Alone
Summary: Some of the Scoobies grieve over the loss of Buffy and begin to feel the loneliness of losing their friend.
Author: Emptli'lfirefly
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season Five
Characters: Dawn, Willow, Tara
Disclaimer: I don't own or have anything to do with these characters or places. Joss Whedon and that lot are everything when it comes to that.
I feel I should also mention that I first posted this on my own fanfiction website under the name of darlarules. But I've lost my password, so I am unable to remove that website! So if you run into the same story in an archive run by darlarules and carpe diem… well that's me and my friend! Don't freak out!
Dawn sat quietly in her room, not moving, not sulking either. Just sitting there, she seemed peaceful and content, but things are almost never what they seem. She wasn't either of those things. She had just come to a realization, and she felt horrible that she had thought it, but even worse that she knew it was right.
She was alone.
There was no one left in her world. Not in the way that she meant. She had Tara, Willow, Xander, Anya, Giles, Spike and her friends. She even had the Buffybot. But still she was alone.
Don't get her wrong, the others were great, they were funny, companionable and loving. But they weren't Buffy, and they weren't her Mum; they weren't her family. They didn't understand how she felt, knowing that her last family was her father. Knowing that if it weren't for her, Spike wouldn't have been hurt, Tara would never have been brain-sucked and her sister would still be alive.
That's one of the things that troubled her day and night, it was all her fault. She had brought so much pain and misery onto those that she loved, so much that often at night she would break into tears, the weight of it all falling on her shoulders.
When she thought about what Willow had told her about Buffy's catatonia on her last day of life and she thought she might feel something along those lines. Like everything was her fault, she just wanted to give up.
Some days were worse then others, some minutes were unbearable, and some seconds felt like they would never end. But it was getting better, maybe some day soon she would be able to look at the Buffybot and not shudder inside.
Willow sat quietly with Tara, they were cuddling, not thinking about how great it was for them to be able to huggle once more, not to have to worry about Tara's next episode. Both of them were thinking about things connected to their friend that was in the ground, probably in hell, suffering terrible torment.
Willow thought more about that last battle, what more could she have done to help Dawn, there had to have been something she could've done to stop Dawn from bleeding. If only she had been smarter, or faster, or if she hadn't been so preoccupied with Tara. She sort of wished that she could wish that she hadn't been so worried about Tara and that alone, but she didn't. But with Tara in her arms once more, she knew that she couldn't seriously wish she could've done anything else, or anything better. She couldn't have lived with herself if she hadn't taken that chance with Tara. Yet she couldn't live with herself knowing that Buffy was in hell, suffering uncontrollably.
Meanwhile Tara was worrying about the others, how were they dealing? Were they blaming themselves as much as she did herself? Somehow she was sure that Buffy hadn't wanted it like this; so full of worry. It wasn't while they were together, it was when they were alone that it really seeped in. None of them wanted to worry the others, so there was no talk about their guilt, but Tara could tell that it was bothering all of them. And with all of this going on quietly; they were making it worse.
They were even more alone.
THE END