Title: Walk Like a Man
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: characters and places belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and to Fox Network.
Summary: alone at the beach, at the dead hours of the day, follow the footsteps on the sand, try to walk like a man.
Extra: spoilers from season 8 until episode This Is Not Happening. Half-AU.
A/N: thank you to Jessie, Peet, Sarah, Mags, all the people from the greatest board ever, for helping me to deal with this work. English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes, no one is perfect. Specially me! xD
WALK LIKE A MAN
And that's how Dana found out that there was still a reason to live!
It was the end of another afternoon in early May. The temperatures had started to rise slowly with time, but the beaches were still deserted since the early hours in the morning until the last hours of the night. Except in that moment – a general vision of the white sand bathed by the vast blue ocean showed the dark spots of those who were taking advantage of their free hours to release their thoughts to the wind in perfect communion with Nature.
The sun hid gradually behind the horizon line, leaving as a memoir the orange trace of light in the sky that reflected itself on the boisterous sea beneath. Like a promise that it would be back in a moment. Just a 'see you soon', never an eternal goodbye.
Dana suddenly stopped her walk at the seaside. Her fingers became weak and she left the slippers that she carried on her right hand fell. She could feel the little wet grains of sand scratching smoothly the feet that had walked almost all the beach until there, just like the track of footsteps behind her indicated. The typical wind of that time of the year hit her on the face, making her red hair dance with it at their own rhythm. Her blue eyes focused with all her attention the waves that took everything with them. She loved the sea! She could be living the worst moment of her life, but once she was in front of the sea, she could feel a tender calm and serenity taking control of her!
She embraced her son in her arms against her chest. Now that dinner time was near, he was starting to be turbulent, almost electrical. He just loved the golden cross that hanged on his mother's neck since she was a teenager and he couldn't resist to the temptation of playing with it once he was on her arms, just like now. But Dana didn't mind. Because now he was all she had!
She bended over and put William on the sand in front of her, sitting right next to him. The grains of sand stuck now to her clothes and to the baby bag she carried on her shoulder, but it didn't bother her. She could spend a whole day watching any actions by her son without even get tired. Just like Tara said once: "It's my baby… my son!"
William would turn a year old in some days. It seemed like it was yesterday when everything had happened, since she found out she was pregnant until the marvellous day when she could feel him on her arms. He was the greatest miracle of her life! Every woman was right: their existence doesn't have any significance until that blessed day! And for her, who had to carry the weight of infertility with her, the simple idea of having a new human being inside of herself, growing each day, was almost like a perfect dream… with the only difference that it was real, it was so real!
Knowing that she was about to become a mom was the major pillar of her life when she got lost in that web within the most agitated period of her existence. That baby helped her to handle with the hurt of loss. And now that she had him with her, she knew she could do everything for him. William was her reason to live!
She let the child play around next to her with the sand of the beach, watching him carefully to be sure he wouldn't get hurt or take his dirty hands to his mouth. Dana was so lost on her own thoughts that she didn't even realize she had company until she felt a hand on her shoulder.
- So, you don't want to leave here today? – Maggie smiled to her daughter and grandson, sitting at the sand next to them. – Bill called me a while ago, he asked us to dinner at his home.
- Great, we need to go home for just some minutes, but then we'll meet him, can we? Do you want to play with your cousin, William?
Holding the baby's hands, Dana helped him to get up and to find enough balance to give his first steps on the sand. William's mouth opened into a quick smile that vanished in the next second – he seemed too concentrated on what he was doing!
- Walking on the sand is quite more complicated than on the right floor, isn't it? – Maggie laughed.
- Oh, c'mon William… show grandma what you can do!
Gently, Dana released her hands carefully and left her baby on his own. He seemed a bit nervous for being alone. But then his blue eyes crossed with the ones from his mom, with her beautiful and strong smile, and he gained new strengths. William stretched his arms to Dana's open hands and he walked slowly through the white sand, with small and too hurried steps. Even so, there he went: one… two… three… four… and he fell over, to his mother's arms, who kissed him on his cheeks.
Next to them, Maggie clapped and tenderly caressed her grandson.
- How beautiful he is!
- My little boy already knows how to walk like a man!
William's childish laughter sounded like music to Dana's hears. If it wasn't for him, she knew she had no reasons to smile or even to go on.
- William will be just like him! – she whispered, to her mother's surprise, with a sweet smile on her face and a special glow on her eyes. – I know he will!
- Well, I admit I recognize on him some of his features!
To Maggie's greatest concern, her daughter hid her face on her hands for some brief seconds. She knew the other one was trying with all her strength to hide the tears inside of herself.
- Dana, you already know…
- Yes, mom, I know! – she interrupted. Her sad smile was back. – I already accepted what happened! I learned how to deal with the pain. I learned how to remember the good moments without crying. I learned not to think what life could be if he was here with me. But I can't forget him… that's something I could never learn!
Maggie caressed Dana's red head. She knew that feeling, she had felt the same when her husband had died, almost ten years ago, and still today she could get emotional just to remind him. But they had married, had a family, had seen their children grow, had shared decades of love. And Dana didn't!
- Now, I don't ask why this happened to me, or him, or why didn't I have the right to be happy. I don't need to know why he had to go now and not later. But it won't change things! – she stretched her hands to stop William, who wanted to eat the sand. – No matter how much I accept his death, Mulder won't ever return. William will never know his father. And I… I miss him every day!
She could remember everything! When Mulder disappeared to never return alive. She was pregnant for twenty weeks when his body appeared from the nothing, abandoned in some place. And he never knew… he never knew about the miracle that she carried inside of her. The miracle that kept her alive until today.
Her mother embraced on her arms, lulling her against her chest.
- Of course you do, Dana, we all miss him! But you still have William… after all, he is the best memory he left you, the best memory of what you two had. Even if you had no time to cherish it, you have a mark for your whole life. And that's what you need to think now!
Dana knew she was right. Because every time she looked into William's eyes, she could see Mulder's eternal lost soul, knowing that way that he would be with her until the end.
The sun was still hiding behind the horizon. A promise to a brief returning, never an eternal goodbye. The promise that Mulder kept, but in a different way. In front of the two women, William kept playing on the sand, without the conscience of what he meant to them or what future may hold for him. Without knowing that he was the promise that his father once did.
He could not know it yet, but Dana had no doubts. William would be just like his father: dedicated, brave, lovely and he would not know how to quit. Until then, her baby just needed a walk… a long walk to understand what it was like to be the greatest among the others. Until he could know how to walk like a real man.
THE END