Author's note: Hello people, I'm back. Okay so since Michigan has beaches, and the Loud House takes place in Michigan, what better setting for this fanfiction then the beach. Let's thank ExMarkSpot for suggesting "No Weenies Allowed". So let's do this.
It was a hot summer day. The Loud Family decided to go on a trip to the beach, more like a large lake with sand since this takes place in Michigan, Lincoln had somehow snagged the Sweet spot at Vanzilla and was reading his favorite Ace Savvy comic, issue #76.
"Alright kids, we're here!" announced Lynn Sr.
All the Loud siblings, minus Lincoln and Lynn, run out.
"Well how brave of you and Lynn to take one for the team and help us set up!" Lynn Sr. said with a smile.
Lincoln groaned and woke Lynn up from her nap."Lynn wake up, you gotta help me and Dad set up."
"Oh do I have to?" Lynn whined.
"Do you wanna break dad's heart?" asked Lincoln.
One montage with 80s music playng later.
"Anything else dad?" asked Lynn.
"Nah your good, now go get your bathing suits on and have fun." said Lynn Sr.
Lincoln and Lynn then looked around and saw Lori taking a selfie in her bikini, Leni in the water with Luna splashing each other, Lucy buried in the sand with Lana, Luan with Rita putting on sunscreen on herself and Lily, and Lisa building a sandcastle with Lola.
"You wanna come in Lisa?" asked Luna "The waters great."
"Are you kidding me, it is filthy," said Lisa "I'm more than happy building a sandcastle with Lola." They then continued with their castle.
"Lincoln. How are we gonna go swimmin' when you don't even have your trunks on?" asked Lynn.
Lincoln then took notice "Ah, yes. How foolish of me. Allow me to remedy said situation right now. I will just use the the changing tent here to change into my bathing suit." Lincoln then proceeds to in the tent. "And I won't do anything else."
Once Lincoln is inside he starts talking to the readers (this is FanFiction, not YouTube, I gotta find some way to break the fourth wall while being more consistent then the Millennium Godzilla series.) "Oh don't worry readers, I'll be changing, but not in my bathing suit. Wait until Lynn sees that I brought my karate gear! Hi-yah!" Lincon then put on his karate gear. "Lynn won't beat me this time, because I've got the elements on my side. The elements of surprise. Hi-yah!"
Lincoln then jumps out of the tent and was about to attack Lynn, when he finds her in her karate gear.
"You didn't think I wouldn't come prepared did you?" asked Lynn getting ready to fight.
"Oh it will be you who will lose to me Lynn." announced Lincoln.
"Bring it on grand pa!" said Lynn.
They then charged at each other.
scene break.
"That'll be four dollars." said the ice cream man.'
Lincoln then handed the ice cream man four bucks and got two ice creams. He then gave one to Lynn. Lincoln had once again lost and loser had to buy the winner ice cream.
"So how does it feel to lose again?" asked Lynn.
"Horrible, but I got to give respect Lynn, you got nerve." said Lincoln.
"I do say that you have improved since our last fight." praised Lynn.
They then started to laugh when they saw a line heading inside a bar.
"Hey, what's everyone waiting in line for?" asked Lynn.
A big muscular guy came into frame "It's the line to get into the Salty Spitoon" he then points to the old building "the roughest, toughest bar in all of Michigan. Only the baddest of the bad can get in, you need to have muscle." He then flexes his muscles "You need to have muscles on your muscles" he then flexes some more to show muscles on his muscles "you need to have muscles on your eyeballs!" He then flexes his eyes creating muscles.
"Ew!" said Lincoln.
"Looks like a rip-snortin' good time, Lincoln!" suggested Lynn.
"Yeah, let's get in." said Lincoln.
When the three got to the end of the line they see the entrance guard, he had tan skin, was wearing a speedo and a green beanie, and had a tattoo on his chest that said 'MoM' with a heart around it.
"Welcome to the Salty Spitton. How tough are you?" asked Reg.
"How tough am I?" asked the muscular man "How tough am I? I watched the first Spongebob movie."
"Yeah so?" mocked Reg
"And Only cried once from nostalgia." said the muscle man, sending death glares at the guard.
"Uhh, right this way, sorry to keep you waiting." the guard then let the muscle man in, he then looked at Lynn and Lincoln. "Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?"
"How tough am I?!" Lynn then rips off the guard's tattoo and puts it back, but upside down spelling 'WoW'.
"WoW." read Lincoln.
"Got anymore Tattoos?" asked Lynn.
"Uhh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead." said the guard.
"Thanks. See you inside, Lincoln!" said Lynn walking in.
Lincoln then walked up to the guard.
"How tough are you?" asked the guard.
"How tough am I? Got a bottle of ketchup?" the guard then gave Lincoln a bottle of ketchup. "IT'S ON!"Lincoln then tries to open it but can't. "If you can just run this under some hot water..."
"Get out of here. This place is too tough for you little man." said the guard.
"Too tough for me?" Lincoln was shocked and got ready to defend himself. "That's downright ridiculous. I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while having a tea party with my little sister Lola, and I only cried for twenty minutes."
"Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place." the guard then points over to a building with a sausage on it.
Lincoln reads the sign over it "Weenie Hut Jr's?" Lincoln then looked at the guard "Are you saying I belong at a restaurant for six year olds and sexually confused teenager with nothing better to do with their lives."
"Oh, no, sorry, I was actually pointing to that place." said the guard.
Lincoln then looked over to the building the guard was pointing at.
"Super Weenie Hut Jr's?" exclaimed Lincoln.
"Yeah. Unless you think you're tough enough to fight me." said the guard.
Later at Weenie Hut Jr's
Lincoln was sitting at the bar in Weenie Hut Jr's with his younger sisters Lana and Lola, and his older sister Luna. His three sisters were drinking milkshakes while Lincoln was drinking soda.
"How's your music career going Luna?" asked Lana.
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but it's pretty sweet." said Luna "I'm in the process of getting a record deal. I just hope they love my tape I sent in."
"O.M.G. this is so exciting!" exclaimed Lola.
Lincoln's three sisters started to giggle.
Lincoln then snorts "What weenies. Oh brother."
Just then the robot waiter, which was shaped like a weenie, came in and asked in it's robotic voice "Would you care for another diet cola with a lemon twist, weenie?"
"What? I am not a weenie!" Lincoln said to the robot.
The Robot then scanned Lincoln with one of it's scanners.
"I'm sorry sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie." the robot then shows Lincoln on it's compute a picture of a hot dog that has the word yes under it.
"That's impossible!" exclaimed Lincoln.
"Relax bro, your a weenie like us" Luna said, pointing at her and her sisters "You gotta except who you are and not try to suppress it, it's only going to hurt you."
"Yeah Lincoln," Lana agreed with Luna "Instead of being at that dangerous bar, your here with your, your friends, your family."
"Just except yourself dude." Luna said with a smile.
"Never!" Lincoln then ran out.
"You can't hide what's inside you." said the robot.
Cuts to Lincoln running across the street to the Salty Spitoon.
"I demand entrance into your club on the grounds that I am not a weenie!" Lincoln said to the guard.
Just then muscular man walks up to the guard.
"Hey Reg, how's it going." asked the the guard, Reg's friend.
Lincoln then jumped into Reg's arms and screamed like a little girl, so basically he screamed like Lola.
Reg then took one good look at Lincoln "Your were saying?" Reg then turned to his friend "Go ahead buddy."
"Thanks, Reg." Buddy then walks into the Salty Spitoons.
Lincoln then got off of Reg's arms.
"So your names Reg?" asked Lincoln.
"Would you get out of here?" asked Reg.
"Mark my words, Reg. I will get into the Salty Spitoon! I will!" announced Lincoln.
Cuts to Lincoln with Luna, Lana, and Lola sitting in the bar at the Weenie hut Jr's
"So you couldn't get in huh?" Lana asked Lincoln.
"Nope!" Lincoln said, taking another sip of his soda.
"Bro, what you need is a tough hairdo." suggested Luna "No one gets into the Double S without a tough hairdo."
"I disagree!" said Lola "I saw a guy go in there and he was bald."
"I saw that guy too. He wasn't bald." said Luna "He had a shaved head. Shaved- That's a hairdo. Case closed!"
Lola then noticed Lincoln was gone.
"Hey, where'd Lincoln go?" asked Lola.
The Robot then came by "I believe he said something about going to the wig store."
"Ha-ha! check and mate." Luna said triumphantly.
Later at the Salty Spitoon
A guy who looks like Lincoln with black hair walks up to Reg. "What's shakin', my man?"
"Not much." Reg then took a good look at him. "Say , haven't I seen you before?"
"Doubt it- I'm a drifter- just blew into town." said the Drifter. "Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out."
"Nice try, kid. I know it's you." said Reg.
"What're you talking about?" asked the Drifter.
Reg then pulls the Drifter's hair but it turns out that's his real hair.
"Thought you'd could dye your hair huh?" Reg questioned the Drifter.
Lincoln then walks up to Reg with a clown wig on.
"Hey, everybody, what's going on?" asked Lincoln.
Reg tries to redo the Drifters hairdo but can't do it.
"You can go in. Sorry about that." Reg let's the angry Drifter in. Lincoln then walks up to Reg. "What do you want?"
"I'd like to gain entrance to your social club, please. I believe my hairdo is in order." Lincoln says with a confident. Reg than rips off Lincoln's wig.
"Did you honestly think that was going to work?" asked Reg
Lincoln, nervous then asks Reg "So, uhh, where do you stand on the whole neat white hair debate."
"Go away kid." said Reg.
Lincoln then walked away when he encountered two, angry, large men named Bob and Tom.
"Hey, I was in front of you." said Tom
"No, you weren't!" said Bob.
"You calling me a liar?" accused Tom.
"I ain't calling you for dinner!" said Tom.
The two men started fighting, Lincoln tries to run away but the fight goes down hill with him in it. Then Reg walks in to break the fight.
"Hold it, you two- that's enough, you're both plenty tough. go ahead in." said Reg.
"Alright!" said Bob.
"Thanks, Reg." said Tom.
"Hey, what about me? I was in that scrap." asked Lincoln.
Reg than laughs a little "I saw you running. When you get into a real fight, then we'll talk."
"Well then I guess it's time to take it up a notch." Lincoln then got ready for a fist fight with Reg. Take into account that Reg is in his 30's while Lincoln is only 11 years old. Lincoln cracked his fingers but he over did and strained them. The pain is so horrible that Lincoln runs off crying.
Cut's to Weenie Hut Jr's
Luna, Lana, and Lola were right now eating ice cream while Lincoln is sitting in the Weenie Hut Jr's bar with his hands in a bowl of Ice cream.
"Care for another sundae, weenie?" asked the robot.
Lincoln then made a sniff noise and said "I am not a weenie!"
"Relax, Linky, you don't need that bar. Your with your friends, your family." said Luna
"My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr's." said Lincoln.
"You tell them, Lincoln." Lincoln then turned around to see Clyde drinking soda.
"Clyde, what're you doing here?' asked Lincoln.
"I'm always here for Double Weenie Wednesdays." said Clyde
"Actually they moved Double Weenie Wednesdays to Friday." said Lana.
"And besides, today's Monday." said Luna.
"Oh, so it Mega Weenie Monday?" asked and excited Clyde.
"Uhh, that's now on Sunday." said Lola.
"Dang it!" said a disappointed Clyde.
"Super Weenie Hut Jr's has a Mega Weenie Monday." said Lana.
"Uhh, no, you're thinking about Monster Weenie Mondays." said Lola.
At this point Lincoln had had enough "I don't have time for this! I got to go pick a fight with a muscular stranger! It's the only way of getting into the Salty's Spitoon." Lincoln begins to walk out.
"No, Lincoln, you can't. It's too dangerous." Clyde says while stopping Lincoln from heading out the door.
"I've got no choice." argued Lincoln.
"I have a suggestion." said the robot "Why not stage a fight?"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea!" said Clyde "You can call me a couple of bad names, we rumble, next thing you know, you're in the Salty Spitoons."
"Well, I guess I've got nothing to lose." said Lincoln. "Let's do it."
"Yeah!" Both Lincoln and Clyde then run out.
"Be careful you two." said Luna.
"But don't act to bad." said Lana
"Hey, how come you never help us with our problems?" Lola asked the Robot.
"I'm a Robot, not a miracle worker." said the Robot.
Later at the Salty Spitoon.
"Afternoon, Reg." Lincoln said walking up to Reg.
"Whoa, whoa, little man, you still can't go in." said Reg.
"Well that makes me pretty mad." said Lincoln.
"Oh yeah." said Reg.
"Yeah. I might just have to beat someone up just to get rid of all this blind fury." said Lincoln
"Wow." Reg said sarcastically.
"Yeah, I feel pretty sorry for the next guy who looks at me funny." said Lincoln, clutching his fists.
"Hmm... what about that guy?" Reg points to a large muscular man behind Lincoln.
Lincoln stammers but says "Oh him, he's not bothering anybody. Unlike that guy." Lincoln points to Clyde.
"Who me?" Clyde asked with a blank expression.
Lincoln then walks up to Clyde. "Yeah you. Standing there all smiling and whatnot. Somebody oughta teach you some manners!"
"Okay but I must warn you. I happen to be a world champion... uhh..." Clyde looks at the writing on his hand "Kick boxer." Clyde then winks at Lincoln.
"i don't care if you r the demon seed of Lucifer! Your going down, Four eyes!" said Lincoln.
Clyde starts to tear up "Four eyes?" Clyde's sadness is quickly replaced by fury. "Grrrr... NOBODY CALLS ME FOUR EYES!" Clyde then punches Lincoln and is about to attack.
"Wait, Clyde your supposed to let me win, remember?" Lincoln reminded
"Oh yeah!" Lincoln then got up and punched Clyde in the face.
"Oh you got me, now I'm losing consciousness!" Clyde then pretened to be knocked out.
"Wow you took that guy down with just one punch." said Reg, impressed by Lincoln. "i never thought i'd say this but go on ahead."
"Really? Oh my gosh, I never this moment would come!" said a teary eyed Lincoln. "I, Lincoln Loud, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spitoon! this is the happiest day of my life!"
Lincoln then went inside the Salty Spitoon to meet up with Lynn.
Ten minutes later
An ambulance driving down the street with Lincoln in bandages and Lynn by his side
"Lynn?" Lincoln groaned "What happened?"
"You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube." said Lynn.
The ambulance then arrived at the hospital. Lynn then wheels Lincoln in front of the doctor.
"What happened?" asked the Doctor.
"I slipped on an Ice cube and covered in Boo-boos." whined Lincoln.
"Boo-boos eh? Hmmm..." the doctor then pointed outside the window to a hospital across the street "I think you guys want that hospital."
Lincoln and Lynn looked outside the window and exclaimed "Weenie hut Generals?"
The End!
Thanks for reading and let me know which Spongebob episode you'd like me to remake with Loud House characters. Until then this is Issac Flores signing out.