Some nights were colder than others. There were days when she couldn't stand the thought of not seeing him.
She would go to sleep alone, waiting, anxious.
When she did see him, the conversations were usually the same. Always the same fight. Come with him or come with her. The never agreed during the day. But nights were her favorite.
If he was sleeping, she would crawl into bed with him, feeling his warmth. She thought if she slept with him like this, he might return to the Light. He did this to her as well.
They never quite touched. A good inch kept them from giving in but, oh was it tempting.
They think about each other a lot, even in their dreams. Why didn't she say yes? This distance is killing her.
But she has the Resistance that she needs to look out for. They had hope in her since she was strong with the Force.
"You're the only one that can defeat Kylo Ren," they kept telling her.
She never told them about her connection and when she does get caught speaking to him, she says she's just muttering to herself. No one can find out about them.
The Resistance were laying low on a grassy, hilly planet near the Outer Rim. There was a town about a kilometer away, but they kept their noses away from the Resistance. They could understand why.
A new mission begun, to send out ships, one at a time, to find those that would and could help against the First Order. Enemy number one: Kylo Ren.
During the meetings that settled these mission debates, Rey kept silent. If she didn't keep biting the inside of her cheek, she would've done something she regretted. Except now her cheeks are raw from all the chewing.
She can't let this happen. If he dies, she'll lose a piece of herself. If she loses him...no she can't think about that. Not now. Not ever.
"You look worried. You have since Poe sent out the mission."
Rey turned to find the retired Princess giving her a watchful eye.
"I-"
She held up a hand. "I know this is about my son."
"How'd you-"
"It's my son. I know everything."
Rey smiled, wiping away the sudden tears she felt.
"I also know there's something between you two that I don't understand. Don't let it go to waste."
She patted her shoulder, boarding the ship.
Rey spun around. "Leia!"
She looked over her shoulder at the top of the ramp.
Rey wanted to say "thank you" but instead what came out was, "May the Force be with you."
Leia smiled before the ramp went up. If Rey knew that would be the last time she'd see her, she might've said something different. But once the shuttle lifted off, it was already too late.
A painful tremor ran through the Force. One of pain and acceptance.
No way...
She turned around and Ben was standing with his back to her.
"Ben?"
She took slow steps, trying to understand what just happened, why she felt what she felt. He felt it too, didn't he?
"It's all my fault," he breathed out. There was a sob mixed in there. He was crying.
"What are you talking about?"
She was close enough that she could touch his shoulder if she wanted to. Just inches away...
He lifted his head to answer. "I...gave the order...to destroy any ships that didn't pass our codes and I..." He licked and bit his top lip, bowing his head down again. "I killed my own mother."
He was broken. That's the last thing he wanted.
"Ben, you didn't mean to-" she choked out.
"And I did!" He turned her. "I killed both of my parents, Rey!"
She reached out for him. "Please let me help you." Her chin trembled as the words spilled out. It was like that day he killed Snoke all over again. But worse.
He backed away, getting far away from her touch.
"Leave me alone."
"No I'm not going to leave you alone. You're hurting. You need me."
His body eased as he spoke. "But you don't want me."
Her heart started racing. He knows his way with words doesn't he?
"I didn't say that."
He walked back up to her. "But it's true isn't it? If it weren't, you'd be here with me and I-"
"I am here with you."
He shook his head, pursing his lips. "No. Not really. If you were here with me, I probably-"
She took a step forward, the sorrowful tears turning into angry ones.
"Probably what?"
He took a step back, the torment contorting his face. "It doesn't matter anymore. It's over," he murmured with a quivering lip.
She looked down and he was gone.
She's the only one who can save him now. This has to work