Recently I got a review that I really appreciated from ichibanseiken. I like really critical reviews and things of that sort. I'm gonna write another drabble, however…I'm still working on my other story. Writer's block REALLY sucks, and writing drabbles somehow…clears it up? Yea, maybe so…Alright, well let's begin! This is another ByaRen drabble. It's from Byakuya's POV this time. :P
When I lash Senbonzakura out at him during our regular training periods, I can't help but feel slightly guilty. It's not just the forlorn look in my fukutaichou's eyes or the way he grits his teeth in concentration, but..
It might be the way that I feel that I'm lashing out at him.
On certain days, the almost unbearable ones, the ones where every time I even look at Rukia I see Hisana…I feel like a knot has settled deep within my abdomen. And as much as I would like to expel the emotion with a simple walk or anything other than sitting around and sulking, I cannot.
So, those are the days that I tell Renji that we need to train.
Senbonzakura scatters, and the cherry-pink of the blade rushes towards Renji from all directions, and I realize that he is trying to dodge every microscopic piece. He swings his arm, sending Zabimaru out with a whip-like sound. He only strikes a few of the pieces, and they tear into him. I push away the urge to cringe, and just watch, like the arrogant bastard I am and have been called by too many people.
They slash at his shihakusho, ripping the flesh on his arm, and I watch at how he doesn't even twitch an eyebrow.
His hair tie is ripped from his hair, that ridiculous hair of his tumbling past his shoulders and into his face. He breathes heavily, but shows not a sign of pain. He's trained himself not to, by now.
And then I see it. The driving force that always makes me end these battles as quick as they start.
His eyes. Brown orbs bore into mine, filled to the brim with determination, but that isn't what makes me stop. Right on the edge of all that intensity, and there is only a fraction of it, is hurt. Pure hurt buried inside of his eyes hidden so that I can't see, but I do.
I see it all, and I end it.
"Enough Renji. Let's stop for the day."
He doesn't reply, he only nods and sheaths Zabimaru. His hand is bleeding. Drops of scarlet fall.
Drip.
People call me abusive of him, especially Renji's companions. They complain when they see fresh cuts on his arms, neck, any part of his body that is showing.
"Renji, why do you put up with that shit?" This is Hisagi. That stupid 69 on his face. That offensive (and somewhat perverted in human terms, apparently) tattoo is not as elegant or even as well done as Renji's full body tattoos.
"Put up with what?"
"The abuse! The constant abuse, man!"
"By who?"
"Captain Kuchiki! God, you're beat up and bruised…"
"You make me sound like an abused housewife…"
"Well, it's similar-Why do you put up with it?"
I imagine Renji scowling. I can hear it in his voice.
"We train. He's a lot stronger than me, you know that. I just need to get better at combat with him…"
"Whatever man. I still think he's a bit abusive."
Renji doesn't answer, and their voices fade.
Maybe he's right. I think of how at regular intervals I "train" with him, and afterwards I always feel better after Senbonzakura has cut into him, cutting him down a notch.
I realize that it hurts him. It's so obvious, and I never postpone the battles during the week.
I just….continue. Hurting him, because it clears bad emotions.
But he puts up with it. A small voice whispers this horribly contradictory phrase in the back of my mind. I suppose that is correct. He doesn't ever complain, even defends me.
It's makes me feel…well really there are no words to describe it.
I feel terrible.
Yes, Abusive.
And I hate myself for it.
Ooh….that was an angst-fest. I really tried to get into Byakuya's personality…but it's SO hard to get his character right….Tell me any grammatical errors or anything…PLEASE! Also, SEND ME SUGGESTIONS! RATE AND REVIEW! Please.
-Yuki