Title: "The ADA and the Copper"
Author: Anna
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: I imagine if Elisabeth Rohm read the commentary about her respective performances in "Angel" and "Law & Order" she would see a surprising dichotomy. Seeing as how my shallow viewing knows no bounds, I don't usually snark on Serena, but after re-watching the first two seasons of "Angel" on DVD this story wouldn't go away. Now that I've purged, I can go back to enjoying Serena in peace.
* * * * * *
Serena kicked off her high heels with a sigh, first rotating one ankle, then the other. She winced as she felt a small pop go off in her joints. Court had not been kind to her today. She tossed her briefcase onto a chair in the living room, wandered into her bedroom to start her ritual decompression. She bent over in front of her dresser mirror and promptly screamed. Reflected clearly behind her was another woman.
Serena turned around, hands braced on the wooden furniture. "Oh my God," she said. She was staring at her twin.
"Not quite," smirked the other woman.
Serena took a second look at the intruder, and a third. The other woman's hair was shorter, and she looked a bit thinner, a bit younger, but she resembled Serena exactly in every other way. "Who are you?" she gasped, trying to edge towards the door. Her eyes flicked around the room, searching for help.
The other woman flopped onto Serena's bed. "If you can't answer that question on your own, we're off to a worse start than I imagined."
"Are you—are you me?" Serena asked haltingly, squeaking out the last word before she could stop herself.
"Am I you? Well…technically no, and I'll count myself lucky for that," said the woman, quite comfortable by the look of it. "Lawyers," she muttered.
Serena drew herself up slightly. "I am an Assistant District Attorney for Manhattan. A prosecutor."
The woman waved one hand lazily. "You're Jack McCoy's bitch. Dance, monkey, dance."
"His assistant."
"Whatever."
Emboldened by her twin's casual demeanor, Serena approached the bed. "Did you invade my apartment to insult me, or was there something you wanted?"
The woman clapped her hands to her head and moaned. "For the love of…" She sat straight up and pointed an accusing finger at Serena. "Fans used to like me, you know."
Serena blinked. "Beg pardon?"
The woman hopped off the bed. "I was a ballsy, tough gal in a rough city. Rough, you hear me? I had complex emotional problems. Hell, I had emotions." She started waving her arms in ever-widening circles. "I went from misunderstood crusader for justice to with a nice human-interest subplot on the side to…this." And she made an all-encompassing gesture that started at Serena's head and ended at her feet.
"Prosecuting criminals doesn't count as crusading for justice?" asked Serena, still confused.
"Let's face it, Serena. I am, by far, your more interesting counterpart," said the woman.
"Then who are you?" demanded Serena, losing her temper.
The woman held up a golden badge. Serena recognized the familiar shield shape immediately. "See this? I used to be Detective Kate Lockley, LAPD. Now I'm a bleeding-heart barbie who's apparently dated half of Manhattan. You're a…a…" Her hands flew to her mouth in sudden realization. Through her fingers, she uttered, "You're a sidekick." The hands jabbed accusingly at Serena. "You're not even a conversational foil. Sometimes you bait the hillbilly, but that's nothing new. Holy crap. You're a sidekick."
"I don't see you headlining your own show," snapped Serena.
"At least I was never a sidekick," Lockley all but shouted. "I mean, I'm no stranger to the daddy complex, but what in the hell happened to you? I used to be interesting." She sighed and seemed to deflate a little. "I know I didn't inspire any hundred-thousand-word epics, but have you seen the fanfiction written about me? Have you?"
"What?" said Serena.
"At least I got some respect," Kate went on. "I was so hard-core, even if I did end up cynical and bitter two-thirds of the time. And since when am I such a big lesbian? That damned epiphany…" She managed to stop herself and glared at Serena. "Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"
"I, uh…" Serena began. She cleared her throat. "Well, people do seem to fixate on me and M.E. Rodgers," she offered.
Kate snorted. "Hardly. And also, gross."
"Now wait just a minute…"
"Oh, shut up," said Kate wearily. She made a yapping motion with one hand. "Talk talk talk talk talk. For Pete's sake, you do enough investigation anyway; Wolf should've made you the cop and Green the new ADA. At least that way you'd get to run down a perp or drive a car or something besides picking up the expositional pieces. And the possibilities for McCoy and that very fine man—but I digress.
"I know the schedule by heart: arraignment, digging, trial, drop the other shoe, ohno-whatdowedonow-Arthur, optional Southern metaphor, more digging, some Womanly Insight from you that may or may not lead us straight to the Twist, and it's denouement all the way home."
"It's not my fault that I don't do much else on the show. I'm written that way," said Serena defensively.
"Then we'd better get my boy Joss up in here quick, 'cause damn."
"Isn't that a line from another—"
"Not important. What's important is that in the LAPD, no one, not no one, could tell me my business. You can bet if that twice-damned cracker-ass of a district attorney had pulled any of his shenanigans around me, I'd be force-feeding him that stupid elf." Kate checked herself. "Well, no. I suppose I would just bust his balls, but the principle's the same. Get your act together, Serena Southerlyn." Kate snapped her fingers impatiently at Serena.
"What, exactly, do you want me to do?" asked Serena, thoroughly exasperated.
"Well, short of leaping over Branch's desk and throttling him with his expensive tie as a prelude to stabbing him with one of your heels, I'm not exactly sure," Kate admitted. "You know," she added slyly, "We could switch."
"Switch?"
"Places, blondie. Switch places."
Serena twitched, resisting the urge to put her hands in her hair. "Cop calling the lawyer blonde, there," she murmured. "And I most certainly will not switch places with you. You could be some…" She gestured wildly as she formulated a response. "…some evil doppelganger."
"I'd be the lesser of two evils if that were true."
Serena continued with a glare for the other woman. "You don't know the laws of New York. You don't know anything about me. No way. Now get out." She folded her arms over her chest.
Kate stepped up to Serena, staring down her nose at the lawyer. "Make me."
"Don't push me," warned Serena.
"What are you going to do? Call the cops? 'Hello, I'm being attacked by my evil extra-dimensional twin, could you send a car by?'"
"So you are evil," said Serena triumphantly.
"Compared to what some people have done, I'm pure as the driven snow," said Kate, rolling her eyes. She threw her hands up in defeat. "Fine! You don't want to switch, we won't switch. Got anything to eat? Or better yet, to drink…" As she headed for the kitchen, she spun on one heel and laid Serena low with a bruising roundhouse.
* * * * * *
Snorting, Serena came awake in her office. Her head reeled as she sat up too quickly. A piece of paper was stuck to one cheek. Still hazy from the dream, she swiped at it ineffectually a few times before she managed to peel it off and toss it onto her desk. She blinked a few times, saw that it was well past closing time, and started to gather her things.
As Serena approached the elevator, the blonde woman already waiting turned around and Serena had to stifle a short scream. The other woman became eerily backlit as she chuckled wildly. "Woooo-ooooo! It's like a nightmare!" She wriggled her fingers at the ADA, chortling.
Serena cut and ran.
* * * * * *
She twitched once and opened her eyes. Her dark bedroom was immediately familiar, and she relaxed.
Weird, she thought. Her work life didn't often carry over into her dreams. Guess I'll tell everyone when I get to the set.