If fan-fiction parodies were published as books (god what a scary thought), this would be the summary on the cover-folds.
(Oh, and I do not own Harry Potter or any of the movies, books, or famous people that this spoof makes references to.)
Cursed by his winning-streak from Hell, the famous Harry Potter has once again won a once-in-a-lifetime privilege that puts him at odds with many of his peers, not to mention in considerable danger. Harry will spend his sixth year of magic school learning on the tropical wizarding island of Beach World, along with the rest of his Gryffindor house and whichever one of the three other Hogwarts houses he chooses to come along. Nudged by the spirits of his dead parents and godfather, Harry invites Slytherin, hoping to patch up the rivalry between the two houses and gain more followers in the fight against Voldemort. Meanwhile, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws face one disaster after another back at Hogwarts, from picketing house-elves to the Devil's Snare. For Harry, Ron, and Hermione though it looks like a year of Quidditch on the beach and water carpeting! But as Mad-Eye Moody would say, "Danger lurks behind every palm tree…"
A mysterious ice cream truck that follows Harry only when he's alone is just the first of several mysteries to distract the friends from their schoolwork. Is the hooded driver of the truck a follower of Voldemort, or is it some new guardian trying to protect Harry? And is the chaos that Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, and the other background characters face back at Hogwarts just an example of what happens when the Bloody Baron is away from Peeves, or is the poltergeist working for someone? What are Fred and George up to, and how is Rita Skeeter involved?
After a grizzly murder on Christmas Eve, the Order of the Phoenix gets in involved and decides that three certain detectives must get to work solving these cases. Questions both new and old wrack Harry's brain and make their way into Hermione's detective's notebook. Among the countless questions are, if Draco Malfoy's following in his father's steps and helping Voldemort, why does he always seem so protective of Hermione? And why is Snape so protective of Malfoy if he's supposed to be helping Dumbledore? If the ice cream truck isn't friendly or with Voldemort, who else would want to hurt Harry? Is Dean Thomas secretly seeing a Slytherin girl, and if so will it mean help or trouble for Harry's peace plan? Is Draco Malfoy a Death Eater, is Snape secretly part vampire, are Ron and Hermione and item, does Malfoy want Hermione, will someone die in battle, and will Lee Jordan be there to share his commentary on all of this?
Of course!
A/N: This is a fake book 6, not 7. So in this story, the last thing that's happened to Harry before this school year was Sirius dying in the fight at the Department of Mysteries. There are no horcruxes, and no Horace Slughorn.
Also, I was far into this spoof before the real Book 6 came out. So all similarities between this and the real book 6 and 7 were just my lucky guesses (except for the Lupin/Tonks pairing. That one I loved so much, I added it into my fan fiction). Lastly, I love the real book 6 and I'm actually happy with how the series really ended up. I'm just presenting my own silly version here because, why not.
(I am sorry I kept tearing this story down and re-posting it. There was a problem I didn't know how to fix, but it's been solved now. I'll update as often as I can-- the story's already finished, it's just a matter of posting the chapters.)