Pleasing the Audience 2
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana.
One Shot
Hawk entered on camera, shouting,
"Persiana13, I want a word with you!"
Dove entered on camera, trying to clam his brother down,
"Hawk, now calm down.
It's OK, Don. I sort of had a feeling he was coming.
Hawk snapped,
"You damn right I was coming! I got a gripe with you!"
Take it up with the complaint department.
Dove blinked,
"We have a complaint department?"
Well, we did, but I had to fire all of them. This economy sucks!
Hawk shouted,
"You want to know what also sucks! What you did to me in Chapter 6?"
Refresh my memory. It's been a bit hazy with all the work I've been doing.
Hawk scoffed,
"You, work? Isn't that kind of an oxymoron?"
Farrah entered,
"Please, Hawk, you eat donuts when we're not shooting."
Hawk panicked and hid behind Dove,
"Don't let her eat me!"
Dove sighed,
"I think you over did it when you wrote that scene where Hawk stepped on Farrah's tail."
Hey, that was completely improvised. I told her to get into Hawk's face about him intruding on her space.
Farrah nodded,
"Yeah, it's not my fault he stepped on my tail."
Dove suggested,
"You could have said so nicely."
This is Farrah we're talking about, not Tora.
Farrah rolled her eyes,
"Thanks for the support. You told me I could do whatever I wanted to Hawk!"
Well, I didn't expect you to do THAT with the chair.
Dove added,
"Or the table."
Hawk shivered,
"Or the handrail."
Or the trays, the plastic soda bottles, the cans, the ice cream scoop, that roll of paper towels, the forks.
The insane author paused,
All right, the fork thing I kinda saw coming.
Farrah shook her head,
"Oh, come on. It's not like he's hurt or anything."
The lawyers saw to that.
Green Arrow walked in angry,
"What can your stinkin' lawyers do about my restaurant?"
We had to shoot on location; it was the only decent restaurant in town.
Farrah added,
"Doesn't your brother work at the pharmacy next door?"
Yeah, and I get free headache pills every time I go there.
Green Arrow sneered,
"I can see why."
Why are you even here, Ollie? I was getting so entertained by Persiana freaking Hawk out.
Green Arrow screamed,
"You're little star over there closed my restaurant down!"
That can't be helped. I mean, how was I supposed to know she was going to invent new uses for kitchen utensils?
Catman added off camera,
"You wrote four Catastrophes, all of which featured things that most people with any common sense would never use those objects in those ways. And they were all used to inflict pain on ME!"
Quiet, Catman, or I release those photos of you dressed up as Persiana.
Farrah shrieked,
"What?"
She leapt off camera and tackled Catman in a fit of rage.
Hey, I paid good money for this equipment! No! Don't use the camera like that!
Loud crashes could be heard off camera.
Green Arrow winced,
"That has got to hurt."
Hawk panicked,
"Hide me!"
Dove rolled his eyes,
"And he's the stronger brother."
The three left the set.
All right, now to my next chapter …
Diana walked out,
"Did you put my underwear on E-bay again?"
Times are tough, princess. Besides, it's not like you stay in 'em long enough nowadays.
Diana growled,
"You're the exact reason why men aren't allowed on Themysciria! And, another thing; what's the big idea of putting my most hated enemy in my apartment?"
That was Farrah's suggestion. I just ran with it.
Diana threatened,
"You'll be lucky to walk after I get my hands on you."
Be careful, princess. I have those photos that I'm sure everyone would like to see in Playboy. I mean, who knew black would look so good on you.
Diana became horrified,
"No! NO! Not that! It'll ruin my chance to get Batman!"
Cheetah laughed off camera,
"Too late, Di. I already got to him first."
Diana was stunned,
"What?"
The princess jumped off camera, tackling Cheetah and a cat-fight erupted.
Sweet! I gotta tape this!
The insane author set up a video camera,
Hey, maybe this'll be on the six o'clock news.
Hawk groaned off camera,
"He's just as bad as Red Witch."
Flattery will get you nowhere.
Lex entered, angry,
"What's the big idea?"
Oh, God. I knew I shouldn't have fired those guys in the complaint department. Now I gotta put up with all this crap.
Lex snapped,
"You have no right to compare me to Homer Simpson! I am far more intelligent, sophisticated-."
Bald.
Lex nodded,
"Yes, bald…"
He glared at the author,
"I want you to stop comparing me to Homer, now! Or, I'll make you suffer."
The author yawns,
Lex, I really don't have the time now. I am working on this chapter and I'd appreciate it if I wasn't bothered with this right now, so…
The author presses a button and yellow paint fell all over Lex,
Go rehearse, Homer.
Lex squirmed,
"This is a ten thousand dollar suit! Do you have any idea what you've ruined?"
I probably do, but I just don't care.
Lex screamed,
"D'oh!"
Honestly, I try to come up with genius writing, but I keep getting interrupted. Now, what lame villain should I use in this next chapter? I know; Queen Bee!
Queen Bee said off camera,
"I heard that!"
End of One Shot.