Title: Broken Strings

Pairing(s): Christian/Edge
Rating: PG 13.
Disclaimer: None of the character used belong to me.
Author's Note: Some thick E&C angst that came out of nowhere. But friends liked it, so its being posted.

o~o

(Jay's POV)

"Why are you doing this, Jay?"

The pained broken voice of his doesn't stop me from my task of packing up all my clothes and stuff. There used to be a time when I couldn't stand to see a tear in his eye…Funny…How we grow into hurting the ones we vowed to always protect.

"Please Jay…You promised me you would try…"

I have become a promise breaker haven't I?…I dunno how after last night he can trust me with anything. And honestly, I was pretty numb after what I did. I don't even remember what he said, and with what I responded. When I crossed that line I never expected myself to cross, I just knew there was no going back. No talking. No working things out. So even if I promised to try…I didn't mean it, baby.

"Jay, at least talk to me…"

Why does he still want to talk to me?…Why does he confuses me so much?…Why the fuck is he not hating me and pushing me away like he's suppose to?…Its my fault. Its my fucking fault like everything else. I wasn't capable of taking care of him, yet I fed him this bullshit to always rely on me no matter what. That the whole world can be against him, but he could count on me to never abandon him. Yeah, fucking right. Way to go Reso. I wasn't that selfless and devoted.

"You said I had you forever…Why did you lie to me?…Why are you doing this to me?…"

He's breaking down. I can feel it. He's trying to reach me through anything…and its not working. It was never used to be like this between us. At least we were always able to talk.

I want him to stop talking. Really. Because if he doesn't, I won't be able to leave here with this empty expression I have been trying to conceal my broken spirit in with. My heart is shattering with each second. Not only for what I did and how much mess I created…but at the thought of cutting a piece of my heart and throwing it away with my own fucking hand. Of leaving him when I know he cannot live without me. Maybe I don't want him to reach that point where he himself realizes that he would rather live without me than live with me. I guess the pain would be less that way…But knowing him and how he feels about me, I know its not even in him to hate me or want a life without me. His love for me is a true definition of irrational love. He would have kept his mouth shut and let me do whatever I was doing if he had any idea that it'll all lead to me leaving him for good.

I don't know if its faith or what on his part…But it kinda sickens me to my stomach at how much false trust he really had in us. And how much I failed him. I had faith in us too. But then I lost faith in myself. I wish I didn't love him this much. Because then, I wouldn't be this afraid to hurt him. And I wouldn't have to leave him like this. We would be a dysfunctional troubled couple, but at least we would be together.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see his teary eyes looking up at me with despair, hurt & pure agony. His gaze is pinning me…Suffocating me…And I want to get out of here as soon as possible.

I hear a muffled sob and I can't stop my eyes this time from falling over onto him. He has his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them and his face is now in between his knees.

God…If I could hate myself anymore, I would. I know I can't say anything that would ease his pain…or make him understand.

He wanted me to forget it…I remember that from last night. But he doesn't even realize how irrational that sound. I woke up this morning with my arms tightly wrapped around his sleeping figure. One hand of his held mine in his tightly, as if trying to hold onto the shattered damaged relationship we had. I had brought his hand to my lips and kissed the back of it softly. I had pressed my lips to his hair in a gentle expression of love. But then...Then my eyes landed on his beautiful face. The face that was on the receiving end of my wrath previous night. There on his cheek was a slight rash as a cold reminder of what I did to him. How…Just how could I forget it?…Could he ever forget it? And at that moment, I just knew I couldn't stay here and try to pretend nothing happened. We used to be perfect…and being so imperfect hurts so fucking much.

o~o