Wait... I survived?
Oh God. He's dead; Andross is dead. I killed him.
My hands were trembling, and I could hardly manage to control my ship. I had to go back and tell them the news. I could almost feel the adrenaline coursing through me. A strange sensation, resulting in a blank trip back to the Great Fox. I couldn't think.
They were there to greet me, they all looked so happy, relieved. I couldn't tell if I was smiling too, I probably was. I hope I was. Though their lack of response also concerned me. Did they not see dad? I looked around all I could and... Nowhere to be seen. Maybe I was just hallucinating but it looked so real. Did I just get out on sheer luck? It seemed improbable, but so did dad still being alive.
No use dwelling on it, we all docked on the mother ship for the journey home. Upon jumping down from my Arwing, my legs caved in. The weight of the past few years finally caught up with me. I probably looked like a mess; well, I am a mess. It felt cathartic to be able to admit that to myself, what have I been doing all these years?
The team's voices were muffled in my ears, a cacophony of shouting. Honestly I kind of wished they would shut up, I just wanted to sleep. I felt as if I was floating. I couldn't help wonder if I should be this out of it.
I'm just so tired...
Flicking through the contacts on my phone did nothing, but I couldn't think of anything else to do to pass the time. We all arranged a party to celebrate our victory, and of course it had to get stuck on me to host it. I wouldn't particularly mind, but they were already an hour late. What's the point in organising a time for something none of them would show up for.
The doorbell rang; speak of the devil. I opened the door, revealing a slightly dishevelled bulldog. Wow, he's changed over the years, he used to be so tidy. What's with the "rough boy" look? It didn't suit him, yet oddly it did..?
He spoke. "Hey, what you laughing at?" Oh, shit, I didn't even realise.
"No no, it's nothing. Glad to see you, is all!" My tail wagged as I stifled my chuckling. "Like the cut, by the way"
"Oh, shut it dude." He didn't seem too pleased with that.
"I'm joking, it looks good." I ruffled the top of his head. Aha, he bit back a smile. I knew he couldn't stay mad at me. "Well, come on in then."
Is it bad of me to say I was hoping that it was the team who arrived? It's not that I disliked Bill but there was the distinct air of awkwardness between us. Nothing a few drinks couldn't fix. "You can place your stuff in the kitchen, if you want."
"Thanks." He was so tense... Though, despite his posture, he still looked happy; his ears stood on end and his tail wagged slowly. I was probably overthinking things but I just didn't want this to go badly.
He shortly returned, plonking himself right next to me. Words danced on the tip of my tongue — nothing. Where could I start? We used to be best friends but now it felt like we're almost total strangers. I couldn't really ask most questions since I already knew the answers, and asking about the time when I was gone would just upset him.
"So, uh, how's life been treating ya?" A good blanket question, though his expression seemed to sour even more.
"Oh, well enough. You know how I got placed as a commander to two different squads, and everything else has been... Fine."
The words made me smile. He's come so far to make it here. Surging joy rose in my chest, stopping at the lump in my throat. Of course it was an amazing achievement, and I'm extremely proud of him; so why did he look so down?
I made the right choice...
Right?
"Yeah! That really is great though, not many people get that far." I pat him on the shoulder, which only served to make him more tense. "Seriously, good job." The bitter words were forced from my mouth. His frown deepened.
He ran a hand through his head fur. I don't like when he's like this, something was clearly up and I don't have the capacity to help fix it. "Hmm..."
That left is in silence, an odd pressure pulling us down. Or maybe it was just me? Ugh, I can't do anything right. "Say, Fox, I—"
A piercing sound ran through his sentence, leaving him speechless once more. "Oh, sorry one sec." This time, opening the door revealed a flock of friends. Falco with his cocky-as-ever smirk, chatting along with Peppy about something interrupted, though Slippy looked to be in his own world, tinkering with... A metal thing.
I didn't even have to tell them they could come in, Falco coming barging on in sitting on the other empty sofa. "I'm beat, why ya' gotta live so far away Fox? Nearly broke my talons just walkin' here."
"Who's fault is that for making me have it here in the first place?" I stuck my tongue out as the other two walked in, plucking the device from Slippy's hand as he walked in. "You're here to have fun, not continue working, bud."
"But I find that fun?"
I rolled my eyes, putting whatever it was in my pocket. "I'll give it back before you go." Both Peppy and Slippy sat on the same couch as Falco, leaving Bill on his own. Then again they didn't really know him that well. "Oh yeah, Bill, what was it you were saying?" I sat back down after grabbing Falco a beer, second nature at this stage.
He shook his head, replacing the lost look in his eye with a more cheerful one. "Nah, don't worry about it dude." His smirk made my stomach churn. It wasn't right. This wasn't right. But I pushed back my doubts and reluctantly obliged.
This was supposed to be fun.
All we were waiting for were some of Falco's old team, the Hot... Whatever's. He'd never really talked to me about it, but I know Katt was a part of it. Then there was Lucy, who supposedly was going to come after she finished her work. I found it odd that Peppy decided to come without her but who am I to ask questions?
Talking became much more smooth since we now had more people, and Bill seemed to be enjoying himself at least. My chest eased, letting free a trapped breath I had no idea was being help captive. It was probably nothing, right?
The seed of doubt remained.
Knowing him as long as I had, I could tell when something was wrong. I couldn't get into it though, it would just kill the mood. As the night progressed, his smile both warmed and stabbed my heart — I could hardly concentrate.
Stories shared between parties, dumb 'embarrassing' stories about me from the team, Bill responding in kind. Why did I have to be the centre of discussion, again?
"What about that time Fox —"
"Haha, that's nothing compared to when he —"
"Wow he really did that? That's so lame!"
"Like you can talk about being lame, Falco. What about the time you cried at that awful chick flick." I burst out laughing from Slippy's comment as Falco gave me a dirty look.
I looked to my side to see Bill giggling to himself too. "Wow, didn't take you to be the type of dude to watch stuff like that." As much as he was laughing, I knew all too well about Bill's 'pass times' too, not that I'd tell any of them that.
They were all getting along well, some more people trickling in as the minutes went by. I wanted to talk and catch up with everyone, but my mind was set on one person.
And the seconds flew into minutes.
Minutes flowed into hours.
It was all a blur.
Honestly I can't remember anything what was said in that interim. Some of them got pissed pretty quick; Katt was now sat on Falco's lap as they whispered quietly to themselves playing a stupid game. Slippy had somehow gotten his thing back and was talking with Lucy and one of Falco's friends, another breed of frog — his name eluded me — about it. Probably their mechanic, or something. Were they all frogs?
I'd discussed a few things with Peppy, but my mind ran a blank as to what was said. He was now sat on the single couch having a nap, which brought a smile to my face. Peppy's done so much for me, he deserved this break more than anyone.
"Hey, can we talk?" Bill's voice snapped me out of my daze.
"Sure, what you wanna talk about?"
"Uh," He fiddled with his fingers. "in private?"
I raised a brow, "Oh, okay." but no questions were asked. He must have had a reason to want it private, and I wasn't going to be the one to force him to talk here. Instead, I led him to my bedroom and closed the door behind us; it probably looked questionable to some people but do I care? "So, you wanted to talk?"
"Well, uh..."
...
I rolled my hand telling him to continue. "Could I, maybe, uh... Hug you?"
Another strange question. "I guess?" The instant I spoke, he wrapped his arms around me, head over my shoulder. Nostalgia filled my veins, a long forgotten feeling of comfort. I returned the gesture, idly patting against his back. I could feel his erratic breathing against my chest, gentle sniffles in my ear. Is he crying..?
"Bill?"
"Why'd you leave?"
"You know why, I got kicked out, remember?"
"That's not what I meant; why did you leave me?" His hands clutched tighter.
The words punched into my gut, air trapped in my lungs. I should've expected this. All I could do was wish he understood.
"I couldn't drag you down with me."
"You know how lonely I felt while you were gone?" I thanked whatever forces there were that I couldn't see his face; knowing I caused this hurt enough. "I always wished you would've asked me to come with you." Again, the strength of his grip increased, as if he was about to lose me. He almost did.
Who am I kidding? I already fucked this all up.
"You know I couldn't do that." The air began to grow sparse around me, heart strings attached to my words. Tugging. "And look, it worked out in the end, didn't it? You got a good job, and we're both here now."
His head shook. "That's not true, at least... Not to me." Fuck, fuck. "You were my best friend, Fox. I would've gone anywhere with you, but I guess you didn't think the same." I bit my lip.
Were.
I knew this would come back to bite me.
It hurt more than expected.
Please make it stop.
You didn't think the same.
I always told myself I would do the exact same for him, but when I was put on that spot I couldn't do the same. I really am terrible. "I'm sorry."
"That's not what I want to hear." His words staggered out. "That just makes me feel worse."
My chest began to cave in, what little supports doing their best. "Why?"
"I guess somewhere I'd hoped you hated me. If you'd told me that I could probably get over this but." He felt so heavy; if I weren't holding onto him he'd probably collapse.
"I could never hate you."
...
All that could be heard were a mixture of breaths stumbling out irregularly. An uncomfortable silence in comfort. I knew he was drunk but this was his true feelings coming out, those he chose to hide from me. I'd caused all of this. Guilt.
But he's still here.
He's still breathing.
He's still open.
He's trying.
That's more I could say about myself. "Fox?" My heart constricted to the meek voice behind me, ears flattening.
"Yeah?"
"Do you reckon we could start over?"
"Is that what you want?"
And he shook his head again. Huh? "I want to go back"
"But we can't."
"I know." Defeat lined his voice. "Which is why I want to try something at least." He pulled away, revealing a sorrowful smile. The sight sent shivers down my spine, and would probably haunt me for a long time.
"Well would you want to join Starfox..?" The team wouldn't mind, and he wants to, but I'm still unsure about all this.
His face contorted, eyes snapping shut as tears welled on the sides. I keep messing everything up. Another no from him.
"Fox..."
"It's okay, you don't have to say anything, but think on it."
"I should be truthful." His ears flattened against his head, casting a downward glance. "I wanted to tell you before you left, too, but I didn't get the chance."
"You've been lying to me?"
"No, but I haven't been saying the truth." Eh? How does that work? "I can't join you, at least not now." My ear perked.
That doesn't make sense. "I thought that was what you were upset about?"
"It's... More complicated than that." He was struggling with his words, or rather with everything. "I guess along the line I started having feelings for you." Oh.
Wait. Hold up. Just a second.
What?
"You're... You're serious?" His bashful smile and hued cheeks gave it away, but I had to make sure. Finally I received a nod of his head. "Oh, I'm sorry." This was odd. Not in a bad way but, no one had really liked me before. My heart feels fuzzy? What do I say, is this the part where I do something back? Do I want to do something back? Do I say 'I love you' like all those TV shows and we kiss and make up? I don't think I should but, goddamn I'm an idiot. What kind of moron doesn't know what to do in a situation like this? "Bill, I, uhm..."
His smile only made me feel worse. "Don't say anything. Friends?" He extended his hand out to shake, and I clasped it firmly in mine.
"Friends."
...
Oh, I'm holding on too long. But it feels nice? My fingers twitched against the back of his hand; what do I do? This got awkward, but he's not letting go either.
I took my hand back, ducking my head away for a moment. What was I thinking? "We should probably go back in." A nervous chuckle. I rubbed my head to try play it off cool but who was I kidding, how do I play that off?
"Oh, right. I'll probably stay in here a bit longer to, uh... 'clean up'. You got any tissues, or something?" He rubbed his bloodshot eyes, that same cheerful glint from years ago returned. I felt my breath return to me, as I threw the box at him. "Thanks dude."
"I'll chill in here and wait for you." I took a seat on the bed beside him, laying back to stare at the ceiling for a moment. Man, I'm tired.
But satisfied. I'm glad we could fix it.
I wonder if anything will come from this...