Title: Same Old Lange Syne
Author: TracyT
Rating: T
Category: Romance, Angst
Summary: It's Christmas and it's been three years since Rick and Kate have seen each other
Spoilers: None, really
Archive: Yes, Please!
Feedback : Feed me, Seymour at
Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wish they were. No profit will be made on this. It is a labor of love.
Author's Note: I heard one of my favorite, slightly sad Christmas songs today. Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lange Syne." One of the reasons I love it is it's a true story about Dan coming home to Champaign, IL, my home town and the home of the University of Illinois, Fogelberg's alma mater. He actually met his old girl friend in the Jewel/Osco at Green and Neil Streets and wrote the song later. I decided to write something putting Caskett in the mix. Oh, and for those of you unfamiliar with the song, I put the lyrics at the end of the story. It's a one-shot, and kinda sad, but I imagine there would be some heavy texting after this, maybe. Sorry for the sad content. In no way do I wish this future on Rick and Kate, believe me!
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Kate strolled down the aisle of the market, putting whatever items took her fancy into her basket. The loudspeaker was playing cheery Christmas carols and there were blinking colored lights in the market windows. She had two things she needed, toothpaste and bread, everything else was just impulse shopping. She was in absolutely no hurry to get home, so she was taking her time. It was Christmas Eve, so she added a carton of egg-nog to the basket, and decided she needed some cinnamon rolls for the morning.
As she turned the corner into the frozen food aisle, she heard someone call out her name, and then someone was touching her on the arm. She turned and there, before her eyes, was Richard Castle. She was so stunned she just stared for a few seconds. He had a little smile on his face, and he filled the silence with an almost shy, "Hi, Kate."
"Rick." She felt as if the air had been knocked out of her. God, he looked good. "What are you doing here?"
"Uh, he held up his basket. "It's the grocery store. I'm, you know, getting some groceries."
"Oh," she tried to pull herself together. "Well, yeah, of course. It's just such a surprise to see you." When he didn't respond, when he just kept looking at her with those beautiful blue eyes she'd missed so much, an almost-smile on his face, she felt the need to fill the silence, so she said, "How are you?"
"Good, good." He bounced a little on the balls of his feet, hands shoved into his pockets, something he did when he was a little nervous, and she found it adorable. "How about you?"
"Oh, you know, same ol', same ol'." They grinned at each other a little awkwardly. "I read in the paper you have a new book out. I'm looking forward to reading it."
Something flashed across his face. "You still read my stuff?"
"Absolutely. I'm still a fan."
He nodded as if taking that in and said, "I'll, uh, have to get you a copy."
"I'd like that." That led to another wave of uncomfortable silence until Rick finally said, "Well…I should get going. It was, uh, good to see you, Kate. Merry Christmas," and he started to turn away. Kate found herself nearly desperate to stop him. He was almost to the end of the aisle when she took action.
"Rick," she called out. "Wait." He turned back to her questioningly.
She hurried to catch up to him. "Listen, do you have any plans right now?"
"Me? No. Not especially."
"Could we, you know, go have a drink, catch up?" Anything to get him to stay.
"Sounds good, but, well, it's Christmas Eve, nearly midnight. I'm not sure a lot of places are open."
Kate thought for a moment. "I can fix that. Follow me." She hurried down a few aisles until she found the liquor aisle. She grabbed a six pack of longnecks from the refrigerated section and put them in her basket. "We can share—in my car. It's just outside. Will that work?"
He was full-on smiling now. "Yeah, okay. Let's get checked out."
Once their groceries were bagged they headed down the street to Kate's car. They stowed the groceries in the back and got in. Kate started the car and turned the heat on. "Did you drive here?" She asked, handing him a beer.
"No, I walked. If you'll recall I don't live too far from here." His unspoken question hung in the air unasked. What was Kate doing in this part of town when she didn't live anywhere near here? Kate chose to ignore it. She unscrewed the cap from her bottle and tipped the neck toward him. "Shall we toast?"
Amused, he said, "To what?"
"To, I don't know, Christmas, meeting old…friends again, the upcoming New Year, you name it."
"How about to us?" He suggested.
"Okay. To us meeting up again." They clinked bottle necks together and each took a drink.
He glanced her way after a few seconds. "You look good."
She smiled remembering a similar comment from him long ago. "You look good, too. I hear you've been on a book tour."
"Yeah, 26 cities in 20 days. It was a killer." He tipped the bottle back and took a drink.
"Oh come on, I know you love meeting the fans."
"No, yeah, The fans are great, it's just the travelling gets a bit grueling. I wake up in a hotel and have to find the phone book to figure out where I am."
They were silent for a time. She studied him by the dashboard light.
"How are Martha and Alexis?"
"Good. Alexis is home for Christmas. She and Ashley are going ice skating tonight. Mother is in a play in Pennsylvania, but she should be home tomorrow."
"Alexis should be almost finished with college, right?" Kate watched Rick pick at the label on his beer with his thumb nail.
"This spring she graduates. Then it's off to grad school." His voice was quiet, a little sad.
"Will she continue at Princeton?"
"I don't know. She hasn't decided yet."
Kate smirked. "That doesn't sound like her."
"Ashley may be going to graduate school at Stanford. I think she really wants to go with him."
"Wow, that's all the way across the country. You can't be too happy about that."
"I'm not, but it's not my decision." He was silent for a few seconds, and then he said quietly, "I hear you got married."
Kate nodded once. "Brent's an architect."
He turned to look at her. "Are you happy Kate? Do you love him?"
Kate pursed her lips together for a few seconds, looking away. "Let's just say he's a good provider and leave it at that, okay?"
"Ooh, ouch. 'A good provider,' huh? That sounds extremely….adequate."
"How about you?" Kate returned, not wanting to get into a discussion about her private life now. "You have to have someone in your life, right?"
Rick shook his head. "Nope. I'm sort of between relationships right now."
"Ah." Kate nodded. "I see. Well that has to be your choice. As I recall, if you choose to, you draw them in like bees to honey."
"Maybe I don't choose to." He said and there was something fierce in his voice.
"Rick…" She turned toward him. Just then two boys came by pulling a Christmas tree through the street behind them.
The mood was broken. Kate snorted, watching them.. "Do you remember the time you and I dragged that Christmas tree all the way to my apartment?"
Rick smiled, watching the two boys, and then turned to her. "How could I forget? You did everything you could think of to mess with me while I was trying to pull it along." They had gone to get a Christmas tree for Kate's apartment one day, and Kate found a huge tree she just had to have. The owner of the lot tied the branches up for them, and then Rick got hold of the trunk and started to drag it the dozen blocks it took to get back to her place. Kate followed along for a while, and then she started to tease him. She'd pull his hat down over his eyes, she'd get in his way and kiss him. She'd run ahead and throw snowballs at him. Finally he dropped the tree and dropped to his knees dramatically. "Okay, you win. The pack mule can't go any farther."
"Aw," she ran back to him and dropped to her knees in front of him and gave him a big smooch on the lips. "C'mon, pack mule, I'll help." She got the other end of the tree and they carried it together. That was fine until they got to her apartment and the elevator was out of order. So it was up five flights of stairs with the darn thing.
Now, something changed in Rick's eyes and the smile disappeared from his face to be replaced by an intent look. God, Kate knew just what he was remembering. Those were the days when they couldn't keep their hands off each other, so as soon as they got into the apartment, he had her up against the wall of the foyer, the tree on its side, forgotten. He cupped her face in both hands and ravaged her mouth with his. That led to them nearly tearing each other's clothes off in their haste to get at each other, each one letting out little hisses and squeals as cold hands found warm skin.
In no time Rick had her down to her bra, kissing his way down her neck and across her chest as she writhed against him. He got the front fastening of the bra open and sucked a nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking as she cried out, holding his head in her hands. "Jesus," she yelped. "Your face is freezing."
"Not to worry," he murmured. "There's another part of me that's nice and warm." He proceeded to pull her over to the couch and show her just what he meant.
Now, they looked into each other's eyes, the shared memory evident to each of them. For Kate, a million other memories of them together were running through her mind. She suddenly realized Rick was slowly leaning in toward her. She knew she should stop him, but she didn't, she couldn't, and when his lips touched hers she found herself moaning into his mouth. At first it was agonizingly slow. Their tongues tangled together, remembering each other, and then the kiss escalated into much, much more. It might have gone farther than that if Rick hadn't pulled away, and turned toward the window, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he muttered. "I've just missed you so damn much."
Kate slowly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, not looking at him. "I know, I've missed you, too, but we can't do this."
"What happened to us, Kate? How did we end up here, three years later?" There was a hint of desperation in his voice.
Kate shook her head. "I don't know. We let too many little things come between us, I guess, and then our pride drove a bigger wedge into it. All I know is, we've made our beds, now we need to lie in them." She couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice.
Rick dropped his head, looking down. His breathing was slowly returning to normal. He grabbed the door handle and got out. Before he closed the door, he said, voice shaking a little, "Good-bye, Kate. Have a nice…" When she thought he was going to say 'life,' instead he said, "Christmas." He slammed the door and walked away.
Tears blurring her vision. Kate started the car, threw it into gear and drove away.
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Rick stood in the road, watching the tail lights of Kate's car until he couldn't see them anymore. The snow turned into a wet sleet. He turned up the collar on his coat, and slowly started the walk home.
Fin
Same Old Lange Syne
By Dan Fogelberg
Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totaled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
Went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I
Saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'
The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain