A/N: After losing my work on here last summer, I'm finally writing again! I've been seeing some really awesome slash stories being posted lately, and it motivated me to restart my own previous attempts at it. Keep in mind, that while this isn't the first South Park fanfic I've written, this is the first slash story I've ever written. This is also the first South Park story I've written in novel format. Hopefully those two components put together won't make for a crappy story. Anyway, this fic takes place when the boys are about fifteen to sixteen, just so you know.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, but that's pretty obvious. Matt Stone and Trey Parker do, and I know they wouldn't write something like this.
"Oh, Terrence, I just farted in your face!"
"You sure did, Phillip."
"AAHAHAHAHA!"
Eric Cartman laughed weakly at the television. He had seen this episode before--many times. This was a normal weekday afternoon for him--sitting alone at the couch, watching the same reruns over and over, eating the occasional Cheesy Poof to occupy his time further.
There was nothing else to do. He didn't want to hang out with his asshole loser friends. Especially Kyle. Cartman hated Kyle--at least that's what he always said. He managed to find a reason to fight with him almost every day. Mostly Cartman just liked to piss Kyle off. It usually worked, although Cartman was more than likely to end up getting pissed off too in the process.
Cartman was suddenly interrupted from his precious TV by the sound of the doorbell. "God dammit," he muttered. "Mooom!! Answer the door!"
"I'm busy, sweetie!" Ms. Cartman called from the other room. "Why don't you answer it? It's probably your tutor."
"Tutor? What the fuck are you talking about, Mom?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, I forgot to tell you. The school called the other day and told me that your grades were slipping. So they offered to hire a random student with good grades to tutor you."
"Dammit, Mom! I don't need a fucking tutor!"
"Yes, you do, hon. Now, go answer the door. Your tutor is waiting, and it's very cold outside."
"Like I give a shit. I hope that asshole fuckin' freezes to death," Cartman mumbled angrily as he answered the door. Cartman glanced at the unwanted visitor and shook his head in annoyance.
"What the hell are you doing here, Jew?"
"Fuck you, Cartman," Kyle Broflovski replied as he entered the house. "The school sent me here. They told me you're such a dumbass that you needed help."
"I don't need help, douche bag. Not from you, anyway."
"Don't be stupid, Cartman. I'm not here to argue with you."
"I don't care what you're here for. I'm here to watch TV and ignore you." Cartman sat back down on the sofa and returned to his cartoons.
"Do you ever get off of your lazy ass and do work?" Kyle asked. Cartman paid no attention to him. "You're gonna fail your classes if you keep this up, you know."
Cartman continued to ignore Kyle. Kyle switched off the television set.
"Hey! I was watching that, asshole!"
"You've seen that shit a hundred times! If you don't let someone tutor you, you're going to have to repeat the tenth grade. And then you'll really look like a dumbass."
Cartman gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine, whatever. Tutor me, you fuckin' homo."
Kyle shook his head. "Whatever, Cartman."
"God, Cartman, what the fuck died in here?" Kyle said, looking around Cartman's room. Cartman hadn't bothered to clean it in weeks. It looked like total shit, but he didn't really care.
"You, if you don't shut the hell up, Jew," Cartman replied, glaring at Kyle angrily.
"You wish, fatass." Kyle looked around the room, trying to find somewhere to sit. There was only a desk chair (which had too much shit on it) and Cartman's bed (which was unmade, but Kyle wouldn't have wanted to sit there anyway). Kyle settled for the floor. Cartman sat across from him.
"Okay, Cartman, what do you want to work on first?"
"Hell if I know." Cartman looked around, signifying his disinterest.
"God dammit, Cartman, I'll just choose for you, if you're gonna be a dick about it." Kyle looked through some of the papers the school gave him. "It says here that you have a D in English."
"Yeah, so?"
Kyle rolled his eyes. "And you have a book report due at the end of the month. Have you started on it?" Cartman shook his head. "Do you even have your book?"
"Yeah, it's over there," Cartman replied vaguely, pointing in no specific direction. When Kyle went over to get the book, he noticed that it hadn't been opened much. It didn't surprise him.
"Have you read any of the book?"
"Meh, a little bit. I didn't feel like reading all of it. It was too boring."
"Well, you're gonna have to read it anyway," Kyle said, throwing the book to Cartman. Cartman muttered a string of obscenities and opened the book. After reading for a few seconds, his thoughts somehow drifted off.
Kyle was really starting to piss him off, showing up at his house like this and telling him what to do. Then again, it probably was a little better than staring at the TV for hours and hours. If Kyle weren't such a stupid Jew, then maybe Cartman would want to be around him more. The Jew was all right sometimes. Not today, though. Today Cartman wanted Kyle to leave him the fuck alone and stop trying to get him to read lame-ass books.
Cartman tried to read the book again, but it was too difficult to read.
"This book sucks ass."
"You're just saying that because you're too lazy to read it."
"That may be, but I still say this book sucks ass."
"Just read the fucking book, Cartman."
Cartman promptly flipped Kyle off and returned to the book.
God, what did Kyle have to be such a fucking asshole all the time? And why did he always wear that stupid green hat? Cartman still wore hats too, but not all the fucking time. Jesus Christ. Cartman couldn't concentrate now.
"Hey, Jew?"
"What, Cartman?"
"Why do you always wear that stupid hat?"
"Why do you want to know, fatass?"
"I was just wondering. It's just a fucking question."
Kyle gave an annoyed sigh. "I don't know. To hide my hair, I guess. I hate it."
Cartman laughed at the thought of Kyle's mass of red hair hidden beneath his hat. "You shouldn't wear your hat so much. You look better without it," Cartman commented, not really thinking.
Kyle got a confused look on his face and eyed Cartman weirdly. "What did you just say?"
"Nothing," Cartman quickly replied, surprised himself. "Now, would you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to read."
Cartman looked down at the pages again, not paying attention to what he was reading.
Why the fuck did he just say that? He was starting to confuse himself. He didn't really like Kyle's stupid hair, did he? Maybe that wasn't the only thing he liked about Kyle....No, wait! He didn't like anything about Kyle! He hated Kyle!
Cartman shook his head roughly to avoid any more weird thoughts. He really just needed to concentrate on reading the stupid book. It was so hard to concentrate, though. Cartman hated reading so damn much. Giving up once again, Cartman looked up from the pages.
"I can't read this shit."
"Yes, you can, Cartman. It's not that hard."
"Yes, it is! I can't concentrate!"
"Dammit, Cartman, come over here. I'll help you with it." Somewhat hesitantly, Cartman moved over, closer to Kyle.
He didn't like sitting next to Kyle like this. It was giving him the strangest feeling. It almost felt like...excitement.
Kyle started to explain the book, but Cartman wasn't paying much attention.
What the hell was happening? He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. No, Cartman doesn't feel this way...not around Kyle. He loathed Kyle, remember? So why couldn't he stop staring at him now?
Cartman awkwardly tried to mask his facial expressions. He tuned back into what Kyle was saying, but he found out he had missed pretty much all of it.
"...So, do you understand now?" Kyle asked.
Kyle was being so helpful...and even though Cartman wasn't listening to his help, he appreciated it in a way.
"No," Cartman said quickly, "but listen. Uh, I just wanted to say thanks for helping me out today, uh, with all this shit. I guess you're not a good-for-nothing Jew after all."
Dammit, why did he have to say that? Eric Cartman does not say thank you!
Kyle looked puzzled. It was hard to imagine Cartman being thankful...for anything. "Uh, you're welcome, Cartman..."
Cartman looked into Kyle's eyes as Kyle spoke. He couldn't help staring at them. Cartman noticed the questioning glance Kyle gave him when he looked back at him. Cartman averted his eyes from Kyle.
Kyle looked at Cartman, trying to read his thoughts. Cartman was so hard to figure out sometimes. Sometimes (or most of the time, rather) he would be a complete asshole...and then he would act differently...like this. He didn't know if he liked it or not. Maybe he did.
That strange feeling inside of Cartman was starting to strengthen. He couldn't stop looking at Kyle...at his eyes, his face. He really wasn't so bad to look at. Cartman couldn't take it anymore. There was something he really wanted to do now, and although he didn't know why he wanted to do it, he wouldn't stop thinking about it until he did it. Better tell the Jew about it first, though.
"Kyle..." Cartman said softly.
"What, Cartman?" Kyle noticed that Cartman looked pretty serious.
"Would it be wrong if I did something right now, something I don't know if you'd like?"
"You can't kill me, Cartman. There are laws against that."
Cartman laughed a little. "No, it's not that...." He paused. "Here, I'll just show you." Cartman leaned close to Kyle and in an instant, their lips met.
A wave of emotion flooded over Cartman. What the fuck was he doing? He really shouldn't be kissing Kyle, not Kyle, of all people! Kyle would probably be killing Cartman in a second for this.
Kyle was surprised, to say the least, but he didn't pull away from Cartman. Somehow this made more sense than he knew.
The two deepened their kiss, confused and scared but not wanting to stop. Cartman, with one free hand, took off Kyle's hat. He really did like Kyle's hair. And that wasn't all he liked about Kyle, either...
After a minute or two, the two finally pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. Kyle looked at Cartman with pondering eyes.
"What the hell was that, Cartman?"
"I don't know, Kyle...."
"Well, it's getting late. I have to go now, but I'll be back in a couple of days. I'm supposed to tutor you three days a week." Kyle got his things and left Cartman's room.
"Sweet..." Cartman said with a grin.