Falling Apart Chapter 1

Jade's POV

My life had gone to Hell over the last few years. My boyfriend, Trey, had broken up with me. My father, Eli, was working full-time as a writer/editor for a Toronto Newspaper, The Core. My mother worked part-time at a law firm, but was so busy with the newest addition of our family that she didn't have time for me. Christopher Marcus Goldsworthy was born last year, and after that my mother no longer had time for each of us. I'm fourteen. My brothers, Ethan and Elliot, are thirteen. My sister, Annika, is twelve. I have depression. But nobody else knew that. No one understood me, what a freak I was. After all, do normal girls slice up their skin?

I was twelve the first time I cut. It felt amazing, having control over your pain. Mom was pregnant with Chris then, and her and dad were all lovey-dovey. Speaking of Dad, he just came home. I looked up from my notebook for a brief second, enough to see my father walk in and kiss Mom. His dark hair hung in front of his green eyes, the eyes I had, and had been named after, and gently took the baby out of Mom's hands. "I got him, Blue Eyes. Go relax." He said, kissing Chris's forehead. Chris had a light tuft of brown curls on his head, and blue eyes, like Mom. "Hey, Jade. What's up?" Dad said, leaning over to kiss my forehead. I rolled my eyes, "The ceiling." I shot back, aggravated. Didn't he see I was busy? I turned back to the notebook, taking out the picture of me and Trey and taking the scissors in one hand. I started chopping away at the picture and my dad sighed.

"Jade, honey, he's not worth it. You shouldn't be stressing over him." I rolled my eyes again. "What exactly do you know about breaking up? Just leave me alone." I said. My dad eyed me cautiously, but turned to his other daughter who was lounging on the couch. Annika was the pretty one, the smart one. She loved me a lot, but I couldn't help but hate her just a little bit. All the attention that she got… I felt the anger bubbling to the surface, and I knew that unless I let it out the way I preferred, I would start screaming. I raced upstairs to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and stared into the porcelain sink, trying to fight off the urges. I always tried. And always failed.

I pulled out my washcloth, my small salvation that I had buried underneath the sink. I unwrapped the once-white washcloth, now stained with blood, revealing the small piece of metal. I sighed as the blood flowed from my wrist. I didn't flow, really. It bubbled up, then flowed over my wrist. I sighed, letting the sweet release overcome my every sense. It was a comforting feeling. I gently held the washcloth against my pale wrist to stop the bleeding and then re-wrapped the razor. I leaned back, behind the cleaning supplies, and hid the razor. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was such a freak. Some girls might cry at this realization, but not me. I was too strong, too tough to cry. The only way I would let out emotion was through cutting. I rolled down my dark sleeve, hooking the hole around my thumb in the emo way I liked it and turned to face the door, smiling softly at my secret.

"Jade, are you okay?" Dad asked during dinner. I just looked up at him and glared. I didn't like Dad, not really. He wasn't home very much, and when he was it was always about Annika, or the twins or the baby. The way it works is the youngest gets the most attention. The oldest gets the least, and the rest shuffle in-between. I was the oldest, so I was virtually screwed. "Just perfect." I muttered, as Ethan sighed, looking down at his plate of roast beef. Dad sighed too, turning back to spoon-feed the baby. Annika looked upset, probably worrying about her lip gloss getting smeared. I let my mind wander back to Trey. How good it felt when his lips were on mine, how he would smoke cigarettes whenever he got stressed even though he was only sixteen. Trey had been about to turn seventeen whenever we were dating. Mom and Dad thought he was fifteen. I had been lying to them a lot lately.

Later that night, Dad came into my room. I was lying on my black bedspread, with my headphones over my ears, listening to the alluring sounds of My Chemical Romance. "Jade, what's wrong?" my dad asked, sitting down on my bed. He looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his jade eyes watched me wearily.

There's a place in the dark where the animals go,

You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow,

Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands,

Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo.

Gerard Way continually pumped worship-worthy music into my ears and I stared at my father. Should I tell him about me cutting? Could he help me before I lost too much blood? But I already knew what I was going to do. The shame of telling someone what I was doing was too much. I would never tell my father. That would only make him think I was more of a freak. Besides, I didn't really want to stop. I sighed, taking off my headphones. "I'm just really tired, Dad. I'm sorry I've been so grouchy lately. It's just, soccer is stressing me out, and I'm kind of mad about Trey. That's all, I promise." I lied easily, it didn't even bother me anymore. I smiled slightly, enjoying the sting of the cut under my sleeves. I had my secret right in front of him and he didn't even know. Dad nodded, kissed my forehead and left my room. I felt the empty hole that he left behind and sighed.

I locked my bedroom door and walked over to my bed. Hidden deep under the mattress was my other salvation. Vodka helped me a lot. I pulled out the tiny shot glass and slipped my headphones back on.

Give me a shot to remember, and take all the pain away from me,

A kiss and I will surrender, the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead.

A/N Here's how it's going to go. I'm putting three stories in this story, like this. Chap 1: Falling Apart Chap 1. Chap 2: Back and Forth Chap 1. Chap 3: Falling Apart Chap 2. Etc, etc. 5 reviews to update this and to add the next story!