Chapter 1

Awakenings/Who the fuck is Ian?

BPV (Izzy)

Streaks of oranges, magentas, and luscious yellows spread across the early morning sky. A droning thump, thump, thump pounded in my clouded head, shocking me awake in pain. I gasped and attempted to jump up. Yeah, that was a bad decision. My head was spinning and the lights and colors began flashing like a strobe light before my eyes. I then realized I was being restrained by ...something?

"Fuck. Owwwww, fuck," was about all I could moan as I shook my head slowly back and forth.

While shading my eyes with my right hand, I used my left to fumble with whatever was holding me down. I thrashed, fighting my bonds. Suddenly, muddled in the back of my mind, I could hear music, and it cleared my head —Ani Difranco, "Not a Pretty Girl," I could feel the haze in my head fading away.

Oh, seatbelt! I groaned and unclasped it slowly. It was just a dream. No one was going to bite me. No one was going to leave me; never again. It was just a dream. I repeated my mantra over and over. What a sane morning ritual! Some people had coffee; I reminded myself I was alive, and that monsters and nightmares weren't real. Well, my dreams weren't real. I couldn't say the same for monsters and nightmares.

Stretching, straining every sinew like a cat waking for dinner, I slammed my hand into something cold and hard. Gonnnng. The sound reverberated in my ears as I snatched my hand to my chest, rubbing my knuckles. If there were a Brown Note, for real, that would have been it.

"Izzy, you awake or are you giving up the keys and picking up the drums?" a deep voice laughed, turning to look at me. His chestnut hair fell across his eyes, and a nautical star was pulsing, tattooed on his neck —Ian.

"Babe, you were soooo fucked up last night. I'm surprised you survived!" he says with a leer.

"Uh, Ian? What did I tell you? Don't fucking call me 'babe.'"

My foot had fallen asleep. I stomped down and heard a grunt from below me. There was another guy passed out on the floorboard in front of me—Nick. I had just jacked up his hand, and he didn't wake up. He was worse off than me.

Ian snorted and winked at me. "You didn't mind it when I said it in that filthy bathroom after the show."

I shook my head, trying to clear my memory. The pounding wouldn't stop. Ian passed me some Aleve and a Dr. Pepper. What happened last night? I remembered the show; how could I forget? We had never played in front of so many people! We were at a frat house and they loved us. So, how had I ended up screwing around with Ian, again?

"Ian, what the fuck happened?" I snapped.

His shoulders tensed and he stared straight ahead. I saw his eyes fall, and I instantly felt guilty. "Shut up, Swan. I'm trying to drive," he barked.

"No, really, Ian, what happened? My hand hurts." I figured if I was nice, he'd tell me without me having to drag the shit out of him. I slowly rolled my fingers out, and then closed them again, making a fist. I was mesmerized by the Monet blue and purple splotches covering my knuckles.

He sighed. "Fine. After the show, you started drinking — oh, my bad, Boozer Baby, you continued drinking." He choked, he was laughing so hard. "I still don't see how you can down that much beer and still play."

I kicked the back of his seat and grimaced. I hated when he called me that, but not as much as his terms of endearment, like, 'babe' or 'baby'. I was DEAR to no one; no one alive, that is. I just loathed him calling me a boozer. I guess it was because I felt guilty. Charlie would have been so disappointed.

I can't think of Charlie. I can't handle that right now.

"Hey, Izzy, I'm sorry, man. I know you probably feel like shit." He looked worried. I must have dropped my mask for a second, there. I shouldn't think of Charlie I reminded myself. I couldn't hide when I thought of him.

"Do you remember that douche bag frat guy that grabbed your ass?" he chuckled. I vaguely remembered some guy waiting outside the bathroom, and him saying...oh, yeah, now I remember! I started laughing.

"I punched that perv in the face!" My face lit up at the memory. Ian shook his head. I knew he wished I would smile at him like that, but honestly, I liked hitting assholes more than I liked him. I hadn't smiled for anyone like that since Ed —no, Bella; shut the fuck up. Since Jacob.

I could at least say Jacob.

I laughed, slipping my mask back on smoothly, and repeated to myself, I can do this. I can choose to live. No, not accurate; to exist. I had to exist, for Charlie. I saw Ian out of the corner of my eye. I continued laughing, living the charade, but it still didn't quite reach my eyes. I snapped them shut, pretending to be asleep as we headed to our next gig.

I pictured Jacob's earnest face, warm hand in mine as he said, "You have sad eyes, Bells. Why do you have such sad eyes? I'll make them smile one day." He did. I could still smell his musky, green scent. I could feel my sun, burning me to the core. I'd smiled as I fell asleep after we first made love; truly smiled, wide, bright, and open. Those were the only times I was able to forget Ed —no, Bella, shut up.

I sighed. I wasn't Bella anymore. Bella died that day in the woods, and was reborn six months later as Bells, but she, too, was destroyed a year later, when Jacob imprinted. Izzy, a phoenix, rose from the ashes and took flight.

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EPV

"How can I be so eternally changed and still considered unmovable; carved like stone?"

I did not even notice the expanse of sky before me as I sorted through the befuddled mess my mind had become. After I'd abandoned Bella, I went to a place that would give me comfort —Mt. Rainier. I'd been here, motionless, for two years. This place was peaceful, serene, yet I felt like a part of me was burned like a piece of skin exposed to sulfuric acid. I could no longer suffer the pain of being away from her. I would gladly choose death over the agony of not being near her for these years. It was excruciating, like a cancer slowly decomposing my insides, meandering hungrily through my lymphatic system and reaching every possible living tissue in its wake. My grip on reality slipped, yet again. My fall from grace flashed before my eyes like a 1920s projector, showing me, frame by frame, all the mistakes I had made with her. I could feel my dead heart shatter, piece by piece, as I saw Bella trusting me and following me into the woods; Bella as her heart broke, hearing and accepting my lies; Bella stumbling after me in the woods, trying to catch me. It was for the best, I told myself. I had already placed her in enough danger. She was human, and needed human things that I could not give her. I was like God, loving the world so that he gave his only son for anyone believing in him to have everlasting life. I gave Bella back to the human world so she could have everlasting life. I made the ultimate sacrifice.

As I sat in the same place I had been for the past few years, questions whirled through my mind about souls, everlasting life, and God. Mostly, those questions led back to one: How could all those things lead me back to my beloved; my Bella? I couldn't possibly be a monster when I believed in the purity, the sanctity, of the soul more than many humans. I only killed the dregs of society: rapists, pedophiles, and murderers. I left the innocent alone because of this belief. What does it take to have a soul?

"Souls don't die. They go on forever." If souls don't die, and vampires have no souls, then who was it that took mine? Even Satan couldn't take your soul; you had to offer it to him. Carlisle would not have taken my soul, even if it were offered to him on a silver platter, so who took it? Maybe I had one after all.

My soul whispered 'you need her, and she needs you'. My soul encouraged me to be with her, but my demon tells me to stay away. I decided to listen to my soul because my heart could not be without her. She was my lifeline. An intense ache came from the area where my heart once pumped red, iron-rich blood. The only way I could be happy was to go back to her.

"Edward, please, come home now, son," I heard Carlisle call as he entered my peripheral vision. "We are very worried, and Esme is sick about the whole thing. Please," he pleaded, "please come home now." I relented and got up to leave the mountain; my source of enlightenment and rebirth. I hated to hurt Esme, and he knew it.

The sun was setting beautifully on the mountain top. As I stood, I heard the lyrics to the song --David Gray, "Please Forgive Me."

I must remember to bring Bella here someday… soon. There was a rip in my chest as I thought of her.

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BPV

My knuckles throbbed around the cracked leather of the steering wheel. My ears were being assaulted by Nick's snoring in the passenger seat. No, not snoring; that sounded too delicate. More like a damn snow blower.

I abhorred driving in the snow. I winced. Fuck, Izzy, you can't even think of being cold now? I was glad we were in California.

There were so many things about my daily life that he stole from me when he murdered my heart. I couldn't read, although I still hid a dog-eared copy of Richard Bach's Illusions in my backpack. I just couldn't bring myself to read it. I mean, screw Jane Austin and her happy endings. How could she write that shit after what happened to her, or more accurately what fucking Lefroy did to her? No one fought for love anymore.

I hyperventilated when I watched certain films, or even listened to classical music. Ugh! I had to stop talking to myself. It couldn't be healthy. Screw it —I was a whack job now, anyway. I might as well hit full-blown crazy.

After Charlie was murdered, Jacob talked me into seeing a psychiatrist. Needless to say, it did not work out too well. What was I supposed to say? "Well, you see Sir it all started when I fell in love with this really amazing vampire named Ed…uh...who broke my poor, weak, human heart by leaving me in the woods to die. I was happy with him, being apart of his family and all, but they, too, ended up abandoning me. What did you say, Mr. Psychiatrist Man? How did I deal with the situation? Oh, not very well, sir. I was completely catatonic for months, and then I started hearing Ed —him talking to me. Yes sir, that's what I said; talking to me. Hey, before you call the looney bin to come get me, I don't hear him anymore! What made him… uh… it stop? Oh! Well, screwing my new werewolf boyfriend every night shut him… uh …it up pretty fast."

No, going to a psychiatrist didn't work after he left and Charlie died. It also didn't work when Jacob left me a year later. I had no one left to realize I needed help, except the police, and they only did that for Charlie...and to ensure I wouldn't have to spend time in jail for trying to burn down my own house. Well, really, I was just trying to burn my room up, which I believe I had a total right to do. I mean, I just couldn't stand seeing…him… in my room anymore, or really anywhere. I fixed that problem, too. I never remembered my dreams while trashed, so beer; that's my prescription. Knock back eight to twelve when needed for pain or hallucinations of vampires. See how safe and normal I was now?

Ian put his hand on my shoulder. I jumped, lost in my thoughts. "Izzy, just pull around back so we can unload the equipment," he said. I grinned. The Viper Room, what a rush! Just the thought of the place made me shake with anticipation. Maybe I would get to sneak a peak of the owner, Johnny Depp!

"Same set list as last night? If you're up for suggestions, I have a few old songs I want to play during the break." I paused, tensing for a fight. Ian enjoyed imagining we were his band, even though I was the one that named us, the one that started the band. Actually, I guess I should thank Charlie. He was the one who forced me to take up piano again as an outlet for my pain after he left.

"Whatever you play during the break is up to you, Izz. I'm sure it will sound great." He wouldn't look at me as he yanked the van's sliding door open. Did he just give me my way and compliment me in the same conversation?

"Well get the fuck out and help me. Nick, wake the fuck up!" Ian opened the passenger door and Nick rolled out, landing on the concrete with a thud. At least he was acting more like himself. I was used to 'tard-head Ian. Nice Ian was just plain weird.

"Fuck, Ian! What a way to wake someone up," Nick bellowed. I walked past him and ruffled his hair with my hand, smiling down at him. He broke into a wide grin that encompassed his entire face. Outstretching a hand to help him up, I couldn't help but giggle. Ian looked at me sideways and appeared pretty pissed. Damn, that kid was as crazy as me.

"Come on, Nick. Help me with my baby." I loved my Rhodes electric piano. It was an original from the 1970's. He (I called it "he") was in mint condition, but heavy as hell. He came into my life by being purchased with my meager college fund.

I hoped Nick would let the incident with Ian go. While we unloaded the van, I scrutinized my two band mates.

Ian was actually really hot for a dirty, wannabe "Rock God," as he called himself. His hair was always perfect, whisping in front of his eyes. He had all these old school tattoos wallpapering his arms and back, which, I had to say, made him look pretty cool. If he wasn't so fucked up and an asshole, he probably wouldn't be such a bad guy. I couldn't help but think that the only reason we were able to stand each other was because he was as whacked out as I was. His ex, Nadia, left him for Jacob. He knew that I was Jacob's ex, and we got together to piss them off. It didn't work. I just picked up his drinking habits and started a band instead. He was an ass, but he couldn't help it any more than I could.

He was the one who started calling me "Izzy." He was also a pretty good hook-up. Well, based on the limited memory I had of our multitude of one-night-stands together. I guess we were what you'd call "friends with benefits," although I didn't see who is benefiting from this situation. We were always drunk, and usually one of us had to enlighten the other with details of the fiasco. I did remember he was actually pretty sweet during them, and we never messed around with anyone else. We couldn't commit to each other emotionally. Neither one of us was ready to give up that control or trust. I knew I could count on him for anything. Let's put it this way: I'd kill for him, I just wouldn't die for him. I guess we did share something. If he were to leave I would feel sad, but I wouldn't be broken. How do you break a heart you don't have?

Nick was a whole different animal. He had long, wild, blonde hair, the most honest blue eyes, and a contagious laugh that saved me on more than one occasion. If Nick cleared his mind a little, and concentrated on his music more than he did on partying and girls, he would be an amazing drummer. He was just one of those people who grabbed life by the horns, and literally lived every day like it was his last. I'd never seen anyone truly embrace life like him. He reminded me of Emmett in that way.

My body shuttered. It did that every time I thought of any of them. I couldn't think of them. Fuck them for leaving me.

"Izzy, you need to put on a jacket. Take mine." Ian shrugged off his leather jacket and put it around my shoulders. I looked up at him through my eyelashes, and he slowly used his thumb and forefinger to shut my gaping mouth. "You can breathe now, Izz."

"You… you…." My mind was in such shock that I couldn't utter an intelligible sentence. Did he just give me his coat? Just yesterday he told me, and I quote, "Izzy, for someone so damn frigid, you should be used to the cold."

"God, Izz, it's not like I've never been nice to you before. Anyway, don't get used to it." Did he just blush? He lowered his eyes, and I couldn't discern what he was thinking, or more importantly, his motives, then he marched into the back door of The Viper Room. Honestly, what motives could he have?

"What the hell was that about?" I asked. "Do you know, Nick?" Nick had strategically turned around during the scene.

"Izzy, it seems pretty obvious to me. Figure it out. We need to hurry, though. We're going on next! What you drinking tonight?" he laughed.

"The better question is, what am I not drinking tonight?" I giggled along with him as we lugged my Rhodes towards the bar, but I couldn't help but wonder what was up with Ian.

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EPV

I couldn't believe I was really here. This town, Forks, seemed frozen in time. I'd ignore the irony of that statement. It was strange to be in this car. I swear, her scent was as strong as if she were sitting right next to me. Hopefully she would be with me in a few hours. It might take that long to convince her that I was back, and that I loved her more than life itself. I was glad I drove so I could appreciate the beauty of my old town. We, the Cullens, were so happy here. Its beauty was magnified by the green canopy and misty atmosphere. It was twilight now. How appropriate that I would leave her at twilight, then return to her at the same time.

There was Newton's Outdoor Store. Wait a minute, was that…Angela Weber? She'd know about Bella.

I parked my car and called out to her as I stepped out of it. "Hey, Angela," I greeted her warmly. When I reached her I gave her my most dazzling smile. I remembered Bella telling me that I "dazzle" people. I was still grateful to Angela for that time in Port Angeles when I wanted to tell her who I really was and Angela was kind enough to suggest that Jessica and she go home without Bella, leaving me alone time with her and at the Italian restaurant.

"Edward Cullen? Is that really you?" She blushed and her eyes seemed a little out of focus. "How are you doing?"

She was still very sweet.

"I'm very well and you?" My throat tightened and flamed as I saw the blood pooling in her red cheeks. It had been too long since I'd been around humans.

"I have one more year of school," she replied. "Ben and I have applied to medical school at UC Berkeley. We haven't heard back yet."

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APV

A plethora of questions instantly ran through my head. Did Izzy/Bella know he was here? Did he know that Bella was with Jacob Black? Should I tell him Charlie was murdered? Did he already know about Charlie's death? Did he know that Bella tried to burn the house down? Ok, stop. Did I say all of that out loud?

"Oh, shit!"

He knew now! I could feel the heat rush to my face. Too late; I saw all the emotions crossing his face: shock; realization; agony; horror; rage; then agony again. We gasped at the same time.

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EPV

I was completely frozen with shock as Angela's mind opened up to me like an audio book.

"I….." Wait! What was that? Who was Jacob Black? Dammit! What was I to do? Did she even realize she was speaking out loud?

All of a sudden, a searing pain shots through every single artery of every organ in my body, like my circulatory system had been defibrillated without need.

"Charlie…is...dead?" I gasped. "No, no Angela!" I could feel myself shaking with such horror that I fell to the ground where we were standing. "Charlie was killed," she said quietly. I heard Victoria's name flash in Angela's mind as if it were the most vulgar word in her vocabulary.

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APV

"Yes, Edward, he was. But there's more." I choked back a sob. I thought of the past three years, because I couldn't bear to utter the words myself. I saw his emotions move across his face like a marquee. How could I tell him the about the horror he left behind? Charlie, at the hands of Victoria —some guys from La Push tried to help him and Bella. A kid named Brady was killed trying to protect him, but Victoria was just too much for him. Bella, trying to burn the house down while she was in it; the love she felt with Jacob —she was on the mend then. It wasn't meant to last because he left her for another girl a year after that. Bella died when Edward left, Isabella Swan died with Charlie, and Bells faded with Jacob's lost love.

Izzy now exists with such ferocity that it will take a miracle for you to win her back.

How could I tell him all of this? He already looked so broken.

EPV

She had werewolves help her? I thought to myself. I realized, with great pain, that none of us were here to protect her from Victoria. "She fell in love with one of the guys from La Push? At least she is happy."

Angela's face is chagrined as she began to speak. "Well, sort of, Edward. She tried to stay at home for a while, but Charlie's presence was so strong that she couldn't handle being without him, so she tried to kill herself by setting the house on fire. Jacob went in after her. She did live with Jacob on the reservation, because they didn't stop the Seattle gang then."

Angela must have read my confused expression. Gangs?

"I guess I should explain. After you left, Bella joined a gang in Seattle. We all thought she was depressed, but she was just hiding the trouble she got into. After a few months she realized it was a bad idea, and Jacob and the guys from La Push tried to help her get out. Apparently, the gang didn't want to let her go, so they attacked her and Charlie. Victoria was the leader. She was the one who killed Charlie."

Hmm, I thought. So this must have been the explanation that Bella and the wolves came up with to explain the situation. The truth was not an option. I cringed. This was my entire fault.

"Everyone felt that it would be better for Bella if she stayed near the Rez. After that, she lived with Jacob for a year…." She cut off her sentence. My face must have looked disfigured from the pain that was swarming my body. I fell to the ground as I read her thoughts before she even finished her sentence.

"Jacob met Nadia," she continued, "the new girl that moved here from L.A, and just up and left Bella. She started hanging out with Nadia's ex and his friends. They ended up getting an apartment together, then left Forks shortly after and began performing with a band. She's no longer Bella, Edward. She calls herself Izzy. She drinks, more than a lot, and does whatever she wants with whomever she wants. She's not the same, Edward, and I'm afraid that she never will be." Tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"What the hell!" I roared. I could not believe that my departure caused all this…pain… heartache. There would be no penance for this. She had to trust werewolves with her life, because I left her in the forest—we left her in Forks. Charlie was dead because of me; stupid, selfish me. Oh God, how could I ever face her now?

My hands strained against the concrete underneath them as I attempted to keep myself from ripping up the pavement. I wanted to crush the cement to dust. I had to get the growling under control. I heard Angela gasp. I was afraid to look at her; she was going to run away screaming any minute.

"I am so sorry, Angela. I do not control my temper well," I sighed. "Please forgive my behavior."

She gingerly places her hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you are always so chivalrous; always the one to throw yourself on the sword for the betterment of others. I am afraid that if you want to win Bella back, you'll have to fight like never before. I say this because 'your' Bella died the day you left her. There is only Izzy, and she's ferocious. She cares for no one and nothing," she finishes. This time the pity in her eyes was mixed with anger. She was Bella's true friend. I rose with her hand still on my shoulder.

I breathed deeply to calm myself. "Thank you, Angela. I will fight until the end for her, even if she doesn't want me. I realize that I cannot be without her, even if she can be without me. I must speak to Jacob Black."

She hesitated before she spoke. "Ummm, Edward...I also know that the Cullens and the Rez are not friends. That's one reason she went to them. She wanted to hate everything about you and your existence. I am not sure that Jacob will want to speak to you without wanting to fight you."

I grimaced as I thought about how much pleasure that would give Bella. "Angela, I understand the risks, but I must speak with him. Do you think you can get him to talk to me? I know this isn't your job, but I really need your help."

"Well, okay. Give me a few days to talk to Jacob and I'll get back to you. How will I find you?" she questioned.

"Thank you, Angela," I answered. "And don't worry, I'll find you."

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WOLVES

EPV

I had been watching Angela for a few days to make sure that there was no backlash from the werewolves. I didn't want to get close to her for fear of losing control; my eyes were onyx from a cocktail of thirst and seemed to be comfortable with her, and I could hear that Jacob Black would meet me even if it disgusted him. My cold skin was ferevered with rage at the mere thought of them. I called her phone after two days of impatiently waiting.

"Hello Angela." She told me the details of the meeting with Jacob. I swallowed the venom that pooled in my mouth.The reality of my solitary confinement in the mountains surfaced as I realized that I was more than just a dead body but a dead soul with Bella, I would regain my humanity. I need Bella. "Okay, I will meet both of you there. Thanks so much for this. I'll owe you for a lifetime."

Angela exhaled. "You're welcome, Edward. I'll see you in a while."

Once in the clearing Jacob Black and I slowly move toward each other with Angela situated between us. Fear is clearly plastered on her face. Her gaze shifted back and forth between Jacob and me. The mutt was vibrating with pure anger.

"Alright," she murmurs, "I want you two to remember that Bella is important to all of us, and we want her to be happy. So I'll ask you to be as cordial as possible, and try not to kill each other."

The dog said, "Sure, sure. I will behave if the leech does."

"I will be happy to oblige, pup," I spat. I could help the venom pooling in my mouth. I'd take the vile stench, just to bite down; to get my jaws on him.

"I didn't know parasites could live outside a host," he snarled.

"I am surprised you are here at all. I thought they killed the runts of the family," I retorted with a smile that showed every one of my teeth, dripping with cold death. He trembled more, and I could hear his angry thoughts. I got between Angela and him because werewolves were always unstable, and I would not want anything to happen to her. My anger faltered when I hear Angela yell, "Stop it!"

The fear sweeping off Angela was palpable. She needed to get out of here. The insults could be enough to tip her off. Her heart rate reached a deafening thud.

"Angela, this is between me and Jacob. I would appreciate it if you would return to your home. I am thankful for your help. I will get in touch with you when I find Bella." I placed my hand at the small of her back and nudged her towards the trail. Once I got her moving, she took off. I could tell from her thoughts that she knew we were dangerous, but she just chalked it up to extreme jealousy.

Now that she was out of hearing range, Jacob spluttered, "You filthy bloodsucker. I am more man than you will ever be." I heard his memories of all the times he had with Bella. They were vivid as he recalled touching her milk-white skin, watching it turn pink under his touch. He smiled as he remembered her gasps of pleasure, tasting her sweet nectar. I heard her call him her Jake. I boiled inside when I saw her legs spreading, like a flower blooming in spring, welcoming him as the rain. I saw her scream his name in ecstasy.

My mind was chanting mine, mine, and mine,a mantra that can't ease the pain. I rushed at him with unearthly force and threw him against a tree trunk. It cringed in shock at his massive weight, the toots and bones all popping. He was in werewolf form when he reentered the clearing. He hit me square in the chest, throwing me back. He landed above me, his claws digging into my chest as I plied open his snapping jaws. Blood spilled from the corner of his mouth; just a little further and his jaw would break. A whimper escaped his chest as he pitifully attempted to break through me with his claws. I felt a crack —just a little further. Another whimper escaped his throat, and I looked at the mutt for an infinitesimal moment. I could hear that he would phase back to human form if I backed away. I could smell his immature confidence. I pushed him off, and he fell in a pathetic lump. Eyes black, I hovered over him. Venom dripped from my chin, landing by his anguished face. I chuckled as he cringed from the poison, and straightened out of my crouch, waiting for him to phase.

She made love to him; those words break into my concentration. She offered the one thing that we had in common to a stinking mongrel. I wanted to curse her for this ultimate treachery. Damn you, Bella.

He stalked into the forest, trying to calm down, then phased back, stepping up to me naked. He gave me a smug smile. I may have won this fight, but he knew he won the battle. His thoughts expressed my feelings; he had a part of Bella that I would never have, and he was aware I was pissed about it.

"Bet you wish you would have stayed, don't you?" he cackled.

"I wish she didn't feel the need to get ticks and fleas," I spat.

"Yes, it's a good thing I could scratch all of her itches," he snorted.

I yelled, "Be very careful, mutt. I can kill you in an instant."

"You are supposed to be so composed. Bells would say that you were so rigid in your morals, she was glad she had me to bang her." I could see that he was lying. I also saw that he would love the opportunity to kill me on her behalf, and the guilt in his mind about hurting her the way he did.

I took this opportunity to jab at him. "Yes, but even that wasn't enough for you to stay with her. I left her to protect her. You left because you never truly loved her and fell in love with someone else. I wonder if Nadia appreciates your memories of Bella as much," I chided. I was still trying to control my anger toward him… and her. Even in my wildest nightmares, I would not have conceived that she would lay with another. How could she hurt me like this? She clearly had moved on, but she did not have to sleep with him. She did not have to enjoy it. My teeth clenched.

He spat at the ground toward me before he spoke. "You leave Nadia out of this, or swear, I will kill you. You know Bells wanted me to do that for her; kill you after we killed the filthy, female bloodsucker. She said that it would be a great present for her if you would die."

I fought back the sting of those words. In a controlled tone, I spoke slowly, "I am sure she did. I wonder, however, if you are now in the same category, as I cannot imagine how it felt when you left her for another when she shared everything with you. Do not attempt to make me jealous, child. I have been doing this a long time."

"Yes, you could have been her grandfather," he countered. "I am sure she appreciated having someone her age with whom to make love."

"Yes, but with my experience, I will be able to take her to places you never did. I have the opportunity to do so, and you no longer do. I will make sure to record it and send you a copy so you can attempt to please Nadia someday." I inhaled and exhaled an unnecessary breath. I was wasting time with him and needed information. "All I want to know is where she is," I said with an even voice now.

He screamed with rage. "SHUT UP! She loved me more than she ever did you. She will tell you when she sees you. She wants nothing to do with you. You will never get her back…EVER!" He slowed his breathing a little, attempting to gain back control. His eyes closed and he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to subdue the intense quake that was threatening, once again, to overtake his body.

"Alright, alright," he answered reluctantly. "The last time she spoke to Seth, they were in New York doing a show."

"Thank you," I choked. The anger was still on the surface, even though I was trying my damnedest to control it. I would go to New York in the morning. Right now, I was going to take a detour to Denali.