So here it is: my huge enormous crossover stage-play musical, cast with all my favorite characters and a few people from real life. For the record, I don't own any of this stuff: Code Lyoko, Lilo and Stitch, Ouran High School Host Club, the musical itself, etc. I guess I own myself, but that's about it. Hope you likey!
Oddeph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Starring:
Odd Della Robbia as Joseph (or Oddeph)
Rainbow (me) as the Narrator
Stitch (Experiment 626) as Potiphar, Simeon and the Butler
Mitsukuni Haninozuka as Pharaoh
Dustfinger as Rueben
Tiger (my little bro) as Benjamin
Bluewood (my best friend) as Jacob
...and presenting:
Angel as Potiphar's wife
Experiment 625 as the Baker
Leroy and clones as Levi, Naphtali, Isaachar, Asher, Dan, Zebulun, Gad, and Judah
Scripting, directing, and all-around crazy-ing is presented by:
Rainbow (me again)
RAINBOW: Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do, before their time on this planet is through, some just don't have anything planned--they hide their hopes and their heads in the sand. Now I don't say who is wrong, who is right; but if by chance you are here for the night, then all I need is an hour or two to tell the tale of a dreamer like you...we all dream a lot, some are lucky, some are not. But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it's real...you are what you feel. But all that I say can be told another way in the story of a boy whose dream came true...
(Tiger appears on the stage, giving Rainbow a big-eyed look as she lifts his chin)
RAINBOW: And it could be you...
TIGER: Ohmygosh!! I have to get backstage and change! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! (Tiger runs offstage)
(Odd comes in wearing robes)
RAINBOW: (Grinning) It's all you, boyfriend.
ODD: Wow, you got through that song without laughing. I'm impressed.
RAINBOW: Always been one of my favorites. Now, shall we proceed with your number?
ODD: Sure thing. See you on the Egypt set!
(Rainbow goes offstage)
ODD: (Clears throat) (Grins widely) I closed my eyes...drew back the curtain, to see for certain what I thought I knew. Far, far away, someone was weeping, but the world was sleeping...any dream will do. I wore my coat with golden lining, bright colors shining, wonderful and new. And in the east, the dawn was breaking, and the world was waking...any dream will do. A crash of drums, a flash of light, my golden coat flew out of sight--the colors faded into darkness, I was left alone...may I return to the beginning, the light is dimming, and the dream is, too. The world and I, we are still waiting, still hesitating...any dream will do.
RAINBOW: (Swoons) So...cute...
TIGER: (From offstage) Aren't you on next, Rainbow?
RAINBOW: Oh, yeah, you're right. (Runs back onstage. Odd is gone.) Ahem...curtain, please.
(Curtain rises showing desert scene, palm trees, and a camel.)
RAINBOW: Way, way back many centuries ago, not long after the bible began, Jacob lived in a land of Canaan, a fine example of a family man! Jacob, Jacob and sons! Depended on farming to earn their keep! Jacob, Jacob and sons! Spent all of their days in the fields with sheep!
(Chair turns around showing Bluewood, wearing a fake beard, robes, and a scowl.)
BLUEWOOD: Why do I have to be Jacob? I wanna be the narrator! Or the piano player!
RAINBOW: You make a good Jacob! Besides, I'll play something humiliating for you if you ever write something like this. Make me be Gimli in an LOTR fanfic or something.
BLUEWOOD: ...
RAINBOW: Aaanywayyy, back to the song. Ahem. Jacob was the founder of a whole new nation, thanks to the number of children he had--
BLUEWOOD: I'm only thirteen! I don't have any children!!!
RAINBOW: (Rolling eyes) He was also known as Israel, but most of the time his sons and his wives used to call him Dad. Jacob, Jacob and sons! Men of the-
BLUEWOOD: I'M NOT A DAD! THAT'S JUST NUTS!
RAINBOW: Men of the soil, of the sheep and crook. Jacob, Jacob and sons! A remarkable family in anyone's book!
(Bluewood is sulking.)
RAINBOW: Rueben was the eldest of the children of Israel...
(Nothing happens)
RAINBOW: I said, Rueben was the eldest of the children of Israel! That's your cue, Dustfinger!
(Dustfinger appears wearing robes and looking rather out-of-place.)
RAINBOW: Thank you. Anyway, with Simeon and Levi the next in line!
(Stitch and Leroy appear, glaring at each other and wearing robes.)
RAINBOW: Naphtali and Isaachar with Asher and Dan, Zebulun and Gad took the total to nine!
(More Leroy clones, all glaring at Stitch.)
RAINBOW: Jacob, Jacob and sons! Benjamin and Judah, which leaves only one!
(Tiger pops up with the last Leroy clone, grinning widely.)
RAINBOW: Jacob, Jacob and sons! Oddeph, Jacob's favorite son!
(Odd marches out, still wearing his robes. He runs over to Rainbow and pecks her on the cheek.)
RAINBOW: (Blushing) Odd, this isn't the time for that...
ODD: What, I'm not allowed to say hi to my girlfriend?
BLUEWOOD: Isn't it my song next?
RAINBOW: (Still blushing) Yes. Yes, it is. Okay, places everyone.
BLUEWOOD: (Staring at script) Favorite wife? Favorite wife?! I'm a girl!!!
RAINBOW: Just read it, please...
BLUEWOOD: (Very fast) Oddeph's mother, she was quite my favorite wife. I never really loved another all my life. And Oddeph was my joy because he reminded me of her.
(Odd gives a goofball grin)
RAINBOW: Through young Oddeph, Jacob lived his youth again. Loved him, praised him, gave him all he could--but then, it made the rest feel second best...and even if they were...(kisses Odd on the cheek)
TIGER: Um, Rainbow, I don't think any of the Leroys know their lines...
RAINBOW: Sigh. Okay, you and Dustfinger and Stitch know your parts, you'll have to help them through it.
TIGER, DUSTFINGER, STITCH: Being told we're also-rans does not make us Oddeph's fans.
(Dustfinger is looking rather befuddled, Tiger is grinning.)
RAINBOW: But where they had really missed the boat is:
TIGER, DUSTFINGER, STITCH: We're great guys, but no one seems to notice.
RAINBOW: Oddeph's charm and winning smiles (I agree)...failed to slay them in the aisles (what are they, blind?) And their father couldn't see the danger, he could not imagine any danger...
(Bluewood is still sulking and not paying attention.)
RAINBOW: Okay, maybe Jacob IS the danger. Anyway, he just saw in Oddeph all his dreams come true.
(Odd goes over and whispers something in Bluewood's ear. She brightens up and stops sulking.)
RAINBOW: (Quietly to Odd) What did you tell her?
ODD: I said I'd talked to Frodo, and he thought she'd look really cool as Jacob.
RAINBOW: Ahh...
(Bluewood is grinning manically)
RAINBOW: Jacob wanted to show the world he loved his son, to make it clear that Oddeph was the special one. So Jacob bought his son a coat, a multicolored coat to wear!
(Odd pops up wearing the coat and grinning hugely.)
RAINBOW: Oddeph's coat was elegant, the cut was fine. The tasteful style was the ultimate in good design. And this is why it caught the eye: a king would stop and stare!
(Odd is twirling around in his new coat, still grinning.)
RAINBOW: And when Oddeph tried it on, he knew his sheepskin days were gone. Such a dazzling coat of many colors, how he loved his coat of many colors. In a class above the rest, it even went well with his vest. Such a stunning coat of many colors, how he loved his coat of many colors. It was red and yellow and green and brown and blue.
(Dustfinger, Stitch and the Leroy clones pop up.)
RAINBOW: Oddeph's brothers weren't too pleased with what they saw.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: We have never liked him all that much before.
STITCH: Actually, Odd and I are practically best friends.
DUSTFINGER: We're with him a lot, really, because of Rainbow.
LEROY CLONES: Well...WE don't like him!
RAINBOW: Hey! No arguing amongst the extras! Leroy clones, if you can't be nice, we'll hire someone else. Besides, you don't like ANYBODY.
LEROY CLONES: Do we have pretend to be brothers with him?? (Pointing at Stitch.)
RAINBOW: Please finish your lines.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: ...and now this coat, has got our goat. We feel life is unfair.
RAINBOW: (Rolling eyes) That's not much of a reach for the Leroy clones, is it? Sigh. And when Oddeph grazed the scene, his brothers turned a shade of green. His astounding clothing took the biscuit.
(Odd is parading his coat in front of Dustfinger, Stitch, and Leroy Clones. Dustfinger looks up.)
DUSTFINGER: "Took the biscuit"?
RAINBOW: British term.
DUSTFINGER: Ah.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: Quite the smoothest person in the district.
ODD: I look handsome, I look smart! I am a walking work of art, in my dazzling coat of many colors! How I love my coat of many colors!
RAINBOW: So...handsome...
TIGER: Got the list of colors ready?
RAINBOW: I have it memorized, actually. Ready?
ODD: Ready, girlfriend!
RAINBOW: It was red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange and blue! (Falls over gasping for air)
TIGER: We're going to need a break before the next song.
STITCH: First one to the green room gets to pick what channel we watch!!!
(Stampede of Leroy Clones runs past)
RAINBOW: ...so, I guess it's wrestling on tv again, right?
(After a short break)
RAINBOW: Oddeph's coat annoyed his brothers.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: But what makes us mad are the things that Oddeph tells us of the dreams he's often had.
TIGER: (Peeks in) Where'm I in all this?
RAINBOW: You're not really in on the murder plot, remember?
TIGER: Oh, yeah. (sulks) When's my part, then?
RAINBOW: Later. You even have your own song named after you. Don't you know your lines? "Benjamin Calypso" and all that?
TIGER: Heh heh. (Leaves)
RAINBOW: Odd, your turn.
ODD: Right. (Comes onstage.) I dreamed that in the fields one day the corn gave me a sign: your eleven sheathes of corn all turned, and bowed to mine. My sheath was quite a sight to see, a golden sheath, and tall. Yours were green and second-rate, and really rather small. (winks at Rainbow, who swoons)
LEROY CLONES: (Blocking Dustfinger and Stitch) This is not the kind of thing we brothers like to hear. It seems to us that Oddeph and his dreams should disappear.
RAINBOW: Guess this whole hate-the-good-guy stuff is effortless for the Leroys, isn't it?
ODD: I dreamed I saw eleven stars, the sun, and moon, and sky bowing down before my star. It made me wonder why. Could it be that I was born for higher things than you? A post in someone's government, a ministry or two. (Kisses Rainbow, leaves.)
(Leroy Clones, Dustfinger and Stitch run up with Rainbow among them.)
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: The dreams of our dear brother are the decade's biggest yawn. His talk of stars and golden sheathes is just a load of corn. Not only is he tactless, but he's also rather dim, for there's ten--
(Everyone is quiet)
RAINBOW: What? Why'd you stop?
DUSTFINGER: Well...since we're following the real story to some degree, and Benjamin isn't in on the murder plot, we can't say "there's eleven of us", so the rhyme meter is messed up.
RAINBOW: Cripes. You're right. Hmm...Well, there's still eleven brothers, even if one isn't technically participating. And you can't tell me Benjamin isn't just a little jealous of his brother's new coat.
DUSTFINGER: Whatever you say.
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: For there's eleven of us and, there's only one of him. The dreams of course will not come true--that is we think they won't come true--that is we hope they won't come true...what if he's right all along?
RAINBOW: Now there's a credible threat for ya.
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: The dreams are more than crystal clear, the writing on the wall. It means that Oddeph someday soon will rise above us all. The accuracy of the dreams we brothers do not know. But one thing we are sure about, the dreamer--
RAINBOW: Dreamer!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: --the dreamer--
RAINBOW: Dreamer!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: --the dreamer--
RAINBOW: Dreamer!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: --the dreamer--
RAINBOW: Dreamer!
LEROY CLONES: Will you stop doing that?!
RAINBOW: It's in the script!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: The dream--
RAINBOW: Dream!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: The dream--
RAINBOW: Dream!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: The dream--
RAINBOW: Dream!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: The dream--
RAINBOW: Dream!
(pause while Leroy Clones all glare at Rainbow)
RAINBOW: Now we all say it!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES, RAINBOW: Dreamer has to go!
(Stitch pants)
RAINBOW: Okay, time for a set change. (walks offstage)
STITCH: Stitch not like attacking Odd. (sad face)
(Tiger pops up)
TIGER: Be glad you have so many lines--I'm not even in it until the end because I'm not in on the stupid murder plot.
RAINBOW: Okay, we're ready! Everyone in place! Odd, you all ready?
ODD: (From offstage) Ready!
RAINBOW: Next day, far from home, the brothers planned the repulsive crime!
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Let's us grab him now--do 'im in, while we got the time!
(Odd walks in. Dustfinger grabs him and holds his hands behind his back).
RAINBOW: This they did and made the most of it.
STITCH: Sorry about this. (tears off coat from Odd)
RAINBOW: Tore his coat and flung him in a pit.
(Dustfinger tosses Odd into a well)
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Let's us leave him here, all alone, and he's bound to die!
RAINBOW: When some Ishmaelites, a hairy crew, came riding by.
(Camel goes by with two hooded figures riding on its back.)
RAINBOW: In a flash, the brothers changed their plan.
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: We need cash. Let's sell him if we can.
RAINBOW: Poor, poor Oddeph, what'cha gonna do? Things look bad for you, hey, what'cha gonna do? Poor, poor, Oddeph, what'cha gonna do? Things look bad for you, hey, what'cha gonna do? Must...resist...urge...to save...boyfriend...
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Could you use a slave, you hairy bunch of Ishmaelites? Young, strong, well-behaved, going cheap! And he reads and writes!
ODD: (Calling up from inside the well)I can fight on Lyoko, too!
RAINBOW: You're not helping your case any.
ODD: I knew that.
RAINBOW: In a trice, the dirty deal was done.
(Leroy Clones run around carrying a bag of money.)
RAINBOW: Silver coins for Jacob's favorite son.
(Dustfinger pulls Odd out of the well and ties him to the back of the camel)
RAINBOW: Then the Ishmaelites galloped off with a slave in tow, off to Egypt where Oddeph was not keen to go. It wouldn't be a picnic, he could tell.
ODD: And I never took Egyptian as an elective!
RAINBOW: That doesn't really rhyme.
ODD: Your point?
RAINBOW: Oddeph's brothers tore his precious multicolored coat.
(Leroy Clones are tearing the coat into pieces)
RAINBOW: Having ripped it up, they next attacked a passing goat. (Stares offstage) Ugghh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
DUSTFINGER: Tell me why I have to work with them again?
STITCH: Gruesome...
RAINBOW: Soon the...ugh, poor goat...soon the wretched creature was no more.
DUSTFINGER: You are telling me. Yeesh.
RAINBOW: They dipped his coat in blood and guts and gore. Good thing none of us have weak stomachs.
(Tiger runs past clutching his stomach)
RAINBOW: Oookayyy, never mind. Oh, now, brothers, how low can you stoop? You make a sordid group, hey, how low can you stoop? Poor, poor, Oddeph, sold, abused and dissed. Things look far amiss, so, here's a good-luck kiss.
(Big kiss)
LEROY CLONES: That's not in the script.
DUSTFINGER: Just forget it. Trust me.
RAINBOW: Okay, time for another set change. One moment please.
(Scene opens on a campfire, with Bluewood sitting in a rocking chair and Tiger at her feet. All the Leroys come up and crowd around her, while Dustfinger and Stitch stand before them.)
DUSTFINGER: Father, we've something to tell you: a story of our time. A tragic, but inspiring tale of manhood in its prime. You know you had a dozen sons--
(Leroys cackle and Bluewood gives them a weird look.)
DUSTFINGER: --well now that's...not quite true. But feel no sorrow--do not grieve. He would not want you to.
BLUEWOOD: Is it bad if I already know exactly what he's going to say?
RAINBOW: Just go along with it, please.
DUSTFINGER: You see, there's one more angel in heaven, there's one more star in the sky. Oddeph will never forget you. It's tough, but we're gonna get by. There's one less place at our table, there's one more tear in my eye. But Oddeph, the things that you stood for, like practical jokes never die.
BLUEWOOD: Um, say what now?!
RAINBOW: Dustfinger, no rewriting the script.
DUSTFINGER: You did.
RAINBOW: (Blushing) I'm the director.
DUSTFINGER: When I think of his last great battle, a lump comes to my throat. It takes a boy who knows no fear to wrestle with a goat.
RAINBOW: Ugh, thinking about the goat still makes me nauseous.
(Leroy Clones grin at each other)
DUSTFINGER: His bloodstained coat is tribute to his final sacrifice...
(No one says anything)
DUSTFINGER: Bloodstained coat...tribute...this is your cue, Leroys!
(Leroy Clones solemnly hand the coat to Bluewood)
DUSTFINGER: Thank you. His body may be past its peak, but his soul's in paradise!
BLUEWOOD: Geez, what'd you guys do to him? Run him under a truck?
RAINBOW: They didn't have trucks back then. Besides, it's your turn. You have to repeat the verse looking grief-stricken.
BLUEWOOD: Oh, you're right. Ahem...there's one less place at our table, there's one more tear in my eye.
RAINBOW: Good job.
DUSTFINGER: But Oddeph, the things that you stood for, like practical--
RAINBOW: Dustfinger!
DUSTFINGER: --never die.
(Rainbow rolls her eyes)
DUSTFINGER: Carve his name with pride and courage!
STITCH: Let no tear be shed.
DUSTFINGER: If he had not laid down his life, we all would now be dead.
(Bluewood goes into house. The Leroys bounce around delightedly and Stitch eventually joins in. Dustfinger stands off to the side, looking rather disgruntled.)
RAINBOW: Okay, you guys, off the set and change it for the next number! Hurry!
(Please bear with us)
RAINBOW: Oddeph was taken to Egypt in chains and sold, where he was bought by a captain named Potiphar!
(Long stretch of hallways eventually come out to Stitch, wearing a top hat and looking befuddled)
BLUEWOOD: (From offstage) He looks so darling!!!
RAINBOW: Potiphar had very few cares, he was one of Egypt's millionaires, having made a fortune buying shares in:
STITCH: Spaceships!!!
RAINBOW: Well, that doesn't really rhyme, but close enough.
(Stitch grins at her.)
RAINBOW: Potiphar had made a huge pile. Owned a large percentage of the Nile.
STITCH: Meant that Stitch could fly around blowing up bad guys! Yehahahaha!
RAINBOW: And he did.
STITCH: Stitch not go by script?
RAINBOW: Not particularly, but oh well. Ahem.
(Odd pops up dressed in a servant's clothes, sits down at Stitch's feet.)
RAINBOW: Oddeph was an unimportant slave who found he liked his master. Consequently worked much harder, even with devotion. Potiphar could see that Oddeph was a cut above the average. Made him leader of his household, maximum promotion!
(Oddeph leans around to kiss Rainbow.)
RAINBOW: Potiphar was cool and so fine.
(No one says anything)
RAINBOW: This is the line about your wife not towing the line, Stitch.
STITCH: But Angel being bad girl!!!
RAINBOW: Um...it's all there in chapter thirty-nine of geneses? No, that didn't rhyme. Redo. How about this: Potiphar was short and so cute, but his wife he'd often have to boot. If you don't believe us, scoot on out and read it.
ODD: Close enough.
(Angel appears dressed in finery and looking cruel.)
RAINBOW: She was beautiful but evil. Saw a lot of men against his will. He would have to tell her that she still was his.
STITCH: Angel hurt Stitch's feelings.
ANGEL: (Sadly) I'm not trying to...it's just in the script.
RAINBOW: Moving on, peoples. Oddeph's looks and handsome figure had attracted her attention--
ANGEL: Him? Him?!
ODD: Gee, thanks.
RAINBOW: Angel, it's just a play. Can you just follow the script, please?
ANGEL: No! I only love Stitch!
RAINBOW: Sigh. Okay, we'll skip the whole betrayal-to-the-wife bit and go straight to Potiphar being angry, okay? Stitch, go back to the door so we can cue you.
(Stitch goes through the double doors.)
RAINBOW: Letting out a mighty roar, Potiphar burst through the door!
(Stitch bursts in, ears laid back and looking murderous.)
STITCH: Oddeph, I'll see you rot in jail! The things you have done are beyond the pail!
RAINBOW: Poor, poor, Oddeph, locked up in a cell...things ain't going well, hey, locked up in a cell. Kiss me before you go.
ODD: Yes'm. (Kiss)
(Please bear with us)
(Odd is seen in a prison cell.)
ODD: Um...hey, Rainbow?
RAINBOW: (Pops in) Yes?
ODD: Do I really have to do this whole sad children-of-Israel-are-never-alone song? It's too...slow.
RAINBOW: Yeah, I never cared much for it, either.
ODD: So am I off the hook?
RAINBOW: It is a sorta important plot development...
(Odd kisses her)
RAINBOW: But I suppose I'm not above a little bribe. (Winks) Okay, we'll do without the slow sad song. Let's move on to the Go, Go, Oddeph one.
ODD: Yay!!!
RAINBOW: Ahem. Oddeph's luck was really out. His spirit and his fortune low. Alone he sat, alone he thought of happy times he used to know.
HOODED FIGURE: Hey! Dreamer! Don't be so upset.
HOODED FIGURE 2: Hey! Oddeph! You're not beaten yet!
HOODED FIGURE: Go, go, go, Oddeph, you know what they say. Hang on now, Oddeph--you'll make it someday.
HOODED FIGURE, HOODED FIGURE RAINBOW: Don't give up, Oddeph. Fight till you drop. We've read the book, and you come out on top.
RAINBOW: Besides, I'm the director. I can change the play at will! Mwuahaha!
ODD: ...er, ahem?
RAINBOW: Oh. Right. The script. Gotcha. My bad. Now into Oddeph's prison cell were flung two very frightened men.
(625 and Stitch are flung in, 625 dressed as a baker and Stitch as a butler.)
STITCH and 625: We don't think that we will ever see the light of day again. Hey, Oddeph, help us if you can. We've had dreams that we don't understand!
RAINBOW: Both men were servants of Pharaoh the king, both in the doghouse for doing their thing. One was a baker, a cook in his prime. One was a bulter, the Jeeves of his time.
(Hunny comes in, half-costumed.)
HUNNY: Pharaoh Hunny requires cake! (points at Baloney)
(Tiger leans out of a door marked "dressing room.")
TIGER: Hunny, you're not on yet. Be patient. Besides, there's cake in the green room.
HUNNY: Yaaayyy! (Runs offstage.)
ODD: Should...um...should I go on with my lines here?
RAINBOW: Yeah, that would be good.
ODD: Tell me of your dreams, my friends, and I will tell you what they show. Though I cannot guarantee to get it right, I'll have a go.
RAINBOW: First the butler, trembling, took the floor. Nervously he spoke of what he saw.
STITCH: There I was standing in front of a vine. I picked some grapes, and I crushed them to wine. I gave them to Pharaoh, who drank from my cup. I tried to interpret, but I had to give up.
(Odd grins widely)
ODD: You will soon be free, my friend. So do not worry any more! The king will let you out of here--you'll..."buttle" as you did before!
RAINBOW: Good job, boyfriend. If I were in that cell with you, you can imagine what my reaction could be.
ODD: (Still grinning) I have some vague notion.
RAINBOW: Next the baker rose to tell his dream hoping it would have a similar theme...
625: There I was standing, with baskets of bread. High in the sky I saw birds overhead, who flew to my basket and ate every slice. Give me the message...like his would be nice! (Gestures to Stitch)
ODD: (Blinks.) Do I have to give a death sentence?
625: Death sentence? What death sentence? Nobody said anything about a death sentence!
RAINBOW: If you'd read your script...
625: I read the parts marked "Baker," right?
RAINBOW: Okay, okay, no death sentence. Just pretend they both got away.
STITCH: Yay!
RAINBOW: You guys need to be off the set now so we can do the second part of this song.
STITCH and 625: Oops. Right. (Both exit)
HOODED FIGURES: (Throw off hoods. All are randomly clothed hippie-ish stick figures.) Go, go, go, Oddeph, you know what they say! Hang on now, Oddeph, you'll make it someday! Shanana Oddeph, you're doin' fine! You and your dreamcoat are ahead of your time!
RAINBOW: ...or ahead of your lips. That works, too.
ODD: Is that a hint?
RAINBOW: (Bats eyelashes) Maayyybeee.
TIGER: (Wanders out) Not in the script, guys.
RAINBOW: (Looks up from kissing Odd.) Your point? Besides, what're you doing out here?
TIGER: Um, dancing?
RAINBOW: (Grinning) Fine.
(Everyone dances around for a little while)
HOODED FIGURES: Ahead of your time!!!
ODD: That was a rather anti-climatic ending.
RAINBOW: Oops, this is time for the curtains to go back and me to have another solo. Dangit, no more kisses for awhile.
ODD: Miss you.
RAINBOW: We'll manage somehow. (Kisses Odd on cheek) See you in a few.
TIGER: (Mutters) Lovebirds.
RAINBOW: Okay, everyone, off-stage. Except me.
(Everyone leaves, curtains close)
RAINBOW: Pharaoh was an adorable man with the ancient world in the palm of his hand. To all intents and purposes he was Cuteness with a capital C. Whatever he did, he was showered with love--he was strong as a bear, but gentle as a dove. No one had cake or chocolates but the king. In fact, you might say he was purely caffeine. When Pharaoh is near, then you make your cakes secure. If you ever find yourself near Rameses, bring sugar offerings. Down at the other end of the scale, Oddeph is still doing time in jail. For even though he pulls pranks with the guards, a lifetime in prison seems quite on the cards. But if my analysis of the position is right, at the end of the tunnel there's a glimmer of light. For all of the sudden, indescribable things have shattered the sleep of both peasants and kings. Strange as it seems, there's been a run on crazy dreams. And a boy employing psychic could go far...Could become a star.
ODD: (From offstage) So...beautiful...
RAINBOW: (Blushing) Okay, time for the big Pharaoh scene. You all ready back there?
EXTRAS: Ready!
(curtain is drawn, revealing a huge Egyptian set. Rainbow walks in and turns to face audience. Plate lifts up to reveal Hunny, looking befuddled and wearing an Egyptian headdress.)
HUNNY: Um...hi there!
ODD: (Pops up behind Rainbow) Now THERE'S an image to strike fear into the hearts of wrong-doers. (Disappears.)
RAINBOW: Guess what? In his bed, Pharaoh had an uneasy night. He had had a dream that pinned him to his sheets with fright. No one knew the meaning of the dream. What to do, whatever could it mean?
(Stitch pops up with Hunny)
RAINBOW: Then his butler said:
STITCH: I know of a guy in jail, who is hot on dreams. Could explain the Pharaoh's tale.
RAINBOW: He's certainly hot. Pharaoh said:
HUNNY: Well, fetch this Oddeph man. He needs to advise me, if he can.
RAINBOW: Poor, poor, Hunny--what'cha gonna do? Dreams are haunting you, hey, what'cha gonna do?
(Odd appears in shackles)
RAINBOW: Chained and bound, afraid, alone Oddeph stood before the throne. (Hugs Odd) You're not really alone, by the way.
ODD: Understood. Let me say my lines here: my service to Pharaoh has begun. Tell me your problem, mighty one.
HUNNY: Okay...here goes: Well, I was skipping along the banks of the river when seven cake slices came out of the Nile. And right behind this super-hyper-sweet spree came seven other ones, and they were sugar free! Well, the diet ones ate the not-ones, which I thought would do 'em good...But it didn't make them sugary like I thought a monster dessert should. Well, the slices were as diet as they had ever ever ever ever been! This dream has got me baffled, so Odd...what does it mean? Well you know that kings aren't flunkees, but I don't have a clue. So please be nice, Oddeph. Help me, I beg of you! Well, I was simply playing hopscotch in a field out of town, when I saw seven beautiful, fat brownies. They were rich, they were brown, but you guessed it--right behind them came seven other ones, skinny as could be! Well the skinnies ate the fatties, and they came up from behind, yes indeed. But Odd, here's the bad part: and though I'm quite smart, I just can't see: The skinnies were as skinny as they'd ever ever ever ever been! This dream has got me terrified, so please be nice and tell me what it means! Hey...hey...hey hey hey, Oddeph, won't you tell me and Bun-Bun, what does this scary, scary, scary, scary dream mean?
ODD: Here comes my favorite song!
RAINBOW: Cue the trumpets!
ODD: Seven years of bumper crops are on their way. Years of plenty, endless wheat and tons of hay. Your farms will boom, there won't be room to store the surplus food you grow! After that, the future doesn't look so bright. Egypt's luck will change completely, overnight. And famine's hand will stalk the land with food an all-time low! Noble king, there is no doubt what your dreams are all about! All these things you saw in your pajamas--
RAINBOW: (Imagining Hunny in a nightcap and bunny slippers) So cute!!!
ODD: ...are a long-range forecast for your farmers. And I'm sure it's crossed your mind, what it is you'll have to find: find a man to lead you through the famine with a flair for economic planning. But who this man could be I just don't know.
RAINBOW: Who this man could be I just don't know.
(People in Pharaoh's court start filling in)
ODD: Who this man could be I just don't know.
RAINBOW: Who this man could be I just don't know.
ALL: Who this man could be I just don't know!
(No one says anything)
RAINBOW: Hunny, this is your part.
HUNNY: Too...short...to see...over servants...
RAINBOW: Oh, right. All you Pharaoh's court extras need to get off the set, please.
(People leave. Hunny is standing where they used to be, looking disgruntled.)
RAINBOW: Pharaoh said:
HUNNY: We'll stone the crows, this Oddeph is a clever guy. Who'dve thought that he'd predict fourteen years, just blinking an eye? Oddeph, you must help me further: I have found a job for you. You shall lead us through this crisis; you shall be my number two!
RAINBOW: Pharaoh sent his guards to fetch a chisel from the local store, whereupon he ordered them to cut the chains that Oddeph wore. Oddeph got a royal pardon, and a host of splendid things: a chariot of gold, a cloak, a medal and some signet rings! Oddeph!
FAN GIRLS: Oddeph!
RAINBOW: Pharaoh's number two!
FAN GIRLS: Pharaoh's number two!
RAINBOW: Oddeph!
FAN GIRLS: Oddeph!
RAINBOW: Egypt looks to you!
FAN GIRLS: Egypt looks to you!
RAINBOW: Odddddeephhhhh! Seven summers on the trot were perfect, just as Oddeph said. Oddeph saw that food was gathered, ready for the years ahead. Seven years of famine followed--Egypt did not mind a bit. The first recorded rationing in history was a hit!
(Fan Girls swarm in and surround Odd)
FAN GIRLS: Oddeph, how can we ever say all that we want to about you? We're so glad that you came our way--we should have perished without you.
HUNNY: (Wanders in. Fan Girls back off from Odd. Rainbow is growling at the Fan Girls.) Oddeph, we are the perfect team. Old buddies, now that's you and me. I was smart to have chosen you...now, let's have some cake and tea!
FAN GIRLS: (Swarm back in, knocking Hunny and Rainbow backwards) Oddeph, how can we ever say all that we want to about you? We're so glad that you came our way--we should have perished without you.
(Rainbow clears away the Fan Girls, looking murderous)
HUNNY: We were in a fright, too great for even Kyo's might, but now we're a partnership--it's just a piece of cake!
FAN GIRLS: Greatest man since Noah, only goes to show-a:
ODD: Anyone from anywhere can make it if they get a lucky break!
RAINBOW: Get...off...my...boyfriend...
(The fan girls back away and leave)
RAINBOW: Ahem. This would be a happy ending, perfect place to stop the show. Oddeph, after all, has gone about as far as he can go. But I'm sure that Jacob and his other sons have crossed your mind. How had famine hit the family Oddeph left behind?
ODD: You have a great voice, princess.
RAINBOW: (Blushing) Awww, thanks. Now we've got to do "those Canaan days", so all of you guys have to be off the set. Stitch? Are you changed?
STITCH: (From offstage) Ready!
RAINBOW: Leroys?
LEROY CLONES: (From offstage) Ready.
RAINBOW: Dustfinger?
DUSTFINGER: (From offstage) Ready.
RAINBOW: Bluewood?
BLUEWOOD: (From offstage) All set!
RAINBOW: Okay, get ready everyone. Curtains down--
(Curtains go down)
RAINBOW: Stage set, and...curtains up!
(Curtains go up to reveal Jacob's house. Bluewood is sitting in the center, looking crestfallen. Tiger at her feet, Dustfinger is in a corner, and the Leroy Clones are all standing around. Stitch is in front.)
RAINBOW: Remember to do your phony French accents! (Runs offstage)
STITCH: Do...you...remember ze good years in Canaan? Ze summers were endlessly gold. Ze fields were a patchwork of clover, ze winters were never too cold. We strolled down ze boulevard togezer, and everything around us was fine!
BLUEWOOD: Now ze fields are dead and bare. No joie de vivre anywhere. Et maintenant we drink a bitter wine.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: Zose Canaan days we used to know, where have zey gone, where diiiiiid zey go? Eh bien, raise your berets to zose Canaan days.
STITCH: Do you remember zose wonderful parties? Ze splendour of Canaan's cuisine...our extravagant, elegant soirees: ze gayest ze Bible has seen. It's funny, but since we lost Oddeph...we've gone to ze other extreme.
LEROY CLONE: No one comes to dinner now.
LEROY CLONE 2: We'd only eat zem, anyhow.
STITCH: I even find I'm missing Oddeph's dreams.
RAINBOW: (From offstage) The Leroys remembered a line! JOY!
STITCH: You do realize that they were staring right at ME when they said that, don't you?
RAINBOW: (From offstage) Oh...that explains it, then. Carry on.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: Zose Canaan days we used to know, where have zey gone, where diiiiiid zey go? Eh bien, raise your berets to zose Canaan days.
DUSTFINGER: It's funny, but since we lost Oddeph, we've gone to ze other extreme.
LEROY CLONE: Perhaps we all misjudged ze lad.
LEROY CLONE 2: Perhaps he wasn't quite zat bad.
STITCH: And how we miss his "entertaining" dreams.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: Zose Canaan days we used to know, where have zey gone, where diiiiiid zey go? Eh bien, raise your berets to zose Canaan days.
STITCH: Eh bien, raise your berets...
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: To...zose Canaaaaaan dayyyyysssss!
(Rainbow comes out, applauding)
RAINBOW: Good job, you guys! Okay, so here's where I come in, right?
ODD: (From offstage) You sure I'm not in there yet?
RAINBOW: Jacob'd recognize you. Anyway, we're only half a song away.
ODD: (From offstage) All right, all right. Sigh
RAINBOW: So...back in Canaan, the future looked rough. Jacob's family was finding it tough.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: For the famine has caught us unprepared. We are thin, we are ill, we are getting scared. It's enough to make anyone weep--we are down to our very last sheep!
STITCH: We will starve if we hang around here.
DUSTFINGER: But in Egypt there's food going spare.
LEROY CLONE: They've got corn, they've got meat, they've got fruit and meat.
DUSTFINGER: Um...something about a Sphynx?
RAINBOW: Yeah, nevermind. So they finally decided to go off to Egypt to see brother Odd. Wait...er...that doesn't really rhyme...
DUSTFINGER: Just forget it.
RAINBOW: Probably wise. Okay, abrupt set change!
(Curtains go down. Curtains go up to reveal the Egyptian set, with Odd standing atop the platform.)
RAINBOW: So they all lay before Oddeph's feet.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER, LEROY CLONES: Mighty prince, give us something to eat!
RAINBOW: Oddeph found it a strain not to laugh, because not a brother among them knew who he was!
ODD: You know who I am, right, Rainbow?
RAINBOW: But of course. I'd kiss you if I was up there. (Blows a kiss)
TIGER: Look at me! I'm actually onstage!
ODD: Okay, here's my line. I shall now take them all for a ride. After all, they have tried fratricide. I dreamed that in the fields one day the corn gave me a sign. Your eleven sheaths of corn all turned and bowed to mine. I dreamed I saw eleven stars, the sun, the moon and sky, bowing down before my star, and now I realize why! How do I know where you come from--you could be spies! Telling me that you are hungry, that could be lies. How do I know who you are? Why do you think I should help you--would you help me?
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER, LEROY CLONES: Yes!
ODD: Why on earth should I believe you? I've no guarantee.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER: Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall. Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl. Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall. Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl.
RAINBOW: You know, the Leroys were actually supposed to do that bit, too.
LEROY CLONES: We don't do "worshipping."
RAINBOW: Fine, whatever. Just get on with your lines.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER, LEROY CLONES: We are just eleven brothers, good men and true. Though we know that we count for nothing when up next to you. Honesty's our middle name. Life is slowly ebbing from us, hope's almost gone. It's getting very hard to see us from sideways on.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER: Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall. Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl.
ODD: I rather like the way you're talking--astute, and sincere. Suddenly your tragic story gets me right here.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER, LEROY CLONES: This is what we hoped he'd say!
ODD: All this tugging at my heartstrings seems quite justified. I shall give you what you came for, and lots more besides!
(Odd, Rainbow and a few Fan Girls begin handing out food.)
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, TIGER: Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall. Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl. Thank you, thank you, cringe, bow, stoop, fall. Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl.
RAINBOW: Oddeph handed them sackloads of food, and they groveled with base gratitude.
FAN GIRLS: Then, unseen, Oddeph slipped up around the back and planted a cup in young Tigerjamin's sack.
(Odd puts a mug that says LYOKO FOREVER into Tiger's sack.)
RAINBOW: When the brothers were ready to go, Oddeph turned to them all with a terrible stare and said:
RAINBOW, ODD: No! No! No, no, no! Stop!
ODD: You robbers, you're little number's up! One of you has stolen my precious golden cup!
RAINBOW: Oddeph started searching through his brother's sacks! Everyone was nervous, no one could relax!
FAN GIRLS: Who's the thief? Who's the thief? Who's the thief? Who's the thief?
RAINBOW: Is it Rueben?
(Dustfinger empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Simeon?
(Stitch empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Naphtali?
(Leroy Clone empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Dan?
(Leroy Clone 2 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Asher?
(Leroy Clone 3 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Isaachar?
(Leroy Clone 4 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Levi?
(Leroy Clone 5 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Who's the man? Is it Zebulun?
(Leroy Clone 6 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Gad?
(Leroy Clone 7 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it Judah?
(Leroy Clone 8 empties his sack)
FAN GIRLS: No!
RAINBOW: Is it him? (Points at Tiger)
FAN GIRLS: Who's the thief, who's the thief? Who's the thief, who's the thief? Who's the thief, who's the thief?
RAINBOW: Could it possibly be Benjamin?
(Tiger empties sack and the cup falls out)
FAN GIRLS: Yes, yes, yes!
ODD: Oy, this is going to be tricky. I'm sentencing my future brother-in-law.
(Tiger gags)
ODD: Benjamin, you nasty youth! Your crime has shocked me to the core. Never, in my whole career, have I encountered this before. Guards! Seize him! Lock him in a cell. Throw the keys into the Nile as well.
RAINBOW: Each of the brothers fell to his knees.
DUSTFINGER, STITCH: Show him some mercy, o mighty one, please. He would not do this, he must have been framed. Jail us and beat us, we should be blamed.
RAINBOW: Okay, that tears it. Leroys, you knew your lines for the last song! Where were you for this part?
LEROY CLONES: What's mercy?
RAINBOW: Cripes.
ODD: I forgot about that.
RAINBOW: You know, the Leroys are playing everyone but Rueben, Simeon and Benjamin, and it's supposedly Judah who sings this one.
ODD: So have Stitch do it. Or Dustfinger. Actually, no, let Stitch do it. I don't think Dustfinger's cut out for calypso-ing, are ya?
DUSTFINGER: Not particularly.
RAINBOW: Okay, Stitch, you think you can do this one improv-style?
STITCH: Sure!
RAINBOW: Okay, everyone in places. Cue the calypso music, and go!
DUSTFINGER, STITCH, LEROY CLONES: Oh, no--not he. How you can accuse him is a mystery. Save him, take me. Benjamin is straighter than the tall palm tree.
STITCH: I hear the steel drums sing their song, they're singing: Man, you know you've got it wrong. I hear the voice of the yellow bird, singing in the tree: this is quite absurd. Oh, yes!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Oh, yes!
STITCH: It's true!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: It's true!
STITCH: Benjamin is straighter than the big bamboo. No ifs!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: No ifs!
STITCH: No buts!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES:: No buts!
STITCH: Benjamin is honest as coconuts. Sure as the tide wash the golden sand, Benjamin is an innocent man. Sure as bananas need the sun, we are the criminals, guilty ones. Oh, no!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES:Oh, no!
STITCH: Not he!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Not he!
STITCH: How you can accuse him is a mystery. Save him!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Save him!
STITCH: Take me!
DUSTFINGER, LEROY CLONES: Take me!
STITCH: Benjamin is straighter than the tall palm tree.
RAINBOW: Okay, let's end there. Stitch, that was great! You really got that calypso feel into it!
STITCH: I live on a beach, remember?
RAINBOW: Good point. Okay, everyone in place--actually, this is just a repeat of that brothers-fell-to-their-knees bit, and clearly the only people capable of doing that part are Stitch and Dustfinger, so let's skip it. Odd, you're up next.
ODD: All set!
RAINBOW: And Oddeph knew by this, his brothers now were honest men. The time had come at last to reunite them all again.
ODD: Can't you recognize my face? Is it hard to see that Oddeph, who you thought was dead...your brother...is me?
STITCH, DUSTFINGER, TIGER, LEROY CLONES: Oddeph, Oddeph, is it really true? Oddeph, Oddeph, is it really you? Oddeph, Oddeph!
ODD: Yep, was me all along! Fooled ya, didn't I? Now, if you'll excuse me a moment...(Kisses Rainbow full on the mouth as the set is changing.)
TIGER: (From offstage) Rainbow, it's the Jacob came to Egypt song!
RAINBOW: Wot? Oh, right. (Skitters off, blushing furiously.) So Jacob came to Egypt, no longer feeling old! And Oddeph came to meet him in his chariot of gold. Of gold! Of gold! Of gold!
(Bluewood comes up and meets Odd in his chariot)
BLUEWOOD: Hey, Odd-man. How ya been?
ODD: Oh, not bad. Yourself?
BLUEWOOD: Pretty well, actually.
ODD: Hey, is that my coat?
(Bluewood hands him the tattered coat.)
ODD: Aw, man, this is the super-slow song at the end, isn't it?
(Rainbow peeks out)
RAINBOW: Yes, but it's a super-slow one that I eventually harmonize with, so it could become very romantic.
ODD: ...did I ever mention how much I love super-slow ones? Ahem. I closed my eyes...drew back the curtain, to see for certain what I thought I knew. Far, far away someone was weeping, but the world was sleeping...any dream will do. I wore my coat with golden lining, bright colors shining, wonderful and new. And in the east, the dawn was breaking and the world was waking...any dream will do.
(Rainbow comes up and takes his hands)
ODD: A crash of drums!
RAINBOW: A flash of light!
ODD: My golden coat flew out of sight!
ODD and RAINBOW: The colors faded into darkness, I was left alone. May I return to the beginning, the light is dimming, and the dream is, too. The world and I, we are still waiting...still hesitating. Any dream will do. Still hesitating...any dream will do...
(Kiss)
(Dustfinger, 625, Tiger, Stitch, and Leroy Clones surround them)
ALL: May I return to the beginning, the light is dimming, and the dream is, too. The world and I, we are still waiting...still hesitating. Any dream will do...give me my colored coat, my amazing colored coat! Give me my colored coat! My amazing...colored...coat!!!
TIGER: Tada!
RAINBOW: That was rather anticlimactic.
ODD: That was awesome!! What's next?
RAINBOW: Well, we might tackle another parallel. Thoroughly Modern Millie, Suessical, You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown...something like that.
ODD: Ooh! If we do Thoroughly Modern Millie, you be Millie and I'll be Jimmy!
BLUEWOOD: I get to play Miss Dorothy!
TIGER: No fair, who can I be?
RAINBOW: We'll figure it out later. For now, let's just say, happy Oddeph-ing, and thanks for reading!
STITCH: We go to green room now?
(Leroy Clones stampede by)
So yeah, there's my insane stageplay thingy. :P If anyone actually got more than three of those reference jokes, I will be totally amazed. Anyway, if you're still reading at this point I'm impressed! Thanks for perservering through total chaos, and thanks for reading!