Rating: PG
Archive: Ask first (see email below)
Feedback: Send to silvanlaegolas@hotmail.com
Summary: After a phone call from his best friend, Michael reflects on their relationship
Disclaimer: Pure fiction. Never happened. All lies. Lyrics and title are Billie Meyers "Kiss the Rain"
Author's Notes: Written to cheer myself up (yeah, so I cheer myself up in weird ways… so what?)
Dedication: To everyone who has fell victim to the stars (you know who you are and what I mean)
~~~~~
"Yeah, alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow then. Goodnight."
Click.
Michael stared at the receiver in his hand for several long moments after the line had gone dead before gently placing it back in it's holder. Sighing heavily, he picked up the stereo remote. Maybe some music would help him think.
** Hello? Can you hear me? Am I getting through to you? Hello? Is it late there? There's a laughter on the line. Are you sure you're there alone? Cause I'm trying to explain something's wrong. You just don't sound the same. Why don't you go outside, kiss the rain **
He knew he was being ridiculous. Knew he should be happy for Brian. Knew it, but somehow couldn't be. He just couldn't bring himself to find joy in the fact that Brian would be moving to New York, surrounded by all these wonderful, beautiful and talented people. And he would be there for god only knows how long. Maybe forever.
Michael cursed himself for being so selfish. This was a huge opportunity for Brian. Being in New York, he could really break into the advertising industry. Make a big name for himself. And Michael knew he should be happy for him. After all, he was Brian's best friend.
Ah. But therein lies the conflict.
** Hello? Do you miss me? I hear you say you do. But not the way I'm missing you. What's new? How's the weather? Is it stormy where you are? You sound so close, but it feels like you're so far. Oh, would it mean anything if you knew what I'm left imagining? If I might, would you go kiss the rain? **
Brian and Michael had always had a friendship that pushed the boundaries. Ever since the first day they met back in high school. They would flirt with each other constantly. It was like a game they played, one that no one but them knew the rules to. One that no one but them had ever understood. Everyone else just saw it as Brian taking advantage. But Michael knew better. He knew he'd take Brian any way he could. Anything Brian was willing to give him.
Brian knew that he was beautiful, and he loved to make sure everyone else knew it. Loved to flaunt it. Loved to torture his friends with it. If they were at a club or a party, he'd often choose Michael to dance with. That is if the selection wasn't that great. And Brian's dancing was almost always as close to sex as someone can get while still fully clothed. He would kiss Michael whenever the chance presented itself.
It was just a game. They both knew that. Yet somewhere along the way Michael found himself wanting it to be more. It hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized he had fallen in love with his best friend. But he still played their game. He had to. He couldn't let anyone, especially Brian, think anything had changed. Even though it seemed like everyone knew.
Now, however, things *had* changed. When Brian called him earlier that night, to tell him of his move to New York and the new job, he had been thrilled. And Michael was happy for him. But then Brian kicked Michael's feet out from under him. Justin. Brian mentioned Justin, asking Michael to watch out for him and take care of him.
They weren't best friends without reason. They knew each other. Extremely well. So even with Brian vehemently denying it, Michael could tell Brian had really fallen for the boy wonder. And, really, it shouldn't bother him. He should be happy that Brian finally found someone. What right did he have to be bothered by it? It's not like Brian belonged to him. Quite the opposite. Brian didn't even know how he felt. Or did he? But yet somehow that fact just made the pain all the more excruciating.
** Kiss the rain whenever you need me. Kiss the rain whenever I'm gone too long. If your lips feel hungry and tempted, kiss the rain and wait for the dawn. Keep in mind we're under the same sky, and the night's as empty for me as for you. If you feel you can't wait till morning, kiss the rain **
Whenever Michael started thinking about his feelings about Brian, he always convinced himself it would never work. And, really, it wouldn't. They were so similar and yet so different; alike in every way but the ones that mattered. Because when it came down to it, Brian only wanted fame and fortune. Although he would always be there for his friends, he didn't care for anyone but himself. Eventually, not even Justin would be enough for him. He would never admit that, of course, but that's just how it was. Somewhere deep down, that was what he was born for. And it wasn't a bad thing. Brian did everything for all the right reasons, and with the best intentions. Even though the results weren't always what people expected. If anyone deserved to get what he wanted in life, it was Brian. He deserved everything.
And Michael would never begrudge him that. He just wished there was a place for him in the life Brian wanted, other than chauffeur after a night at Babylon. But soon Michael couldn't even be that. And Michael did want to settle down. He was happy with David, and the way things were going.
But David wasn't Brian.
And a part of Michael, the selfish part, wanted to snatch Brian away and keep him locked up forever. Brian was right when he'd said the thing he would miss most would be times when it was just the two of them. Michael missed that too. And part of him refused to share him with the world, wanted to keep Brian all to himself. Like the way things used to be. Would do anything if it meant his relationship with Brian could remain unchanged.
But the other part of him; the more sensible part. The part that cared about his friend and his friend's feelings and desires knew he would never do that. Could never do that. He loved Brian too damn much.
So he would continue their game. Continue to keep up the charade; make sure his façade was firmly in place. Terminate all signs that anything was wrong. And wish Brian a fond farewell when he left for New York.
He knew that, in time, the resentment would start to set in and he would learn to despise his friend. Despise him for not being what he wanted him to be. Despise him for not loving him the way Michael loved Brian. But he would cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now he just wanted to move on. Get up and out of the gutter and get on with his life. Because, after all, in the end, what did it really matter? He knew his fate and he accepted it.
Just one more martyr for the great cause of Brian Kinney.
** Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? **