Don't Look Back In Anger
Faye sat on the deck of the Bebop, staring pensively over the water, a forgotten cigarette slowly dwindling to ash between her fingertips. Through a completely ridiculous series of events, she had seen a glimpse of her past - and it meant nothing. Well, to be more precise, it meant everything, but told her nothing. Except for the few things it did tell her...with a frustrated sigh, she dropped her head into her hand. Her mind was going in circles. "This is why I hate thinking." She flicked her cigarette into the water.
"Ooooh, Faye-Faye's littering!" a voice singsonged from behind her. Within seconds, Ed collapsed into a tangle of limbs beside her. "Edward's going to make a video just like you did! And then mail it to myself when I'm old!" The girl sprang up and started bounding around the deck - business as usual, really. "Ed of the Past meets Ed of the Future!" She punctuated her melodrama with a few sci-fi-esque sound effects. Through it all, Faye just sat there.
Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away...
No such luck. Ed slowly peeked over Faye's head, looking down at her. Faye looked back, praying for something to distract the child so she could get back to her angst. Ed swayed back and forth on her heels a few times, then spoke. "What's the matter?"
Faye exhaled heavily and rested her chin in her hands. "Lots of things."
"Like?"
Faye rolled her eyes. "Well, for starters, I don't know who I am."
"Ed knows who you are!" she sang out gleefully, plopping down in front of Faye.
"No you don't, Ed. No one does." The woman lit a fresh cigarette and took a long drag, exhaling slowly. "Did you know that if someone is sick or gets hurt and there's no way to heal them, they can be frozen?"
"Uh-huh!" Ed nodded vigorously, and rocked back and forth. "Cry-o-gen-ics!"
Faye exhaled smoke through her nose, speaking more to herself. "That's what happened to me."
The next thing she knew, Ed's face was millimeters from her own, staring into her eyes. After a long pause, Ed whispered, "You could be a hundred..." She squealed joyfully. "You're like a mummy!"
"Oh, Edward, please leave me alone..." Faye's exasperated plea went unheard as Ed began stumbling around the deck, arms outstretched. "A being from long ago, she has awakened! She carries a terrible curse! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!" Soon she reclaimed her seat in front of Faye. "So how come you're sad?"
She's not going to leave until I tell her... "I was woken up three years ago, and I don't remember anything before that. All the information on me was lost in the gate explosion, so the hospital doesn't know who I am either." She hugged her knees to her chest. "I don't know who I am, and there's no one who can tell me. There, you happy?" she snapped, turning away.
There was silence for a moment...then a quiet voice. "Ed knows who you are."
"Is that right."
"Yeah!" Ed leaned forward, encouraged. "You're Faye-Faye!"
"God! Don't you get it? No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
Faye turned her back completely. "Ed, please, just go away."
Ed wasn't giving up so easily. "But that is who you are! Listen to Edward!" she insisted, peeking around Faye. This went on for a few minutes; finally Ed settled on simply climbing over Faye in order to face her, ignoring the protests this caused.
"What is -wrong- with you, anyway?!"
"Edward knows!"
"Oh, for the love of - "
"You're Faye! Faye who let Edward join Bebop and smokes too much and likes old Bugs Bunny cartoons and gambling and piano music and hates seafood and always cheats at cards and has a crush on Spike!" Ed stopped and took a few gasping breaths.
Faye had blinked in surprise at the beginning of Ed's tirade; she startled again at the end of it. "...How'd you know about that?"
She replied simply, "Ed lives here."
Faye let out a short, surprised laugh. She took another long drag on her cigarette. "Do you think Spike knows?"
"No way. He's clueless," she sang out, stretching out on her back.
"Good. Let's keep it that way, all right?"
"Yes SIR ma'am!" Ed gave an exaggerated salute.
After a pause, Faye returned to the matter at hand: "Fine, that's who I am...but who was I?"
Ed, still flat on her back, lifted her legs and pedaled them in the air. "What difference does it make?"
Faye nearly swallowed her cigarette. "Are you nuts? It makes a lot of difference!" she spluttered.
"Nuh-uh."
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Does so!"
"Does not!"
"Listen! Of course it makes a difference. It makes all the difference in the world." Faye tossed her cigarette butt away to join the first one. "Everything about a person in the present is shaped by their past, and I don't know what my past is! Got it?"
"Yeah, Ed gets it." She let her legs drop to the deck with a loud thud. "But Faye-Faye doesn't."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Rather than answer, Ed chose to singsong: "Faye-Faye doesn't get it, Faye-Faye doesn't get it..."
"Ed, I swear, I'm gonna strangle you - "
Ed popped up into a sitting position. "You're here, aren't you?"
"...Huh?"
"You're here. You're Faye. You still have now, even though you don't remember then. And even if you did remember, you'd still be Faye."
Faye let that sink in, taken aback by Ed's earnestness. "You really think so?"
Ed shrugged. "More or less."
A small smile crossed Faye's lips. As frightening as it was to admit, Ed was making a lot of sense. "You know this is the sanest I've ever heard you sound."
Ed scrambled to her feet and skipped around the deck. "Saney brainy candy caney rainy day-ny..." She continued her frolicking until she was inside the ship, leaving Faye alone, who stretched her legs out and sighed.
"Finally," she said to herself - moments before she heard footsteps. "Now what?" She let her head fall back to see behind her. "Oh, it's you."
"Yo." Spike sat next to her and lit up a cigarette. "Want one?"
"Nah... I think I smoke too much."
Spike shrugged, and put the pack away. He watched her for a moment. "You doing ok?"
"Why, are you actually concerned about me?" she replied slyly.
"Yeah. When you're upset, you screw up the hunts," he retorted, flashing her a grin.
"Yeah, yeah - it's all about the income." She could feel his gaze on her, so she turned to him. "Seriously, I'm gonna be ok."
Spike nodded, and rose to go back inside, giving her a pat on the shoulder as he stood. "Ed's right, you know."
Faye smiled a bit, and nodded. "I know." She listened to Spike's retreating footsteps, fixing her gaze on the darkening sky. The first stars were visible...she wondered how the stars had looked from her home all those years ago, and if she'd ever watched them come out like this. That little girl in the video...she didn't remember being her, but that little girl still had to be inside her somewhere. Faye was sure of it. Ed was right - she didn't remember being that girl, but she hadn't lost her. Memory or no memory, she was still Faye. That was certain -
Faye's eyes suddenly widened, and she straightened up. "How much did Spike hear?"
One drink to remember, and another to forget...
The End
Faye sat on the deck of the Bebop, staring pensively over the water, a forgotten cigarette slowly dwindling to ash between her fingertips. Through a completely ridiculous series of events, she had seen a glimpse of her past - and it meant nothing. Well, to be more precise, it meant everything, but told her nothing. Except for the few things it did tell her...with a frustrated sigh, she dropped her head into her hand. Her mind was going in circles. "This is why I hate thinking." She flicked her cigarette into the water.
"Ooooh, Faye-Faye's littering!" a voice singsonged from behind her. Within seconds, Ed collapsed into a tangle of limbs beside her. "Edward's going to make a video just like you did! And then mail it to myself when I'm old!" The girl sprang up and started bounding around the deck - business as usual, really. "Ed of the Past meets Ed of the Future!" She punctuated her melodrama with a few sci-fi-esque sound effects. Through it all, Faye just sat there.
Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away...
No such luck. Ed slowly peeked over Faye's head, looking down at her. Faye looked back, praying for something to distract the child so she could get back to her angst. Ed swayed back and forth on her heels a few times, then spoke. "What's the matter?"
Faye exhaled heavily and rested her chin in her hands. "Lots of things."
"Like?"
Faye rolled her eyes. "Well, for starters, I don't know who I am."
"Ed knows who you are!" she sang out gleefully, plopping down in front of Faye.
"No you don't, Ed. No one does." The woman lit a fresh cigarette and took a long drag, exhaling slowly. "Did you know that if someone is sick or gets hurt and there's no way to heal them, they can be frozen?"
"Uh-huh!" Ed nodded vigorously, and rocked back and forth. "Cry-o-gen-ics!"
Faye exhaled smoke through her nose, speaking more to herself. "That's what happened to me."
The next thing she knew, Ed's face was millimeters from her own, staring into her eyes. After a long pause, Ed whispered, "You could be a hundred..." She squealed joyfully. "You're like a mummy!"
"Oh, Edward, please leave me alone..." Faye's exasperated plea went unheard as Ed began stumbling around the deck, arms outstretched. "A being from long ago, she has awakened! She carries a terrible curse! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo!" Soon she reclaimed her seat in front of Faye. "So how come you're sad?"
She's not going to leave until I tell her... "I was woken up three years ago, and I don't remember anything before that. All the information on me was lost in the gate explosion, so the hospital doesn't know who I am either." She hugged her knees to her chest. "I don't know who I am, and there's no one who can tell me. There, you happy?" she snapped, turning away.
There was silence for a moment...then a quiet voice. "Ed knows who you are."
"Is that right."
"Yeah!" Ed leaned forward, encouraged. "You're Faye-Faye!"
"God! Don't you get it? No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
Faye turned her back completely. "Ed, please, just go away."
Ed wasn't giving up so easily. "But that is who you are! Listen to Edward!" she insisted, peeking around Faye. This went on for a few minutes; finally Ed settled on simply climbing over Faye in order to face her, ignoring the protests this caused.
"What is -wrong- with you, anyway?!"
"Edward knows!"
"Oh, for the love of - "
"You're Faye! Faye who let Edward join Bebop and smokes too much and likes old Bugs Bunny cartoons and gambling and piano music and hates seafood and always cheats at cards and has a crush on Spike!" Ed stopped and took a few gasping breaths.
Faye had blinked in surprise at the beginning of Ed's tirade; she startled again at the end of it. "...How'd you know about that?"
She replied simply, "Ed lives here."
Faye let out a short, surprised laugh. She took another long drag on her cigarette. "Do you think Spike knows?"
"No way. He's clueless," she sang out, stretching out on her back.
"Good. Let's keep it that way, all right?"
"Yes SIR ma'am!" Ed gave an exaggerated salute.
After a pause, Faye returned to the matter at hand: "Fine, that's who I am...but who was I?"
Ed, still flat on her back, lifted her legs and pedaled them in the air. "What difference does it make?"
Faye nearly swallowed her cigarette. "Are you nuts? It makes a lot of difference!" she spluttered.
"Nuh-uh."
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Does so!"
"Does not!"
"Listen! Of course it makes a difference. It makes all the difference in the world." Faye tossed her cigarette butt away to join the first one. "Everything about a person in the present is shaped by their past, and I don't know what my past is! Got it?"
"Yeah, Ed gets it." She let her legs drop to the deck with a loud thud. "But Faye-Faye doesn't."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Rather than answer, Ed chose to singsong: "Faye-Faye doesn't get it, Faye-Faye doesn't get it..."
"Ed, I swear, I'm gonna strangle you - "
Ed popped up into a sitting position. "You're here, aren't you?"
"...Huh?"
"You're here. You're Faye. You still have now, even though you don't remember then. And even if you did remember, you'd still be Faye."
Faye let that sink in, taken aback by Ed's earnestness. "You really think so?"
Ed shrugged. "More or less."
A small smile crossed Faye's lips. As frightening as it was to admit, Ed was making a lot of sense. "You know this is the sanest I've ever heard you sound."
Ed scrambled to her feet and skipped around the deck. "Saney brainy candy caney rainy day-ny..." She continued her frolicking until she was inside the ship, leaving Faye alone, who stretched her legs out and sighed.
"Finally," she said to herself - moments before she heard footsteps. "Now what?" She let her head fall back to see behind her. "Oh, it's you."
"Yo." Spike sat next to her and lit up a cigarette. "Want one?"
"Nah... I think I smoke too much."
Spike shrugged, and put the pack away. He watched her for a moment. "You doing ok?"
"Why, are you actually concerned about me?" she replied slyly.
"Yeah. When you're upset, you screw up the hunts," he retorted, flashing her a grin.
"Yeah, yeah - it's all about the income." She could feel his gaze on her, so she turned to him. "Seriously, I'm gonna be ok."
Spike nodded, and rose to go back inside, giving her a pat on the shoulder as he stood. "Ed's right, you know."
Faye smiled a bit, and nodded. "I know." She listened to Spike's retreating footsteps, fixing her gaze on the darkening sky. The first stars were visible...she wondered how the stars had looked from her home all those years ago, and if she'd ever watched them come out like this. That little girl in the video...she didn't remember being her, but that little girl still had to be inside her somewhere. Faye was sure of it. Ed was right - she didn't remember being that girl, but she hadn't lost her. Memory or no memory, she was still Faye. That was certain -
Faye's eyes suddenly widened, and she straightened up. "How much did Spike hear?"
One drink to remember, and another to forget...
The End