some rudimentary training. Ouch!" She inspected the mark Jack's sharp white teeth had left. "What was that for?"

"You've gone back through my life."

She turned back to Jack irritatedly. "No, I talked to your partner, didn't I?"

"Oh."

"Yes oh, silly."

He pouted. "I'm not silly."

"Oh, you're like a child sometimes, talking before thinking," she touched his lips, "pouting when you get told off." Jack opened his mouth again. "Stop it." He closed it, looking peeved. "Good. A quiet Jack is a nice Jack."

"But-"

"No," Artemis said firmly.

"Fine, bossy."

She looked at him sideways, amused by the irony in that statement. "Anyway, if you could feel that, maybe I can teach you a bit more than the minimum."

"You'd do that?"

"Why would I say that if I wouldn't?"

"Well."

Artemis chuckled. "I suppose you're right. I'd do it now, but we'd need to be concentrating, and now isn't the best time for that." She paused. "I think I'll go and shower." She placed her feet on the ground, shaking off the shimmering layer of deep blue dust that coated her body.

"Does that ever get to annoy you?"

"No. Why? Does it annoy you?"

"Not really, except that you've now got blue dust all over my floor."

She laughed. "Ianto'll clean it up."

"He's not our housekeeping."

"No, but it'll annoy him until he cleans it up of his own volition."

"Fair point."

"Speaking of Ianto, he has potential too. Huge potential for this time."

"Oh, I know." Jack had moved soundlessly to stand behind her. He stroked the mark his teeth had left. "You've not healed this."

"I might keep it 'til it heals on its own."

"Oh?" He pressed his lips to the bite.

"Yeah. D'you know, this is the longest I've ever spent in one place, even when I was a baby." She paused. "Can you imagine ten years without being able to talk? It'd be worse now, I suppose, 'cause as a baby I wasn't too fussed. I could just scream to get what I wanted."

"Don't you do that now?"

Artemis snorted. "No, these days I scream when I've got what I want."

"Oh, yes, I remember that part." Jack mouthed at the skin around the bite mark until he noticed something on Artemis's back.

"Jack?"

"I didn't know you had a tattoo."

"It's a fairly recent development; I got it last time I was gone."

Jack traced the intricate pattern of interconnected concentric circles on her shoulder, recognising it for Gallifreyan script. "What does it say?"

"Home." Artemis smiled. "Because I have a home now."

"Cardiff?" Jack's tone was sceptical.

"Torchwood. Home is more important than a physical structure, it's a concept. Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen... you. You're all my home now," she chuckled, "never had a home before."

"You're a sentimental old woman."

"And I'm looking bloody good for my age," Artemis laughed.

"Hard to argue with that," Jack agreed, eliciting a startled noise as he picked her up. "Now let's get you showered."
She giggled, but didn't make him put her down. "Impatient, aren't we?"

"I'm sure it's understandable." He looked pointedly at her body.

She grinned. "Shameless flattery. I'm keeping you around."

"You say that like you have a choice." Jack put Artemis down to turn on the water. "How am I supposed to get this stuff off?" he asked, rubbing at the blue and gold dust.

"You're not; that's the whole point."

"Oh?"

"It's very simple, but it's hard to explain… It's sort of like…like a ring, but without a commitment. Basically, it's territorial, like 'this is my man, back off'."

"So I'm yours then?" He cocked an eyebrow at her.

She smirked. "If you'd like to be. I don't usually mind sharing my toys."

"Usually?"

"Well, there are times I want you all to myself, but I'm sure that's understandable." She ran a hand down his chest.

"Don't do that unless you mean it."

"Oh, I mean it."

Jack pressed her up against the wall of the shower. "Good."

Ianto heard the shower running as he walked through the cog door, frantically trying to come up with a good excuse as to exactly why he was in the hub on a perfectly lovely Saturday. Artemis wouldn't ask; she couldn't seem to fathom why he would want to leave in the first place. He suspected she knew he was jealous, but a knowing look from Artemis could quite easily mean she liked your tie (in Ianto's experience) or that she was about to explain the finer points of quantum mechanics in a tone that suggested it was similar to basic addition (also in Ianto's experience, but she tended to spring complex theory on whomever happened to be unlucky enough to be within earshot at the time. That was usually Ianto, because the others were more often than not busy, and as much as he studied her Ianto couldn't seem to figure out when she was about to start in on a babbling lecture). It did, however, occasionally mean she knew something you perhaps wouldn't want her to know. Jack, on the other hand, would interrogate Ianto until he gave some semblance of a reasonable answer, and Ianto didn't particularly want that to be 'I knew you were here alone with Artemis and it drove me nuts so I decided to-' Actually, he wasn't sure what exactly he had planned to do, but something along the lines of 'put a stop to it' seemed appropriate.

"Ianto Jones!" Artemis broke his reverie by hugging him tightly enough to wind him. He remembered the one time he had managed to sneak up on her. She had slammed him up against the wall hard enough to crack one of his ribs. She had apologised profusely as Owen patched him up (and every time he twisted funny and the pain forced a noise from his throat), but maintained that it was his fault for sneaking up on her. When he'd asked about her strength, her reply had been 'Perk of the species'. The fact that she was the invisible ninja, sneaking up on Ianto at least hourly, didn't seem to factor in her analysis of the situation.

"Artemis." Ianto noticed the tattoo on her shoulder, wondered briefly why he hadn't noticed and catalogued it earlier, and then concluded that it was due to the fact that that part of her body was usually covered by the clothes she was currently not wearing. "Artemis!" He slapped a hand over his eyes.

"What?"

"You're naked!"

"Oh?" She looked down at herself. "So I am. I expect that embarrasses you?"

"Just a little."

"Shall I go find something to cover myself, then?"

"That might be a good idea."

"Alright then." Ianto waited until her light footsteps had faded from earshot to uncover his eyes. He sighed. She has no inhibitions whatsoever. Bloody mental.

When Artemis reappeared, she was wearing a fluffy blue towel. Ianto remembered the day Jack had sent him out toget those and snorted. He had been strangely specific about the colour, but then, Jack had been strangely specific about lots of things. There was generally a reason, though, and the contrast between creamy skin and cobalt cotton was Ianto's pick for the reason behind that particular quirk. He rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you put some clothes on?"

"Because my hair is wet," she said, as if that was the obvious answer. Ianto gave up on the argument before it started. He could still hear the shower running. Typical Jack. He always liked to run the water cold after – damn it. He frowned, and as he'd been looking at Artemis she thought it was intended for her. "Fine, if it bothers you that much, I'll get dressed properly." Ianto hadn't thought it was possible to walk exasperatedly, but Artemis managed to make her mood very clear. He scanned the room for plausible reasons to be in his current position and not sleeping in 'til ten in his own bed. He had almost settled for 'the hub needs cleaning' when Artemis returned to the room, now decently covered by black jeans and a red t-shirt. "Are you going to catalogue stuff in the Archives with me or what?" As if it was a long-standing plan. Well, at least he had an excuse now.

"Yeah, okay."

"Baby toy, baby toy, baby food," she sniffed the container, flinched, then quickly corrected herself, "rancid baby food, hat, sports equipment," she held up a specific item, "and why is this in the Archives?"

"Ah, that's mine, wondering where it was," Jack interrupted, pulling the black object from her grasp.

Artemis rolled her eyes. "The amount of useless debris you've locked away astounds me."

Ianto looked up from his cataloguing. "We haven't all been as far around the block as you have, you know." Jack laughed, and then laughed harder as Artemis smacked Ianto round the back of the head. For a while there Jack could have sworn Ianto was scared of Artemis. That had ended when she painted Ianto's nails pink while he was asleep on the couch. His furious reaction was far funnier than it should have been, and the fact that Artemis had not only facilitated it, but laughed just as hard as the rest of them, anchored their perception of her as... well, not human, but close enough.

"Measuring tapes?"

"When did you read my diary?"

Artemis looked up, startled. "Sorry?"

"My diary. When did you read it?" Ianto repeated nervously.

"I didn't?" She held up an object. "Measuring tapes."

"…Oh."

Her phone twittered. "Hello? Oh, hi." She listened for a moment. "Can't you go one day without a catastrophe? Six months? Sorry, been a bit busy. Yeah, no, that's fine. Okay then, on my way." She hung up.

"Who was that?"

"An old friend in a bit of trouble. How would you like to see another planet, Ianto Jones?"

"Is this planet habitable for humans?"

"Of course."

"Alright then."

She made a 'come here' gesture. "I'll see you later, Jack?"

"I'm not coming?" Jack looked indignant.

"There's a reason the Doctor fused yours. Besides, you've got things to do here."

"Fine. As long as I get Ianto back for Monday."

"Oh, thanks, Jack, I'll miss you too."

"That's not – I just meant I need him to be at work!"

"Yeah? Sure." She grabbed Ianto's arm.

"What're you doing?"

"Say bye to Jack."

"Bye, Jack?"

"Hmph." Artemis shot Jack one last angry look and hit her wriststrap furiously. Jack hated the smell of ozone the Vortex Manipulator left behind.