Don't You Pretend
Avalance rise? Here's hoping Sara gets some stable loving this season, even Caity Lotz was down! :) Oh, I watched season 1 of Arrow and loved and watched most of season 2? But yea after, eh. So I have no animosity towards Nyssa I just never got interested, it's not meant to poo poo her.
Oh, and WARNING there are themes dealing with self-love and worthiness issues. If you or someone you know is struggling, it's always good to seek help. 3
This one is dedicated to my girlfriend.
Punch. Kick. Jab. Elbow. Knee. Jab. Jab.
The sound of the punching bag being pummeled echoed throughout the training room as Amaya entered to find her Captain working up a sweat. She leaned against the doorframe, looking at her friend with concern, taking in her body language, noticing her tension.
"I can… see you there… you know," Sara grunted out in between breaths, Amaya smirking and nodding as she pushed off the wall, sashaying into the room with ease.
She stayed silent as she continued observing her friend. Sara was focused on the bag, sweat pouring down her body, having been in here for nearly two hours, ever since… the fight.
"You seem pretty worked up, Captain," Amaya calmly noted, Sara kicking and punching even harder now, working to a roundhouse kick.
"What can I say? I train hard," Sara panted out, finally stopping and wiping the sweat off her brow as she brought the swinging bag to a standstill.
"I've seen you train, Sara. That's not this and you know it," Amaya replied, crossing her arms and standing her ground, Sara walking over to get her water bottle and pour it down her face and body, taking sips in between.
"If you're going to make a point Amaya, you might want to get to it," Sara said, grabbing the towel and getting ready to leave her teammate.
"Agent Sharpe?"
Sara froze, but quickly collected herself, wiping her body down.
"What about her?"
"Zari and I overheard your… squabble."
"That's typical Sharpe for ya. Stick up her ass along with never ending perfectionism," Sara deflected, turning to look at Amaya who stared right back.
She stood in her place, studying her friend, her Captain, and she couldn't help but wonder how she had missed it for so long… how everyone else was also so oblivious to what was happening, including Sara.
"It's one thing for you two to squabble, give her hell about the Bureau's uptight procedures and for her to always refer to us as idiots… but that's not what it was," Amaya commented, and Sara blinked, looking towards the floor as the fight replayed in her head….
"Were you even thinking at all? AT ALL, Sara?!"
Amaya and Zari froze as they heard the raised voices around the corner, Agent Ava Sharpe's voice loud and clear.
"We had to get Grodd out of the game, and that was the best way to do it! Damien Darhk is only getting more powerful with Mallus' help, and we don't even know what he has in store too!"
"Christ, Lance! Do you hear yourself? You nearly died, AGAIN. You were in another dimension a month ago, and a coma the month before that! Do you have such little respect for yourself and your team?"
"We all came out okay, and what do you even care for! All you do is point out how we keep fucking everything up! Well newsflash! We don't do it your way, but we still get the job done!"
"At what expense? Your life!"
"It wouldn't be the first time! Or better yet, the second!"
"You're so reckless! So careless! It's like you want to die! Do you even care if you survive?"
"MAYBE I DON'T!"
Amaya and Zari both turned in shock to look at one another, but no one was more shocked than Ava… or Sara. Sara opened and closed her mouth several times, processing what just came out of her mouth. She bowed her head, and willed herself to keep the tears at bay as the silence filled up the hallway.
Ava was floored as she stared at Sara, and she took a deep breath, shaking her head as she walked over to the shorter girl. Sara's eyes were wide, as if she learned a truth about herself she wasn't expecting to hear. She felt Ava's presence come to stand in front of her, and she couldn't move, unsure of what to do. She gasped when she felt Ava wrap her arms around her shoulders, pulling her in.
Sara couldn't breathe, and she felt more tears reach her eyes. The truth hurt, especially when you worked to keep it from yourself. Sara took a deep breath, but quickly wiped at her eyes, pulling back and locking eyes with Ava who just looked at her… sadly.
"Sara-"
But the small blonde tore herself out of Ava's grasp, the Agent's arms hanging out in the air as she watched Sara walk off, rounding the corner the opposite way of Zari and Amaya. The pair peeked around the corner to witness Ava staring at the floor, her hands clenching and unclenching. It took her a few moments before she straightened up and opened a portal back to the Bureau, leaving Amaya and Zari alone.
Sara blinked as she felt the damn feelings well up in her chest again, remembering Ava's stupid eyes with their stupid look of pity.
"It's nothing," Sara grunted out, but Amaya was quick to approach, placing a hand on Sara's shoulder.
"Sara… it's okay. It's okay if it's not nothing," she said gently, but Sara shut down.
She shook her head, pulling away from Amaya and leaving the room, asking Gideon about Rory's whereabouts as she headed towards her quarters.
"Rip is gone. Stein is… and Jax. It's up to us to handle this. Sara… I think we forget sometimes all that she has been through. I know I do," Amaya explained to Zari, Snart, Nate and Ray as they sat around the table.
Ray looked sad as he stared, nodding in agreement, Nate shaking his head.
"Sara's just… she's our fearless leader, you know? It's… it's easy for us to see her strong like that all the time, and forget what she must be feeling, what she's gone through," he said, everyone looking around at one another.
"I think we need to find a way to… confront her about it," Zari suggested, but Snart adamantly shook his head.
"Trying to stage some sort of intervention with Sara Lance is like trying to cage a wild tiger; she'll come out claws first. She won't do it willingly. She needs to be coaxed and eased into a talk like that, and by the right people," he said to the group.
"Are you sure it wasn't just Agent Sharpe? I mean… they've hated each other's guts since day one," Nate said, Amaya shaking her head.
"I don't think that's… that's the problem," she replied, Zari snorting.
"Yea, if anything, Agent Sharpe looked like we all do, like someone just told her Beebo Day isn't real. She seemed as shocked as we were," Zari said, the guys frowning, but Snart leaned back in his chair, tapping his chin in thought.
"You don't say?"
"Zari's right. The look on her face… she was as troubled as we were, but… I think she knew better than to push it," Amaya said, and Snart's mind worked a mile a minute.
He had gotten to know Sara pretty well, and with Gideon's help, there were moments he learned about his other self and the Captain that gave him some insight into the young blonde's mind. While he wasn't the Snart of this world, he was still observant and inquisitive as ever.
"Sara Lance doesn't like to be weak in any way. It seems like…" he began, surprised by his own thoughts.
"Like what, Leo?" Ray asked, all eyes on him.
Snart shrugged, frowning as he stood, walking around the table slowly.
"We all know Sara Lance has been to hell and back, quite literally. All the dying and near death, all of her handiwork with the League of Assassins… Sara's only normalcy has been this family you've built. She's lost so much, lost parts of herself, lost loved ones…"
"Then shouldn't this family be helping, or… where are you going with this?" Nate asked, Snart nodding to himself as he continued to pace.
"Sara Lance doesn't do attachments. She's learned how to again slowly, with this group, how to have a family again, however… though we love and accept Sara, there's some types of love she hasn't had, not in a long time, not in a way where she can be truly accepted," Snart said, and Amaya nodded, along everyone else lost.
"I don't get it," Zari said, and Snart rolled his eyes, looking at Amaya pointedly as she leaned forward.
"Sara's been able to love and be with us, but she hasn't had love that really pushes her to face herself… hasn't had someone accept her, in every way possible, with all of the darkness she's experienced… she hasn't had to accept herself because no one else ever has, and she's been in denial."
"So, what changed?" Palmer asked.
Amaya just smiled sadly at the group.
"Agent Sharpe."
Everyone was at a loss for words, but they grew even more stunned when a portal opened and none other than Ava Sharpe stepped through. Her hair was down as she wore dark blue jeans with a brown, leather jacket. She paused, a bit startled, when she saw the Legends solemnly gathered around the dinner table.
"What is it? What happened? Is Sara-"
"It's okay Agent Sharpe, we were just… talking about the Captain," Amaya said as she stood up, Nate and Ray still eyeing her warily.
Ava turned and made eye contact with Snart who walked right up to her, looking straight into her eyes. She frowned, staring back, but Snart didn't pull away until he smirked, reading her like a book.
"Well… speaking of the Captain, I need to speak with her," Ava said, and Amaya smiled softly.
"Sure. Gideon? Could you call the Captain out here?"
"Negative."
Everyone in the room frowned, Leo speaking up.
"And why not Gideon?"
"Because the Captain and Mr. Rory have taken leave of the ship to visit Star City, 2017."
Snart's eyes grew wide, and Nate shook his head, Ava watching all of the reactions from Sara's team with concern.
"What the problem?"
Zari stood up, walking over to Ava to pat her shoulder.
"If those two left the ship to go back to 2017, it's probably to get wild and go on a bender," she said, walking away to head to her room.
Amaya sighed, looking to Ava.
"I'll go look for her. Once in a while she lets loose like this, to just-"
"Forget?" Nate supplied.
"To avoid," Snart retorted.
"I'll come along, maybe give Mick a nice chat about not enabling people's bad behavior," Snart said, shaking his head.
"I'll come with you, if you don't mind," Ava asked, getting a nod from Amaya.
"Guys, stay with the ship. Let us know if anything happens while we're gone?" Amaya asked, Ray and Nate nodding in unison.
Ava started typing away on her bracelet, opening a portal into 2017, and ignoring the chilling panic and hysterical butterflies fluttering in her stomach.
"Bartender! Get me and these lovely ladies another!" Sara shouted over the music, grinning as she flirted with two girls at the bar, Mick chugging a beer behind her.
The music at the club pulsated so loudly, it caused the floor to shake, and Sara swayed slightly on her barstool as she downed another shot of tequila. Booze, babes, and forgetting her bad ways. That's what she knew how to do.
"So, what was it you say you do again?" the young redhead slurred to Sara, the blonde grinning like a madwoman at the pair of them.
Sara hadn't had two ladies at the same time before… well, aside from that one time in Salem…
"I don't think it's the type of work you ladies would be interested in."
Sara frowned, turning to see none other than Oliver Queen staring down at her, making the blonde chuckle and lean back.
"Oliver Queen as I live and breath," she said, but Oliver just stood there sternly watching her, before turning to the other women.
"Ladies, I have your tab covered. If you wouldn't mind giving my friend and I some space?"
The girls giggled and nodded, taking their cue as Ollie unbuttoned his suit jacket before sitting at the bar next to Sara, the blonde waving at the girls salaciously before signaling for another round.
"I didn't expect to see you here, not so soon after the wedding."
"And the Nazis. Don't forget the fun part," Sara said, grabbing the shot the bartender placed down and throwing it back quickly.
Oliver nodded in irritation, leaning to look over Sara's shoulder at Mick.
"You seem to be enjoying yourself Mick," he said pointedly, Mick looking to him as he finished his beer, also signaling for another round.
"Can't let the Captain be out there solo, can I?" he said, and Oliver blinked, realizing Mick had a point.
At least Sara had a babysitter, even though he was also an enabler.
"Ollie, why don't you sit and relax for once?" Sara said, cheeks flushed as she quirked a brow in his direction.
"We're here to have a good time, to let off some steam."
"Long week?"
"Nothing unusual-"
"The Captain almost died again," Rory interrupted, and Ollie's nostrils flared as he stared at Sara, who was now glaring at Mick.
"I think that's my cue," he said, taking his new beer and moving out to walk around the room, leaving Oliver and Sara there.
"What happened, Sara? What's going on? I haven't seen or heard of you going on a bender in ages. You seem… off," Oliver said, and Sara shook her head.
"I'm a Captain, Oliver. I'm trying to fix all of time, which is my fault to begin with. I'm responsible 99% of the time, so if I want one night here and there to drink tequila and have some fun, I'm going to do have one," Sara said, standing up and going to move to the dance floor.
Oliver was quick, grabbing Sara's arm before she headed off.
"Sara, I'm worried about you. You can't keep going at this pace forever, shutting down and keeping everything out. Believe me, I know."
"Some of us don't get happily ever afters, Ollie. You and I are lucky we even got an ever after. Some of us don't get to play hero and Romeo."
"Is this about Nyssa? Or whatever happened with Kara's sister?"
"Shit, how did everyone-"
"Barry saw you with her at the bar, and that was all it took," Oliver replied calmly, with a knowing look.
"It was nothing. She's nice, but it wasn't… it's not her."
"So there is a her?"
Sara snapped back up to look at Oliver, but this time shoved him off, sending him back to the bar. Ollie steadied himself, eyeing Sara.
"I told you it's nothing," Sara said slowly one more, and Oliver straightened out.
Sara tried to walk off again, but he didn't want her to run off, worried his friend might do something reckless. As a Legend and Captain of the Waverider, he had seen his friend grow into a fearless and formidable leader. Sara has confronted and dealt with so much of her past, but this… Ollie hadn't seen this side of her, not since Nyssa, and his friend was definitely distracted.
Ollie grabbed her wrist, and Sara spun around, ready to punch him…
Until Oliver's wrist was twisted off of her own, arm pinned behind his back as he was shoved into the bar.
"What did the lady tell you?" Ava Sharpe growled at the guy, Oliver turning to gaze back, breathing out a chuckle and smirking before looking to Sara.
"I take it this is the girl?"
Sara was still staring at Ava, who was dressed not like herself, until Ollie's tease snapped her out of her stupor. She glared back at him, and Ava finally got a good look to see who she was actually abusing.
"O-Oh, Mr. Queen. I'm sorry, I thought-"
"It's okay, really," he replied as they gently pulled apart, Oliver impressed by her height as they stared at one another as equals.
"And it's Oliver. Sara was just-"
"Sara was just nothing," the smaller woman replied, batting his hand away from shaking Ava's, who kept looking between the two of them.
Ava looked at Sara's sloppy movement and flushed face, frowning slightly.
"Are you drunk?"
Sara rolled her eyes.
"I'm fine," she replied, Oliver crossing his arms and looking at her comically.
Ava would have found the entire thing more humorous too, if not for her earlier conversation with Sara… or rather, fight.
"I went to the Waverider to find you, but… Gideon said you and Mr. Rory were gone, and then by the looks on your team's faces… I agreed to come find you."
"Did something happen? Is it Darhk?"
Oliver frowned, not realizing Damien was back in Sara's life yet again as an enemy.
"Damien Darhk is back?"
"And with company. His daughter is quite powerful," Ava supplied, Sara shaking her head.
"Ollie, we got it. You need to focus on your city," Sara said, Oliver still frowning as he processed.
"Anyway, why are you here?"
"Your team was worried," Ava said, Sara shaking her head.
"Christ, since when is me going out and having a good night such a concern? You two, the team," Sara began moving away from them and heading towards the exit.
Ava and Oliver shared a look before taking off after her, following Sara into the street as she stomped away.
"Sara, stop, please-"
"Don't you have all of time to be fixing? Or do you just love to come and tell me how I screw everything up, constantly reminding me I'm a failure?" Sara spun around, getting in Ava's face.
"Wha- Sara, I-"
"Don't act like you don't think it. We're just a bunch of idiots, right? Why bother with us? We're useless."
"I've never said that, or well… the idiots part is true! Because you are an idiot!"
"Thanks. Point proven," Sara said, going to walk off again, until Ava went to grab her wrist again, this time Sara spinning and trying to hit her.
Ava ducked, blocked a few of Sara's grabs and hit her chest, pushing her back, Oliver watching on.
"If I'm such an idiot, why can't you just leave me the hell alone then!"
"Because believe it or not Sara, I care about you, and your team. You throwing yourself into danger constantly is endangering them, and you!"
"You care about me, right," Sara said, the alcohol making her head fuzzy, ignoring the ache Ava's words created in her gut.
If it wasn't fighting and it wasn't fucking, drinking was an excellent way to dull the pain, dull the feelings, push away the hope that she might be happy again. She hadn't gone out and been reckless in while, hadn't had the time or the need. But ever since Ava had come into her life, ever since she felt a shift inside of herself…
She was able to overcome her past, able to allow a new sort of friends and family into her life… but she couldn't risk it, couldn't risk romance, risk having real happiness just for it to be torn away again. She had already lost too much. She didn't think she could handle losing anymore.
"Why is that so hard for you to believe?" Ava asked her, which pulled Sara out of her thought spiral, the smaller blonde on the defensive again.
"Um, because you're a Time Bureau snob who constantly fights with us and let's us know we are the reason time is a mess!"
"It's my job! And you know, you did make time a mess! It doesn't mean you or your team have to be one too! God, you're so damn stubborn!"
"I'M stubborn? Your stupid rule book is shoved so far up your ass-"
"You petulant little-"
"That's enough, hey," Oliver said, getting in between the pair, just as Leo, Amaya and Mick found the trio.
Ava straightened up, looking at Sara sadly, and Sara just looked furious.
"Cage, meet tiger?" Leo said to Amaya, the woman rolling her eyes.
"You know what, if this is how you want to handle things, then fine Sara. Have it your way," Ava said, stepping away from the group and walking towards the alley where she opened a portal and left everyone standing there.
Oliver turned to Amaya, the pair sharing a look.
"Sara, if you want to come stay with me and Felicity… I'm sure the team would love to see you while you're in town," Oliver said, walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not a child Ollie. I don't need babysitters."
"No. But you are my friend."
Sara looked up into his eyes, and he gave a nod to her, letting her go and leaving the Legends as he headed down the street. Sara felt flustered and confused. Going out was supposed to bury everything she was feeling, not bring it all up and leave her feeling like a storm was brewing inside of her.
"Captain, this city has a fine diner a few blocks away, if you're interested?" Leo said, Sara looking at her band of merry idiots, who were looking to her to make a decision.
Sara wanted to cry, wanted to scream, but was too angry now and knew she would be too distracted to enjoy going back to the club. She nodded to Leo, who patted Mick on the back, and the group took Snart's lead as they went to get some midnight pancakes.
"Gary! Christ, can you just make sure to sign your forms? Well, it can't be processed if your signature is not there. Do not make me send you to the training room again. Get it done!"
Ava slammed her phone down on the receiver, putting her elbows on the table and going to massage her temples. She sighed, feeling the stress in her shoulders, her neck, radiating to the headache that was likely to come on any minute now.
"Tough day?"
Ava's head shot up, surprised to find Amaya Jiwe standing in her doorway.
"Ms. Jiwe. This is a surprise," Ava said, standing up as she gestured for her to enter her office.
"I'm a bit surprised myself actually," Amaya replied, walking into the office and having a look around.
Ava straightened her blazer awkwardly, fiddling with her cuffs.
"How may I help you?"
Amaya kept looking around until she was done taking in the contents of the office then turning to Agent Sharpe who stiffly stood there waiting.
"I overheard your argument with the Captain the other day," Amaya began, Ava crossing her arms in response.
"I'm pretty sure everyone on that street did as well."
"I meant the one before that."
"Oh…" Ava lamely supplied, relaxing slightly.
Amaya smiled softly, seemingly tired herself.
"Sara went to spend a few days with Oliver. We were ordered to take it easy. I think she realized it would be good for us to spend some time off, healing, finally dealing with Martin Stein's passing..."
"Yes. I'm sorry for your loss. I quite liked Mr. Stein, he seemed the most, um…well-"
"Cautious?"
"Sensible, one out of your group," Ava finished, moving to lean against her desk.
"He was, especially compared to Sara," Amaya said, and Ava made no comment.
"You know, when we lost Rip the first time around, and Martin was voted to be Captain, it only took one mission before he deferred the title to Sara," Amaya said, Ava looking up and blinking in surprise.
"Martin Stein chose Sara?" Ava repeated, more than asked, and Amaya chuckled.
"That he did. He realized the types of split second decisions a Captain needed to make, the impulsive and quick thinking the role required… Martin was a genius but Sara is a warrior, a natural leader. She can make the tough calls and strategize better than most others."
Ava looked to the ground, nodding slowly, thinking of all the things she knew about Sara, that she had learned either from watching her or from encountering her in person.
"That's true… she, um… she is a good leader, sometimes," Ava said awkwardly, pulling her gaze from the floor to meet Amaya's.
"Was there a purpose in your visit, Ms. Jiwe?" she asked, and Amaya smirked.
"You and Sara are quite different," she began, and Ava chuckled at that.
"But in many ways, you're not at all. Your hearts, they… they're in the same place; they fight for the same reasons. As different as you may be, as different as your approaches may be, your hearts are both in the right place."
"Ms. Jiwe, your Captain is incredibly reckless, and I think you and your team should be discussing her current state and how to handle it, especially if you overheard the conversation she and I had."
"We did, and that's why I'm here, Ava," Amaya said, taking a few steps closer.
"I haven't known Sara the longest out of everyone in this group, but we have gotten close over time. She's been hurt a lot, she's been through things… near death and being dead, she fights because it's her purpose, it's what she knows."
"Why are you telling me this?" Ava asked, feeling uneasy, trying to block out thoughts of Sara.
"Because I think most people are scared of her, or they don't know how to handle her, or approach her, and granted it isn't easy, especially when she doesn't want to talk about something. But you're not scared in the least, and in fact, I think you care about her much more than you let on."
Ava clenched her jaw, staring straight back at Amaya.
"I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to imply, but I can assure you my concerns are strictly professional. If Rip's intuition is right, we may need the Legends in this fight," Ava replied, pushing off her desk to go sit in her chair, Amaya nodding to herself.
"Sara hasn't been loved, not in the right way, or a freeing way. She was in love once, but it could never have worked… and since then, she's pushed it all away, buried it down, always in control. And yet you seem to make her lose it, make her have to confront things she hoped she never had to."
"If Captain Lance is having issues with impulse control, I suggest you and your team bench her for a while then."
"Agent Sharpe, you may be able to fool Sara, who is even doing a great job at fooling herself, but you can't fool me, or Oliver, or anyone else who has seen the two of you together. You're polar opposites, but that doesn't meant there isn't something special there to consider, the type of balance and bond only opposites could have."
Ava kept staring at Amaya, meeting her gaze evenly.
"Was that all you had to say?"
Amaya kept staring back, smiling easily.
"That, and… Sara may not be easy to be around, but having her one your side and in your corner? It's worth it. It's more than worth it."
Amaya nodded, turning to exit the office, leaving Agent Sharpe to sit with her own swarming thoughts.
Felicity was walking around the corner with two cups of tea in hand, finding her friend on the couch with a blanket resting over her lap. It had been pretty routine, Sara having stepped in to help team Arrow at one point, but other than that, Sara had laid low and spent time with Felicity and her old gang.
It was dark and the evening news was playing in the background and as Felicity handed over the tea to Sara, who nodded slightly in gratitude. She joined her friend, and Sara chuckled, making Felicity's brow furrow.
"Something funny?"
"Yea, just… watching the news like a normal person. When you're the Captain of a time ship, you forget the normal things, you know?" Sara replied, and Felicity chuckled.
"With all of the stuff we know and have seen… it's amazing we haven't lost it yet."
"Oh, just give it time girlfriend," Sara replied with a chuckle, Felicity nodding in agreement, until she paused.
"Wait… like really, give it time?"
Sara glanced at her and started bursting out in laughter, shaking her head.
"Not that I'm allowed to tell you anyway, but I'll at least say I don't think insanity is in your future Smoak," Sara replied with a smile, Felicity releasing a breath of relief.
"Oh thank god, because… yea, a girl can only handle so much, you know?"
"I do," Sara responded quietly, looking away, Felicity eyeing her once more.
"So, your team heads out tomorrow? A new big bad?"
"Always."
Felicity nodded slowly.
"Do you feel better, at least? I know you still helped us out in a pinch, which, thank you, but… I hope you got some R&R."
Sara smiled.
"It's been nice to be back… sometimes even the places with bad memories, they give you that feeling of familiarity. Being on a time ship, well… it's enough to make your brain explode."
"I can imagine. Has it been nice to have Captain Cold back?"
"Citizen Cold, as he reminds us to call him. And this Leo, um… it's definitely a mind trip to say the least," Sara replied, thinking back to Leo and Constantine's flirtatious rendezvous only a few weeks ago.
"It's just so strange to think… Ollie seems to have handled it all well, but… it's hard to believe how in other universes, we have these different versions of ourselves who just… create whole new paths for themselves… lives I wouldn't want or couldn't even imagine living."
"I'm sure the other Saras out there feel the same way," Sara replied, Felicity shaking her head.
"No, no Sara… I mean, maybe they wouldn't want to have been through all of you, well… you know, but… anyone with a heart and brain would be honored to have you as their doppelganger," Felicity said, making Sara smile back at her.
Since Sara had been at Ollie's, she finally had some quiet time to think to herself, to process what had been going on. For so long, Sara had felt okay. She was the Captain, she had grown and changed, hell her team had saved the world. She had her family, and even with the need to clean up time after, they stopped one of the most powerful weapons from ever being placed in the wrong hands. Sara had felt good, felt okay….
Until Agent Sharpe showed up.
"You're getting that look again."
"I don't have a look," Sara replied while sipping her tea.
"Afraid you do. It's been coming and going the whole time you've been here."
"Well if it is a look, it's one of pure irritation."
"Does this have to do with the secret lady Ollie mentioned nearly breaking his arm?"
Sara snorted.
"Yea, Ava has a knack for that."
"So she does have a name?" Felicity pried, making Sara look at her again.
"Even if there was a lady… it doesn't matter. She and I… it would never work."
"Wow."
"What?"
"I just… it's one thing to not have a one night stand, but… not make what work? Exactly?"
Sara realized her slip, and her smile faltered. She lowered her tea and stared down into it, shaking her head.
"Hey, Sara. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but… I've seen you go through so much, and I want you to know if you ever do want to talk about it, you can with me. I'm not on your team; you're not my Captain. You don't have to be all strong and silent with plain old Felicity Smoak," the blonde said earnestly, smiling when Sara chuckled.
"Felicity, you are anything but plain and old, and I know Ollie would say the same thing."
"I know, I… you just don't have to always be strong. You need to lean on others sometimes, emotionally… I know with Oliver it took… it took time for him," Felicity said, her mind wandering off.
"A lot happened on that island for us, but for me… after Ollie and I separated, the League of Assassins… and Nyssa… dying, coming back, it's just… I was able to get a new life, and I did. And I've made a new family and I have the best of friends, but…"
"It's hard, Sara. I see it with Ollie, the pressure to keep everyone safe, to keep the mission going. Love and this line of work, it's not easy at all."
"I'm not in love with Agent Sharpe," Sara said, Felicity just giving her a look in response.
Sara looked away.
"She's just so… uptight," Sara said blushing, Felicity chuckling.
"She has a stick up her ass, she's always focused on the rule book. Always yells at my team… and she's stubborn!"
"Have you met you?"
"Well, actually, this one time in time-"
And Sara froze, looking to her friend.
"Whatever. She's too proper and perfect, and she would never be into someone like me, okay? My history-"
"You mean your history of making history throughout history?" Felicity replied, making Sara laugh.
"For a girl like Agent Sharpe, I'm just… not the type of girl she'd want. She would want to settle, have kids and cats… I'm… I'm damaged goods Felicity. I'm the kind of girl you have for a night and never forget, not the kind you settle down with."
"Says who?"
Sara blinked, whipping her head back to her friend who shrugged at her.
"Sara, says who?"
"I-I-"
"Look at me and Ollie, Sara. Jeez, look at Barry and Iris! I mean getting married and then ending up in jail."
"Wait, someone's in jail?"
"It's under control. But see? No love, no relationship, is perfect."
"You haven't seen Agent Sharpe's steam pressed pant suits," Sara muttered, Felicity chuckling.
"Something tells me if she's in your line of work Sara, her life's probably a little more complicated and a little less perfect than you think," Felicity said, Sara shaking her head.
"Even so, we handle things completely differently, approach time differently… we're too different, and I'm too damaged for someone all… shiny, like her," Sara said with hand gestures.
"Sara Lance, no one is too damaged or too broken for love. You're a time traveler! You've been to other universes, so you should know best of all," Felicity said, shoving Sara gently.
"Care to enlighten me oh wise one?" Sara said.
"Even with all the time in the world, life is short. There are worlds out there where Nazis still rule and bad guys we think we beat keep coming back… Sara, you have survived hell and assassins and time traveling maniacs. You deserve a slice of happiness. Don't keep yourself from that."
Sara bit the inside of her cheek, holding back her feelings. She felt tears reach her eyes again, and she wiped at them quickly.
"I-"
Creek.
Sara frowned, turning to the front door.
"Wha-"
Sara clapped a hand over Felicity's mouth. She could hear someone outside lurking, trying to be quiet. Sara moved quickly, going over and grabbing one of the arrows Ollie had lying around.
Sara crouched, slowly moving towards the door, hearing the person shift their weight again. She reached the door and was ready to open the door and strike when….
Someone knocked.
Sara's mouth dropped and she frowned, looking to Felicity who shook her head.
"Um, hello? Is… is this um… crap-"
Sara wrenched the door open, finding none other than Ava Sharpe standing there muttering out loud until she found herself face to face with the woman she was looking for.
"Ava?"
"Sara!"
"Wh… How? What are you doing here?"
"I-I came to see you, actually," Ava said, biting her lip and staring off to the side, rethinking her strategy.
"Ava?" Felicity's voice sounded out behind Sara, the blonde grabbing her coat and keys, and moving to the door.
"Um, yes?"
"I'm Felicity! So nice to meet you, heard some… things," Felicity started, Sara looking at her incredulously with a glare to boot, making the girl panic.
"R-Right! So um, great! You two, stay here, Ollie needs me-"
"Oh does he now?" Sara gritted out in between her teeth, Ava biting her lip, watching on as Felicity frantically nodded.
"Mhm. Mhm! I'll see you later, Ms. Sharpe, pleasure!" Felicity said, scampering out, Ava and Sara both giving her a skeptical look.
"Is she always so-"
"Frazzled?"
"That's putting it nicely."
"Yup indeed," Sara said, turning back to look up into Ava's eyes.
She was in civilian clothes once again, small boots on her feet, her frame towering over Sara, who was stuck in socks.
"Why don't you come in and take your shoes off?" Sara said, Ava turning back and smirking at Sara as she noticed the height difference as well.
"I can't keep them on?"
"Nope!" Sara said briskly, stepping back to let Ava in, the woman politely pushing off her shoes and moving them away from the doorway as she did so, shrinking a few inches, but still inches over Sara.
"Better?"
"Yes," Sara replied, shutting the door behind them, her eyes following Ava as she stepped into the room, looking around.
"Nice place."
"Well, he is Oliver Queen."
"That's for certain. How long did you give your team off?"
"A week. I- We… everyone needed time to process and have some down time… I had asked them to bury their feelings for too long about Martin, and then Jax, so… it was time."
"And you?"
"What about me?"
"Have you had time to… process?"
"I'm fine, if you're talking about our last encounter."
"I was thinking of the one before that, but the most recent one works too."
"I'm fine," Sara repeated, moving to the couch and grabbing her tea, Ava clasping her hands behind her back as she stood there somewhat awkwardly.
"Really? Because your team didn't seem to think so."
"Like my team would come to you for anything."
"Well, Ms. Jiwe did," Ava replied staring Sara down, the smaller girl's brow furrowing in confusion.
"Amaya?"
"The one and only."
"As if Amaya doesn't have her own family drama going on. Ava, it was none of her business and she had no right to go to you for anything regarding me."
"She cares about you, obviously. You know people do try to look out for you, even if you're unwilling to look out for yourself."
"I'm not suicidal, so stop implying it!"
"But you sure as hell don't care whether you live or die!" Ava shouted, and the room grew quiet, her breathing heavy, and the tension in the air made it feel like they were still back in that first argument from last week, like they had never left it.
"You don't know anything about it."
"I know more than you think, and you also know that given my need to learn about your team."
Sara clenched her jaw. There wasn't a bar around. There was no one to distract herself with. For the moment there was no one to pummel, and attacking Ava physically or verbally was likely to lead to a draw of frustration rather than an actual victory.
"Stop acting like you care about me. I'm not the type of person people like you care about, okay? So just leave it," Sara said, getting off the couch and grabbing Felicity's now cold tea to bring to the kitchen.
Ava froze, frowning in concern, but holding her tongue. She thought about what Amaya had said, thought about the past few days she had to think about everything, about Sara…
She followed after Sara, the girl quietly rinsing and cleaning the mugs she brought to the kitchen. If anyone had ever asked Ava the type of woman she would have ended up with, Sara Lance wouldn't have been what she had in mind. It wasn't that Ava thought she wouldn't or couldn't be with someone like her, but Ava had no idea, and wasn't prepared for someone to quite… get under her skin. Not like this.
"I, um… I've never had to have a conversation like this before, or like any of ours really, but… if you really can't tell, then I guess I should say it clearly. I do care about you Sara, whether or not you believe me."
Sara turned the water off, biting the inside of her cheek. She grabbed the rag slowly, deliberately taking her time as she dried out the now cleaned mugs. Ava swallowed stepping further into the space, deciding to continue on.
"I can't imagine what you've been through. I've read up, I've done my homework and… you're right, I'll never know what it's been like for you. And if anyone had asked me months ago, I would have said I couldn't have even imagined working or being with someone like you, but-"
"Being with?" Sara repeated, completely frozen to the spot, Ava paling as she realized what she said.
She wanted to turn and run, but she looked in the window. She saw Sara's face, and the sadness overcoming her features, the fear. Ava thought of the months of ups and downs the pair had had. It was like a tango, two steps forward, one step back, a dance of miscommunication, distrust, fear and stubbornness. Ava looked at Sara's features, she thought to the anger she used to lash out and protect herself, like she had at the club. She thought to the moments where Sara showed bits of herself, showed Ava she did need her, and even want her.
Ava took a deep breath and walked up to Sara, standing behind her, the blonde inhaling sharply as Ava gently pressed against her.
"I-I'm not very good at this," Ava whispered, but it was just the ticket, Sara turning her head to look over her shoulder, big blue eyes finally meeting Ava's.
"Not good at what?" Sara whispered back, and Ava could see the resignation in Sara's eyes, confirming what everyone kept saying, confirming what Ava had hoped for but didn't think was possible.
Sara Lance was scared. The brave, brazen, outspoken, reckless assassin was scared of letting someone in, of letting whatever this was unfold.
Instead of answering back, Ava cupped Sara's cheek and brought their lips together, tentative at first and slow. She could tell Sara was slightly surprised, but she relaxed right away, turning around as Ava's other hand reached up, holding Sara's head in place. She pushed into Sara, the smaller girl quickly grabbing her hips, feeling her body press into the counter, the friction causing her to sigh with ease.
Ava relished the moment, their lips dancing, her tongue jutting out slowly, asking Sara for permission to enter. Sara deepened the kiss, pulling Ava closer, and the Agent took her cue, reaching down to Sara's thighs and hoisting her up onto the counter, wrapping her arms around her waist as Sara threw her arms over Ava's shoulders.
Sara felt… safe.
She had never felt that way before.
She brought her legs up, heels gently digging into the back of Ava's thighs, no space between them as Ava ran a hand up Sara's back to her neck. She stretched her fingers out, spreading them through Sara's hair and gently gripping, keeping their mouths connected.
For once, they weren't battling for domination over the other.
Sara felt warmth pooling in her lower abdomen, felt herself gasp as Ava nipped at her lower lip. Sara's head was swimming, feeling so many things at once. She didn't do this, not ever. Sex and one-night stands were one thing, but connection? Intimacy? On a deeper physical level? No. That was something she had never really done, not even with Nyssa.
Breathing soon became an issue, and Ava pulled back first, resting her forehead on Sara's as her hand drifted from her neck to her cheek. Her thumb brushed Sara's cheek and the smaller girl shivered, gripping the back of Ava's shirt, her hands under her leather jacket.
Sara was at a loss for words. She had been at a loss ever since she met Ava Sharpe, a woman she immediately disliked but enjoyed flirting with and taunting, even fighting at certain points. And yet somehow this stubborn, unyielding, abrasive woman was melting down her barriers. Sara opened her eyes and looked into Ava's, saw the softness and kindness there, and Sara's eyes immediately teared up, making her look away and shake her head.
"What is it?" Ava whispered, and Sara bit her lip.
There was only kindness there, only concern, this awkwardly beautiful woman with a tough exterior and a resting bitch face clearly filled with love and compassion despite what others thought. Of course Ava was guarded, and of course she was kind. That's why they worked together, despite their differences.
"I'm not… I'm not good enough for you, Ava. You deserve more than, than whatever someone like me can give you."
Sara felt Ava chuckle before she heard her, turning back to look at her, immediately ready to fight but stunned to see her eyes welled up too. Ava shook her head, pulling back to give Sara room, but keeping her hands on her thighs, letting her know she was there.
"And what, pray tell, would be 'good enough' for me?" Ava asked with quotations to boot, Sara frowning.
"I'm an assassin, Ava. I've killed people. I've done a lot of harm because sometimes you have to turn into someone, something, you don't like to survive. I can live with what I've done, but it isn't something you should have to carry too. You deserve better than that, better than someone shrouded in darkness."
"Well, it's a good thing you don't tell me what I do and don't deserve then. What I deserve? Is someone who is kind, caring, passionate, and can put up with me and respect me in return. I'm not perfect either Sara."
"Your polyblend pantsuits seem to say otherwise," Sara muttered to herself, making Ava roll her eyes and step back in closer, reaching up to tilt Sara's chin, making the younger girl look at her.
"If someone had asked me months ago if I was falling for Sara Lance, I would have laughed in their face."
"Likewise," Sara replied, Ava keeping her steady and looking.
"But now that I know you, Sara? I would say I don't see how anyone couldn't fall for you."
Sara felt the ache in her chest again, the fluttering in her stomach. Ava was like no one else she had been with. All the flings and situationships, the relationships filled with violence or pain or loss, this was different. Ava didn't put up with her shit, didn't let her make excuses for herself. Ava challenged her to be a better person, pushed her to see things differently, especially in regards to her own self.
Sara blinked, tears finally escaping. Ava was… safe. Sara didn't have to fear for her life with her, fear keeping things from her. Ava had seen or known about her worst, and Sara opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to find the right words.
"I don't know how to do this, I… I never really have. Not the right way. Not with someone… normal," Sara got out, making Ava chuckle.
"I don't know how normal a time traveling agent with a cat is, but… it's okay. I haven't really either."
"H-How would this even work? I'm on a time ship, roaming all over-"
"And I'm a Time Bureau Agent, able to pop up anywhere in time whenever I want. I think we'll be okay, even if there's some distance here and there."
Sara searched Ava's eyes, and was surprised to see such happiness there, just plain joy. Sara bit her lip, worry etched into her forehead.
"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered, looking at her hands, thinking of the blood that had stained them over the years.
"Sara, it would hurt me more to not try at all. I don't want to spend my life wondering what could have or would have happened. We've seen how time operates, how the world works. We may not even make it through tomorrow, but I'm willing to take a chance if that means I get to be happy with you. If you don't care about me in the same way, then-"
"No! No, I… I just…" Sara looked back at Ava again, and she shook her head.
"I've been okay, just coasting by… maybe not whole, or good, but okay. I've coped as I've needed to, one distraction after the next… but this, I… you make me have to confront things I didn't know were still inside of me, and the more you are in me, I… I can't take another loss, not one this big, not like that."
Ava pulled Sara back to her, planting her nose on Sara's head, the smaller blonde wrapping her arms around Ava and letting the tears pour out and over onto her shoulders.
"Sara Lance, with all of the people and places and times I could go in this multiverse, this is the only time, this is the only place, and you are the only person I want to spend my short life expanse with. Maybe it's inconsequential to time, but for me, it's essential."
Sara felt her lip quiver, letting more tears pour out, and Ava just sat there holding her and rubbing her back as she let Sara finally let go of years of pain and self doubt.
Sara woke up on an unfamiliar couch, but the body she felt underneath her and the arms holding her in place brought her memories flooding back.
She was in Ava Sharpe's apartment, their clothes all still on, and Sara was cradled into Ava's chest, an odd feeling of comfort she hadn't really experienced, most of her flings leading the other girls to cling to her in the night.
Sara stared at her hand that was lying on Ava's chest, and she began to play with the leather jacket that Ava threw over them. After crying for an embarrassing amount of time (for Sara), Ava had silently brought her through a portal to her apartment, gesturing for Sara to lie down so they could sleep and figure out the rest in the morning.
Sara felt the even rise and fall of Ava's chest, and she pulled her head back to look at Ava's sleeping face. Sara smiled, thinking the woman was such a dork. Sara found it comical. A badass former League of Assassins member, crime fighting, back from the dead womanizer who traveled through time was falling in love with the most uptight, bun wearing, cat owning, polyblend suit adorning, hardass she had ever met.
Fate and destiny worked in mysterious ways.
"I can feel you laughing."
Sara smiled, Ava cracking one eye open to see the younger girl's grin and bright blue eyes shining back at her, making Ava frown.
"What's so funny? Am I drooling?"
"No," Sara whispered, sitting up and looking down at Ava, the leather jacket sliding off as she hovered slightly.
"Then why do you look like that?" Ava grumbled out sleepily.
"Cause…"
Ava frowned, wiping her eyes and finally gazing back at Sara, who looked downright mischievous.
"Becauseeee?"
Sara bit her lip, laughing at the whole situation.
"I can't believe I ended up with such a dweeb."
Ava frowned and then scoffed, sitting up, bumping right into Sara, their faces inches apart.
"I'm a dweeb with a bigger time ship, and who can kick your ass, you know," Ava replied, blushing all the while, not used to this playful side of Sara, which was rather… becoming.
"Oh, you're just a regular badass, aren't you Sharpe?"
"That's Agent Sharpe, to you," Ava said, joining in on the tease, Sara shaking her head at her before leaning in for a kiss.
Ava felt butterflies. Amaya was right. It was better to have Sara, fights, fears and all, then to not.
Sara pulled back, gazing into Ava's eyes.
"I need to be heading back soon. We're supposed to ship off today," Sara said, Ava nodding in disappointment.
"Right, well… we should get you back."
Sara looked at Ava, and she too found it refreshing, seeing this sweet side of her. They both had no idea what it could feel like to see someone's true colors like this, without the animosity, when the barriers were both truly down. Both such strong, driven and formidable women, yet with one another… they didn't need to be. It was safe for both of them.
Ava went to move but Sara gently pushed her back down into the couch, Ava complying with ease.
"Don't you need to go?" Ava whispered, but Sara adjusted and snuggled into Ava's chest, the pair weaving themselves together naturally.
"I do. But let's stay here a little longer, please," Sara said and Ava brushed Sara's hair back, nodding against her as the woman already began snoozing contently.
Ava breathed out deeply, smiling to herself as she played with Sara's hair, before slowly drifting back off as well.
FIN
Some or most of this may have come from real life…
The title came from a song sung by Kelley Clarkson that was used in an Avalance video by 'pao gc' and it was really nice.
Until next time.