Mirror- an SG1 Fic by Narya's Bane
Summary: Daniel looks back to see how he has changed. A D/V story- post "Bad Guys"
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"If you can not recognize the man in the mirror, it is time to step back and see when you stopped being yourself"
-Michael Stackpole, "I, Jedi"
Daniel Jackson sighed as he splashed water in his face, eyes creeping toward the mirror. Today had been difficult for him, more than he would have suspected. All things considered, it hadn't even been particularly disasterous: there had been little bloodshed, no Ori or Goa'uld, no highly advanced weaponry to run away from, no digs to find ancient information. Other than being mistaken for terrorists it had practically been a simple walk around the planet. Even so, the events wandered in his mind and caused something of a headache.
Three hours after returning from the planet, three hours which the archeologist and linguist spent debating all ends of his emotions and examining every detail, Daniel thought he understood why he was concerned. Something clicked, and he realized what bothered him so deeply about this mission. The answer was something he had never considered before...
It was related to soft curls of thick black hair and the soft-spoken Egyptian words of a chieftain's daughter. Sha'uri. This trip through the 'Gate told him once and for all a thing which he had suspected but attempted to ignore: after ten years, he was no longer a person who Sha'uri would care for. He was no longer innocent and quiet, no longer the gentle scholar who so desperately wanted to educate the worlds and enrich all cultures. He was a man who had seen and fought evil, who had been shaped by involvement with races who sought to kill.
Daniel had been beaten and abused, tortured and killed. He had also loved and supported. His hand had brought death...there was no getting around it. Perhaps the most telling had been the fact he knew, by heart, the rules of capture by terrorists and was able to recite the code of conduct without even thinking about it. He had adapted- answered to "blood-thirsty terrorist"- and calmly announced (even in laughter) that if the government tried anything cute there was going to be killing. It hurt.
It turned him into someone that his beloved wife could never have stayed with, could not really have loved.
Daniel cleaned up the sweat and grime, feeling the cold water splash gently on his face and relishing the sensation even as he wondered what it meant that he had changed so much. He was no longer the person he thought he was, and in spite of having ascended one and a half times that was a hard thing to come to terms with. That fact brought to question his existance- what he fought for. If not for Sha'uri, then who?
A knock sounded at Daniel's door loudly. "Daniel, can I come in?" The highly accented voice brought a smile to Daniel's face.
"When have you asked before, Vala?"
Daniel opened the door, and the bouncy alien woman slipped in and settled on his bed- laying across it. "I'm bored," she announced calmly. "You?"
Daniel was tired, but it seemed inconsequential. "Want to play cards?"