Loved Ones
Author: Moggie
Rating: PG
Category: Romance/General
Spoilers: None.
Summary: GSR My true story mixed with a Grissom and Sara Romance.
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Notes: The first part is narrative and is completely true. The second part is true and fiction. Names have been altered and none CSI characters real lives have been changed to fit the story. I hope you don't cry too much, though I did.
I got the text around 6 in the morning, after having a conversation over the phone at 11 the night before. My mother was trying to do so many things at once. She was driving back and forth from the hospital every day. Sometimes she came and went twice a day. It was an hours drive to the hospital in which my Grandma was staying. We were given a few days by the doctor, but she surprised us all by holding on three more weeks. Though she was pissed at herself for holding out, thinking and feeling it wouldn't be much longer. But things had to happen first. Failings, pain, drugs, visits, day, night…
I had taken three weeks from my life to spend them with her in her time of need. I helped my mother and I helped my family as much as I could. I helped my Grandpa and tried to tell people, family, not to ignore what was happening. Not facing the inevitable would not prepare you when the time came. I convinced my cousin to see Grandma after he'd refused to go back. He was scared and angry, upset and hurting dreadfully.
What many don't realise is that my Grandma was our… rock. In my head, she was there for us. She brought up her children and she raised her grandchildren after her children grew up. Even now, I love my mother dearly, but I remember many times when I was young when my Grandma was there. We once lived with them for a time. My Grandma, my Grandpa, my aunts and uncles… all living in one area or the same house.
It may have sounded like a tight and close family, but you can live with people and not really be that close. I know, even now, that we loved each other in our own way, though my aunt's boyfriend of over 20 years, still scares the shit out of me, though not quite as much as he did when I was five. I'd always stand close to a doorpost and stare at my aunt, my Grandparents or my mum, and ask… "Where's Howell?" and they would tell me he's out or he's upstairs. I would stare at them and sigh in relief. "Good."
He wasn't that scary, really…
I remember I couldn't sleep. I was still awake at 5am and tried as I might, I couldn't fall asleep, knowing that any minute I could get a phone call telling me the bad news. I had drifted off and was woken by my cell phone at 6am, telling me in a text message that Grandma was sleeping and her breathing was shallow and slow.
'Grandma is still sleeping. Breathing no change.
Grandpa and I are staying at the hospital tonight.
Luv mum. ´ ´ ´ '
I had arranged to go the next morning and try to get to the hospital. I was sitting in the car with my brother and his fiancé, reading a book. We had been listening to the radio and talking, sometimes joking around. We were no more than 30 minutes away when my cell phone vibrated in my jacket pocket and a stone silence hit me. I couldn't hear a thing. Before I reached for my pocket, I closed my book and sat up.
'Grandma died 45 minutes ago.
Grandpa and I still at the hospital.
Tell Joel that Lacy left a voice message.
Luv Mum ´ ´ ´ '
I had looked up and felt my throat tighten as I listened to my brother laugh and tease Sadie, his fiancé. I took a deep breath.
"Joel." I had called shakily.
"Yeah?" He turned his head quickly to look back at me before focusing back on the road.
I just told him the best I could, feeling my ears and face go cold and my voice quake. "Mum just sent me a text." I paused to swallow because I knew I had his full attention. "Grandma died 45 minutes ago."
Silence…
Then I heard before I saw it as Joel smacked the steering wheel and swore. "Shit!"
I stared out the window and all sorts of things flashed through my head. I could see Grandma laying in the hospital bed, holding my hand tightly. Any movement I made to make us both more comfortable failed as she continued to hold on. It was the first time she actually held on. I had comforted her the best I could over those 3 weeks I was there. I had held her hand now and then to soothe her when she had an anxiety attack or tried to push away the pain. But I had held her hand and she had only squeezed mine a few times.
The last day I saw my Grandma alive was in hospital. The last day of the 3 weeks I'd been there. I wanted to stay, but I had responsibilities at home. That last day hurt so much because I knew it was going to be the last time I saw her and I felt it so strongly, that she knew that too, because she didn't let my hand go for almost 3 hours.
She let me help her and my mum like she had for those few weeks, but this time she let me do more. I could understand her more than the others could. I suppose it's because I had worked with children in the past and the elderly as I grew up. She used metaphors because she couldn't get the words out that she wanted and it surprised my mother when I'd laugh or grin at my Grandma because I understood what she was saying. My mother soon caught on.
You see, my Grandma read a lot and being in her early seventies, she had read a wide range of books. Not only was she polite, well mannered, proper and beautiful, she was well educated. The things I've heard about my Grandma in the last few months would shock my friends completely as it shocked me.
One week past and the worst day of my life had arrived. This would be my first complete funeral I'd ever been to. The first was a dear friend who died suddenly near 6 years ago and his service was short and small with no church, just the crematorium. I very much doubt he would have liked a church service anyway.
This time was completely different. I didn't have a clue what to do or expect, but was grateful when the morning came and we were already organised. Designated cars for family. My Grandpa, aunts, uncles and my mum were in the long black limo car, following the hearse. My male cousins and brother who were to carry my Grandma's coffin were in the next car and myself and my female cousins where in the one behind that. I didn't look behind us as I knew there would be a long stretch of cars after we left the church and didn't look either time.
The church was full when I walked through the door with my cousins, who walked behind my aunts and uncles, who walked behind my Grandpa and my mother… who walked behind Grandma's coffin and the boys who stood in their black suits and white faces.
I listened and sang and waited, shaking. I listened to the priest give the service and I listened to another priest who was a friend of my Grandma's for many years as he gave the eulogy. It was difficult, he'd said, to talk about a special woman who had done so much and had given so much, into such a short speech. I learned some things I'd forgotten over the years. I learnt how my Grandma and Grandpa hated each other when they first met in school when they were so young.
I learned that years later my Grandpa and Grandma got married and went on to build a life with so much variety, it gave me hope. That I could do so many things and it would turn out ok in the years to come. That I could try and try hard to get a life that could give me a long and happy life with a family of my own.
I remember holding onto the flowers I held in my hands and the card I had written in the day before. I remember walking behind my family on the way back to the hearse and climbing into our car to drive to the crematorium. I remember standing outside with my family, waiting and how much I shivered from the cold.
It wasn't long before we had sat down that the second part of the service was continued and I nearly cried when I watched the curtain close and I heard my Grandma's best friend seated behind me.
"By Cynth."
I felt my eyes water then, but we were soon walking out another door and waiting with family and friends. I was so cold my mother gave me her jacket, her scarf and her hat. I laughed through chattering teeth when I realised that my cousin wrapped her thick scarf around me too. It made me cry a little, though just a few tears.
We were on our way back, taking a short cut, cutting out the busy roads to get back to the house. I watched as the lights in the car faded slightly and before we knew it, the car broke down at a junction and it made my laugh.
"Of all the days we break down. First a damn bird bounces off the window and now this." I remember saying to my cousins, making them laugh quietly.
I remember walking through the door to the bar and seeing him standing there, talking. I felt my heart beat hard in my chest when he looked at me with concerned blue eyes. I remember hearing my mother call to me and take my hand as I got closer. I couldn't say anything, so my mother spoke instead.
"I'm going to check on daddy." She said to me, referring to Grandpa.
I looked up when he reached out and took the hand my mother had grasped moments before. We didn't say anything for a long time and when my eyes started to water and a few tears made their way down my cheeks, I felt him step closer and wrap his arms around me.
I couldn't hold them back any longer and just let the tears fall silently as I clung to him. It felt good to have him holding me. I'd never thought it would happen and had only hoped that one day it might. Then I remembered what the priest had said about my Grandma and what a tough and joyously full life she'd had. It made me think about my life and my loved ones. If this was the beginning, then I'd take it, because even though it was the worse day of my like, I don't think I could get through this without him being there with me.
"Your mother called me at work." He had told me later. "She said I should be here."
I sighed and gently leaned into his side and looked down at my hand as his thumb caressed mine. "I'm glad you came."
We were quiet for a time, listening to everyone's chatter about times long past and times to come. He swapped his hands and wrapped his arm around me to hold me close as he kissed my hair. "Sara?"
"Yes."
"Tell me about your Grandma."
I smiled and snuggled closer, thinking about so many things. "My Grandma was a great woman and I'll miss her more than you can imagine."
The end.