iI am a child of the moonlight. That was what my mother always called me, when I asked why I am like I am, why I am what I am./i
"You're a child of the moonlight", she always said, stroking my hair with a sad smile. "A child of a night with fullmoon."
iI always found comfort in her words. Child of the moonlight sounded so much better than werewolf. Not as dirty, not as filled with shame. So I clung to her beautiful words much longer than I think most would have done. But now I have given up, I am what I am, and that is not a child of the moonlight. That was only a way of trying to disguise my true nature. There are no such as children of moonlight, there are only werewolves./i
"Mother, why do they say I'm a werewolf?" I asked her one day, I think I was ten years old. "Why do they call me that? Is it what I become every fullmoon? A werewolf?"
"No, darling", my mother whispered, tears in her eyes. "You're a child of the moonlight."
iI still do not quite understand why she kept telling me that. Maybe she tried to avoid the truth herself, or maybe she thought she spared me pain by not naming my disease with its rightful name. But she did only make it worse, because one day I could not deny my state anymore. I had to accept that I was a werewolf, and nothing else. A filthy, dirty, disgusting werewolf./i
"Mother! Mother, why?!" I screamed at her, I think I was thirteen years old then. "Why did you always lie to me? You must've known I'd find out what I am! You hid all books about werewolves, and wrote Dumbledore and asked him to keep away all books from me at Hogwarts as well!"
"I'm sorry, Remus", my mother whispered, but I did not listen. I turned and walked out the door, never to come back. "I'm sorry..."
iI have regretted it many times, that I never spoke to my mother again, but it is too late now. She was killed by a Death Eater only two years after I left and went to live with my father. He had never liked me, and since I was bitten his silent dislike became pure loathing. But he let me in, and allowed me to live in his house until I turned seventeen./i
"Why isn't my dad here?" I used to ask my mother when I was little. He left around six months after the fateful fullmoon that turned me into the monster I become once a month.
"I don't know, Remus", she always said. "He just left, without telling."
iBut I know she did know. I think she would have left too, if she had not known I needed her. She loved me, but sometimes I watched her cry, when she thought I was not around. When I was a child I never understood why mother was sad, but now I know her tears were shed over me./i
"My child of the moonlight", my mother always said, "never listen to what other people say about you. They don't know you, they can't judge you."
iNow I wish I had listened more to what she said. If I had, maybe I would be somewhere else today, but I never was a very good listener. Not to that kind of things. To other things, I listen too good./i
"Mother, why can't I stay at Grandma's place tonight?" I asked my mother a night of fullmoon.
"Because you're a child of the moonlight, darling", she answered.
iTo that I listened too closely. I believed I was a child of the moonlight, whatever that was, but I never was. There are no children of moonlight. There are only werewolves, and I know that now./i