Disclaimers:
If Yami no Matsuei belongs to me then Tsuzuki wouldn't be the main character and Muraki will have every opportunity to molest Hisoka. So nope, it does not belong to me. I'm only borrowing them for the purpose of this story. I have no money. Don't sue.
Spoilers:
Spoilers for King of Swords Arc and a bit of spoilers for Kyoto Arc. Oh, and this fic is based on the manga, not the anime.
Notes:
This is my first time to write and post a Yami no Matsuei fic. I don't know why I wrote this. It's just that the idea popped in one rainy day and my mind wouldn't let me have peace until I write it down. Comments and constructive criticisms are welcomed. Knives, bricks, rotten fruits, flames, death threats? You know where to throw them. *points to the 'submit a review' button*
Bold italic = character's thoughts
"Bold" = Words spoken
Italic/"Italic" = Flashback
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~ Acid Fallout ~
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Hisoka berated himself for the nth time. The rain continued to mercilessly pour down, crying in rage as violent winds blew against the frail boy and howled into the night. Thoughts flooded his mind as raindrops soaked his hair, dripping down the tips and falling down his flushed cheeks. He shivered as once again the cold wind passed harshly, stirring the leaves in the tress, making them fall and dance into a rhythm with the air.
Weather has always been an unpredictable thing.
Shifting his weight from one foot to the other and finally wearing out the little strength left in his knees and legs, the green-eyed youth decided to sit down, stretching his legs out and not minding that his jeans were getting wet, or sneakers. Cold and alone, he released his anger as he picked a nearby stone and threw it as far as his tired arms could.
I hope Tsuzuki finds me soon.
Emerald orbs gazed at the dark clouds above and then to the leaves rustling in the branches on the tree where he had taken shelter from the incessant downpour. A sigh escaped from his lips, frustrated and annoyed, once again remembering the reason why he was out in such weather. Normally, we would have been at his house reading a book or drowning himself in his thoughts. Today however was different.
I shouldn't have been stupid enough to trust that baka!
True enough, his partner did not show up at the place where they were supposed to meet.
"Nee, Hisoka let's have a picnic at the park today," Inu-Tsuzuki enthusiastically said as he wagged his tail in excitement.
"Baka. We still have to finish the paperwork Tatsumi gave us." Hisoka scolded his partner, green-eyes never leaving the pile of paper in front of him, not seeing the dejected look on his partner's face.
"Mou, Hisoka hi~do~iiiiii~!!!!" Tsuzuki's whine grew louder and louder, refusing to be ignored by the blond empath.
Three…
Two…
One.
"Tsuzuki stop whining! You're making my head hurt!"
But Tsuzuki did not stop; instead he looked at Hisoka with puppy dog eyes brimming with tears. "Hisoka…" he pleaded and the boy could only take so much.
"Fine! I'll go. Just quit whinning!"
Hisoka sneezed and rubbed his hands together to keep himself warm. If only he had left earlier then he wouldn't be here in the park, alone, seeking shelter from a nearby tree, and getting himself soaked in the rain. Inwardly he cursed his luck.
Why did it have to rain just when I was going back?
He could be doing other things now if he hadn't conceded to Tsuzuki's plans. Still he couldn't blame the rain on the amethyst-eyed main. How could Tsuzuki know it would rain? Hisoka did not want to be rude, but his partner couldn't possibly be trusted to predict the weather. True, Tsuzuki is good when it comes to battling demons and stuffs, but when it comes to other things he is absolutely and undoubtedly an idiot. Knowing that however only made Hisoka feet worse about the whole situation.
I really am a fool to agree with Tsuzuki's idiotic ideas.
But still he waited and waited still when Tsuzuki did not show up, worried when after a few hours the man could still not be seen. He had thought about leaving and looking for his partner when the possibility of Tsuzuki just being distracted by sweets and pastries on the way entered his mind and decided to wait.
And here is where he is now as the result of his decision.
He groaned.
So much for being worried about that Baka!
He drew his knees to his chest and hugged himself to keep himself warm. He was shivering uncontrollably now. He knew he should be used to the cold, after all he spent most of his childhood in a cell and had always welcomed the rain. The rain wept with him, or rather he wept with it. It had always been his sole companion and awaited it every time the sky darkened. When it rains, he's free to cry without fearing that anyone might hear him. The wind always drowns his sobs. But with it, the rain brings back painful memories from the past. Times likes this makes him remember things he wanted to forget.
The bitterness.
The cold.
The loneliness.
His childhood.
His cell.
His parents.
Their rejection.
The cold words.
The embrace under the Sakura.
The fear.
The murder.
The blood.
The scarlet moon.
The curse.
His death...
...Muraki.
A sigh escaped from soft lips as he remembered the fateful encounter with Muraki. He was the man who made a very big difference in Hisoka's life. One could say that it was fate, not chance, that they met that night under the crimson moon. If he did not see Muraki then he wouldn't be a shinigami now. He wouldn't know Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, Watari, and everyone in JuOhCho. If he didn't die, then he wouldn't have the people he now considers as his family.
In a way, he owes everything he has now to Muraki - The person who determines his existence. When he thought Muraki had died that night on the Queen Camellia, he didn't know what to feel. He felt empty, as if a big part of his life had been taken away. He shed no tears. He didn't know if he should. He wasn't sad nor was he happy. What he felt cannot probably be described by any words. Even Hisoka himself was lost.
Yes, that's what it is.
He felt lost.
What do I feel about that man called Muraki?
Truly about Muraki?
It was an honest question, a simple thought that disturbed him and weighed heavy in his heart and mind, much the same as when he thought Tsuzuki would die and leave him when he ran and desperately clung to his partner amidst Touda's flames.
Muraki, why can't I get away from you? Can't a puppet ever return to being human again? Why do I keep holding on to the strings when it's already been removed?
It was the reality he didn't want to accept. The truth he didn't want to face…
To fight…
To confront…
To challenge knowing that if he did, he would only lose.
That's why he killed Tsubaki-hime that night in the Queen Camellia. That's the reason why he shot her through the heart with Muraki's gun – because to fight is in vain when you're against the inevitable. He ran away from her, thus ending her life. He knew and was afraid of losing to the Muraki in her, the Muraki who is a doctor, the Muraki who helps save people's life, the Muraki who is an angel and not a demon – the human…not the criminal.
Hisoka was terrified of that. Why do you think he shot Tsubaki-hime with Muraki's gun? Because he wants to end the existence of the Muraki in Tsubaki-hime by the Muraki he knew, and the Muraki he knew owned that gun. The Muraki that Hisoka knew was the one who raped, cursed, and murdered him. The Muraki that Hisoka knew was the one who shot Eileen to silence her. The Muraki he knew was the cold-hearted bastard to only see humans as nothing but mere toys. That is Muraki…
…not the one who Tsubaki-hime fell in love with. He refuses to believe that anyone could ever love someone like him. He refuses to believe and accept the goodness of Muraki that Tsubaki-hime herself testified to by uttering those words to him.
Please…
Please don't be sad Hisoka…
You have someone more worthy of you than me
Protects you
Takes care of you…
Understands you
While knowing…
Will forgive everything.
A person who will love you…
Is right
Next to you…
…
…
…
Nee, Hisoka. I want you to understand.
I didn't love a criminal.
I…
Loved a human.
Hisoka understood what those words meant and the meaning only scared him more. That's why clung desperately to Tsuzuki as if he doesn't want to let go, ever. Her words scared him, but what scared him more were the fact that it was true and the fact that he couldn't fight the truth in it.
"Will I someday be used to this…like Muraki…Happy killing of something like that…"
Tsuzuki denied it, but he admitted to that fact.
Because I am Muraki's copy…
And he cried more in Tsuzuki's arm. Everybody thought he cried out of grief. Everybody thought that he was mourning Tsubaki-hime's death. True he did mourn for her, but he mourned more for himself. He couldn't stop his tears from falling.
I'm a coward.
I knew Tsuzuki would deny it so that's why I said it.
A dishonest coward.
Because I'm a dishonest, weak coward
By killing Tsubaki
I ran away from her.
Even to the end, I didn't understand
I couldn't change your heart.
Didn't like confronting the Muraki in you.
Was afraid of fighting the Muraki in you.
Knowing I would lose to the Muraki in you...
Therefore I killed you
To end it.
A momentary silenced ensued until it was broken by the cracked of lightning and followed by a loud thunder. Hisoka jumped in surprise as he was hurled out of his thoughts and back to reality, where the rain grew even stronger. He knew he was coming down with a fever and thought best to leave and go back to his house.
Tsuzuki probably thought I wasn't coming anyway
He quickly stood up and soon learned that it was a bad idea. His vision blurred and faded and the world turned upside down. He quickly grabbed on to something to prevent himself from falling and felt strong arms support him before he could fall. He looked up to see whom he had grabbed on to but his sight was blurred in white. He felt as one arm slid down his waist, holding him close, as another held his head and made him lean on the man's chest, hearing the man's heartbeat synchronized with his own.
It felt warm. The touch, gentle and affectionate, made Hisoka lean closer and drown himself in the feelings of the other man. Or was it his? He didn't know. Feeling safe and protected, he did not see any need to struggle against the person's hold. Time had seemed to stop and he wished that this moment would last forever.
Until…
"Mou, Tsuzuki what took you so –"
Funny how the rain chose this very moment to stop her sorrowful tears, the sky slowly dried her tears and the clouds cleared away to reveal the bright silver moon above dark velvet firmament, casting light and shadows over the ground. Hisoka pushed himself away from the man's hold and backed away. Words were lost as green eyes stared in horror and confusion.
As if summoned, Muraki stood in front of Hisoka, pristine white clothes unharmed by the rain and illuminated under the moonlight. An umbrella was lying on the floor, forgotten. He looked at Hisoka with amusement and a predatory glint in his eyes as the boy blinked his eyes, and blinked them again.
"Surprised, bouya?"
- TBC -
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Yes, I'm a hopeless writer and this fic is really crappy, but thank you so much for reading it. This is barely edited so I hope you would forgive all the typos and errors in grammar. English is not my first language so I hope you would understand. And yeah, I'm one of those authors who thrive on reviews so please be so kind to leave one. I would really appreciate comments and feedbacks. Thank you! =^^=
Oh, and a big thanks goes to Theria.net for the translations used in this fic. ^^