one.
Silena couldn't accept it. Charlie wasn't dead, he couldn't be. He was supposed to go to college, he was supposed to marry her and be the father of her two pretty little babies; that was the plan.
She dug through her bag, looking for the little pink-cased cell phone that she kept in case of emergencies. She quickly dialed a number she'd known by heart.
She was greeted by an answering machine.
"Hello? Charlie? It's Silena. I know you're out there. They haven't found a body, so it can't be true."
Her voice was weak from crying and she paused for a moment, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She had to stay calm or Charlie would think she didn't believe in his strength, in his will.
"Anyway, please return this call as soon as you can, so I can prove to everyone that you're alright. I love you, Charlie. Don't ever forget that."
two.
She waited two days to call him again, so she wouldn't seem too desperate.
"Hi Charlie, it's Silena. But you probably already knew that. I really miss you, but I'm looking forward to seeing you soon. I love you. Bye."
She closed the phone and buried her face in her pillow, sobbing. She was still there hours later, when the rest of the Aphrodite cabin came back from dinner.
three.
Silena hadn't eaten in almost a week. Charlie had promised her that when he came back from the raid, he'd take her out to eat in the city. He was so sure that Chiron would allow it, since he'd come back a hero. Now, she could barely look at Chiron without bursting into tears.
"Hey, Charlie, I'm hungry. I'm still waiting for you to take me out to dinner." She laughed slightly, an empty laugh. "Please come back soon. Please. I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry."
four.
The next day, when a girl from her cabin brought her breakfast, as she had each day since Charlie left, Silena took it. She knew that Charlie wouldn't want her to starve.
She remembered the way he'd looked when she'd explained the eating disorder issue that plagued the daughters of Aphrodite. He'd looked so confused as to why the girls would resort to starving themselves just for beauty. He thought that their frail, skeleton bodies made them uglier if anything. She didn't want him to think she was ugly.
That afternoon, she walked down to the beach while everyone else was training. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed the familiar number.
"Nobody believes me, Charlie. They think you're dead. They even burned your funeral pyre. I believe in you, though. I do. Please hurry back. I love you so much, Charlie, I always will."
five.
The memory of their first time sleeping together kept reappearing in her mind. It had been his first time sleeping with anyone. She remembered the smell of his sweat and the stickiness of it against her own bare skin. She could almost taste his chapped lips. She remembered how quick it was compared to the other times she'd had sex and how awkward he'd been, forcing her to be on top due to his lack of knowledge, but also how it had, for once, felt like making love.
When she was sure that everyone in the Hephaestus cabin was out, Silena snuck in and crawled into Charlie's bed. It hadn't been touched since what she was starting to recognize as his death, so it still smelled of him. She buried her face in his pillow, breathing in all that she had left of him and sobbing.
"Hello, Charlie. It's me again. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. It's all my fault that you're dead. The fates are trying to punish me, I see it now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before, but I was the spy. Luke said he wouldn't hurt you, but he lied and I'm sorry."
Her sobs made her voice unstable and shaky.
"It's all my fault and now you're gone, and I'm just so sorry and I still love you. I always will, although I'll probably never see you again. You'll be in Elysium, I'm sure, but I'll be somewhere not fit for a hero. You deserved someone better than me."
Her tears made her throat too thick and she couldn't speak any more, so she closed the phone and buried her head in her hands.
six.
"I have an awful addiction to calling someone who will never call back, but I guess the voice on your answering machine is better than nothing. I hope they never cancel your phone."
She'd stopped crying and become more numb than anything.
seven.
She started missing the little things about him. The smell of his hair after it had been washed. The way his rough, calloused hands had felt while holding hers. The little noises he made when he was sleeping. The taste of his dark skin when she kissed it. The way his brown eyes sparkled when he told her a joke.
"I love you, Charlie."
eight.
"I miss you more than anything, Charlie. I love you."
His name was harder to say than any other word in the dictionary, but she said it often because she deserved the pain.
nine.
"This wasn't supposed to happen, Charlie. I was supposed to be a good girl and we were supposed to get married. You were supposed to go to college. We were supposed to buy an apartment together and it would be small but we'd love it because it was a place just for us. You were supposed to place your hand on my abdomen and feel our little baby kick and smile from ear to ear. We were supposed to grow old together. I'm sorry I ruined our forever."
She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts, trying to make them coherent.
"It should've been me. You should've still had a chance at forever. I'd trade places with you in an instant, but the gods aren't that kind."
ten.
She prepared to call him for the last time, to tell him that she was going to try to right her wrongs, to help them win their war, a war that she knew, deep down, she wouldn't survive. She hoped that he'd be proud of her.
She dialed the numbers she'd grown familiar with, but instead of being greeted by his voice on the answering machine, she was greeted by another voice, this one female and monotone.
"This number has been disconnected."
She had no time to cry, for she had a suit of armor to put on and a friend to impersonate. And everyone knew that Clarisse never cried.
This was my second ever attempt at a Silendorf fic (and the only one worth having on this site) so I can only hope that I did my all-time favorite pairing justice. Also, please note that I haven't read pjo in ages, so I apologize if I messed up on some minor details/facts.