The Conquest of Mai Peafowl and the Loss of a Friendship
Me peafowl came back today to visit me and I asked 'er to stay. She said yes naturally. An' then I went an' told Raph and 'e was all like this is my 'ouse you can't 'ave it. An' then I gave 'im puppy eyes and 'e was all like fine. That's just the way I roll. So I tell Amelda and 'e's all like fuck you Varon, fuck you Mai. Wonder why e's got a pole up 'is arse. An' me and Mai get talking an' we make out 'cause I'm a sexy beast. An' Raph comes in and 'e looks at me like I doin' somethin' wrong an' I'm not. An' 'e's all like Varon you need to see this and I come 'cause I'm just so nice. An' 'e shows me some weird book and I read it an' I'm all like I can't understan' this shit. Amelda needs some kinda meds. 'E's freakin' loony, 'e is. An' Raph explains it to me and I'm like cannot compute. So I walk off an' make out with Mai some more. I love 'er so much I 'ope she never leaves me. And Raph is mutterin' somthin' 'bout curtains and grey eyes. I think 'e's gay, for Amelda. Gay guys love curtains.
An' I 'ear Amelda talkin' 'bout somethin' involvin' tellin' me somethin' an' hopin' I respond well. Respond to what? Are they finally gettin' that cat they need? An' I would rather spend some Mai then listen to their crap an' screw 'em. An' I hold her round the waist embarassin' 'er 'cause I'm so much shorter then 'er. An' I kiss 'er again. An' Amelda walks in an' is all like don't cha got somethin' better to do. An' I tell 'im I don't an' continue with my love. An' when 'e punches me I didn't see it comin'. An' I scream for Raph. 'Cause even though Amelda is weaker 'e's smarter an' knows my weak points. An' I punch 'im back an' somethin' weird happens an' he kisses me hard an' I slap 'im. An' I'm all like ha ha this is 'ilarious you're gay an' you 'ave the 'ots for me. We are barely friends. I thought you might be gay but you 'avin' a crush on me is icing on the cake. Amelda no one likes you. You're mean and kinda crazy and you look like a stripper. Okay that was 'arsh but I wanted Mai to know that I'm totally not gay. 'Cause Jounochi pulled that one on 'er. An' Amelda punches me in the face. I tell 'im I didn't mean it that I was scared to tell 'im that I didn't want 'im an' I panicked. An' 'e tells me to shut up. An' I come in again with Raph an' I realize that 'e left. 'E's good at leavin', you only know 'e's gone 'cause you 'ear clicking of boots or the rev of a motorcycle. Sometimes not even that. An' I go out to see Mai chasin' after Amelda and Raph throws 'is 'elmet at me and screams go I can't fix this only you can.
I follow 'em an' I 'ear Amelda speed up an' see Mai corner 'im at the intersection but 'e can't stop an' they crash, 'ard. But they're still breathin' an' I realize that I can only save one of 'em an' don't cha go thinkin' I'm bad but I go an' save Mai. I love 'er, I love 'er I really do. I need 'er with me an' Amelda can take care of 'imself. Always save the girl I say. An' so I leave 'im. An' I take Mai to the 'ospital an' I wait an' she's okay. An' I'm not bad, really not that bad. But I am a fool for love. Mai Kujaku was a'right. Yeah, Mai Kujaku was a'right. An' Raph comes an' 'e's holdin' Amelda and 'e doesn't look at me an' 'e won't let me look at 'im. An' Raph cries. 'E cries like 'e's never done before. An' I look at 'im an' whimper is 'e a'right an' 'e tells me it's all my fault. I'm leavin' with Mai when she wakes up. They don't want me 'ere. And besides 'ow will I look at Amelda when all I will see is 'is pale bleedin' body. Raph told me that Amelda is strong and that 'e fixed 'is bike enough to ride back. Amelda's weird like that 'e keeps a screwdriver in 'is pocket. An' I look back as Raph tends to Amelda. I ruined everythin' an' tore my family apart. So I conquered a peafowl and lost a family. It really wasn't worth it after all.