what might have been, a silk fanfic

A/N This wasn't supposed to be quite so angsty but...but well, it is. :) Martha's perspective again.

You never wanted to

fall

in love

you never

saw the

p/o/i/n/t

Why would you

g-i-v-e

your h|e|a|r|t to

someone

who could

b{r}e{a}k

it with

such ease

You never understood

why anyone

would let

such vulnerability into

their lives

Lead it in by the hand

That's just asking for trouble

Isn't it?

So when you fall

-tumble head over heels-

You pretend that nothing has

c/h/a/n/g/e/d

lielielie

to yourself

because you know that

you can't

((.don't. .know. .how. .to.))

love anyone else

It helps that the

man

you fall for

will never love you

b.a.c.k

You move on

with your life

try and forget

how much he means to you

You're young

You have the rest of your

l-i-f-e

to live

You'll find

s - o - m - e - o - n - e

else

Someone better

at a better time

and you'll let yourself

love

Because you've realised now

that for all the downsides

what's life if you don't have

LOVE?

Hard work

leads to success

and success leads to happiness

and happiness

leads to you forgetting

because for now

professional achievement

is enough

But one day

When you're

greyandold

and you're no longer

able to work

will the

creep in then?

The years pass by

[[five, ten, fifteen]]

and your career

reaches

d.i.z.z.y.i.n.g

new heights

but

it's

not

enough

is it?

Because he's still

there

[the

man you love]

always there to remind you

what you could have

But he doesn't feel the same way

does he

nothing

will ever

HAPPEN

You bury your feelings

so deep

that when you see him

it no longer

hurts

So deep

that sometimes

you forget

c\/o\/m\/p\/l\/e\/t\/e\/l\/y

But then

In a blaze of glory

Your defences crumble

and

you

let

him

but you've buried your feelings

for

far

too long

and anyway

still doesn't

give a

DAMN

So you

push him away

and he proves you

r-i-g-h-t

because he doesn't

put

fight

But that night

turns out

to have more

c-o-n-s-e-q-u-e-n-c-e-s

than

either of you

could have ever

imagined

It comes as shock to you

as does the love you

feel for

y\o\u\r b/a/b/y

For the first time

In your life

You understand

-really understand-

why people let

LOVE

bloom&blossom

It's because you

just

can't

help

You can't stop it

c/+h/+a/+n/+g/+e it

It plays by

no r|u|l|e|s

and because of that

you can't

evereverever

anticipate it

or make it

a w a y

That's why

after everything

you realised

((that love doesn't disappear

it stays forever))

it hurts so

/\\badly\\/

when you lose

the

baby

-y-o-u-r b-a-b-y-

You never talk about

You push everyone away

Nobody is

ever

going to be let

again

jUsT iN cAsE

and you just

try to get things back to normal

Time passes

People move on

You move on

((outside))

But things have changed

FOR THE BETTER?

for the worse?

You don't know

Nothing happens for so long

feelings are buried again

buried deep

and you get on with

your life

because he

still

doesn't

c-a-r-e

That's why

Because of how

you are that he

d/o/e/s/n'/t

care

when he says those

threelittlewords

to you

for the first time

YOU

DON'T

BELIEVE

HIM

Once again

you push him away

You don't give

him

C|H|A|N|C|E

He says it again

((i love you))

and this time you

B e L i V e

him

but you

still don't

let h.i.m in

because

you won't work

((The badly behaved, ambitious bloke

who epitomises the public school boy image

and

The tough as nails Bolton lass

whose job always comes first

.Never. .in. .a. .million. .years.))

So after nearly twenty years

Of fighting and bickering and

loving each other

you

LET HIM GO

It's the hardest thing you've ever done

-and that's saying something-

but you have to

because you'll never

make him

happy

and he'll never make you

happy

This is the final chance

the last moment

to take a risk

on love

the love you've always felt

for him

butbutbut

...well...

You're

you

He's

him

(Martha&Clive)

So you

walkwalkwalk

away

with the bittersweet notion

'what might have been'

ringing in your ears.