A/N: This one has some mention of the events in series 5, episode one so warning for spoilers if you don't want to be spoiled. But I just couldn't let it go in my head as to what possibly happened the night of the house fire and why Anna and Bates showed up looking like they did and the comment made by Anna about how Bates was "so worked up". Apparently my brain twin had a similar idea, so please go read A-Lady-To-Me's interpretation of the night's events on tumblr :) Thanks to her and Terriejane for reading through this for me. I hope you all enjoy and please review :)
All Worked Up
He had just finished getting himself ready for bed, his hair was pomade free and he had freshened up a bit. Not that he anticipated they would be doing anything tonight, but he would rather his wife had something nice to come home too. The fresh scent of soap was still looming in the air. His wife would reprimand him later if she returned home to find that he wasn't giving his knee a much needed break, but he wanted to tidy things up around their bedroom. There wasn't much to pick up, but he wanted to make sure everything was just right for Anna's arrival. John had left her at the big house reluctantly. He hated leaving her to walk home on the path by herself. She had taken the trip alone many times in the past, but that was before. Before that wretched house party that brought the valet with them and left his Anna broken and bent.
It had been nearly two years on since her attack, but house parties still left her on edge. And who could blame her? All those strangers milling about the house and the raucous noises that would catch her off guard. It was one thing to have her memories to contend with, but it seemed with every appearance from Mr. Gillingham, the downstairs staff could not let the disappearance of the former valet drop from conversation. Anna tried to remain upbeat and mask her emotions, but John saw right through it. John made sure she knew he was there to support her in any way she wanted; even if it meant giving her space. Tonight was one of those nights and she insisted she would be fine to walk home alone to give her time to think. He wished she's just let him be there, if only to ensure she was protected.
When he finished folding the last of the small pile of clothes that had been discarded on the rocking chair that morning he grabbed a book he'd been reading and set about to make some progress on it. His eyes followed the words mindlessly, not even taking a word of it in, because his thoughts were consumed by Anna. He couldn't describe it, but something in his heart. No. His gut, told him that something was terribly wrong. He would not ignore it as he had the night of the concert. He'd been sitting there that night humming along to himself as Dame Nellie Melba had been singing like a lark, and all the while his beautiful wife had been calling out to him for help. Her screams muffled by the music that filled the house. Just then he heard it. A bell ringing in the distance. He recognized it almost immediately as the fire truck from Downton and sent a silent prayer up that no one was hurt. John tried to return to his reading, his eyes drifting to the unoccupied spot in the bed beside him, when he realized the sound of the bell was getting closer. The piercing sound of it almost as loud as the notes that had been filling his brain when Anna had been endanger the last time. John rose from the mattress as quickly as his knee would allow him and sprang towards the window. He looked just in time to see the truck pass by on the main road heading towards the abbey.
John didn't waste a moment more. He would not fail her. Not this time. John had to get there as quickly as possibly. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins willing him to go faster. He almost forgot to throw his shoes on as he made his way out the door. He shrugged his coat on over his pajama top. Decorum and propriety be damned. If anything happened to Anna again, he'd never forgive himself. John came to the end of the lane of houses, the route down the main road was smooth, but longer. They normally took that route home. But there was quicker path behind the woods that was a little more rugged and less well lit. He'd take his chances that way. The moonlight barely lit the path ahead of him, but he didn't need it. Years of walking this way had engrained the journey in his mind. John could scarcely hear his knee screaming in agony as his sole mission was to get to Anna without any further delay. He could hardly believe that he was practically running to get to her, the cane only clapping against the dirt every couple paces.
Tears were streaming down his face as John's mind was filled with thoughts that had only haunted his dreams. One's of Anna curled up in a corner screaming for help and him not being able to get to her. What if that's what she was doing now? What if no one had even realized in all the commotion that she hadn't escaped the fire? What if he was too late? He didn't even have time to wipe the tears away. "Let her be alright," he uttered between labored breaths. "Please God," he breathed out as he pushed forward. "I'll never ask for anything else. Just let her be alright." His eyes told him he was closing the distance between him and the abbey, but his brain told him otherwise. John may as well have been running the length of an ocean, for he could not get there soon enough.
John turned the corner at an old elm tree and came crashing down hard in the dark. His mind not even registering what it was he'd run into. He began to get up, not even taking time to dust himself off when a familiar voice brought him back to reality.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry...Mr. Bat- John?" Anna asked as she scrambled to help him up.
Apparently he hadn't knocked her over in his haste, but merely clipped the side of her causing her to be momentarily disoriented. "Anna? Anna, is it really you?" John asked. There were tears of relief burning at his eyes and his hair looked windswept as it flopped forward into his eye line. He knew he wouldn't be fine until he heard her voice sing his name like a prayer and feel the warmth and weight of her body in his arms.
"It's me," she answered with a perplexed look on her face. ""What has gotten into you? And what are you doing out in the middle of the night with your pajamas on?" she asked. Anna must have not heard the sound of the fire truck bell ringing so far from the main road.
"Oh thank God," John muttered into her shoulder as he pulled her in for a hug. It was rushed and desperate; his hands squeezed her harder than he had intended to be. But he thought if he didn't hold on tight she might very well slip away like some illusion or dream. He stepped back slightly and let his eyes roam over her as his hands pawed at her, looking for any hint or sign of a wound or injury. But she didn't have one hair out of place, looking just as she had that very morning.
"John, you're scaring me. What's the matter?" Anna pleaded.
"I didn't think I'd find you. I thought for sure I'd lose you this time," he cried like a baby. His hands cradled the back of her head as he kissed every inch of her face and whispered he loved her over and over.
She was still in shock, not knowing what had brought this on. But she quickly came to the conclusion that she didn't care. "I'm here my darling. I'm here," was all she kept repeating over and over. Her hands running softly over his back like a newborn babe to soothe him of his worries. When he calmed enough to speak again she asked him, "Now will you tell me what happened?"
"The...there was a fire...or so I think. I heard the fire truck as I was waiting up for you. It passed the cottages on the main road and was heading for the Abbey. I was so frightened that something had happened to you," he spouted off almost faster than she could register his words.
"There was a fire?" Anna asked, trying to comprehend what he was saying.
"Or is? I don't really know. I just, I had a feeling and heard the bell. I just knew I had to get to you and make sure you were safe and sound. You're all that matters to me," he stammered as he cupped her face. And here he'd thought he'd memorized every line on her face, every curve and dip of her body, but if he'd lost her it wouldn't have made a difference.
"I know," Anna replied as she raised a free hand to press against his. She slowly pried his hand from her cheek and brought it to her lips to kiss the back of it.
"No matter how many times I tell you, it will never be enough. You're my only reason for living," John said as he kissed her lips hard and slow. Drawing it out until the need for air became necessary and even then he still kept his lips close enough to draw her breath in along with his own. The scent of her perfume intoxicating and calming all at once. He felt his heart begin to slow and fall back into an easy rhythm.
"I love you too, you silly beggar," she chided him through a smile. There were tears in her eyes as the realization set in that just as she too had been struggling with the aftermath of her attack so was John. He was still on pins and needles when it came to her safety, comfort, and happiness. He'd move heaven and earth to make sure nothing bad happened to her again. "We should head up to the abbey to make sure everyone is alright," Anna said as she was reminded of what brought him to her in the first place. "Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself?"
"I'll be fine," John said with a hand slightly raised to stop her from fussing over him. "Honestly. Seeing you was enough to put my nerves to rest," he said.
Anna wasn't quite satisfied, but she knew more than ever he hated for anyone to ask more than twice. She reached out to take his hand and a smile reached his eyes as he wrapped her fingers in his own.
He hissed for a moment at the contact and Anna looked down to notice there were a few minor scrapes and bits of dirt trapped in the palm of his hand. "You hurt yourself," she said.
"It's nothing that won't heal in a day or two," he insisted. "If it makes you feel any better you can tend to my wounds once we've checked on the others."
They had arrived at the big house and done all they could, but it seemed that the firefighters had gotten the blaze under control only moments after they had arrived. John and Anna still offered their services to help in anyway they could, until Lord and Lady Grantham had insisted they return back home and have a proper lie in after the days activities. They didn't have it in them to even feign a disagreement and took their employers up on their offer. By the time they walked back to the cottage it was going on one in the morning. Anna watched as John set his coat down and eased himself gently into bed. "Are you sure you're quite alright?" Anna asked.
"I told you, it's nothing," John said almost in a harsh tone.
He'd been considerably quiet on the walk home and Anna could tell he was brooding. She let him have his moment of silence to collect his thoughts, but she wouldn't be brushed off so easily. "It's not nothing, John Bates," she said using his full name. It grabbed his attention and he looked back at her with wide eyes when he detected the seriousness in her tone. "I'm your wife. I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful that I have a husband who cares for me and loves me as much as you do. I'm grateful that you know when to let go and when to push. I'm grateful that you put my needs before your own. But you have to understand that you are just as much my reason for living as I am for you. You must learn to let me take care of you as well."
John let out a heavy sigh and gave off a look of disappointment, but not with her. Never with her. It was disappointment in himself. He eventually nodded and allowed her to come take a look at his wounds.
A few minutes later, Anna brought over a small basin of warm water and a small wash cloth. She took a look at his hands and cleaned them off, being sure not to irritate them further as she gently removed the gravel. All the while she took the time to memorize the touch of his rough hands against her smoother ones. The size of them considerably larger than her own. He winced a little as she rubbed the wash cloth over them once more for good measure, but he could only look upon her with love and devotion. His heart swelling in size at the immeasurable amount of tenderness she demonstrated towards him in her actions. John really looked at her then and saw that she had changed since the attack. She wasn't the same Anna he had fallen in love with but there were still pieces of her in there somewhere. But he wouldn't complain about one bit of the Anna that was sitting before him now. The Anna that had emerged from the ashes was unlike any woman he had ever known, she was incomparable. Her beauty, strength, love, and compassion knew no bounds. He was glad that Green had not stolen those aspects of her.
Anna rubbed at his knee then with a cream that helped reduce the inflammation in his old wound. Her hands kneaded at his muscles, releasing the tension and quashing the fire that had settled in his nerves.
"I should have been there...that night. I know I can't do anything to change it, and I know you've told me it's not my fault. But I can't help it," he sounded exasperated with himself. "I have nightmares that you are on the other side of some wall that I can't get through and I can hear you crying," he admitted in a small voice.
Anna stopped rubbing his knee and looked up at him slowly, "You never told me that."
"I wanted you to focus on healing yourself. I didn't want to bother you with my troubles," he muttered, unable to look her in the eye.
Anna tilted his face so that he was looking her in the eye then. "Your troubles are my troubles. Your triumphs are my triumphs," she said with a smile. "We can't let him win, John. You can't allow yourself to get all worked up. It won't do either of us any good."
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
"I'm not. As much as I hated to see you get so worked up tonight, I can't tell you how relieved I was to know you came for me. You were there. And I'm fine," Anna said as she rose slightly to kiss him. "I'm here," Anna whispered. She stood up completely between his legs, his arms on either side of her as she began to remove his pajama shirt and tossed it to the other side of the room. She placed a hand on his bare chest, her digits disappearing in the dark thatch of hair settled there. Anna could feel his heart beating faster in anticipation, his eyes wide and following her every movement. Eventually she brought his hand up to her chest to feel her own heart. "Close your eyes," she instructed.
He wasn't sure where she was going with this, but he obliged all too quickly.
Her one hand still on his chest, the other stroking through the strands of his loose hair to calm him. "Say it with me. Say 'I'm here'," she repeated like a mantra.
Her voice sounded strong and sure. It reminded him of times gone by. Of the old Anna. He was reminded of the countless times she had met with him in the courtyard to talk with him when it seemed like the world was against him. Always sympathetic and building him up again. First as friends. "You can't take it lying down, because you're not guilty of any wrong, and before it's over, I'm going to tell the world." Then as lovers. "I'll be patient and bear anything. Except for you to go away again." As husband and wife. "No. I don't doubt that the sun will rise in the east either." She had always been in his corner, always there to take up arms for him. And today was no exception. She was his angel, he was sure of it. "I'm here," he repeated.
"I'm fine," she said softly.
"I'm fine," he said with his eyes still closed.
She noticed his features softened and the muscles in his body slowly relaxed.
"We still have each other," she said.
John's eyes opened this time, but he looked at her in a dreamy haze. He was getting tired, but he would have stared at her all day if she'd let him. "We still have each other," he repeated. John smiled against her knuckles as he kissed each one.
"That's all that matters," she said softly.
John smirked up at her with approval and whispered, "I love you".
"Now, take me to bed, Mr. Bates. I'm going to take advantage of this proper lie in we've been granted. But only after I've had the chance to show my husband just how much I love him," she said.
"As you wish, Mrs. Bates," John replied as he lifted her shift.
They soon found themselves wrapped in each others embrace, their breaths mingling in sweet perfection as they became one. Both reaffirming their love for one another and worshiping each others bodies under the soft glow of the bedroom candles. In the safety of their home, tucked within their bed, and nestled in each other's arms nothing else mattered.