I sit here, in front of the fire, watching the flames rise and fall. I see them. All of them. Finnick getting torn apart by lizard mutts. Rue with a spear in her abdomen. And Prim. Burning into ashes when I try to reach for her.

There is one face that has always found its way into my dreams. Pulling my emotions in every direction until I can't comprehend what is happening. Peeta. The blue as deep as the ocean and the blond waves across his forehead. As I fall asleep, I dream he is there, but then the nightmares take their path and all I can see are his hands on my throat. I wonder if he still dreams of me as a mutt, clawing his eyes with razor sharp claws. If he still wants me dead. If his shiny memories from the capitol that he has because of me are still there. Or maybe if he wants me there beside him, with him. Could he have recovered? Want me there in his arms. But I always rule that out. Peeta doesn't want a girl so frail, weak, ugly, taken over by her fear. Let all of her nightmares swallow her whole until there isn't anything left.

Two weeks

It's been two weeks since I last saw Peeta. Since he planted the primroses by my house. Two weeks since the last time I saw my boy with the bread. Stupid. Why am I always so stupid? Peeta's not mine. He never will be. He doesn't want me. I don't need Peeta anyway.

Greasy Sae visits every day with her granddaughter. She makes breakfast and dinner. Trying to get me to eat, talk, take my medication, but I never do. I act like I can handle it and I manage to rise from my usual spot on the couch and sit there at the table with her. She seems surprised, even a little impressed with my new action. I stare at the dark, wood table, the wood curving and bending into different patterns. Taking a few bites of the stew in front of me.

She makes small talk about little things like the rebuilding which started a couple of days ago. About the few hundreds of people who have returned. A new Hob building up in the open space where it used to be. The town coming to life with building getting rebuilt in the center of town making a main street from the victors village to the center of District 12. But one topic catches my attention.

"Such a shame that we don't have any fresh game or bread, though" she hints

Other than the obvious of my absence of hunting fresh meat. I think of Peeta. He is still in solitude as well. He is plagued by dark shadows and nightmares, unable to recover, in the same situation as I am.

"He asked about you, child" she says, somehow knowing I would think of him. "He is still in bad shape; I can tell he misses you. He hasn't been baking. I don't know what he has been up to but I can tell he hasn't slept lately." I can't help but feel hope in the pit of my gut. Longing. "talk to him, girl" with that she cleans up leaves leaving me to think of what she said. I stare down at the table and trace the swirls and curves and bends. As soon as one gets too close they spread apart .I can't help but look at them and think about this is how I am being with Peeta. As soon as I think we are healing, we just go back away. Not this time.

We can have a new beginning. A new hope.

Just not yet.

I make my way down the hallway. Walk into the study where I once had my encounter with President Snow. The nightmares threaten to surface, but I push them down knowing I am strong enough to do so. I grab my bow and sheath of arrows out of the corner in which they have sat for the past weeks waiting for my use. I think of all the times I have hurt or killed someone with a bow and arrows and the thoughts begin to consume me.

That's until I remember Prim. She would want me to be happy. She put herself on the front lines to be like me. To be hero. And she was, now she would want me to live. I don't want to see her disapointed that I am wasting my life. I need to be strong for her.

With that in my head, I walk out towards the back door and let the fresh summer air embrace me. The birds are chirping and instinctively sing out the valley song, not even noticing it while I was walking towards the new gate to the woods.

The gate was put up shortly after people had starting arriving to District 12 again. They thought it would be good to keep the fence up to protect us from wild animals, from what I heard Greasy Sae mentioned.

I walk into the woods and almost immediatly feel relaxed. For the first time in months I feel calm, knowing that I am where I belong. I see squirrels scurry up their trees, birds flying high in the sky, it's like nothing has changed since I was last here. I sit down on the large rock that I used to sit on with Gale and I am reminded that things have changed. I am not the same Katniss that sat here almost three years ago. That Katniss is gone, never to be seen again. All that's left is the Mockingjay, the one that has survived despite the capitol's plan. The rotten girl who doesn't deserve to be happy, to enjoy life like many people can't. All because of me. I look out on the horizon and see a beautiful sunset with bright purple hues and soft oranges and can't help but wish Peeta was here to see it. Then it disapears and I am left in darkness. I am snapped back into reality when I hear a branch snap a couple yards away. That's when I see a wild dog aproaching me. I run back towards the gate as fast as my barely used legs will take me. The dog comes barreling towards me and is right on my heels when I know I can't run much longer. I hastily climb up a tree to my right and that's when the dog locks its jaw on my left heel. I scream and wince in pain and continue to climb with all my strength untill I can't move anymore. I am about fifteen feet off the ground and I settle on a large branch that could easily support my weight of about 80 pounds. I can see the wild dog jump and scratch at the tree as it gets closer. More dogs come, too all trying to tear my tiny body into peices, their dark black coats glistening in the moonlight. they howl and bark for hours on end. "Help" I scream. I know I am not that far into the woods so I am hoping maybe Thom or some other people can hear me.

The dogs eventually hear something in the distance and run towards it, giving up on me just like everyone else does. I start to move slowly down the tree and one of the braches below my foot I have been putting all my weight on snaps. I plummet dwon about eight feet and land on the hard ground. Suprisingly I don't think I broke anything so I try to get up but soon give up when I feel the blinding pain in my muscles which are tired and saor from the fall. I decide to just lie hear next to this tree and accept my fate. I look at the bright full moon and listen to animals in the distance until I hear something to my left. The shape of a figure comes into view, and that's when I black out.