HAI THERE SO this is a little thingy that I just finished about five minutes ago…because I felt like giving you guys something while my other Dean/Cas fic is still being worked on. I know I haven't updated that in FOREVER, but my friend that I'm working on it with hasn't had time to put in her piece yet- BUT I PROMISE SOOOOON. Anyway, this is based around a few months after Sam has jumped into the pit. Dean is feeling all lonely and sad face and then CAS SWEEPS IN. Ps; I apologise for any mistakes and stuff… it is 1.24 AM… and I just wanted to post it now…cause yeah. THANKS FOR READINGGGGGGGG
The water felt refreshing and cool against Dean's heated skin. He splashed his face again, exhaling slowly as he clutched the sink tightly and glanced at his reflection. He was a wreck. Ever since Sammy had jumped into the pit nightmares constantly visited him. It was Sam's face, Sam's voice, his eyes pleading- "Dean,"
"Help me, Dean. Please save me."
Even just visualising the fear that gripped Sam's face in his vivid dreams made Dean choke back tears. He couldn't stand it. He'd failed as a brother- he was meant to protect Sam at all costs. And all he managed to do was be beaten to a bloody mess, and then watch as his brother fell into the abyss.
"Goddammit," he yelled, clenching the edge tighter as anger and sorrow bleated through his veins. His face mocked him. It was a constant reminder of what a failure Dean Winchester was. He felt the tears trickle down his face, watched them drip from his chin, and grimaced.
"You're pathetic," he whispered, words spilling from his mouth vehemently. In a sudden streak of anger he threw his fist into the thin glass, and watched as it shattered before him. Blood dripped from his hand, the crimson substance coiling down his arm. It was a release. He felt himself falter, and then he was suddenly kneeling, clinging for dear life and sobbing violently.
"How could you do this to me Sammy?" he whispered, "How could you leave me here?"
It was so surreal, the way the sorrow poured from his broken form and echoed off the walls. He felt completely alone. He'd lost everything.
"Dean," a deep voice said softly from behind him.
Dean didn't move, just curled further into himself and continued sobbing.
"Dean," the voice said again, but this time louder, trying to reach out to the broken soul before them.
Dean choked back another sob, mumbling a reply- "Go away Cas, just go away."
Castiel was torn between expressions, worry and fear etched upon his face.
"Dean, please listen, look at me, " he whispered, kneeling down beside Dean. He placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder, unsure of how to comfort him. Castiel assumed Dean would tear himself away from the touch, but the hunter didn't react.
Castiel sighed, and moved closer to the broken shell of Dean Winchester, letting his hand squeeze a little tighter as the hunter's sobs began to subside. They sat like that for a fairly long time, Dean willing his tears away, and Castiel staring ahead with a creased brow- until they met with silence.
"You know…none of this is your fault, Dean."
"I know you feel uneasy, and…upset about how the events played out, but…I promise you, Dean- this was not your fault."
Castiel knew he had made something suddenly change in Dean's demeanour, as he became stiff and pushed himself from the ground.
"You've got no idea, Cas. Just fucking leave, it's what you're good at, isn't it?" He spat, sharply gazing at Castiel. The Angel just looked at him with one of those calculating gazes, and piercing blue eyes; the intensity causing Dean to walk from the bathroom.
Castiel was in front of him before he could reach the motel door. Dean dragged a hand down his face, "Cas, please, I need you to go," he whispered against the silence.
The Angel stepped forward, still gazing intently at Dean.
"I will not leave until I know that you are alright."
Dean turned his back on the Angel then, anger permeating his veins instead of the sorrow he had felt only moments ago. Castiel observed the hunter with a sadness that he didn't know he could feel.
"There is something you wish to say," he pointed out after a passing moment.
"No, Cas, there isn't. I've said it already, I want you to leave."
"I cannot," replied Castiel, voice deep and husky.
"Jesus Christ, cas! I just want to be left alone!" Dean spat back, turning to face the Angel again.
Castiel cast his gaze down to the ground, let the words hang in the air and settle in the darkness.
"But…isn't that what you have been so distraught about, Dean?" he said softly, tilting his head as he connected stares with him.
"Isn't loneliness," he paused, taking a step closer, "what you have feared the most? What has made you fall to pieces?"
Dean's mouth trembled with unsaid words as Castiel stood before him, piercing his soul with that annoying stare. Again he felt the tears fill his eyes, because he knew that Castiel was right.
"You…left me alone too," he said, so brokenly that Castiel swore he felt something inside himself break at the words.
"I…" The Angel looked completely at loss for words. He thought Dean would have been grateful for his absence. Castiel assumed if he were to visit Dean it would cause unnecessary pain, and bring back too much of the past.
Dean had been happy, or so Castiel thought, for a brief amount of time when he was with Lisa and Ben. But…things did not continue so smoothly when Dean started to close himself off from them, and eventually removed himself from their lives because he felt unworthy of their love.
Castiel felt compassion for this human being before him…Dean had been through so much, had sacrificed himself and his life for the worth of others, putting everyone and everything else before his own needs. It was an amicable quality about the man, something that Castiel had grown fond of during their time together…their friendship.
But…this broken soul of the man that he once knew, standing before him and falling to pieces was something that Castiel had barely witnessed of the Winchester. It made something coil deep within his being, made him want to do something to prevent anymore sadness harming him.
He felt his body moving of its own accord, leaving little space between himself and Dean. And before he could think of something to say, his arms were encasing the Hunter, pulling him into a hug.
Dean was stiff at first, wanting to sink into the comfort of the Angel before him, but also wanting to yell and scream at him for leaving him in such darkness.
"I am so sorry, Dean," the Angel mumbled against his shoulder. Dean gave in and let himself sink into Castiel's embrace. It felt good. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and clung tightly to Cas.
They stood in the middle of the room holding close as sadness hung heavy in the air. Dean had closed his eyes, and became immersed in the comfort of the form pressed against him.
"Cas," he whispered, "I don't know…what I would have done if I'd lost you too."
Castiel pulled back at these words, enough to meet the Hunter's stare with a partially puzzled look. Dean let a small smile tug his lips as he brought a hand up to Castiel's shoulder, thumb trailing his collar bone, staring back at him.
"When Lucifer…killed you, God, I …" his voice croaked, "I just…you just mean so much to me Cas, as much as Sam. And if I'd lost the both of you, I don't think I would be here right now. That's why, I'm angry at you, because I care so much about you and you didn't even bother to come down and let me know that you were still ok."
As the words left Dean's mouth he leant forward and rest his forehead against Castiel's, closing his eyes and breathing in his scent. Castiel's hands were pressed against his chest, and he too closed his eyes.
"Dean," Castiel whispered.
Dean's thumb caressed the skin at the curve between neck and shoulder, feeling goose bumps erupt in its path. He brought his hand up to cup Castiel's cheek, swiping across the rough patch of facial hair.
Castiel opened his eyes, searching Dean's face.
"Dammit, Cas," Dean all but murmured and then locked their lips together. Castiel gasped into the kiss, electricity thrumming through his being. Dean pressed their bodies closer, and moved his hand to the back of Castiel's head to deepen the kiss. It was magnificent. Castiel moaned as Dean dipped his tongue into his mouth, and was rendered helpless as the hunter tugged at his hair.
"D-Dean," Castiel stuttered, which allowed Dean to tangle their tongues together even further. Castiel felt his heart rate spike, and his knees tremble at the intensity of the kiss. He felt everything. He brought his hands to link around Dean's neck, and Dean growled nipping at his lips.
"God, Cas," the hunter said breathlessly in between small pecks against his lips. He planted a few more open mouthed kisses against the pliant ones before him, hands coming back to cup the Angel's face. He reluctantly pulled back, breath coming out in small puffs, heart erratic in his chest. Castiel's eyes were wide, pupils blown as he breathlessly stared back at the hunter.
"I love you so freaking much," Said Dean brushing his thumb against Castiel's cheek.
Castiel couldn't help the smile that tugged at his mouth, couldn't help the way he pressed himself closer to Dean, and definitely couldn't help when the words fell from his mouth with such ease it was like he had been saying them to Dean for centuries.
"I will always love you, Dean Winchester."