Hi~ It's been a while since I posted anything... and I still have a couple of ongoing entries, but this was in my head after I wrote "Left Behind"
I hope you enjoy this~~
P.S.: I don't own Bleach nor any of the characters. All credits go to Tite Kubo.
What if I had done things differently? What if I had been persistent about it and made him tell me what he was thinking? Would he have changed his mind? Would he be by my side right now?
Matsumoto Rangiku was spacing out during her office hour, as usual.
"Matusmoto!" Her white-haired captain, Hitsugaya Toushirou, yelled her name, as usual. "What are you thinking about so much?"
"Taichou," Matsumoto said, "I was thinking… What if… my boobs were smaller? Would I have an easier time running? Would I be able to sleep face-down without being suffocated?"
"Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya's face was red from both frustration and embarrassment. "Get back to work! You haven't done anything during the whole day! And it's way past dinner time!"
"But Taichou~ Can't you finish the paperwork?" Matusmoto started complaining. "You're done with yours, and you're not doing anything else, so can't you help me finish mine?"
"I already took half of your paperwork 3 hours ago, and I finished. So you do the rest," he said as he got up to leave the office.
"Taichou," Matsumoto called him with a more serious tone. "Do you think I could have done something to change how things turned out?"
"What things?" He asked.
"You know… with Aizen… and Gin…"
Hitsugaya looked at Matsumoto. He had always thought that, even though she was playing around all the time, she was still very mature, and he looked up to her as an older sister (though he would never ever admit it. The only time he had admitted it was to Hinamori when she had gotten him drunk during one of their days off). He was surprised to see her with such a sad, hurting face.
"You did your best," Hitsugaya finally replied. He was looking at her pained expression. She was on the verge of tears.
"Thank you," she replied as she got up. "I'll finish the paperwork after a short walk, if that's okay."
"Yeah," he answered as she left the office.
Matsumoto was walking around the barracks aimlessly; she had nowhere in particular to go. She thought about going drinking with Kira and Hisagi, but she still had to do paperwork. Most of all, she wanted to be alone. She thought about that dream she had the other night, the one where Gin had told her about how much he wanted to protect her. She didn't know what to think about it. Why would he go to such lengths just for me? Actually, did he even do all that just for me? It doesn't make sense at all…
"Matusmoto fukutaichou?" called a voice from behind.
"Kyoraku taichou?" she said, looking at him. "What are you doing at this time? And without Nanao?"
"I could ask the same," Kyoraku said. "What are you doing here, at this time?"
"I'm just out for a walk," she replied. "What about you? Were you visiting Ukitake-taichou?"
"Well, yes," Kyoraku replied.
"I'm guessing he still hasn't woken up."
"Yeah… His health is back now, but…" Kyoraku put up a sad smile. "But I believe he will wake up. We all do."
"Yeah," she said.
"So," he said, now with a more playful smile, "you seem to have troubles of your own, walking outside of your barracks without your captain at this time."
"Ah," she said, with the same sad smile Kyoraku had just moments ago. "It's nothing, really. Just pondering on what ifs."
"What ifs…?" Kyoraku wondered. Then he smiled widely. "You know, I can't tell you not to think about those things, because I know that's impossible. For as long as we live, we're always going to want to do better. We will always regret the past and think, 'What if I had done things differently?' But that's also part of life. Whether you let it get to you and pull you down or you move on, that is completely up to you."
"Yes," Matsumoto said. "Thank you."
"Well," Kyoraku said, "I should get going. If Nanao-chan finds out I was out this late, she'll be mad."
"She will," Matsumoto said, smiling. "Good night, Kyoraku taichou, and thank you."
"Good night," Kyoraku said as he left.
When Matsumoto came back to her office, all of the paperwork was done, and Hitsugaya was sleeping on his desk.
Seriously… He didn't have to do all of this by himself… I really was planning on doing the work when I got back…
She put a blanket over Hitsugaya and sat on the couch. She was looking out the window.
I will always regret the past. I will always regret not reaching out to you. I will always think about how things would have turned out if I had just made you talk to me, because maybe then, you would have stayed with me. Maybe then, you wouldn't have died. Maybe then, we would have lived a normal, happy life together. But I will move forward. Even if I have to drag myself, I will move forward. I will remember the pain, the tears, the regrets…. Everything about you, I will remember. And I will move on, because that's probably what you would want me to do.