Aurora Just Loves Snoozing (And Being a Lesbian Princess)

After beating Maleficent, Prince Philip rode into the enchanted castle. "Aha! I, Prince Philip, hath overthrown the wretched beast whom shalt not be named, and therefore I will awaken thy sleeping Beauty and live in blissful matrimony!" Philip boasted hammily, like a cheap Shakespeare knockoff

"mmrgh… five more minutes, sweetie… I'm trying to take a nap here." Aurora yawned, rolling over before sucking her thumb in her sleep.

"Oh that explains a lot! Look missy, I busted my ass and my life trying to save you, but noooo, you just wanna laze around like a exhausted, overly pretty floozy! Now get up and kiss me, O mighty kisser, thou art worthy to touch thyself!" Philip babbled dramatically like an idiot

"… Philip, you're being a big doofus. Shut up and let me sleep. I'll let you know… after pigs start flying… mmm, Mother…" Aurora mumbled in her sleep, snoring loudly

"Fine! I will wait here until you decide to arouse thyself from the wretched spell She Who Shall Not Be Named hath enchanted thee with her wretched unworthy hand, lest she incur His holy wrath!" Philip exclaimed insanely.

"Pigs don't fly, you idiot! They snort, they eat and they stick their big pink asses in a mud pile!" A peasant hollered

"AAHHH! A traitor to the kingdom! DIE!" Philip screamed, lunging at the peasant. "Oh crap.." the peasant groaned before Philip tackled him and both began beating each other silly.

"Thank God that's over. Now I can get back to that little dream I had of having a tea party with my teddy bear and all my little stuffed animals…" Aurora yawned, pulling up the covers closer to her as she snuggled with her teddy under her left arm. Aurora began to snore, drooling on the pillow, blissfully ignoring the unnecessary melee that was occurring in the background.

Later that same day…

"Aurora? Sweetie, are you awake yet?" Emma Swan called out, as she, Mary Meredith and Regina both entered the castle to find Aurora sleeping in her bed with her arm drooped over the bed, sucking her right thumb in her sleep.

"Aw… isn't that adorable? Look at her, sleeping like a baby. Oh, she's so pretty when she's sleeping." Emma crooned as she stroked Aurora's blonde hair.

"Yeah yeah, we heard it all before. Just wake her up and let's get out of here before her crazy lover boy tries to hump her horse again." Regina muttered as Philip clumsily entered, crashing through the window.

"Philip! What in the hell are you doing? You nearly gave us a heart attack, for crying out loud!" Mary hissed as Philip noticed his… thing was feeling rather hard.

"Aurora… O Aurora, wherefore art thou, Aurora?" Philip rambled in a falsetto voice. Regina slapped her forehead in disgust, Mary giggled sheepishly and both Aurora and Emma had fallen asleep due to boredom.

"Philip, you have got to stop reading those ridiculous plays! They make you act all goofy and stuff, and let's not forget that little stunt you pulled at my sister's wedding!" Regina hissed, fixating her Glare of Evil at a very horny Philip

"Did the earth move for you too, missy?" Philip smugly replied, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "WHAT?" Regina exclaimed. "Oh Philip… I have an announcement to make…" Aurora spoke, having awoken

"What is it? You're pregnant? You've agreed to marry me? Or even better, you're both pregnant and that you've agreed to marry me!" Philip spat crazily, shaking Aurora like a maraca.

"No and no, Mr. Macho Pansy, me and Emma… we're lesbians." Aurora announced, everyone's jaws dropping in shock.

"Say WHAAAATT?" Regina exclaimed. "Mm-hmm. Aurora and I have had sex so many times, we didn't have to have our eyes open while we were… doing it, right honey bunny?" Emma cooed, kissing her lover passionately.

"Yes, it's true. And actually… we both wanna have tons and tons of kids! Just think of it: Storybrooke can be a getaway place for fairy tale lesbians! Imagine it: brothels, sex houses, plenty of BDSM stuff, ooh and bondage!" Aurora exclaimed, her and Emma beaming radiantly

"I cannot believe I am saying this but… This. Is. FANTASTIC!" Philip boasted. Now it was Regina's turn to be stunned as the sex-crazed royal began humping her madly.

"Ohhohohoho go for it tiger! Yes, yes yes! SUCK IT BITCHES, I'M MAYOR MILLS AND I'M HORNIER THAN THE DEVIL'S BIG RED-ASS DICK!" Regina exclaimed wildly, throwing off her clothes as she and Philip continued their love fest.

"so Emma, we could make this our sex room, the kitchen could be our sleep and sex room, and the rest of the castle can be for the girls to go nuts!" Aurora noted, Emma nodding.

"Hey, I'm a lesbian too! Can I join?" Mary asked, begging, even going as far as to kissing Aurora's feet.

"Ok Mary, you can join. After all, we might need to make room for a threesome." Emma giggled, as Aurora and Mary both hugged her.

"Thank goodness I ditched that maniac prince for my little blonde honeymuffin." Aurora sighed, as she then felt something… sexy

"Mary?" Emma asked, as she, Aurora, and Mary were in the bed watching 90210. "mmm?" Mary mumbled sleepily. "did you touch yourself again?" Emma asked