Hello readers! Its a pleasure to have you here with me for this humble fanfic! Before we begin I have to make some things clear for your convenience, of course.

First, the main character of this fanfic speaks little next to no English, but her thoughts as well as her narration will be in English for your convenience

Second, I decided to write this because I felt like my Spanish, Russian and English were all going to shit and I had to find some way to practice them all, so this was the way I found. Lets not forget to mention that neither one of those languges are my mother tongue so I'm bound to make some mistakes. I just thought this would be a fun thing to do.

Without further ado, let's begin!

CHAPTER I

The floor beneath their feet shook violently.

At each passing moment the platform in which they were seemed further away from the rest of the Inner Circle. Only a small party of four remained to directly fight. A warrior, a rogue an elven and a human mage.

The platform floated in what seemed like endless oblivion, and the air was thick, which made it difficult to catch breath. The floor was slippery, making it difficult to keep balance.

The Elder One directed his attacks towards Cole and the Iron Bull, who directly attacked him from up close.

The human mage however, knew that the final battle with Corypheus would be messy, but she was not expecting it to be so tough. Hell, she wasn't expecting to be a part of anyting, let alone the freaking Inquisition for fuck's sake.

For the entire time she was confident the Inquisition would be victorious- after all she knew everything that would happen- but she wasn't so sure at the moment. What would happen if they failed? Would everything go to shit like the Origin's expansion 'The Darkspawn Chronicles'?

Her spells were shit against the tall deformed monster thing- well, not that her spells were any good against anything other than harming herself by accident. Why did the Inquisitor ask her to join? Sure she was Lavellan's apprentice, but wouldn't it be best for her to stay back? Or did Ellana believe in her?

Before the battle, she had hoped to be there, fighting alongside her allies, but she never actually told anyone what she wanted. Was it Cole who knew what she wanted and told Lavellan? Of course he would have done that. He was too precious for this world, and she was lucky to have him beside her.

The flashes of colors of Ellana's ice spells, the clinking of the Iron Bull's sword and Cole's- her dear Cole...she knew Corypheus would try to bind him to his will, but the (now more human) young man she loved was no demon to be binded- twin daggers were so loud she could not even listen to her own staff pounding in the floating rock floor.

She casted a lightning chain spell a few seconds before the Elder One knocked Cole down.

The mage blinked.

She lost focus on what she was doing for a moment, stopping mid-spell- something Lavellan told her explicitly not to. It always surprised her how fast a party member could faint- and also how quickly they could be revived with the right spells or granades. Being actually there fighting, sweating and bleeding was different from simply pressing buttons behind a screen.

She knew however that as much as she wanted to just run and revive Cole, she couldn't abandon the rest of the party just to cast a spell to ressurect him, so, as painful as it was, she ignored her fainted lover.

"Bull's down!" Her moment of distraction cost another faiting. The Qunari mercenary fell down with a loud noise.

The young human mage tightened the grip into her staff with one hand and with the free one tucked her long black hair away from her face.

I can do this, she thought, we can do this- together.

Despite the layer of cheese regarding that last thought, she concentrated in the task at hand, focusing energy on her staff.

The mage kept attacking Corypheus with simple spells (which were the ones she could do) but he ignored her completely. Instead his attacks only targeted Inquisitor Lavellan.

With the warrior and rogue down, two mages with ranged attacks could hardly stand alone for much long wilst being attacked directly. It was just a matter of time now.

The dark haired mage tried, but she could not taunt the Elder One to leave the Inquisitor alone. For the first time, she felt like it was the end.

The elven mage was going to faint in a blink of an eye.

With a couple more blows directed to her, the elf did faint.

"¡Joder! [Fuck!]" The only standing mage cursed. A strong feeling of desperation filled the young human mage, making her static. She could not focus any longer. Her mana was insuficient for anything, and she could not focus energy into her staff. Fuck this! She was by herself facing the (second) evilest thing in this land!

Corypheus glared at the Inquisitor on the floor for a moment and chuckled. How dared he!

The Elder One was still far from the mage, but she could see his deformed body well enough to distinguish the red crystals from the rest of moldy flesh.

"¡Asqueroso!" [Disgusting!] She muttered under her breath. She had to make her way to the Iron Bull somehow, who fainted the closest to her. She just had to buy some time... she could run fast and...she had practiced healing spells- she was somewhat decent at those.

"Aren't you petty?" Corypheus finally locked his eyes with the black haired girl's. She could see he made his way to her...preparing for an attack... "You will die screaming!"

*Vynil record scratch*

*Frame freezes*

*Voice-over*

Can you imagine the frigtened (but still fabulous) mage girl facing Corypheus in that scene? Because I can't.

Jokes, that actually happened and that mage is actually me: Maria, the star of this piece of work I call 'story'.

But don't worry, I am not the heroic type to try to finish the bad guy alone. I had a secret weapon which let me out of that awful situation (¡BEES!), but I let Inquisitor Lavellan have the honor to kill Corypheus (the timeline could have been messed up otherwise). After all it was not me who had been cursed with a neon green mark. And let's face it: neon green doesn't look good in anyone.

You're probably wondering how I got myself into that messy, messy affair of fighting a monster-thing that should have been dead for thousands of years. Why on Earth do I speak Spanish? Why did I fall in love with Cole, out of all people? And most importantly: Why the fuck am I in Thedas?

Those are all excellent questions.

But I'm afraid the answers to those are far more complicated and A LOT more stupid than I wish they were.

Did all of this happen because I possess the second worse luck in all of Thedas (the first place is obviously Ellana Lavellan's)? Or was it because I couldn't keep my little fingers out of rich people's trash cans?

Probably both.

Scratch that. Definitely both. Plus the fact that some higher deity has a questionable sense of humor.

Well, before I begin narrating all the unusual and rather stupid events of my life, I must make some things clear: Yes, my last name is Russian but I was born and lived in Spain all my life. My father is the only Russian in this story, if you care to know (which you probably don't), but I'll get to that later.

I'm rather confusing, aren't I? I'm sorry.

Despite all this inicial confusion about me, let me tell you that I speak little English (or Common Tongue or Weird French as I like to call it) but for this narration English will be used (because ¡MAGIC! And because this is my narration of my story so fuck it. I can narrate this in Ancient Arabic if I want) whenever only one language is being spoken, for the reader's convenience, of course. Whenever there are more than one language, translations will be provided, which is part of the fun.

And yes, the fact that a huge language barrier existed (and frankly, it still does exist) between me and everyone else was convenient because I knew everything that was going to happen. I mean, who has never played Dragon Age: Inquisition at least once?... Now that I'm thinking, not being able to talk prevented me to spoil the fact that the Inquisition had not only one fake bitch but actually two, and honestly it was best for Lavellan to figure that and many more things out on her own (not to mention that I may or may not had had part in keeping her away from the Dread Egg).

Without further ado, let's begin!

It all started with a ball.

...and everything pretty much went downhill from there. I can never have nice things as you will notice shortly.

Oh! And let's not forget this weird thing with a magical ring that I found in the trash. That's kind of important, I guess.

No, really.

As much as it sounds ridiculously stupid (I told you) the little One Ring to Rule Them All that gave me the ability to cast spells and for some reason also unlocked eluvians was found in the trash.

Isn't this a promising start for my humble tale? At least Cole tells me so. He seems to like when I tell him about home, particularly when I tell him about the huge metal flying machines- also known as airplanes. Varric also said at some point that he couldn't have come up with such a far-fetched tale such as mine himself, and that is definitely something. That was what I understood, anyway.

Well, every story needs a begining and this is mine's.

It's not as flashy as blowing up the Temple of Sacred Ashes and gaining a magical mark to close demon gates and save the world and all that but I'll never be as flashy as Lavellan.

I was flashy in my own way, with a masquerade, a magical ring from the garbage and weird mirrors that took people to the Eluvian Central Station.

Shit, I am rambling, aren't I? Sorry, I tend to talk too much when the subject is me- that's something I picked up from Dorian, unfortunately.

Anyway, nobody's reading this thing just to hear me ramble, let's start with the real story.

But first, let me grab a cup of coffee.

What am I saying...I hate coffee.

Maria, stop being weird- there will be plenty of time for that later.

Alright, let me grab a swing of liquor then...

...My story starts in a small village in the middle of nowhere, somwhere in the northern Spanish Pirinees.

So, how'd you like it?

I wrote this out of boredom and I hope it has been enjoyable so far :) I inspired myself in writing a language barrier fic because of the many awkward situations I passed in my life lol. Well, anyway, I love Cole to bits and I think he deserves more love so I guess this just came to be because of that.

I would really like to hear what you guys thought of this first chapter!
¡Besitosss!