Title: I Still Remember Those Days

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: characters and places belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and to Fox Network.

Summary: Scully remembers the moments with her sister, since they were two very different kids, through the friendly adolescence, until the unjustified death of a partner for life that could never be forgotten.

Extra: set in episode Apocrypha. Also spoilers from One Breath, Anasazi, The Blessing Way, Paper Clip, Piper Maru and Christmas Carol.

A/N: thank you to Jessie, Peet, Sarah, Mags, all the people from the greatest board ever, for helping me to deal with this work. English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes, no one is perfect. Specially me! xD

I STILL REMEMBER THOSE DAYS

I could live for a hundred years, but I would never forget you! I don't think I need to say it for you to know it. Maybe I had never told you straight to face, but I always wanted to be like you. It was impressive that way of yours that made you to never think twice before taking a step in your life, never caring about what future may held for you, never caring about what others may think of your attitudes.

Now you live simply through photographs and our memoirs. Lost in my thoughts, in front of your eternal address, I can't imagine you in here, buried six feet under. To me, you still the same woman I've always knew. Your eyes shine in your face. Your great smile illuminates your aura. I can't believe I won't ever see you again. Because I remember, Missy…

I still remember the days from our childhood, when we were so different from each other that we couldn't be two minutes together! I always wanted the dungarees, you always chose the dresses. I loved to know the secrets of the male world shooting guns at the backyard, you preferred to explore our delicate female universe playing with dolls. I had fun running, jumping, walking down all streets, you thought that remain hidden on the calm and quiet corners of our home was the best thing to do.

I still remember too how much fun we had when we learned how to accept our differences. Together, we played all the fashionable games. I liked to win and I never gave up before reaching my goals. And you where always there, to give me strength, to congratulate me every time I was victorious, to hold me when I was defeated. And then we would run, holding our hands or even hugged, to inform the whole word that we were a simply marvellous team.

I still remember the way you illuminated me through the most complicated time of my life. I was afraid: afraid I wouldn't choose the right path, afraid I would regret my options one day later, afraid of hurting our family feelings and, worse, afraid of letting dad disappointed. He was my hero; I just wanted to be the perfect daughter! But in that moment I couldn't achieve his dreams. My happiness was on the line! And, once again, who was there to support me, to look me in the eyes, to smile and to tell me that I was the only one who knew which place my heart belonged? Who helped me to chose without guilt and even stand for me in front of dad, when he said that he couldn't forgive me for following the life that could never offer me the security he wanted for me? You, Missy… always you!

I still remember the day when everything changed. You packed up your things and you left. For months I didn't know where you were, how you were, why you had to leave. I wanted to believe that I could understand you, that I could forgive you for leaving me like that, without a simple warning, but it was so difficult… how could you do that to me? If you had problems, why didn't you tell me, so I could help you like you've done so many times before? I did everything I could to find you or, at least, to know if you were okay, but you hid so well that it was impossible! And I just questioned to myself: "How could you do that to me, Melissa? How could you hurt me like that?"

I still remember the worst days of my life, when I almost died and you were there with me, for the best and the worst. Maybe even today, one year later, I can't describe my experience through coma, but I can recall all the strength people gave me to beat death and return to you. The strength you gave me! When I woke up and I saw you in there again, taking care of me like in old times, I'm sorry if I wasn't able to demonstrate you all my happiness, because I can guarantee you that it burned hard on my chest. I was happy to know that, no matter how far you were from me, I could always count on you.

I still remember these last days, now that it's impossible for me not to imagine how my life would be if I had did what dad wanted me to do and had became a doctor. I knew I could trust on you; that's why I told you everything I was feeling by then. I never wanted to bring you to this web with no way out. When I started to fear that everything I believed was now revealing to be false, I needed so urgently to tell it to someone who wouldn't suffer for me or someone I would know for more than three years. I needed to hear your advices. I knew that, without you, I wouldn't have strengths to face the truth about my disappearance, a truth that was becoming clearer to me. I believed that I was going to succeed if you were with me.

And I remember the day when fate thought it was time to bring an end to our union. I swear I never expected this end, that when I asked you to meet me I just needed to share what was going on my mind. I was, in fact, convinced that I had left home to meet death… my own death! Never even thought that I was leaving behind your mortal trap. I'm trying not to imagine you entering at my home, with all safety, waiting for just a talk with me, thinking only for a way to convince me to keep up with your plan to establish the truth about my abduction, and being shot once you stepped into my apartment.

I still remember the hours of concern I had to live, knowing that you were fighting for your life in a hospital bed and that I couldn't be there next to you, giving you my hand, giving you strength to survive this, just like you had once did with me. I'm sorry for that, Missy. I'm so sorry, more than you can imagine. That situation was bad to everyone: my partner was back, my life was in danger, I thought I had all the time in the world for you. But I was so wrong…

I still remember the day when I felt myself as the worst person in the world, when I felt myself as the worst sister I've ever know, once I understood I had taken for granted what I should've known it wasn't going to happen. When I reached the hospital, I knew it was too late! And then the doctor came to me, serious, sorrowful, to give me the typical speech: "We did everything we could, but your sister didn't make it. I'm sorry!" It was like slapping me on the face – I left you alone when you most needed me. I entered at the empty room. You had been there, I hadn't. I was late. I didn't even deserve a grieved goodbye!

I still feel the pain on my heart, Missy! It still hurts so much to remember your unfair leaving! I loved you with all my heart and I killed you. I wasn't thinking when I brought you to this world of terror, where I sink a little more everyday. Because of my unconsciousness, I lost you forever! I'm sorry for my attitude, Missy! I'm sorry if I wasn't next to you on your final moment. I'm sorry if it's too late to do things again. Please believe me when I say that I would make things different if we could turn back time!

I still remember those days when, more than sisters, we were friends and counsellors. Those days when we knew we could always count on each other. I know I let you down at the end and that's a weight that is going to be with me until the day we'll be together again. Until then, I can't do more than regret and ask for your forgiveness! And keep the past alive in my memory, like if those days were part of yesterday. Then I know you'll always be with me.

Because sisters will always be sisters… not even death can tear them apart.

THE END