Everyone Hates Everyone Hunter and Cam Don't Like Each Other, a power rangers fanfic

Everyone Hates Everyone

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers or any of its characters. I am not making a profit from this story.

Summary: Lothor kidnapped some old ex-rangers. For some reason or other, Hunter and Cam are sent to rectify this problem. It was probably because the world didn't mind losing some old ex-rangers. Crack fic.

Warnings: Absolute silliness. Mentions of boy/boy relationships and homicidal thoughts.

Much love and thanks to Rogue Ranger and the real vampire for giving me the okay on this. Yeah, that's right; someone gave this the green flag. Totally their fault.

Old Ex-Rangers: Tommy, Jason, Trip, Eric, Kai, Zhane, Justin, and Rocky.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Hunter and Cam didn't like each other.

There were no hidden meanings to this. There was no secret love behind this.

Cam didn't like Hunter.

Hunter didn't like Cam.

They were perfectly happy with this arrangement.

Lothor kidnapped some old ex-rangers.

For some reason or other, Hunter and Cam were sent to rectify this problem.

It was probably because the world wouldn't mind losing some old ex-rangers.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Tommy didn't like Jason.

Jason was stupid. Jason had been the leader. Tommy had replaced him.

Tommy liked Rocky. It might have had something to do with the fact that their names both ended in 'y'. He wasn't sure.

Point was, Tommy didn't like Jason.

Which made being kidnapped by an evil space Luchador and shackled to a wall two feet from Jason pretty damn undesirable.

Also, it sucked lots.

"We've been in worse situations, haven't we Tommy?" Jason had said with that stupid face smile and that stupid Boy Scout teeth twinkle and that stupid stupidness that made Tommy want to punch him in the neck.

Tommy wished his hands weren't iron-shackled to brick walls in an evil space ship.

That was okay though. If he waited ten minutes maybe one of the evil space Luchadors would send Jason away to an intergalactic peace conference. And then he would never have to see him again.

This was how Tommy was able to reply, "Sure have chief," with the utmost sincerity and optimism. Because they were the first ranger team and weren't allowed to divulge all those secret hidden times they may have plotted for the other's untimely demise.

Yeah Jason, he knew who took out his parking brake. Tommy knew.

And if there wasn't a peace conference maybe there would be a good old fashioned stabbing.

Tommy could work with that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Trip wasn't sure how he had gotten sucked back into the past, and then captured, but in all honesty he didn't care.

Trip liked the past. Wes and Eric and all the other past people got to enjoy the past all the time, but Trip couldn't. Nope. No past for him. He had to stay in the future.

That wasn't fair. Do you know what it was like living in the future after living in the past?

No. No you didn't. That was why Trip had taken to describing in great detail all the flaws of the future to Eric, because Eric was on his team and didn't have anything else to do, not like, figuring out an escape plan (which Eric might have been doing because he never bothered responding to any of Trip's questions, but Trip just figured he was shy).

"We don't even have sugar Eric. Sugar. Do you know what sugar is? It's happiness. In the future there is no happiness. Please, please let me live with you."

Eric continued not to answer him. Trip took his silence as a sign of approval. Jen had told him that was how it worked.

No wonder Lucas kept asking him for things in his sleep.

Trip had lost a lot of money to Lucas.

"Alright! This will be totally awesome Eric! We'll have pancakes for breakfast and cookies for lunch and then, for dinner, I'll make cake."

"I think," one of the other guys who was shackled to the wall said, "that he's asleep."

"No, no," Trip said, because honestly, he knew his teammate. "He's just really shy."

And the snoring sounds coming out of his mouth totally weren't snores.

They were coughs. Really long coughs.

Everybody knew that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Kai didn't like being captured.

He thought this was fair; most people didn't like being captured. And when he got captured he usually had to fight someone to the death.

Kai didn't like fighting people to the death. It was hard to get blood out of his uniform.

But being shackled to a wall, that was okay. Kai could work with that.

He just wished the rest of his company would shut the hell up.

"Hey Kai," Zhane said after he got teleported into the room, far too happy for someone who had just gotten kidnapped.

"Hey Zhane," Kai replied, because he was polite like that.

Most people weren't polite like that.

The green-haired guy and the other two rangers who were smiling just a bit too fondly at each other hadn't said so much as hello. Just kept carrying on their conversations.

Rude.

"I've been thinking," Zhane said, talking over the snoring guy beside them (who had also ignored Kai). "We should totally date."

Kai thought about this.

"I find this agreeable," he said.

Zhane was very good looking. Zhane would also do things like not be a stupid-Leo, and Kai appreciated that.

"Alright!" Zhane said, because Zhane was one for enthusiasm. "You're hot, I'm hot, our babies will be awesome looking."

"We can't have babies," Kai reminded, because Zhane could sometimes forget details like this. And then Kai would correct him and it was very satisfying.

Gave Kai purpose.

"Right, right," Zhane said with a smile, because Kai was right. "Well, we'll just have to keep trying until we can."

Which will be never, but Kai liked to have sexy-good times with good looking people so he was willing to let that slide.

Zhane winked because he knew this.

Kai winked because he liked winking.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"We need to do this stealthily," Cam had said, because they were ninjas and ninjas did stealth.

"Let's just blow a hole in the ship," Hunter replied, because Hunter was stupid and always disagreed with Cam. "Then while they're trying to plug it, we'll get those old guys out."

"Whatever," Cam said, because reasoning with Hunter was stupid. Because Hunter was stupid. "Let's just do both."

He would do some brilliantly brilliant sneaking and then Hunter could do his awful plan. Maybe if Cam got lucky he would blow himself up in the process and they could replace him.

Preferably with someone who acknowledged Cam's genius.

That would be good.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Guys," Justin said, though he wasn't sure why because no one had answered him the last twenty eight times he had tried talking to them.

Tommy and Jason kept staring at each other homicidally.

Zhane kept fluttering his eyelashes at some other dude.

One of them was happily talking to an unconscious guy.

They were all about five feet from Justin.

He sort of hated them all.

"Guys," he tried again, because he was a team player. "I've almost got my shackles loose, what should we do-"

There was an explosion.

Justin hoped it would explode them all. Maybe then someone would notice him.

(Deep down he knew they wouldn't, which made the crying/ice-cream-eating marathon he was going to have later all the more reasonable).

Clearly it wasn't because he liked ice cream.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Cam was sneaking around the ship.

Hunter hoped Cam slipped on his ninja stealth and died. Then they could replace him with someone better. Someone who liked Hunter's hair.

Because Hunter had awesome hair, and that sort of thing should be acknowledged.

Daily.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Cam was able to get the six- oh, okay, seven old ex-rangers out of Lothor's ship and into the Samurai megazord with effortless brilliance.

Hunter didn't blow himself up. It was distressing.

They had to drag one of the guys out by his foot.

His teammate said he was really shy. Cam felt sorry for him.

It sucked to be shy.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Hunter was able to safely defend Cam and all the old ex-rangers with magnificence that cannot be described.

Cam wasn't dead. Hunter was a little sad about that.

They unloaded the old ex-rangers at Ninja Ops.

One of them kept saying something about other old ex-rangers being targets and formulating a plan or blah-de-bler-de-bler.

Hunter ignored him and decided to get a cookie.

He did good. He got cookies.

Basic science.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Cam managed to get all the old ex-rangers home because he was smart and Hunter wasn't.

Clearly that was the reason.

(Hunter would argue that it was just the opposite, but Hunter didn't share his cookies so in the official mission log it was going to be Cam's way).

Cam didn't like Hunter.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Hunter still didn't like Cam.

He liked Cam less after he said he was stupid in the mission log.

That would be the twenty third time to Hunter's twenty two.

That did not rest well with him.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The old ex-rangers happily went their separate ways. Except Justin, who decided to add a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk into crying/ice-cream night.

Justin should really learn not to expect so much.

Nothing. Nothing is the amount he should expect.

Except from ice cream. Ice cream loved Justin.

One day, Justin would marry ice cream.

(And by this he meant he would become a wildly successful dessert mogul and play dumb whenever his old friends asked for money).

Some day.

Some day.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Tommy and Jason went back to hating each other.

Rocky tried to smooth things over.

It worked. Sort of.

Now they both hate Rocky.

Sometimes Rocky joined Justin in his crying/ice-cream nights.

When they both became successful dessert moguls Rocky would hire a guy to follow them around and throw pies at them.

Aside from minor assault charges, everything seemed pretty awesome.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eric didn't know anything had happened until he discovered Trip living in his house a few weeks later.

Trip refused to leave.

Eric stopped trying after Trip made him dinner-cake.

It was unanimously decided that dinner-cake was the best meal of the day, second only to dessert-ice-cream medley.

When they grew old and died together their favorite flavor would be Tommy and Jason suck for life.

They weren't sure what made it so tasty.

It just was.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Kai and Zhane never successfully made babies.

But they're still trying.

-:-:-:-:-:-

THE END

I don't know where this came from. I really don't. And I fear there may be more of it.

Nothing else I've written is like this, just a heads up, if you go looking.

Hope you enjoyed it : )

Until next time.